Welcome to Gaia! ::

Here is a List of Typed up experiences with Salvia brought to you by Erowid

Infinite Wheel of Hell
Salvia divinorum (extract 10x)
by droid


DOSE : 333 mg smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT : 150 lb


The first time I experienced Salvia I ordered a bottle of liquid salvia extract. I cant remember how much I did but it was 3 times the recomended heavy dose, it was the most enlightening trip I ever had, I walked along venice beach at night as the sand turned into tiny mountain ranges with rivers and trees, I sat on the beach and felt like I was talking to god, it was incredible. But the experience I had with salvia last night was nothing close to that.

I picked up a gram of 10x at a head shop, I tried it the first night and felt a slight buzz but nothing too powerful, I did it again later that evening and it still didn’t provide anything more than a slight body high, I attributed my failure because there were to many distractions. The next night I decided to try something different. I had read that salvia visions can best be observed in darkness, so I took out my mindfold, it is a mask that completely covers all light and lets you open your eyes in total darkness. I also used earplugs to block out all sound. I loaded the bowl to the brim, went out into my back yard, I took the biggest hit I could take put the mindfold on sat down and prepared myself. Instantly I felt a rush overcome my body. I cant even remember how it started but suddenly I found myself in a completely different place, staring out into infinity, my body felt like it was attached to a huge infinite spinning wheel of myself, there was a presence that was talking to me from the center of the wheel, it was mocking me, it felt malevolent and evil, I had the feeling like I had made the wrong choices in my life and this was a endless punishment, and my life was over, it felt like a trap, but it also felt familiar like I had been tricked a million times before.

My body felt like it was attached to this wheel by a million tiny burning fingers, I struggled to free myself but the wheel anticipated my every move, whatever I tried to grab to free myself disappeared as I spun around the wheel. Nothing was real it all seemed lake a bunch of 2d cardboard cutouts that stretched off into space. I stood up and ran inside the house, tumbling through the hallways everything I was became part of the wheel spiraling off into the void. I finally made it into my roomates bedroom. Seeing his suprised expression was the only thing that brought me back to reality, he remembers hearing me mumbling 'before death,... Before death'. Over and over. Then it all stopped. It one of the most terrifying experiences I had ever had. I felt like I had died and went to hell. And there was no escape. The whole experience only lasted a few minutes, but my time on the wheel felt like an eternity, one of the scariest parts is that I dont even remember taking the mindfold off. I found it the next day hanging from a nearby tree. I did not respect goddess and she gave me what I deserved. I AM SORRY, I dont know what exactly I was after but I got it. I

strongly recomend that anyone considering trying salvia treat it with reverance and respect, I rushed it, did way too much and went too far into my own head. Salvia itself doesnt scare me, what scares me is that now I'm afraid that its my own mind and soul that I should be concerned about.

The Dessert of the Real
Salvia Divinorum
by Zonker


DOSE : 0.5 g smoked Salvia divinorum (extract)

BODY WEIGHT : 155 lb


When I ordered the Salvia online, I was at the end of my rope. Seven years of counseling, psych drugs, a psych ward and plenty of recovery group work, and I still felt lied to. My world was spiraling out of my control—hell, it had never been in my control in seven years. My vices were going to end my life, but I looked and acted just like everyone I knew. I believed I had given the allopathic model of medicine more than a fair try, and had found it to be worse than worthless. I was desperate. I hadn’t even seen a mushroom in that entire time, and didn’t know where to look. I remembered someone mentioning Salvia, so I looked it up online and ordered some. During the three days it took to arrive, I carved a chillum from hardwood, heat-seasoned and oiled it. Even before I got home that day, I knew the Salvia would be waiting. I retired to my silent room, toweled the door, cracked the window and loaded up. I took the first hit.

I must have misread the description on the order page. I thought it said that smoked Salvia took fifteen minutes to kick in, and eaten Salvia thirty minutes. Imagine my surprise when I blew out the second inhalation and found myself in the Twilight Zone! My room rippled like fire, like everything was made of fire. I had a fan on in the room, and the curtain actually was rippling. The motion caught my eye, and I looked… what a strange sight it was. I saw elfin, smiling faces dancing in the fabric. They beckoned to me enthusiastically, saying “Come on! Come on! Tell us about Texas! Tell us about Texas! Come on!” It seemed really important to them… Actually I felt far out of my depth, but acting as if I had power gave me power, if you can understand that. “Just a minute,” I said, “I’m going to hit this thing again.” I managed to draw another toke, but couldn’t feel my body when I exhaled. It was more like watching myself on a movie screen. I put the chillum down.

All this happened in about a minute, from the first effects to the third toke. The little elfin guys were still in the curtain when I looked again, and I thought about a lyric in a Cramps track, “Spiders in my eyelids and ghosts in the cheese/ What in the world’s come over me, I’ve lost touch with reality.” Well, I figured I was game to tell the elves about Texas, so I tentatively drew back the curtain a couple of inches and saw — Joy! — my cactus plants on the windowsill. I felt myself drawn to the five-inch gap in the sash while my cacti egged me on, “Come on! Out here! Tell us about Texas!”

Somehow, while this was going on, I felt the presence of Someone in the room. It was as if my housemate had walked in on me to ask to borrow my...something or other, and asked if I was okay. I was so far out that I believed it was possible, even though I could not see him. Just to be safe, I said aloud “If you are standing right in front of me, I couldn’t begin to describe this.” It also seemed safer not to try to jump out the window, so I closed the curtain and knelt down to pray.

