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 Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:22 pm
Ok, some my find this offensive, or maybe not. I suppose if you are religous, you may take offense, my appollogies. I thought it was quite funny myself lol
14 Ways To Get a Wife Biblically
1) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her
head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she's yours.
Deuteronomy (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)
2) Find a prostitute and marry her.
Hosea (Hosea 1:1-3)
3) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.
Moses (Exodus 2:16-21)
4) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.
Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
5) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one
and carry her off to be your wife.
Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
6) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep.
Note: this will cost you a rib.
Adam (Genesis 2:19-24)
7) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman's hand in
marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work
another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first
place. That's right. Fourteen years of toil for a woman.
Jacob (Genesis 29:15-30)
cool Cut off 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law's enemies
and get his daughter for a wife.
David (I Samuel 18:27)
9) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you'll
definitely find someone. (It's all relative of course.)
Cain (Genesis 4:16-17)
10) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.
Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
11) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, "I
have seen a... woman; now get her for me." If your parents question
your decision, simply say, "Get her for me. She's the one for me."
Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
12) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons
though).
David (2 Samuel 11)
13) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It's not just a
good idea, it's the law).
Onan and Boaz (Deuteronomy or Leviticus, example in Ruth)
14) Don't be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.
Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
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Posted: Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:22 pm
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:18 pm
Guess no one else shares my sense of humor? stressed xd
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Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 5:45 pm
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Posted: Fri Jun 16, 2006 8:49 pm
It's funny.. cause its directly out of the bible... I'm not anti-religion, not pro either though whee
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Posted: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:08 am
I do, that was sent from my computer, and the Bible view on how to get a wife is funny. " One could just club a girl, grab her pony tail, and drag her to thier cave."
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Posted: Sun Jun 18, 2006 12:22 am
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Posted: Sun Jun 18, 2006 11:37 pm
Lady Night Puma One could just club a girl, grab her pony tail, and drag her to thier cave." That's how cavemen used t do it lol. Thank god times have changed eh, well they have some...
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Posted: Fri Jun 23, 2006 5:31 pm
ha i like the whole.
"me tarzan you jane" thing myself.
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Posted: Tue Jun 27, 2006 2:35 am
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Inflatable Mattress Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 09, 2006 11:57 pm
-999sac666- Lady Night Puma One could just club a girl, grab her pony tail, and drag her to thier cave." That's how cavemen used t do it lol. Thank god times have changed eh, well they have some... I wish most thigns were still simple like that... before racism, well this level of racism.
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 8:53 pm
Iro Sennin -999sac666- Lady Night Puma One could just club a girl, grab her pony tail, and drag her to thier cave." That's how cavemen used t do it lol. Thank god times have changed eh, well they have some... I wish most thigns were still simple like that... before racism, well this level of racism. Speaking of cavemen and racism.. how come you never see deversity in like museum exisbits and stuff, I mean, all cavemen couldnt have been white right? o.0
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Posted: Mon Oct 30, 2006 11:18 pm
I don't know, I'm with Jininxs, I like the I'm Jane, you Tarzon, sorta thing.
On the cavemen in the museum's they always look kinda brown. ninja
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Posted: Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:53 am
Lady Night Puma I don't know, I'm with Jininxs, I like the I'm Jane, you Tarzon, sorta thing. On the cavemen in the museum's they always look kinda brown. ninja Maybe, or maybe thats just dirt, I can't recall ever seeing a black caveman.
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