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 Posted: Thu Aug 03, 2006 8:38 pm
Can I ask you a question?
Whisper it softly in your ear,
I can see your hesitation
Do you know what I want to hear?
Can you see it in my eyes?
Can you feel the hope in my heart?
Just answer my question,
I've had it from the very start.
Look me in my eyes,
Please don't turn away,
Just let me hear it,
You know what I want you to say.
Tell me that you love me,
And you'll never let me go,
Tell me that you need me,
But please don't tell me no.
As I search your eyes for an answer,
Your voice must speak first,
Because your love is what I thirst,
And I feel my heart burst.
I hear you say you are in love,
And its my name I hear,
As the words escape your lips,
I let go of all my fear.
Now I've stolen your heart,
That I've wanted so long,
This has never happened before,
So we both have to be strong.
Please say you'll never look away,
And I'm the only one you see,
The love in your eyes,
That will not let me be.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 7:49 pm
I loved this one.
Yes the b***h who won't stop bitchin about your poems loves this one.(lol yea I know Im a b***h. No need to tell me.)
I felt emotion!! Yaaaaay! You stilled had some errors. Only 3, but the effort and emotion makes up for it. oooooo I wish i could hug you.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:16 pm
This one was more recent.
And It doesn't flow as well in some points.
So I'm going to revise all of my poems.
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Posted: Mon Aug 07, 2006 8:28 pm
Please refer to my other post about rhyming domokun Some words were repeated very close to each other: Line 1-question Line 7-question, Line 6-eyes Line 11-eyes line before last-eyes.
Try to use a wider variety of words instead of the really short, commonly-used ones. Poems tend to stand out when word choice is a lot different from other poems of the same genre.
Because of these mistakes I had a really hard time reading the poem smoothly. The meter was off in some lines and others just needed to be redone like the 4th line(doesn't fit right, to me). I didn't get an emotion or images or anything from this poem and it was a struggle to read it through three times.
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