|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 5:32 pm
Look into my eye's,
See the tears I wish to cry.
Hold me tight and say,
Everything will be alright.
You always held my hand
You always had me to lean upon
Look into my eye's
See the tears I wish to cry
Hold me tight and say
Everything will be alright
A piller of striength, of care, of peace
To me is what you are
Look into my eye's
See the tears I wish to cry
Hold me tight and say
Everthing will be alright
|
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 05, 2005 5:45 pm
very touching, short, yet sweet. I enjoyed it.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 8:08 pm
MelanthaB very touching, short, yet sweet. I enjoyed it. Thank you biggrin
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sun May 08, 2005 10:16 pm
wow, little to much romance to be for brother and sister.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu May 19, 2005 1:10 pm
It seems very longing. Good work!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:23 pm
Psykiapa It seems very longing. Good work! Thank you
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jun 30, 2005 8:29 pm
moonlight_anowis wow, little to much romance to be for brother and sister. Were not really siblings we just grew up together since 2nd grade now were both in college and I'm leaving to the military.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2005 9:22 pm
moonlight_anowis wow, little to much romance to be for brother and sister. Im making you read Angel Sanctuary even if you hate it. I will see you at school.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 8:34 am
Look into my eye's, --eyes.
See the tears I wish to cry.
Hold me tight and say,
Everything will be alright. --is the colloqualism meant, or do you mean "all right"?
You always held my hand
You always had me to lean upon
Look into my eye's
See the tears I wish to cry
Hold me tight and say
Everything will be alright
A piller of striength, of care, of peace --pillar
To me is what you are
Look into my eye's
See the tears I wish to cry
Hold me tight and say --comma! COMMA!
Everthing will be alright
Nice play of paradox, holding strength and care and peace- take out the care and it's even stronger (strength and peace are almost polar opposites, the juxtaposition implies an all-encompassing sort of love for the other).
All right, I guess. But tears are overused symbols, as is holding tight and looking into eyes.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 2:59 pm
Oh wow! I really liked this piece. I also have a thing for people using words that don't quite rhyme, but it sounds rhyming-ish anyways. I'm not that great for describing what I am trying to explain here. sweatdrop Oh, and.. I really like the repetitveness of it, it ties the beginning and end together nicely.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Mon Jul 04, 2005 3:36 pm
very nice, i liked the 'refrain' type thing you had going.
it tied it all together
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 1:48 pm
I very much liked this piece. Watch your spelling and punctuation, but other then that, very, very good. It is so touching. It seems like lyrics to a song. You say it's a girl you've known for a while? Boy I wish I were her. Write a melody for it and sing it to her. She'll love it. I hope you plan on giving it to her.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: Thu Jul 07, 2005 4:05 pm
Awwww. Short and sweet. smile I love it. It makes me feel all warm inside. lol.
Punctutaion is needed in some areas, and I think that maybe you could kind of seperate the lines the repeat from the other lines, too.
But this is great. I love it. ^_^ Great job.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Reply
