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 Posted: Thu Jul 20, 2006 3:04 pm
Oh playful breeze,
Pray do not be spiteful towards me.
While your graces may travel the world,
While your puffs of breath may cavort unhindered,
I am tethered to the ground.
My feet may taste the earth,
My legs may carry me, in infinite feeling.
My hips may dance, may move me to their whim,
My arms may hold an eternally wise infant.
My hands may touch, may feel what you have left,
My lips may kiss the one I most love.
Oh eternal breeze, you may brush through my hair,
But I, O Breeze, may feel when you do so.
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Posted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 10:36 am
This is good, just one problem. Too many "MYs." Don't use them so much. Use "my" about every other line. Otherwise it's really good. Keep writing!!
~Angel~
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