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I need some feedback that isn't my own. Maybe if I see someone else's view point, I can make a clearer decision, so I'm asking for the guilds help. I actually posted this earlier, but gaia logged me out while I was typing this and I didn't know it and when I went to post, it went poof. For some of you, this may be too much information.... Only proceed if you are up to it objectively. Some people know bits and pieces but no one knows the full story...so here it is.

Here are my choices....
1) Move back to Iowa were I hate living to deal with my ex, risk being killed, live in constant fear of being killed, but be able to constantly report the ongoing abuses in his home and hope someday they take the kids away permanently.
2) Go to Iowa for court and come back to Florida most likely without my kids and no job or place to live, but will be able to find a replacement job easy enough.
3) Go to Iowa for court and move on elsewhere most likely without my kids and try to start over anew
4) Take the kids back to court, find a really cheap place to live in a big city, work 2 or 3 jobs, save every penny while eating sandwiches and ramen noodles for a year and when I get my kids next summer, disappear permanently with them till they are both adults. Then come back and face the music of jail time for "kidnapping" to keep them safe.

Now for the long drawn out background....

I got divorced in 1998 after years of domestic abuse that escalated to attempted murder and the local police refused to file charges or let me press charges. This was in a small rural community of around 3,000 people that my ex husband grew up in, his step uncle is one of the big shots around town, and helps employee lots of men in the area. His grandmother worked at the mental health hospital for over 30 years and has many contacts there. There are very few jobs there and many unemployed people.

The schools are only so-so and they constantly break the law regarding kids with disabilities. Unfortunately in my divorce instead of giving me the cash we had saved up (over $45,000 my ex got it) the judge awarded me the house in that town which was worth about ($40,000) and the furnishings. He got the brand new Dodge Ram custom ordered with special accessories with 4,000 miles on it that we just paid over $32,000 cash for 6 months earlier and I got the 7 year old Dodge Caravan with 190,000 miles on it.

If I move back, to be able to work I"d have to drive 70 miles each way to a decent job in the closest big town. Or I could drive to the "big" city 120 miles away and make even better money, but it wouldn't be worth driving back and forth every day, so I'd be there for 5 days then commute to the house.

Now for the reason for the court hearings. When I got divorced, I had an incompetent lawyer, but there were very few lawyers to chose from. Supposedly the judge didn't want to hear about the reasons for the divorce because they were supposedly irrevelant to the case, since Iowa in a no fault divorce state. I naturally got custody since I was the mom and my ex husband was an over the road truck driver and not home that much.

As soon as the divorce finalized I moved half way across the state to get away from the abuse and because I did not feel safe in my own home and I knew that the police were no protection. Had not been in the past and showed no signs of that changing. While living in the new location, my ex stalked me, made life difficult at my work, harrassed me, etc. He would frequently show up hours early to pick the kids up and would pick them up from their bus stop before they even got home.

When I went to pick them up, frequently they were not there, he would have them out of town and I'd have to sit and twiddle my thumbs for hours on end, making me get home late and being late for work since I worked the graveyard shift. When I'd call the police to pick my kids up the police...they would come to the house, I"d show them the court order and they'd tell me that there was nothing I could do, except take him to court for refusing to give me the kids back on time... of course the court didn't even want to hear about it. When he refused to bring them back at the end of his summer visitation, they did nothing either.

Then things escalated when I started dating and he came to my home earlier to get the kids, they refused to go with him, because they had other plans, One had a birthday party to go to, the other wanted to go on a boy scout camp out..and another was attending a church bible study over the weekend. My kids had friends over after school, and my ex tried to break into the house, tried to kick in the door, and cursed at the kids, scaring their friends...they called the police, the police arrived and they got told both sides of the story and the police tried to force the kids to go with him, and he wasn't even due to pick them up for another 3 hours. I got home from my day job 1 hour before he was due to pick them up and the police had already left, I knew nothing about what was going on... and suddenly as I'm crossing the street from where I parked to get home, my boyfriend was with because he was worried about the stuff my ex has tried, and my ex tried to run both of us over. He had my youngest son with and his young daughter. My son was only 6 at the time and this was the 4th time he'd tried to kill me in front of him. In addition he almost killed my boyfriend.