I prayed for just and peaceful leaders for seven generations, for an age of lowered expectations and regrowth, and other things. It was a bit of an effort to concentrate on positivity and hope. As if from within an adjacent room in my mind, I felt muffled violence and saw blurred images of gore. Yet for all of that, there on my knees I was safe and in control. The prayer held back the bad vibes. While some part of me was praying and holding back the negativity, another part was aware of other travelers telepathically. The sudden, bizarre high reminded me of bad craziness, obviously, and I felt in contact with mental patients and my shady, pothead neighbors. I could hear their conversation in my head. I felt like I was near the periphery of sanity, so I prayed for the Earth.

As I sank below the psychosphere, I felt alone. Isn’t that a metaphor for my life...caring about the Earth and feeling alone! I became aware of the presence of a reserved, academic being. I felt approval and may have heard encouraging sounds. It was as if I had bumped into somebody in the shadows, someone who was trying not to call attention to themselves. I felt like I had impressed a beloved teacher. While coming down, I reflected that although most of my mind was distorted and tripping, there was still a deeper consciousness that was unchanged. That was me, kneeling on my bed and praying for the Earth to hold it together.

I also got a neat little visual special effect of some desert flowers on a poster becoming three-dimensional. When things calmed down a bit, my strait-laced housemate came home with a date, jumped into bed and started getting it on with her. Holding my position, unmoving, for ten or so minutes really made my back hurt. Eventually I eased my self down and feigned sleep until I could make a more dignified exit. On the way out of the room, I noticed that the towel was still under the door—no one had entered. I had imagined it.

The next day, I felt like I could control my own mind for the first time in years. I felt powerful and able to deal with my junks. My gloomy, depressed world was replaced by a strange, alien, cheery place with bright colors. I could smell the Earth. When people looked at me they smiled, on the day after I smoked Salvia Divinorum. I did notice that I was more irritable than usual, but only briefly. Overall I am glad that I took the trip. However, I still feel like something’s not right… I feel so much better after smoking some weird herb I got online. All that medicine, all that psychotherapy, and all that work just left me feeling powerless, helpless and hopeless. Aren’t I supposed to feel worse when I take matters into my own hands? Don’t I have to pay a lot for coal tar derived meds and hire a medicine man to monitor me? Now I have some hard choices to make. How can I return to my day-to-day? My recovery groups seem like a joke now. But all my friends are doing it. I don't know how to function outside of A.A. Should I leave, or try to fake it and blend in? We’ll see.

Becoming The Unbeing
Salvia divinorum (Extract - 5x)
by What's In A Name


DOSE : T+ 0:00 0.25 g smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 5x)
T+ 0:05 0.25 g smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 5x)

BODY WEIGHT : 165 lb


I’ve wanted to have an experience like I’ve read so much about on the internet for so long, and although it took some effort, I got what I wished for. It’s weird because although I’ve done mushrooms, DXM (I don’t feel as stupid when I call it DXM not Robitussin), and morning glory seeds among others, but it never felt proper to write a trip report about my experiences. They somehow seemed private; experiences whose details I didn’t feel should to be shared. I obviously don’t feel this way about my most recent and first level 5 trip on salvia.

I had smoked salvia 3 times previously in attempts to attain a level 5 trip, and meet salvia, to voyage to other times and become something like wet paint, as I had read in one report. I guess I’ll start from the beginning…

The first time I smoked salvia, it was in my glass bowl, I got some 5x and put in what I figured was a 10th of a gram. A friend and myself had driven back on a road where no one is at night, next to some soccer fields where I figured it would be safe. I torched it, but didn’t realize how hot the glass would get, I had to hold the bowl with my shirt that I took off because the bowl got so hot I couldn’t touch it and cover the carb without getting burnt. I did however manage to pull off a few good hits from it. The first thing I always notice when smoking salvia is the prickly feeling in my chest, which soon became rather uncomfortable.

Before I knew it I was already tripping pretty hard, I was watching the last of the salvia as it burnt when I got my first open-eyed visuals. The cherry looked like a teddy bear, and then I realized that everything looked like a teddy bear. It was if the world was glossed over with a film covered in them. I think it’s just as hard to explain low doses of salvia as it is high doses. I remember muttering something about tripping pretty hard, and I walked about 20 yards away and soon realized that I had no where to walk, and figured I should just sit down and experience this. When I sat down I closed my eyes and saw that I was on top of a huge spinning tunnel, like if I was on top of a tornado looking down to the ground. The tunnel was mostly black, but there was a light at the bottom of it. I had a good ******** going, lots of thoughts coming to me. Soon I opened my eyes and the inebriation left me back in reality. I knew I had had a hard trip, but had the feeling that more was to come.

The next night I smoked some salvia again, this time in my friends car (don’t do this, cause I realize in 20/20 hindsight that if I was at a level 5 that I might have just opened the door and fell out). This time I held a quarter over the carb and my friend did the torching. It worked pretty good. I smoked just a little more than I had the previous night, but felt it a lot more. It was uncomfortable smoking in the car because I felt confined, and the prickles were accompanied by feeling like I was covered in some icky, sticky substance, which I later figured out was my own sweat (normally I don’t think its icky and sticky, just slick). I began to feel more and more uncomfortable, like I wasn’t supposed to be there, doing what I had done at that moment, so I instructed my friend to drive. I felt like I had to escape what I was doing.

