Here's the thing.
I've been dating this wonderful girl named Sabrina for nearly two months. (We will have been together two months on the twelfth.) I'm 100% sure that I'm in love with her. I've never been in love with anyone before. I mean, I've loved them, but whoever they were never returned the feelings and just made me feel like crap. Sabrina treats me better than anyone else ever has. She knows how to cheer me up. She doesn't judge me. I can talk to her about anything. She thinks that whatever imperfections I have are "cute." She makes me feel better about myself, and I know that I can trust her. She's basically everything I've ever wanted and more.
There are only a couple of minor issues with this relationship.
She's only had one other "real" relationship with anyone prior to me, and that only lasted about a month... so this is obviously the longest relationship she has ever had before, though it hasn't been very long.
I'm the kind of person that's mistrusting, doubtful, insecure. I'm constantly stressed out and worried. I'm paranoid.
I'm also incredibly jealous.
So Sabrina and her only ex are still friends. Now, I live a mere fourty-five minutes away from Sabrina, whereas her ex lives all the way in New York. (We live in Georgia, by the way.) ...so that's something that I find comfort in. I mean, I don't think that Sabrina would leave me for her ex or anything because I know that she loves me, but I'm uneasy about the whole thing.
Sabrina's ex has obviously known her longer than I have. She knows more things about her. She's smarter than me. She knows what things make Sabrina tick. They have all of these little inside jokes. I'm assuming that they're able to have conversations easier than I can.
Sabrina says that she doesn't care about her ex as more than a friend, and I believe her... but her ex, though she currently has a girlfriend, still has feelings for Sabrina. She's told me this. We talk now because I'm trying to overcome this irrational jealousy and thought that it might help to befriend her. It's actually made things rather awkward because I like Sabrina's ex as a person and could consider her almost a friend, maybe... but when I think about Sabrina talking to her ex, I die inside. There's this strange sense of fury deep in my chest, and my throat tightens, and I often cry.
Since my girlfriend is so perfect, I feel as though she deserves better than me. Now, her ex cheated on her the entire time that they were dating, so I don't think that her ex is a better match for her... because I love Sabrina with all of my heart, completely, and would never cheat on her and would never want to do anything that could hurt her. BUT I keep comparing myself to her ex, and I feel inadequate.
I don't know what to do with my feelings anymore. I try telling myself that it's okay because that's in the past and I'm with Sabrina and she loves me, but for some reason I can't seem to keep my loathing feelings toward her ex out of my head. I feel like nothing when I think about her ex...
And Sabrina's birthday is coming up soon, and I honestly don't know all that much about her, but I'm buying her a few little things that I can afford. They're not much. I also wrote her a poem, which is pretty cheesy and lame. Her ex told me that she got Sabrina the best present ever and refuses to tell me what it is, but it's most likely something that Sabrina will like better and it's probably more expensive. So now I fear even giving her the gifts because I'm not sure that she'll like them, and if she does, she won't like them as much as the gift her ex is giving her.
These are petty things. They're stupid. I feel immature even typing this.
This problem is caused completely by me and is actually in no way related to the way my girlfriend acts toward her ex or myself.
The only other little problem is that my parents know I'm seeing her, but her parents don't know that we're dating at all. Her whole family knows that she's gay, and some know about me, but her parents do not. I'm afraid of what will happen when they do find out. I've only met Sabrina once in person. We communicate mostly on the phone, but also through AIM and the such. We actually met on MySpace. So her parents are uneasy about my seeing her, and they keep changing the plans for whenever we want to see one another. I don't think that they really want us to be alone together simply because I'm from the internet or whatever... and I'd like to see her more often. There's nothing that I can really do about this at all, and it kinda sucks.
Whenever I'm talking to Sabrina, I'm happy. I'm fine. All of the negative thoughts go away. But I'm thinking about her CONSTANTLY and don't get to talk to her constantly, so when I'm alone and thinking about her is when the negative things come out...
I'm not even sure what kind of a response I would like to this post.
I just kind of want to stop worrying about her ex and be content knowing that I love her wholeheartedly and would honestly want to spend the rest of my life with her... and believing that she returns the feelings.
Any kind of input would be appreciated.