When we got in the house we called the police and they wouldn't do anything...they called it a little domestic spat..and went so far as to imply from what my ex told them, that I was just being difficult about the visitation and put the kids up to refusing to go with him. The kids and I were in counseling with Catholic Charities and the family counselor heard alot of the verbal abuse and the kids told her of the physical abuse, etc. She recommended to me that since my divorce decree didn't specify that I had to stay in the area or even in Iowa, that I should just take my kids and move as far away as possible. I had a few acquantences in this area of Florida so I started making inquires to move here. I proceeded to move here at the end of August 2001.

Right after I moved here, 2 days before I was suppose to start my job the terrorist attack occured and I lost my job before I could even start it. Everything was at a standstill. I was in the process of buying a home, and since I couldn't find a replacement job in 30 days, the owners of the home I was buying canceled my sale and I lost my escrow and most of my possessions that were in the home. Since then I've dealt with one bad landlord after another. While this was going on, my ex filed papers back in Iowa claiming I was refusing him his visitation and on those grounds wanted the custody changed. The hearing was held without me being notified, and supposedly when my ex was asked at the court hearing if I was notified, he told the judge I was and that I just didn't care. He told many lies in court and of course I wasn't there to defend myself so I lost physical custody but still had joint custody.

Unfortunately I had no knowledge that this was going on at the time. Almost 4 months later a sheriff shows up at my door to tell me that my kids have been picked up at their respective school and that there were warrents out for my arrest for kidnapping. I didn't even get to say goodbye to them. They were 8 yrs old, 12 and 14. They left with the clothing on their back and were not allowed to take anything else with them.

Since I knew nothing about what I was going on..I proceeded to try and find out. When I contacted the court about the supposed hearing... I was told there was nothing I could do, because I only had 20 days to appeal after that it was too late. My ex also filed false financial papers on me regarding my income. That years (2001) I only made $3000 from working and $4000 from self employment babysitting. The year before I only made $5000 total, the judge ordered that I pay $4400 in child support every year eventhough I still had two other kids at home and one of them was disabled. I tried to get the amount changed based on true income, but was told I'd have to wait 2 years, that is how long you have to go to appeal decisions regarding child support. So I started off being 5 months delinquent on my child support, since the order went in affect at the close of the court hearing eventhough the kids were with me several more months.

My ex refused me all court ordered visitation and the police would not do anything about it. The court would not let me file papers unless I had a lawyer and I couldn't find a lawyer to take it pro bono, because there wasn't enough money to be made in it and I obviously had no income left, because my child support order was almost as big as my income. When I tried calling the kids, he disconnected the phones, then got them back on and unlisted. When the kids contacted me through the computer, he put cybersitter on it and blocked all chat programs and emails. When I sent them mail, their stepmom would take it before they saw it. She kept their christmas and birthday presents and didn't even tell them they got any,

They then moved across town and didn't give me the new address. My oldest daughter...that was still with me went up there because her best friend was getting married and she was the maid of honor. While up there she investigated and found out where the kids were. My ex came home while she was visiting them and threatened to have her arrested for visiting her siblings. So she arranged to meet them at a local park while the dad and stepmother were at work. She found out what was going on in the house including the attempted rapes of my daughter by her stepbrother.

It was reported and Dept of Human Services did nothing but lose the case file somewhere. So my daughter went and bought them a calling card from Sam's club for 1200 minutes so they could call us, since their dad had disable the long distance and they didn't know their own home phone number. The second summer I was suppose to have them, he promised I could have them... I drove the 1800 miles and no one was there...he left and took them to arkansas. When the kids got back, the first chance they had they sneaked a phone call to me telling me they were back and when could I come get them. My ex left my daughter in Arkansas and only brought the two boys back.

My oldest daughter had gone back to that area to help her friend when she had her baby and to be the godmother. I called my ex complaining about not getting my visitation...he said come up and get them..I told them my daughter was 2 hours away and would be there shortly to get them... When she got to the house he was gone and so were the boys and the police were waiting for her..and told her that my ex was accusing her of attempted kidnapping. She called my and had me talk to the police and they told me that eventhough my daughter was 18 she could not legally pick her siblings up. I found out later that my ex took both kids in the semi truck with him to hide them away.

A few weeks later, the boys called me again..and so we began to hatch a plan to help them come for visitation. So we worked out all the plans...and I picked them up after everyone left for work. I had to find a babysitter for their little "step" sister and none of the local would take her because at age 6 she wasn't potty trained...and had severe head lice. I finally got my daughter's friend to do it... and we left, 4 hours after we left and were enroute to arkansas to pick up my daughter my oldest daughter faxed copies of the court order saying I had visitation...to the police so they wouldn't believe the crap my ex told them... He almost had them convinced to put out an Amber alert against me.