On the ride down the street we were on, I saw for the first time “beings” in what appeared to be the fabric of the universe. I felt like I was in an alien carnival, watching them go about doing their business. I hate to be so nondescript but until I interacted with these “beings” later on, it was very hard to know what was happening my body and mind. I think that is the reason that some trip reports are so nondescript, that people don’t know themselves what was happing, and were very confused by the level of ego death they were experiencing. I watched these beings for a good 5 minutes before coming back from a comatose state and being able to finally put the bowl down which I didn’t realize was still in my lap.

I waited a full week for my next experience. I picked up a cheap tobacco pipe, so I didn’t have to worry about holding the carb. I loaded the pipe with what I eyed up as about twice as much as I had smoked the first time. This time I made sure to not have so many things in my pockets, and what I did have I gave to my friend, because previously, I had became very worried about still having my things like keys and inhaler and stuff. I smoked the bowl in about 2 minutes, held each hit for as long as I could, by the time I was done I was really far-gone. I had already slipped back into the glossy type view of the world I had previously experienced. I managed to hand my pipe and lighter to my friend and laid down on my jacket which I had taken off to lay on (we were outside again). I also gave him my glasses because they felt really, really uncomfortable for some reason. I closed my eyes, and was met by the same vortex spinning down to the center of the earth as I was before.

This time however I traveled down what I figure was about 20 or so feet, and although I couldn’t see the beings this time, I felt their presence. Then I heard a voice to my upper left, through the side of the vortex. She spoke softly but firmly, she said something to the effect of, “You’re here now, what would you like to know?” I didn’t know what to say, but told her that I would be back with a question. She then guided me to an area in salvia space that I had not seen before. When I first saw it I felt like I was entering into a sacred temple. I really can’t say what “it” was that I saw there. But the trip I was experiencing was emanating from it. It was undulating (think that’s the right word, kinda like pulsing) with waves of pure “trip” coming off from it. I felt very insignificant in the face of it.

I then slowly ascended out of this vortex and opened my eyes, but I was still “dreaming”, I wasn’t that scared because I remembered that I had smoked the salvia and reminded myself that I would be normal soon. Salvia had seemed kind of mad that my friend was present, I’m not sure why, but one theory is that he has not ever, and I don’t think ever will smoke salvia. She was kind of offended that I brought an outsider to sit for me on something he knew nothing about. We proceeded to walk to a friend’s house down railroad tracks, and for the first minute or two of walking, all of the rocks around the tracks had smiling faces on them. They seemed playful and content. Although this was a very powerful trip, I knew that it wasn’t a level 5, I love those trip reports where they’re like “and what happened next just cant be explained in words, but I ceased to exist”. But this wasn’t that. I still was aware of some concept of self throughout this whole experience.

Well I waited a whole todays, thinking and thinking of a question…what can I ask…what? Then I had the bright idea that I would go back, this time without expectations of reaching anything that I had not previously. I had my set. This time I decided to stay put in my room, where I feel very secure. I didn’t have to worry about all my stuff. I hate worrying about my stuff. Not like I’m OCD, but I think my stuff acted as a link to reality, and that if all my stuff was in the right pockets, I could tell myself that there was still a reality. I also took my shirt, shoes and socks off. Leaving only my boxers and gym shorts. I figured that hopefully I wouldn’t have that icky feeling this time if my shirt was off. I set up my bed with pillows to lay back on, and my nightstand to put my pipe and torch on afterwards. I put on Dave Matthews - # 34, a very relaxing song, and shut all of my lights except for the computer monitor. I kinda like the bluish glow that my background gives off to the room. Voila, my setting.

I cleared my mind of the days’ thoughts and started to hit my pipe. I managed to smoke about a quarter gram of the same 5x standardized extract as I had smoked all the previous times. I guess I have a high tolerance because this did not put me to level 5, but what it did was very interesting. As I was hitting the pipe, I noticed the same feeling of falling back out of my body. Standing a few feet back, I watched myself draw the last of my last hit from the pipe. My whole vision became very choppy, and I started to fall into the vortex. As I was just starting to sink in, a voice to my left started saying, “Awww look, he’s here!” Another voice in front of me said, “How’d he get here?” The first voice replied, “Don’t you see, he was smoking something and now he’s here.”

Soon I saw more and more of these same beings as I had seen in the car before. You can’t explain where they exist other than saying in salvia space. They all seemed to be doing a task, making sure that I was ok, making sure that everything in my room was ok, making sure the universe was playing out according precisely to plan. Sometimes they would speak to me in English, and other times they would be talking amongst themselves in their own language, in which basically all they could say was pure trip. It’s as though the ******** a trip gives you was being verbalized and communicated with. I watched this go on for a minute when I realized that I was not at a level 5, but I had another quarter gram of saliva left, and could make my best attempt to get there. I was astounded that I could get up, walk to my computer, and pour the extract into the pipe in this state.

Getting up was very odd because when I got up, it felt like I was walking on my wall. Gravity had been switched around and vertical was now horizontal. When getting up, these beings were all around, there was one by the vial of extract, point at it saying look here, here is what you want, and another one saying don’t forget to be careful pouring it in the pipe. The beings seemed happy that I was going to smoke the rest of my salvia, they were awaiting the arrival of it back to their dimension. It was as though smoking it brought the salvia back to salvia space along with me, back to their home. It was actually pretty helpful to have the beings helping me smoke their buddies, cause I was pretty confused as to where I was, nothing in my room looked familiar. By the time It took to get back to my bed, all but a few of the beings were left, I was gonna be sober again soon.