I've been dating this wonderful girl named Sabrina for nearly two months. (We will have been together two months on the twelfth.) I'm 100% sure that I'm in love with her. I've never been in love with anyone before. I mean, I've loved them, but whoever they were never returned the feelings and just made me feel like crap. Sabrina treats me better than anyone else ever has. She knows how to cheer me up. She doesn't judge me. I can talk to her about anything. She thinks that whatever imperfections I have are "cute." She makes me feel better about myself, and I know that I can trust her. She's basically everything I've ever wanted and more.
There are only a couple of minor issues with this relationship.
She's only had one other "real" relationship with anyone prior to me, and that only lasted about a month... so this is obviously the longest relationship she has ever had before, though it hasn't been very long.
I'm the kind of person that's mistrusting, doubtful, insecure. I'm constantly stressed out and worried. I'm paranoid.
I'm also incredibly jealous.
So Sabrina and her only ex are still friends. Now, I live a mere fourty-five minutes away from Sabrina, whereas her ex lives all the way in New York. (We live in Georgia, by the way.) ...so that's something that I find comfort in. I mean, I don't think that Sabrina would leave me for her ex or anything because I know that she loves me, but I'm uneasy about the whole thing.
Sabrina's ex has obviously known her longer than I have. She knows more things about her. She's smarter than me. She knows what things make Sabrina tick. They have all of these little inside jokes. I'm assuming that they're able to have conversations easier than I can.
Sabrina says that she doesn't care about her ex as more than a friend, and I believe her... but her ex, though she currently has a girlfriend, still has feelings for Sabrina. She's told me this. We talk now because I'm trying to overcome this irrational jealousy and thought that it might help to befriend her. It's actually made things rather awkward because I like Sabrina's ex as a person and could consider her almost a friend, maybe... but when I think about Sabrina talking to her ex, I die inside. There's this strange sense of fury deep in my chest, and my throat tightens, and I often cry.
Since my girlfriend is so perfect, I feel as though she deserves better than me. Now, her ex cheated on her the entire time that they were dating, so I don't think that her ex is a better match for her... because I love Sabrina with all of my heart, completely, and would never cheat on her and would never want to do anything that could hurt her. BUT I keep comparing myself to her ex, and I feel inadequate.
I don't know what to do with my feelings anymore. I try telling myself that it's okay because that's in the past and I'm with Sabrina and she loves me, but for some reason I can't seem to keep my loathing feelings toward her ex out of my head. I feel like nothing when I think about her ex...
And Sabrina's birthday is coming up soon, and I honestly don't know all that much about her, but I'm buying her a few little things that I can afford. They're not much. I also wrote her a poem, which is pretty cheesy and lame. Her ex told me that she got Sabrina the best present ever and refuses to tell me what it is, but it's most likely something that Sabrina will like better and it's probably more expensive. So now I fear even giving her the gifts because I'm not sure that she'll like them, and if she does, she won't like them as much as the gift her ex is giving her.
These are petty things. They're stupid. I feel immature even typing this.
This problem is caused completely by me and is actually in no way related to the way my girlfriend acts toward her ex or myself.
The only other little problem is that my parents know I'm seeing her, but her parents don't know that we're dating at all. Her whole family knows that she's gay, and some know about me, but her parents do not. I'm afraid of what will happen when they do find out. I've only met Sabrina once in person. We communicate mostly on the phone, but also through AIM and the such. We actually met on MySpace. So her parents are uneasy about my seeing her, and they keep changing the plans for whenever we want to see one another. I don't think that they really want us to be alone together simply because I'm from the internet or whatever... and I'd like to see her more often. There's nothing that I can really do about this at all, and it kinda sucks.
Whenever I'm talking to Sabrina, I'm happy. I'm fine. All of the negative thoughts go away. But I'm thinking about her CONSTANTLY and don't get to talk to her constantly, so when I'm alone and thinking about her is when the negative things come out...
I'm not even sure what kind of a response I would like to this post.
I just kind of want to stop worrying about her ex and be content knowing that I love her wholeheartedly and would honestly want to spend the rest of my life with her... and believing that she returns the feelings.
Any kind of input would be appreciated.
