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User_3703108
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Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:32 pm

RULES:

I know this may make me sound like a b***h, but all posts that aren't mine will be deleted.
I'd like this just to be my journal.
I'd love it if people actually read it, but if you have a comment or anything, I'd prefer a PM.
You prolly won't understand most of it anyways.
That's so I can keep track of all my entries 3nodding
I'm a man and I need to rant scream

Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 9:04 pm

17 AUGUST 2006
Currently Feeling: Bitter
Music: N/A

I still can't believe it.
Almost four months have gone by.
I'm still in shock.
For the longest time you never decieved me.
And when you finally decided to
You couldn't have chosen a worse way.

I thought something was wrong.
So I asked if you loved me.
You looked as though I shot you in the heart.
"How could you ask that when you know I do?" you replied.
I hated myself for questioning you.
Three days later you came to my house.
I knew what you were going to say as soon as you didn't flash your smile at me.
Before you got the words out
I was already sobbing, in your arms
Avoiding your beautiful eyes
Not listening to your soft voice.
Knowing I'd never hug you again.
You made me let go.
I fell on to your car, clenching my fists
Blinded by my tears.
I missed you already.

You said you called my best friend
And he'd be over any minute
I couldn't even choke out that you were my best friend
And you were already here

You promised you'd still see me.
Still love me.
Still call me, listen to me.
Be with me.
It'd just be different.

But you only said that because you thought if you didn't
I would die.
And in truth, I did.
I lived for you.
You were everything.
You were my future.
My life.
You made me WANT to live.

In one week I missed four days of school
And got suspended twice
And three weeks worth of lunch detentions.
I failed three classes.
I tried to go.
I walked in and got no more than 10 feet
Before Jackie was clinging to me
And I was crying too loud to hear whatever she was saying.
I tried again two days later.
I got 40 feet.
But as soon as Chris saw me
He ran to my side.
And hugged me as he cried.

I'm becoming everything you didn't want me to be.
Because it makes me feel better.
I almost overdosed.
I drank so much I almost died.
I couldn't breathe.
I couldn't see.
I could barely recognize Garlen
As he shook me and yelled

You called me once.
About a month after you broke up.
You said
"A lot of people at school said I was a jackass for not calling you. So I thought I should"
You only wanted to save your reputation.
Garlen and I called you a series of times.
But you always said you were busy.
We said "call when you aren't busy"
You never have.
And I know you won't.

I'm in love with you.
But I wouldn't take you back.
Because you never loved me.
You just loved the fact that you had me.

User_3703108
Vice Captain

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User_3703108
Vice Captain

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Posted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 9:16 am

23 AUGUST 2006
Currently Feeling: Horrible/Depressed/Lonely
Music: Background music from KH2

I can't take this.
It's breaking me.
These words, these thoughts.
There's always some sort of excuse.
I give you 100 options.
And they'd work.
But you only see things to be unfixable.
Nothing can be solved.
You're worse than me.
At least I went.
I listened to my friend.
You're just sitting there.
"well I prayed to God"
Guess what, he's not going to help.
Has praying comforted you?
Then it's not going to help.
You need to get somebody else.
You don't tell this stuff to me
I've got my own problems.
But you can go on for hours
About your stupid husband.
And how he's so distant.
If you took action I would be happy.
But your stillness only hurts me.
So why aren't you listening?
You're hurting your kids.
You're hurting your family.
All in all you can say it's his falt.
But you're just as worthless.

Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:05 am

11 DECEMBER 2006
Currently Feeling: Tired/Weak/Confused
Music: N/A

It makes me want to die.
To cut, to drink, to down pills.
It makes me move slower.
Talk less. Cry more.
It removes my reason
and replaces it with dust.
It brings hard feelings
of hate and desire.
It takes away the love
and only gives the lust.
It tears my heart
and breaks my bones.
It lingers in unwanted places
where it's never supposed to touch.
It keeps good words from speaking,
and makes bad thoughts come forth.
It visits my lungs too often,
and cuts off my supply of air.
I choke.

User_3703108
Vice Captain

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