THankfully one of the officers that was talking with my oldest daughter got her to three way the phone with me so I could talk to them without their being able to trace my call. I had the locator on my cell phone turned off.. and I had a rental car I paid cash for so it would be hard for me to be found. They decided to not put out the amber alert thankfully but sternly admolished me for what I did and the way I went about getting my kids. My kids had severe headlice and I had to take them to an emergency room to be looked at and have a prescription wrote out to take care of the varmit. My kids were wearing clothing several sizes to small, they had my youngest son dressed in woman's clothing and both of them had shoes that were 2 sizes to small.

While they spent the next 2 weeks of the 6 weeks I was suppose to get, they told me all about the abuses that went on in the home, including using food as a punishment, and that they had gone the last 1 1/2 years with no school lunches, no breakfast and they were on diets at supper time, frequently getting peanut butter sandwiches while the parents brought take out home for themselves and their "daughter" and would eat it in front of them. There were many other abuses... so when I brought the children back, we went directly the Dept of Human Services (DHS) and I filed a formal complaint about all the abuses. They said they would look into it. A week later, a case worker came to the schools and interviewed each of the kids. The case worker told them that they were being abused and neglected and that it would taken care of. The case worker then sent a letter to my ex and his wife saying that the children and I were accusing him of "things" and listed them all out and could he please respond. He responded that all charges were not true and that I put the kids up to it. The sad part was that I didn't even get to see my daughter and she told the case worker about all the abuses also, but I somehow planted in her mind all these false things. The DHS then sent me a letter saying all the charges were unsubstantiated and they were letting the matter drop.

I then started to proceed using different calling cards and calling in anonymously almost weekly. The case worker lost the file for months. What it took to find it and take action is their step sister wrote in her first grade paper that she had been killing the family pets. That got the attention of the teacher, who called in the school counselor who interviewed her and she admitted to killing several family pets and that her daddy and mommy helped with one of them. That was in December of 2003.

I was suppose to have the kids for 2 weeks for christmas and he refused me. I kept bugging him and on December 23rd he finally told me I could get my youngest son if I picked him up within 12 hours. I lived 1800 miles away and it was in the middle of a blizzard and I was unable to get off work that close to christmas with no notice. My oldest daughter lived 2 hours away from my ex, so she went up and picked my son up.. I then proceeded to use my entire paycheck to fly him down on such short notice. My son continued to tell me about more abuses going on. I kept bugging my ex to let my son stay with me, especially since my ex hate him the most of all the kids plus now he was being investigated by DHS again and I think he realized that he couldn't get away with as much this time. The only reason my ex wanted the kids was to hurt me, it was his only way to get back at me, is hurt me through my kids. My ex thought it would be better for him if the blabber mouth of the group and the one that was abused the most wasn't there to tell more tales to the DHS.

So I kept my son, my ex kept promising to send papers to change custody on my son, and I enrolled him in school. The papers from my ex never came, but he did sign off at my son's grade school so the paper work could be transfered to florida so he could go here. When he started here he was an entire grade level behind in math, spelling, literature and social studies. His average grade was 50 and below and only had a 69 in one class. In the semester he has been with me, he has caught up to his peers in almost every subject level, but is still struggling in social studies. He can read at his age level, his spelling went from a 39% to a 79% and getting better every day.

Meanwhile I continued to pay the full child support and continued to fall further behind in my bills. My son came to me in a back pack that was 4 years old that was full of holes that my daughter safety pinned together with 15 pins, he had on petite woman's pants and snow boots to come to florida that were 1 1/2 sizes to small. My ex refused to send him in the new shoes I'd bought in August of that year. So I proceeded to get my son an entire waredrobe, shoes and school supplies. I made sure he had breakfast and lunch money every day.

He got lots of love. He had to relearn how to brush his teeth and how to take a shower and wash his hair. His dad and step mom denied the kids toothbrushes and toothpaste, basic grooming items, would only let them shower once a week and never washed their clothing, Let alone buy them anything they'd need. At the end of March (easter time) my daughter proceeded to sneak a visit in to my other son...(my younger daughter was MIA) and he told her about gaia, and that it was the only way he could talk to any of his friends.

