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 Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 9:27 am
This is a widely discussed topic, but I wanted to see what you all would say on the subject.
Men and women are very different. The brains are wired differently plus are on different emotional scales. For example, a man may kiss someone and it mean nothing, it was just for pleasure. While for a woman, a kiss usually means more and feel more emotion and basically for that man who kissed her. Correct me if I am wrong on that too.
But basically, what I want to know is, if men and women can really be "friends" without at least one party hoping for it to be something more, or to develop an attraction to the person. And as friends, I define as someone who you hang out with (like outside of school or work), talk with often about what you think, like... I am not referring to the casual term "friends" people toss around. I mean true friends.
Do you think it is possible for a man and woman to be friends and just be friends without someone if not both developing attractions for the other?
Because the more intimate (not physical, I mean emotional) you get with someone, I think someone is going to start liking someone. So, I do not think it can be done.
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Posted: Mon Jul 17, 2006 11:16 pm
I'd like to think so, but in all my experience it's never proved to be true. Except for maybe one friend, but he has a girlfriend now, and I don't like him in that way at all.
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High-functioning Businesswoman
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 4:22 pm
Fushigi na Butterfly I'd like to think so, but in all my experience it's never proved to be true. Except for maybe one friend, but he has a girlfriend now, and I don't like him in that way at all.
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Posted: Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:01 am
I'm just going to let the assumption that "men and women are very different" slide for the moment, because I happen to vehemently dissagree with that statement. The overwhelming majority of sex differences are actually due to gender, not sex. (to clarify, SEX = chromosomal designation; GENDER = social constructs of roles/traits deemed appropriate for each sex within a particular culture that are forced (usually) upon a child from birth as social norms and expectations)
Okay, back to the main issue. So if what you're saying is true, than I cannot just be "friends" with my teachers and coworkers who are old enough to be my parents? (blinks) I think that you guys aren't thinking in a broad enough spectrum of relationships here. Even WHERE you are close enough in age for a romance to be possible, the vast majority of the friends I've had of the opposite sex have ever stayed just friends and never has anything otherwise been suggested (including some of those you classify as "true friends." I think it is a valid question, by the way, to define precisely what a "true friend" is in the context of this thread).
So, in short, it CAN BE DONE and it IS DONE. I think since many of you are coming from the "raging hormone teenage years" perspective you might find this a bit more difficult to grasp. But when you get older... your experiences alone will prove to you that friendship among the opposite sex (and never anything beyond, nor want of anything beyond) commonplace. Of course, you're also leaving it quite vague as to what you mean by "developing attractions" and I am left assuming you mean "sexual attraction and strongly desiring to act on that."
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 7:55 am
Starlock I'm just going to let the assumption that "men and women are very different" slide for the moment, because I happen to vehemently dissagree with that statement. The overwhelming majority of sex differences are actually due to gender, not sex. (to clarify, SEX = chromosomal designation; GENDER = social constructs of roles/traits deemed appropriate for each sex within a particular culture that are forced (usually) upon a child from birth as social norms and expectations) Okay, back to the main issue. So if what you're saying is true, than I cannot just be "friends" with my teachers and coworkers who are old enough to be my parents? (blinks) I think that you guys aren't thinking in a broad enough spectrum of relationships here. Even WHERE you are close enough in age for a romance to be possible, the vast majority of the friends I've had of the opposite sex have ever stayed just friends and never has anything otherwise been suggested (including some of those you classify as "true friends." I think it is a valid question, by the way, to define precisely what a "true friend" is in the context of this thread). So, in short, it CAN BE DONE and it IS DONE. I think since many of you are coming from the "raging hormone teenage years" perspective you might find this a bit more difficult to grasp. But when you get older... your experiences alone will prove to you that friendship among the opposite sex (and never anything beyond, nor want of anything beyond) commonplace. Of course, you're also leaving it quite vague as to what you mean by "developing attractions" and I am left assuming you mean "sexual attraction and strongly desiring to act on that."
