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Alright, I've been meaning to ask this for awhile: whenever I get depressed, an event which is very frequent, for a brief time I am rational and know that I am getting upset for no reason whatsoever. I KNOW that, despite all the physiological reactions, there is no psychological reason that I am so angry or sad or hopeless. At times (these times are very few and far between, mind you), if I'm extremely coherent, I am able to stave off the depression by carefully concentrating on the fact that I know it's my bipolarity and then retreating to my bedroom or somewhere where I can avoid people until I'm feeling better.

However, if I "lose" the balance, I end up "projecting" my anger onto another person or event, usually a loved one of mine. This is why I get so angry with my BF all the time, why I snap at my mother, etc. Even though, deep down, I know whatever it is they did to upset me isn't that bad, or even bad at all, it's like I lose sight of that and put all of my bad feelings toward that issue, which is what I would consider a form of fudged-up projection. These issues I get mad about are generally things that, when I was feeling alright, we resolved like adults and that I thought I had put behind me.

Lately it's been my BF's ex-girlfriend. Anytime I'm feeling depressed or insecure, it seems like I find something about their relationship to be angry about (he did flirt with her once in front of me and had some pictures of her in a bikini stashed away, but these offenses aren't worth what I put him through once the depression kicked in.). I even considered, VERY BRIEFLY, stalking her for a bit, just to make sure she wasn't seeing him, but then the low wore off and I was disgusted with myself for even thinking such a thing. I'm now on medications again and haven't been thinking things like that.

Does anyone else have this issue? I know that a lot of other bipolar people get upset for no reason; that's simply part of being bipolar. But do other people not just get angry at people during a mood swing, but actually PROJECT their depression onto other people and issues? If my BF isn't around, I'll project my mood onto a failed test or anything my brain can get its little brainy hands on. Is this odd behavior I should blame on my PTSD or talk to my doctor about? Or is this, in a weird way, "normal" behavior for a bipolar (ha! Normal and bipolar in a sentence, who'd have seen it coming?)?

Cleaning helps? Maybe I will try that. I need to find something to put all that energy in. BTW, I love your siggie.

I wish it helped for me. I have issues against cleaning because it's when my mother was at her worst. All I have to do is think about cleaning, and I get horrible flashbacks. sad

Edit: sorry for the double post

That part sucks too. xp

I can relate. When I'm cycling, there are these places that aren't quite normal, aren't quite manic, and aren't quite depressed. ANYTHING can set me off then, and I can go either way in extreme (usually depressed). As an example: I went over the edge once when my friend sprayed purple color into her hair and people raved over it. I hunched over 'cause I couldn't breathe too good. Not a full blown panic attack, but shitty nonetheless. I remember throwing my arms around a different friend and having a couple minutes' worth of dry sobbing. Then I went to history, and made a 3/4 in. gash in my forearm. The entire day was absolutely crappy, and I was EXTREMELY suicidal until the next morning. I was -really- close to offing myself that day...

So see? My borderlines SUCK.

I also tend to snap for no reason at all, but the former was a more drastic (though not uncommon for me) example.