I started to draw from the pipe again, and almost immediately all of the beings came back, including the one I had first talked to, she said hey there again I thought we lost you. I managed to pull off smoking the bowl, and by the time I was drawing my last hit I was already falling back into the vortex. I remembered that I had to do something, but couldn’t remember what, then I remembered I had to put the pipe down, which literally took every ounce of effort I had to find the nightstand and put the pipe down. I laid back, I cant remember if my eyes were open or not, it didn’t matter at this point. But I slowly started to drift back and down into this vortex. Hundreds and soon thousands of beings were visible. I asked one of them what they were called, one of them responded, “We’re the workers.” I said oh, and he said gestured for me to look around at all of them and their work. It was as though they were the ones responsible for our physical existence. They kept everything stable, running in our world.

I asked several times, “Where is she?” to different workers, but the older ones said sternly that since I didn’t have a question that she didn’t have time for me. I was a little upset that I could not see her at first, but the reality of the situation sunk in. Then one of the workers said look, you are a worker too, and you’ve gotta do your work. For a minute I almost started to panic, because I could not remember where I had come from, I only knew that this worker had just put me to work, doing the task that all of them were doing. Some of the workers around me seemed to be new workers too. They were unsure of what they were doing there the same as me, but older workers reassured us that this is how it was, this is what we had to do.

Then as I started to do my task, I started to realize that this is how it was, this is how I have been, this is where I will be forever. It was the most unsettling and settling thing I had ever experienced. Because somewhere in my mind I knew that I had not been here my whole existence, that I had a life, but other parts of my mind were relieved that I now had a task, a purpose. The very second I let this fact settle in, I started to move faster and further down into the vortex where the workers live. What I saw was like one of those videos you see on TV where they start with a picture of a fly, then zoom out and you see it’s on an elephant, then it zooms out and you see the whole countryside, the elephant is very small, then it zooms out and you see the whole outline of the coast of Africa, then it zooms out and you see the entire earth, and pretty soon the earth is just another point of light.

I saw the worker I now was on a shelf, with thousands and thousands of rows of other workers, each second seeing more and more rows of them. Pretty soon the rows became indistinguishable and blurred into a bluish grey whizzing thing, that I realized was the side of the vortex that I was falling into (I was laying sideways). I was picking up speed fast, one minute I was doing my job, the next I was flying like a jet down towards the end of this tunnel. As fast as a space ship, as fast as the earth around the sun…still accelerating. It was as though I was moving at the speed the galaxy moves in relation to other galaxies around it at one point. Then in a flash I hit light speed, and everything just stopped.

What happened next really does defy explanation in words alone. I felt what was left of my soul, my self, dissolve like ripples into a still pond into the universe. In one single moment, I became the unbeing. I did not exist. This is the part that I most wish I could put into words, but know I cannot. Coming out of such a place is just as amazing as going in…one minute you are the unbeing, you see everything, and the next, you “are” again. Now instead of being the bottom of the vortex, I could see it again, it was miles and miles across, stretching in all directions. I felt as tiny as an ant as I rose off its surface. I could see waves of life energy rising from it, and lightning bolts of energy all around. It was chaotic down that far in the vortex, and very few workers lived down that far.

I started my journey back up as I realized slowly that this would end. I said my goodbyes to all of the workers I had met and actually gotten to know on my journey down. As I got to the top I said bye to the first workers I had met, working close to the top of the vortex, and in a moment…it was all gone. I looked up and saw what I thought should be my room, I was very happy to be able to see again. Only something was off…it was not my room, it was the room of another me, in an alternate universe. I started to panic, and it took a few moments to gain my composure and remind myself that I had smoked a lot of salvia. I was still panicky so I went to the computer and said yo to a friend on AIM. He responded, but somehow I thought that he was part of a ploy, he was in on the act, he knew that this was not my reality, and he was trying to trick me. I went and laid back on my bed, I was scared shitless. I thought what will my parents think when they see I’m gone, when my friends never see me again. This was momentary however, because I was able to convince myself that I would come further back to reality in a short while. I laid back again and realized that I was still a few feet back from my body, as I had been when I had put down my pipe to start off the journey. In another 2 minutes I was out completely, and although I felt off, I was back to where I am now.

This was without a doubt the most powerful experience of my life, I learned many things that night. I'm sure if I put my mind to it I could write a whole book including all of the ideas and theories that came to my head during this experience, but I think those are best left for everyone to discover on their own. I can honestly say that I find myself happier much more often since I first tripped. Because I know what true fear is, either the fear of a DXM trip gone wrong, or the sobering fear of knowing that I would be a worker the rest of my life. So now I can live my life realizing that I can be happy and appreciate every day I’ve got. I hope I was able to entertain you a bit, maybe get some cool visualization going in your head of the events that took place in mine. If you read the whole story, thanks. Cause I feel it’s important to gain new information about what is available to us, and to be able to make more informed decisions with that information. Take everything in stride, and safe journeys. smile

The Freedom to Act
Salvia divinorum (10x extract)
by island


DOSE : 1 hit smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT : 145 lb


I smoked Salvia divinorum a few nights ago. I have a moderate level of experience with psychedelics, having used most of the popular ones 1-3 times and my favorite, psilocybin mushrooms, 15 times, once at a high dose (7 grams - an entirely different experience from 3.5 grams). Salvia has been used 5 times in small doses, each time yielding enjoyable sub-threshold effects. Against my better judgment, due in fact to fear, I ceased use of all psychedelics 2 years ago after a disturbing experience with an overdose of a research chemical. A few nights ago I finally got together enough courage to resume my study of these fascinating drugs. This is the story of what happened and what I learned. I don't tell this for the benefit of myself, but instead in the hopes that someone else will find it interesting, maybe even find it sheds light in some way on their own experience.