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 7:40 pm
In my case I can definitely coexist with women and have excellent companionships, in fact most of my friends are women, i feel equally comftorable around the guys, and the girls, but for the most part it's so the opposite of that. I guess, it could be, because a lot of girls are constantly talking about boys(the stereotype, isn't true for all), and you won't see a bunch of boys talking about boys, well unless they're gay, which i support fully! When boys are young they are convinced that girls have "cooties" or they constantly bug the girls lol, say for example go butt naked and chase her down her street.....Anyways, This is because they're minds are thinking she's a girl, she touched those stupid dolls(stereotype) i dont want her cooties, etc. Oh my...If only everyone could co-exist peacefully
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 3:47 pm
While it's true that many romantic emotions sprout initially from friendships, I believe it is absolutely possible for a man and a woman to maintain a completely platonic relationship. I have had many male friends who have never, in all the years I've known them showed any interest in me whatsoever, and I am certainly not romantically attracted to any of them.
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Posted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 6:06 pm
This is a complicated question, actually, mostly because of the definition of "friendship". Regular male-male friendship differs greatly from female-female friendship. It isn't likely that a male-female friendship will be the same, or even a mid-point between those two, so something else will have to emerge.
Plus, like Starlock mentioned, we can have different kinds of relationship with people depending on their age, and maybe on other factors (my friendship with my neighbor may differ from my friendship with my coworker, or with my cousin). Friendship is a very broad concept.
Having said that, I believe it's quite obvious that men and women can be friends. Of course, something else may come up. But then again, something else may came out of a same-sex friendship. It all depends on the people involved.
But I also believe that some people are incapable of maintaining a cross-gender friendship.
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Posted: Thu Oct 19, 2006 6:43 pm
Well...
I do think that a man and a woman can be friends 3nodding
But not most of the people just a few ones...
Most of the man and woman who had a friend female and male, are very mature about relationships... So I think it's all about being mature and think that not all the girls or boys are made for being couple but just friends...
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 4:42 pm
I can only give my own personal experience here, since this isn't my field....
I have experienced both situations, feelings and no feelings. my 'sister' (aka best friend) and I have known each other for more than 2 years and feel nothing but an intense bond of friendship. We can tell each other anything, yet there are no feelings other than friendship by either of us.
My fiance' on the other hand....we both worked at the same place, and she was dating another at the time. I felt attracted to her right away, because we shared the same passions and likes. I assumed she would be nothing more than a coworker until she broke up with the jerk (her words) and we began dating soon there after.
So can guys and gals be just friends? yes. Is it always this way? No. But in my case, it was for the better.
Perhaps this is a good study for someone to do who enjoys this field....I would be interested in seeing the results.
Riodan
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Posted: Fri Nov 03, 2006 12:08 pm
You mean, Platonic relationship?
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Posted: Mon Dec 11, 2006 9:56 pm
I agree with most of the posters here. There are definitely differences between males and females, but not all of them are biological. Many of them are expected roles that society gives us. And I personally hate gender roles, but anyway.
From my experience and other people's experience, you can have a male and female in a platonic friendship. But then sometimes a friendship changes to a romantic relationship. It varies.
One of my best friends is a male, and our relationship is completely platonic. On the flip side, my best friend of over two years is a female and we've recently started dating. (I'm neither homosexual or heterosexual, by the way. Closer to bisexual, I guess.)
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 3:08 am
I've never felt any attraction (I'm asexual). I don't see why there could be a problem with men and women being simply friends. At least, I would hope there's no problem with it, because if there was than my friends (most of which are male) could become attracted to me, and that would be bad. All of my relationships are platonic.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 8:27 pm
I think a man and woman can be friends. I've got a few male friends who I see only as friends, and I'm pretty sure they see me the same way. There are a few who, yes, I'm uncertain of, but there a few I've known for years who I don't think would ever view me in a sexual nature.
And you know what? I think there are even some circumstances where a man and woman make better friends than their own gender. There are a lot of girls, for example, who I can't stand, and a lot of men who's company I'd much prefer. Sometimes a girl doesn't want to deal with another girl's drama, and would rather enjoy the company of a male.
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Posted: Tue Dec 12, 2006 9:30 pm
Men and women have more in common than men with men and women with women. Surprising isn't it?
You'd understand after taking a gender course. The only thing standing in the way is social stereotypes that leave men and women playing their roles, which actually causes them more mental health problems. Kind of sad really. I've had a few intimate male friends and by intimate I mean very close. They've been a great support network and come more in handy then women sometimes. Friendship between sexes does not always have to equate to romance but a love in friendship. I don't think it at all as impossible. It's just a matter of not getting emotions confused.
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