He also told about how he still wasn't getting school lunches and one of his friends mom had been paying for his lunches lately. He also told me about how he was so hungry one day that he had to take a test and he couldn't concentrate and so he wrote on it that he couldn't answer any questions because he was so hungry he couldn't concentrate. I even have a copy of it. I also have a copy of the paper the step sister wrote at schoo. So my daughter slipped him a $20. So my daughter passed on the information about gaia to me, and since the end of march was the only way to talk to my son. He told me what a joke it was that the DHS case worker was...how much they lied about things, lied to cover what they did at the house, lied about conversations taken place, and that the step sister was still being abused right under their noses and they did nothing.

In mid April, I got a call from DHS saying I'd kidnapped my son and that I had to bring him back immediately. Also that my ex was being investigated for child abuse and neglect and so was his wife and the hearing was the next day and could I be there. I said no, I could not. I said that 1) it was the peak of tourist season and I could not get off with such short notice, 2) I had no court information or any other information 3) I had no time to get an attorney and 4) I could not make it that far in that short of time. So they agreed to postphone it for 3 weeks, that turned into the end of May. So we made arrangements to go. Meanwhile my ex goes to the local police and said I kidnapped my son, that I refused to return him after christmas and that they wanted an amber alert out. The police told him that he had waited too long to do it, 4 months after the fact. Whew.

More to come

If you are still reading this, please help, give me your suggestions, your advice, your prayers, anything you can .... I know I haven't gone back and proof read it yet, I probably have typo's but after spend 1 1/2 hours earlier and 3 hours now working on it, it is my bedtime, and the stress is really getting to me stressed I'm going to try and get a nap, sometime in the next 2 days I'm going to have to leave in a 22 yr old pickup with no license plates and no insurance and drive 1800 miles and hope I don't get arrested before then. There are many more details and many more instances of abuse. Right now I"m ready to buy a used sailboat and take my kids and disappear. Homeschool them, change our appearance, steal someone elses identity. I am literally at the end of my rope. Justice is not equal, it is not fair, the player with the most money wins.

UniKorn - I can offer you no advice, or suggestioons, as I have no idea how the US coour systems work, but I will pray for you, and I send you love, this must be a horrendous situation to be in, and I cannot imagine how you cope. If you ever need someone to rant to, please pm me, or email me - if you can find a way to get to England (!), I will find somewhere for you to stay!!

A thousand hugs from me, and I will be praying to God so hard for you.

crying OMG!! i am sitting here crying for real. You poor poor woman! How horrible, how despicable!! That man needs to rot in jail along with his "Wfie". I cannot believe that in a country as "civilied" as ours that stuff like this is still happenening!! I just can't believe this!! You are one of the sweetest women i have ever known and this is just not befiiting someone of your manner. But I will pray for you and I hope that things will end soon and end in a happy way. I am sorry i cannot offer any advice, i am in complete shock.

i felt sick after reading this thread... sick because of what Uni is going through... sick because im so unable to help... sick because of the actions of her Ex...

... i just had a thought...

America went to WAR with Iraq, supposedly because they were a danger to others... the presidient justified it with by claiming there were WoMD there... and saying that Saddam torture and killed his own people...

yet... they are so unable to solve even minor instances of similar problems in their own nation...

if anyone knows the phone number of any sort of Vigilante group... feel free to pass it to me...

I was thinking that too.. but i don't have a place of my own, so it isnt really an option...

this is one of the most dispicable things I have ever heard....I can't believe what people get away with these days!!!!!......these things are tragic and should never happen.....children are precious and the future of our world...and should never have to endure such traumas.....our country really is going to hell if things like this keep up.....I really do feel physically sick just reading this and I wish there was something I could do to help....if you think of anything or need someone to talk to feel free to pm me and I'll be there for you.....I truely impressed with what a strong woman you are to be able to endure such things and you should take pride in that....it will serve you well in such troubled times when things that shouldn't happen do.....I'm putting my heart out to you and will help in any way I can....bless you and your children and I hope that some answers come your way soon

Okay...here's the convo between my Mom and I after she read your story, UniKorn.

My Mom: "I don't know how to advise her. I think she should take the kids and run."
Me: Except for the fact that with national security and such...
Mom: Yeah and it's illegal.
Me: Yup...I had suggested she work on being her own representation if they don't give her a better one.
Mom: That takes a long time.
Me: I know...But there was that case where a man who was completely illiterate learned the Constitution and wrote his own appeal and won the case...
Mom: *shrugs* Well, I wish her luck.
Me: Me too...
Mom: *goes back to watching the movie*
Me: *comes back into the computer room to type this up*

sweatdrop Sorry we weren't much assistance...