My environment was my bedroom, silent and semi-dark. My intention, my reason for smoking the salvia, was selected in my conscious mind as curiosity, although many other reasons brewed beneath the surface.

I packed my water pipe 3/4ths full of extract, 10x potency. The first thing I noticed was that the taste was different. My memory of smoking the same extract 2.5 years ago was of a delicious taste, but this time it tasted quite bitter. My next surprise was I started to get the same visuals that I always get when I smoke cannabis. (This bears some explaining...for an unknown reason every time I take a big hit of cannabis I get these almost-stationary visuals in my vision. The basis is I look at the lighter and the burning herb and then that stays with me like when I look at the sun, but they always morph a little into a picture instead of random splotches.) I got this effect from Salvia this time, though I never had before.

I found these two things quite surprising and began to suspect that the extract had gone bad in its 2.5 years of storage. I realize now those two things are not very strong evidence for this conclusion, especially in light of the fact that I had carefully kept it in a dry, dark place at room temperature, but that was my thought at the time. As i continued to hold the hit in, I was trying to make sense of this. I found the cannabis-like visual effect confusing, as it was the last thing I had expected Salvia might do. The part of my mind that makes sense of what's going on wanted the salvia to be distinguished somehow from cannabis. As if in response to this thought, the stationary visuals immediately rearranged themselves into a hand with the index finger pointing straight up, a much more forceful and distinct effect than cannabis has ever given me. It was as if the Salvia was saying to me, 'Going up!'

In my uncertain state I found this instant response a little cheeky, and was unnerved by it, although this is the sort of thing I usually love. The confusion led me to try and get my bearings, but the Salvia, picking up speed now, easily outran my attempts to be master of the situation. This led to further distress on my part in the standard cycle. I began to feel environmental disturbances/distractions. The setting sun outside my window was illuminating my room very, very dimly, but I had become hypersensitive to light. Looking at the dimly lit window felt like I was staring into the sun. I learned that the recommended silent darkness approach really means darkness, total pitch black.

Heat is expensive so I often let my apartment be cold and keep warm under thick covers. But now I felt unbearably hot under my two blankets, and removed them from the bed. Immediately I felt too cold, and reclaimed one of the blankets. My pillows were irritating my neck and I resolved next time to not have any, just lie flat - for some reason the thought of removing them now didn't occur to me.

Each of these distractions passed in turn. At this point I just laid back and closed my eyes. Although I was no longer being distracted by my environment, I was not calm. I was feeling the presence of some sort of very powerful, very alien 'Other'. Some consciousness or being or Something very different from myself. This didn't strike me at the time but a good way to describe the feeling (I hope someone gets this reference) is the beginning of the song Shpongleyes by the band Shpongle. I was, unwittingly, the audience depicted in that song, and this Thing was the impending hugeness. I felt that it was coming, and I didn't know what it was, and at the time this bothered me.

In the face of this feeling, I began to feel an odd sort of panic. All, and I mean ALL, of my thoughts and desires and expectations and information gleaned from research about Salvia were gone. As if they had never existed. Not even a *poof*, I was just not in touch with them. The panic was telling me to run. I didn't know what this thing was, I didn't know I had smoked salvia, I didn't know anything about what was going on, all I knew was this huge thing is coming and I have to get away. I'm speaking literally, this unusual type of panic was actually an urge to physically run out of my apartment. Fortunately, and thank goodness, I had enough presence of mind (or had taken a low enough dose) to ask myself 'run to where?' and thus realized running would be unfeasable, and pointless anyway. One last note about the panic, it was as I said an unusual type of panic. I've thought about it and now I think the thing that sets this panic apart is detachment. The panic was not total, it was almost as if I was viewing a potential option. The panic was couched in the idea of 'this is what WOULD happen' rather than 'this is what's happening!' Like my brain was saying 'Hey, how about panicking? Look, that would be fun, want to try it?' instead of just panicking without giving me the option, as is usually the case with panic.

This desire to run came twice in a sort of loop, and after the second one it stopped. I suppose by not running I passed some sort of self-control test. The next thing that happened was something frequently reported in my research, it was the feeling of being bisected, or cut in half. The bisection was horizontal, parallel to my body as I lay. It was a strange feeling. Not painful, but a little unpleasant. I can't even begin to explain what it is or why it happens. But I do have the feeling this was another test, though I'm not sure how I could have failed it. I guess it's just a test of how well I deal with completely new and strange things happening to me. (By the way, test might sound like I'm attributing a sort of judgmental motive to the Salvia, which I certainly do not. By test I mean, not that it is testing me for inherent worth to decide whether it wants to interact with me or not, but rather testing my capacity for interacting with it, testing whether I will actually be able to stand being interacted with. In other words it was getting to know me.)

Anyway, whatever its purpose, this part came to an end. Now I no longer felt any discomfort. I was becoming interested rather than frightened. I began to see a sort of crevice. The visuals were a bit indistinct, but I had the impression of two things that were like a wall or a slab of rock, and opening between them was this crevice. In the crevice was a tentacle. This crevice-tentacle thing was an embodiment of this Other that I had been panicking about earlier. I was no longer perceiving it as threatening, but it was still BIG and ALIEN, and distinctly a Something, one particular being or thing of some sort.

The Something was asking me a question. It was asking me: 'Do you REALLY want to know?' In other words, I had offered as my intent 'curiosity,' but now that I have some idea of just how weird and powerful and alien this thing is, do I _REALLY_ want to see it? I knew I was being offered an option again: if the answer was yes, I could smoke another bowl of extract, and I knew I would be catapulted straight into this crevice-tentacle thing, straight into the mind of this Other. I considered this, and came up with a polite but firm No. This was almost enough to overload me just barely making contact, I thought, I am certainly not ready to plunge any further into this Other. Not right now at least. But, I thought, thank you for the invitation, and I meant it.

