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This story has two people telling the story. I am talking in italics, and Stephen... well, isn't. This story is far from being finished or perfected. This is a very rough draft. We still want to know what you think though.

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Untitled (for now)

By Crystal (river) and Stephen (jazzy)

Once upon a time in a magical kingdom far far away...

Well Crystal, it really wasn't all that far depending on where the reader is reading this.

Well, that may be so, but it was magical and it was a kingdom. May I continue now?

Alright, but don't hurt yourself.

Oh, I won't hurt myself, but you on the other hand, that's a whole 'nother story.

Yikes! Maybe you should stick to this story.

My thoughts exactly. I knew you would see things my way. Now, where was I?

I don't know, but I could suggest a few places to go.

Never mind your suggestions. I remember.

Once Upon a time in a magical kingdom far far away (if you're reading this far far away from where the story happened) there was this Princess.

Hey, I thought this story was about a peasant boy.

This is a fairy tale. Fairy tales are always about a princess. It's like an unwritten rule or something.

You realize you just wrote it?

Which means it's an actual written rule.

I hate circular reasoning.

Well I hate your reasoning so we're even. Now as I was saying, once upon a time in a magical kingdom far far away (don't say it) there once was a beautiful princess named...

Oh, a beautiful princess, I guess that means she is not named Crystal?

No, but the guy who mucks out the pig pens is named Stephen, and he will die very early in the story if he doesn't let me continue the story.

That's that other story you were talking about earlier.

And if you don't want it to go from fiction to nonfiction you'll let me continue.

No comment.

Good. Now, once upon a time in a magical kingdom far far away there was a beautiful princess named Grizelda Gurgenstern. She lived in the prosperous kingdom of... now what was that name... It was really odd...

Bagels.

What are you talking about? There were no bagels in this story.

No, no. The kingdom was named Bagels. The kingdom of Bagels! Don't you read history?

Bagels?

Okay I made it up. Now continue the story?

I thought you'd never ask.

Grizelda was (as I've already said) a beautiful princess. Now, although her personality and her facial features and her figure were exceptional, it was her soft, long, flowing, delicate, slightly wavy, red hair that made everyone around her envious. Any female who looked at her hair was immediately jealous and wanted hair just like Grizelda's.

When she was a small child (a baby: two days, 57 minutes, and 3 seconds-- to be exact) a magical fairy came to be trapped in a rabbit trap (she was very fond of carrots). When the poor peasant hunter went and checked his trap that day, instead of a rabbit he found the fairy. Now, this poor peasant hunter was very disappointed because he was not going to have rabbit stew like he was so looking forward to. All he had was this magical fairy that could grant wishes. As far as he knew, fairies didn't make a very good stew (they weren't very filling either). So he did the next best thing to eating the frantic, desperate, trapped, caged fairy with no hope for a rescue. He took the fairy to the King and Queen of Bagels for a present for the two day, 57 minutes, and three second old beautiful princess named Grizelda, for every person residing in the kingdom of Bagels had to bring the child a present. He was hoping that the fairy would grant her a new name because he didn't like the name Grizelda very much, it reminded him of his ex-wife, the fat, horribly off-tune opera singer.

Instead of giving her a new name (the fairy liked the name Grizelda, it reminded her of carrots. Although why...) she was so happy to be in the possession of someone other than a hunger-ridden poor peasant hunter, she gave her another gift: the gift of beautiful, soft, long, flowing, delicate, slightly wavy, red hair. After giving her the gift of beautiful, soft, long, flowing, delicate, slightly wavy, red hair the fairy (free from her cage so she could give Grizelda her gift), realizing she was free and that this was probably her only chance to escape, flew out of the window, off to find more carrots that weren't in a poor peasant hunter's rabbit trap.

About twenty-three and a half years later, when Grizelda was twenty-three and a half years, two days, 57 minutes, and three second old, Grizelda was walking in an enchanted forest near the castle. There are of course three ways to know you are in an enchanted forest:

Things that normally don't talk, start talking. Ex: Her pet turtle Paquito started complaining about the type of turtle flakes she was feeding him.
You notice the flowers have faces and scream when you step on them.
The word "Enchanted" is part of the name of the forest.
All of these were true on this particular day.