The Salvia must have been satisfied with this decision, because now the most fascinating, beautiful, and informative part of the trip began. The tentacle had emerged from the crevice I had perceived earlier. The crevice was gone and I was watching this one tentacle. The tentacle was moving in front of me and interacting with me in a series of different ways. I can only remember three, although there were many: at one point it curved upon itself, forming a circle, and rotated in front of me. At another point it was beginning somewhere in front of me and to the right, and its end was TICKLING me, sending these pleasure waves into me that made me laugh. At another point the tentacle was coming out of my own forehead.

While this tentacle action was happening, I was learning things. Allow me to give the lessons some context. Previously, I've had some trouble talking to women. To be quite frank, I was scared shitless of them. Yes, girls frighten me. Let me put it this way: I'm not the sort of guy who could walk into a bar or a party, pick a girl, and make a move on her. I'd be more likely to only talk to someone if they started talking to me first. I have far too many memories of being at a bus stop, or in a store, or before or after a class, and having the opportunity to speak to an attractive girl, and wanting to, but not having the guts to do it.

What I learned was why I have such a problem with this. The interesting thing is, it didn't come to me as information that had anything to do with my relating to women. Instead the lesson was done to illustrate my relating to Salvia. I realized that there's a certain thing, which I've come to refer to as an 'intentionality,' which can be represented in a visual model as a tentacle, just like the one I was seeing. My intentionality is my will to do anything. For example, if I want to turn on my computer, I do it by directing my intentionality into the start button. If I walk down the street I'm expressing my intentionality forward. If I start a conversation with someone I direct my intentionality into them, and when they respond they direct theirs into me. And if I want to commune with Salvia, I have to direct my intentionality, my force of will so to speak, into Salvia.

I realized, not only my inability to relate to women, but almost all my problems in life, are because I have certain encumbering, unwanted things that muddle my intentionality and impede its expression. As I recorded in my notebook right after the experience, they are: 1. guilt 2. fear 3. uncertainty and 4. fakeness paranoia. Fakeness paranoia is this odd thing I have where I'm scared, even paranoid, of being or appearing to be fake or phoney. I realized this is a completely absurd thing to be worried about, because being myself is so easy as to be effortless.

But the biggest of those was guilt, or to use a synonym, shame. I was suddenly aware that I was ashamed of a great many things about my life and myself, and that I had absolutely no good reason to be. I stood up and paced as I often do when I'm deep in thought, and actually said out loud 'What do I have that I need to be ashamed of?' and actually gave earnest thought to the question, and answered out loud, with much emphasis 'nothing! I can't think of anything!'

I began to connect this discovery with that idea of a burden we all carry, or a shell that we all live inside of. I realized that was precisely it for me. This unwanted, encumbering crap was paralyzing me. It was like I was a prisoner and I didn't even know it. The lesson came as something that was explaining how I should relate to Salvia, but I immediately realized it applied universally.

I realized that I had total freedom. I'm not exaggerating when I say the word freedom took on a new meaning for me. I realized that to express my intentionality, to reach out and start a conversation with someone, for example, is not something I need to be scared, or ashamed, or worried at all in any way about. It's not even that I'm allowed to do that, but that it's truly beautiful and important that I do it. It's my prerogative as a human being.

I now have the knowledge that, as long as I don't intend to harm (which is a given anyway for me), I have absolutely no reason to second guess myself, no reason to fear or to be ashamed of extending an intentionality to some new person or new activity. And I have acted on it. Since the experience, I've taken every opportunity I can get to start a conversation with someone. Doing so cemented this knowledge in my heart. I even asked a girl out, for the first time in my 21 years of life. She said no, but who cares? Now I am free, and it's only a matter of time before I find someone really interesting to share my life with. It is such a pleasure now, to act without fear, without shame, with a steadfast knowledge that by extending an intentionality I'm not doing anything wrong. If the person doesn't want to talk, that's fine, I won't force myself upon them, by extending my intentionality I'm only giving them the option.

It's beyond words how magically and precisely this new information fell into place, perfectly in sync with what was going on visually at the same time. To end this with some comment like 'Salvia truly is a teacher, and a very wise, powerful, and helpful one' seems like a trite understatement. It is undoubtedly the sort of statement that either bears great meaning or no meaning at all, depending on one's personal experience.

But I will say this much: as a lifelong atheist, rationalist, and scientist of the strictest sort, I consider it a great privilege and pleasure to be involved with a source of knowledge as plentiful as Salvia, despite the fact that my natural skepticism still causes me to consider the idea of talking to or learning from a plant silly. I remain dubious of the myriad rituals, spiritual customs, and seemingly arbitrary ideas some associate with Salvia, but from where I stand now the conclusion is unavoidable that there is a vastly intelligent, and awesomely powerful X associated with the plant Salvia divinorum, where X is as yet undefined. All else I can say about X is that it either has a tentacle or has the ability to manifest a tentacle, that it is HUGE in every sense of the word, and that, bizarrely, it offers very practical and useful information and assistance to human beings. That is if you use it properly. Woe to the person who wanders into any situation of life-and-death seriousness bringing with him idleness, lack of respect, or unawareness of the gravity of what's going on. That's true of psychedelics as well as other areas of life. Do your homework, take it seriously, and it is likely you will be assisted as I have been.

Salvia IS the weirdest, the scariest, the most powerful, the most helpful, the most joyful, the most complex, and the most subtle of all the drugs on the planet. I suspect it is both the most difficult to use and, if one uses it correctly, the most rewarding. For though I have had information of a similar gravity revealed to me on other substances, most notably mushrooms, never has it been done in such a way as to be so directly practical, so empowering, so easily carried over into my daily life. And this is from the merest scratching of the surface. If a threshold experience is comparable in intensity and informativeness to a 7 gram mushroom trip, what unimaginable horrors and wonders have yet to be revealed? Salvia is the deepest-reaching of all our keys to the door of the universe. It is unique.

What If I Can't Come Back?
Salvia divinorum (10x extract)
by Faerie


DOSE : 3 hits smoked Salvia divinorum (extract - 10x)

BODY WEIGHT : 130 lb


About six months ago, wondering the streets of San Francisco’s Haight Ashbury, me and Brian (my love of six years) ran across a smoke shop selling a legal drug called “Salvia Divinorum.” I had heard of it before, but I was extremely skeptical. After all, it’s completely illogical for a drug like marijuana, which is an overall mild and harmless drug to be illegal, while one that could supposedly cause intense hallucinations could be bought freely at the local smoke shop. But having easy access to either satisfied me enough, and we purchased 1 gram of 13x strength Salvia. However, I didn’t really think it would do anything.

And it didn’t. Despite decent bong rips, only some coughing, and holding the smoke in as long as possible, the effects were minimal, if not non-existent. I was disappointed, but I wasn’t expecting much in the first place, so we just smoked some pot and forgot about it. ...Until one day in April when we were walking Telegraph Avenue, looking for an escape from the mind-numbing studying that had been torturing us for the past hours. Passing by a smoke shop, in the corner of my eye I made out the words “Salvia Divanorum” on a sign on the open door. I had completely forgotten about Salvia until that moment, and remembered the “reverse tolerance” that was supposed to cause greater effects with each use. I thought maybe it would work this time, also considering that we were at our peak of taking bong rips. So we made the purchase of 1 gram of 10x strength (the strongest they had before 20x, and that was damn expensive) and went home.

I took a shower, dried off briefly, and slipped into some pajamas. We changed the bong water, pushed a screen into the bowl because the Salvia was so finely ground, and sat down in the room we’d inhabited for the past four or five months. I sat the bong down on the coffee table near the bed, and I took a seat directly on the bed while Brian pulled up a chair. Sitting across from one another, Brian gestured for me to take the first hit. I got the strange-smelling herb cooking and watched the chamber fill up with the white smoke that I took in deeply. Then I passed the bong to Brian. I was surprised at how much smoke I was getting out of the bong, and also how long I found I was able to hold it in. It seemed a lot easier than the first time we’d smoke it. I’d coughed before, but this time the smoke sat comfortably and deeply in my lungs. I was thinking about this briefly, midway through my third hit.

Then something happened. Something changed drastically, but I couldn’t put my finger on what it was. Not wanting to panic, I tried to put the bong on the table, but I physically couldn't. I needed it to be far, far away, because somehow I knew I wouldn't be taking another hit. As I held it out I hoped Brian would grab it, because I was going to drop soon. In a half-conscious daze, I watched the thickest white cloud I’d ever seen escape from my lips, and as it filled my vision, my reality disappeared behind it. Unknowingly I slipped off of the bed onto my knees, just as this world slipped unknowingly from my mind.

“Brian?”

I don’t know where I am. But I do, because this is all there is. There is no where. This is it. But how can that be? This room is all there is? Room. What is “room”? This isn’t a room... this is existence.

“The lamp was made to be on the table,” the narrator, a deep, distorted male voice sounded from somewhere above. I watched the blur of blue and white that was the lamp stretch vertically and fold sideways into the wooden strip that was the table. Then it went back to normal. Again in stretched and folded, becoming one with the table and then separating again, according to the perfect tempo of a musical score, or the mechanical precision of gears falling into place.

“The table was made to be on the floor” the voice echoed inside my head. As the lamp folded into the table and then reverted to normal, the table did its part to collapse against the blue of the carpet and then rise again to its regular shape. The lamp, table, and floor continued their sick dance, and I pitied them because I knew that they’d been doing that dance forever, and would continue to do it for eternity. But where am I...? This skin isn't mine. What is it that's pressing so forecefully against me? From everywhere. All directions. Me? Mine? Who am “I”? No, what is “I”?

“You were made to be on the floor.” I felt myself becoming one with the dance, and suddenly felt my body press into the carpet and then unfold from it. The blur of blue, white, tan, and blue forced itself up against my side and then unfolded. Each time it raised off of me, I knew that it would be only another moment before I became one with them again. Lamp. Table. Floor. Me.

Oh my God. I’m just another component to it. How ironic to pity them when I’m nothing more than them. I’m just another part of this dance, for someone else to watch. I’ll never have the chance to talk to anyone outside of this... I’ve always been here, doing this wretched dance that has no end. And this is what I’ll do until I die... But there is no dying. This is eternity. This world always has and always will be, and there’s nothing outside of it for you. There’s no escaping.

I felt as though I’d just woken up from a dream. I dreamed that I had free will, only to remember that this was my life: watching the lamp stretch sideways and fold into the table, watching the table collapse into the carpet, feeling myself being compacted into a strange blur with the other “components” and then being released from it momentarily, only to find the cycle begin again. For a brief moment I had wrongly believed myself to be some sort of higher being than them, but we’re just the same. Oh, it’s so sad...
I tried to remember the dream. Anything to think about other than this horrifying reality. Who was I? What was my life like in the dream? What did I look like? None of it would come, and I felt the deepest sorrow I’d ever experienced settle in the pit of my stomach. So this is it?