"I think that the turtle flakes that I buy for you are perfectly fine."

"Have you ever eaten those things?" Paquito asked with a slight Spanish accent.

"Well, no, but it says on the box that they are rich in protein and vitamins."

"So's cardboard, and it probably tastes better too."

While Grizelda was having this conversation with Paquito, she didn't notice the green, slightly hairy, yet very smelly sock gnome* that was staring and drooling over her hair.

*At this point it is important that you know just a bit about the dreaded sock gnome. Sock gnomes are in fact the most dangerous and dreaded of all creatures in the known universe. It is not that they ever kill or injure; it is that they do the most diabolical action imaginable to mankind. No, they dont run for political office- They...

Steal the right sock from your dryer. Now this may sound a little odd to you, but it makes complete sense I promise. You see, it is a well-known scientific fact that the right foot sweats considerably less than the left. So you can see why a sock gnome would wish to steal a right sock for his supper instead of the left.

Now it wouldn't be too much of a problem, except if you wear two left socks instead of a left and a right sock then you actually walk with a slight lean to the left. This is a terrible disaster on the dance floor and your partner may mistake you for having two left feet, which can actually happen if you wear two left socks for long enough.

Now, it was also mentioned that the sock gnome was smelly. Now, please note that I never said he smelled bad, he actually smells quite pleasant. Like a spring rain, depending on your detergent.

This certain gnome was feeling very spontaneous because he had just had a conversation with Bob (a garden gnome).*

While not the most eloquent of creatures, this gnome was fairly bright. He quickly thought of the perfect plan to acquire the beautiful (I think they get the picture) hair.

So while Melvin (the sock gnome) was putting his hair-stealing plan into action, Grizelda's argument with Paquito continued.

"It doesn't really matter what you want now does it? You will either keep eating the Turtle Flakes or you will starve; it is as simple as that. You should be grateful that I took you in and feed you at all. When I found you, you were flipped on your back and weren't going anywhere. It was out of the kindness of my heart that I took you in and saved you."

While Paquito knew it was true that he was on his back when she found him, he also realized it was her carriage that put him there to begin with. Why on earth she didn't just leave him there was beyond his recollection, for the "kindness of her heart" was more than lacking. Yet he remained silent, for even though she was rude and unkind at times, he was still safer with the princess living in the castle than on his own with the predators he had met on several notable occasions.



*It is also a well-known fact that sock gnomes, because they like a change every once in a while from socks (they like to prove they can be spontaneous every once in a while like their cousins the garden gnomes), they tend to like to eat beautiful, delicate, soft, long, flowing, slightly wavy, red hair.

xd Nice!!!

I love it love it love it love it love it!!!! heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart heart

I love it i love it i love it i love it i love it i love it biggrin

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Well, I thought it was that good, and I wrote some of it too. cool

Heart of Darkness? "The Horror, the horror!!!"

Yeah, I never know what english teachers are thinking when they give assigned readings. There are funny, entertaining, adventurous classics but they always get skiped over by english teachers. Even worse most people than skip them because they associate the word classic than with things like Heart of Darkness. evil

Yes (groans), I have discovered that I don't really like dickens except for a christmas carrol. My least favorate english reading assignment though was when my english teacher had us read Romeo and Juliet aloud as a class with each of us taking a part. Listening to my classmates droan on in garbled shakespearian was one of the most painful experiances of my life.

I tend to get really involved in stories I'm reading out loud and will start kind of acting the charictor I'm reading and I can read really well. My teacher wouldn't give me any parts at all because he didn't like my accent. When we had a sub for a few days though she moved me up to reading Juliet because she liked the fact that I didn't speak in a monotone or stumble and misread every word. I hated my english teacher that year by the way. He was the teacher that had us read the script to the Miracle Worker in parts as well.