Then I saw someone else. Should I know him? No... He’s outside of the dance it seems, holding a bottle. Tequila. WAIT! I almost remembered my dream... That bottle reminds me of something from when I was dreaming... But damn. It’s gone. It slipped away. “He was made to stand by the wall.” The voice was firm and unrelenting. From my right side, the familiar blue, tan, blue pushed against me, and a blur of an all consuming white wall pressed against the tan and green that was the boy, which folded into me from the left. He had been sucked into the dance, or had he always been there? I don’t know... The dance grew less detailed, and now all I could see were the colors pushing into one another, mixing, pushing away from one other, and then coming together once more.
I can’t believe I’d never realized that this was my existence. Why did I have to find out now? I wish I had never realized. Ever. I would have been much happier existing this way and not knowing it. It’s so meaningless, so repetitive; so, so nothing. But this is how it is. And how it always will be. I can’t change it. Oh God, I can’t change it.

Very suddenly I was no longer on the floor, but I didn’t know where I was. Wherever it may be, I could still see the dance from there, and I couldn’t tear my eyes away from it. But it was no longer precise. It grew distorted, slower, and the colors lazily flopped onto one another. I had been ripped from the dance, but I knew it could only be momentary. I was doomed to go back to it eventually.

“ASHLEY!” a different voice sounded from above me. What is that supposed to mean? I tried to glance away from the dance, but I could only manage to for but a second. The boy was floating above me, trying to communicate with me. How silly. That’s not the way it was meant to be. He should know that we don’t have free will here. I can’t talk to you, I wish I could, but I can’t. But it has always been this way. If you’re here too, you must know that. “Look at me! LOOK AT ME! ASHLEY, LOOK AT ME!” Ashley. It seems almost familiar. Familiar like the tequila bottle. Like from my dream. Come to think of it, he reminds me of my dream, too. But it was just a dream after all. Who knows when I might have another chance to dream? Maybe never. “You’re going to be okay, ASHLEY, LOOK AT ME, it’ll be fine.” Bitterly, I thought it wouldn’t be. How cruel to tell me it would, because I knew it wouldn’t. I’m stuck here forever, mindlessly folding, stretching, and mixing. Breaking?

I broke away and for a moment I slipped back into the dream. His hand clenched my face and forced me to look straight at him. I was on the bed, and he was above me. “Look at me!” he sounded frustrated now. I looked at him, but couldn’t help but let my eyes wonder at the surroundings, to see if the dance was still persisting. It was, and I saw the next component that was to be folded in.

“The blankets were made to be on the bed.” The blankets and the bed folded into one, and I knew I was next. Why did this boy offer me a glimmer of hope, if it was only to be snatched back in a moment? How cruel. He must have been playing a joke on me. That was merciless. “LOOK AT ME! ASHLEY!” Ashley. Ashley. So familiar. But wait, I do know him. He was my lover in my dream. What is he doing here? Then I remembered smoking. Could it be I was hallucinating? Salvia. Salvia. Right, I smoked. But my memory’s so fuzzy.

Suddenly it all made sense, and I felt more relief than I knew was possible to experience in one moment. I let out my best attempt at a laugh, realizing Brian must have been pretty worried, but I suspect it sounded more like a whimper. I was on the bed, with Brian looming over me, his hand still on my face. “I need to go outside,” I said quietly. “I need to go out.” “You’re not going anywhere!” he told me. He didn’t understand. I just had to make sure. I had to make sure there was something out there, that this room wasn’t the limit of all existence for me. Then I’d be okay. “Please? Please? Just outside the room?” I asked. I couldn’t muster the strength or the command of my mind to explain why at the time. He slowly rose from off of me and let me get up. I found my feet and the floor, and made it to the doorway. There was everything the way it had been before.

What had occurred in “this reality” was that I had slipped off the bed and stared ahead for a few minutes, my face filled with something like “hopeless terror.” Apparently, Brian had grabbed the tequila bottle to put away, as to not get in more trouble than necessary when he called the ambulance (we’re under 21), which he didn’t have to because I came out of it pretty quickly. But it seemed like so much longer. In all honesty I felt like I learned what eternity was in those few minutes. The “body high” that I felt throughout the entire trip could only be compared to the weight of the entire universe pushing in on every inch of my body. I completely forgot all aspects of my life, forgot who I was, and couldn’t recognize my boyfriend of six years.

Shrooms are for experiencing an altered reality, but Salvia transports me to an entirely new dimension, where the schemas that make so much sense in this world just don’t apply. I didn’t know it was possible to be transported to a different world and come back in a matter of minutes. Now I do, and I’m afraid. It felt like dying, where the afterworld was far from what you’d expect and you know you can’t come back.

Note: I have experienced some ongoing negative psychological effects due to this drug, so if you have a weak grasp on reality I wouldn’t suggest doing it. It has been almost four months since the described experience, but three times in those four months I have almost fallen back into the same trip. On none of these three occasions was I exposed to salvia. During one of them I had smoked absurd amounts of marijuana, and during another I was on shrooms. However, there was one time that I was completely sober and began feeling salvia-like effects: the unbearable body high and the feeling that this reality was fading rapidly. I offer no explanation because I don't know enough about it, but there's no mistaking the feeling of salvia. Just as acid has put many people in the crazy house, I suspect that this drug could do the same.