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 Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:30 pm
ok this is very personal i havent showed sany one this b4 so plz be nice its about mcr and its a story ive been writing ill update it when i write more chapters and ill post some more of my stories if i get good feed back
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:41 pm
"Frank you fu.cker!" A male voice screamed down the hall.
I sat up abit.
Not many people came to this ward.
And if they did..
They werent screaming..
Not swearing either.
I sat on my prison..
Actually a hospital bed, made specialy so I couldnt get away..
Like the times I had tried before.
There were long thick railings that I could rest my chin on by sitting up.
Like a crib..
Im not a baby
And sure enough, as I just barely boked my nose over,
Pulling all of my blankets over my head..
So anyone coming near would only see my sillhouette and eyes.
A nurse pushed another bed to the empty spot beside mine.
Though there was enough room to fit a car between where both beds were..
A boy.
A boy.
I examined him closely.
Hm.
He had a fairly pale and smooth complection.
And black hair..
Black or dark brown..
But it was so pretty..
I watched closely.
"Angelica." The Nurse said patiently.
I nodded slightly.
"Mr.Way is going to stay here for awhile. We ran out of rooms in other wards." The nurse said.
Again, I nodded slightly.
"Do you mind if Mr.Way has some friends in here?" She asked.
I shook my head 'no'.
Mr.Way was watching me.
He looked probably my age..
I looked back at him..
"Well, Mr.Way, you can have some friends in now.. But not too much, Angelica needs her rest."
"I dont mind." I said quietly.
But I actually did..
I didnt really want many people in here..
The nurse just nodded sweetly and left the room.
I watched Mr.Way.
One of his legs was in a cast and held at a funny angle by a rod on the side of his bed.
He had some scratches on his face and his arm was holding his chest.
He looked at me too as I surveyed him.
A boy came in.
He had glasses..
Short hair..
There was a longer piece at the front..
It was brown..
Another boy stepped in with poofie red hair..
And another with short blonde hair..
And the last with black..
And red..
A mohawk was it?
It was pretty..
"Frank you stupid fu.cker." Mr.Way said mutinously at the boy with the mohawk.
Frank?
Mohawk boy - Frank.
"Sorry Gerard.." Frank said.
Oh, Mr.Way - Gerard.
"Fu.ck right your.." Gerard started to yell, before he coughed and clutched at his chest.
Brown haired boy took a step towards Gerard's bed.
"Gerard.. Are you okay?" He asked.
"Im fine Mikey.." Gerard said, his voice raspy.
Brown-Haired Boy - Mikey.
"Mikey, do you want me to call your Mom?" Poofie Haired boy asked.
"Yeah Ray, thanks.." Mikey said.
Poofie Haired Boy - Ray.
Ray left the room.
"I'll go call Brian." Blonde Boy said.
Mikey nodded.
"Thanks Bob." Frank said quietly.
"Moms gonna be pissed at you Gerard." Mikey said.
"Me?!" Gerard said before he clutched his chest a hacked again.
"Whats wrong?" Mikey asked.
"He broke two ribs!" Gerard said with as much exclamation as possible.
"What happened?" I asked aloud.
Mikey and Frank turned to look at me.
Gerard looked at me.
"Frank pushed me off the roof." Gerard said.
I giggled slightly.
"It was supposed to be a joke." Frank said, smiling slightly at the fact I giggled.
"But.." Gerard started.
"You were drunk." Frank said, sticking out his tongue.
"You were both drunk." Mikey said frowning.
"Why were you on the roof?" I asked.
Frank shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time.."
"Guess we've learned why you never mix drinking and hieghts."
They both stayed quiet.
"I didn't mean to push him off the roof and into the garden.." Frank muttered.
Which I guess explained why Gerard had scratches on his face.
"What about you? Why are you here?" Gerard asked.
My heart fell.
The humor from my thoughts left.
My smile fell.
I moved away from the rail.
"I dont want to talk about it." I whispered.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:43 pm
The doctors came in.
The doctors came out.
For this Gerard boy..
But mostly for me..
Every hour on the hour for a day, they drew blood..
Leaving me very weak..
But I still watched..
I watched Gerard..
I decided he was very pretty..
With his black hair..
Most of the boys I had seen in a year were doctors.
Old doctors..
With ugly grey and balding hair..
But Gerard..
I watched him learn to use crutches for his leg when his ribs were healing better..
I watched him grow with his injuries..
I watched him take pain medication..
I watched him get better..
I watched his friends come and go..
Though it was an odd thing..
Other people in my room?
They kept quietter.. But I figured it was for me they did so.
But I did listen..
But it would only leave me feeling blank..
And lonely..
No one ever came to visit me.
No one ever came near this room..
Excpet for these five boys..
Well, always the one..
But continually the other four.
They spoke about different things..
But mostly about some band..
I had assumed Gerard played something important because they were continually talking about cancelling shows because of Gerards injuries..
I think I heard hints dropped that he was the lead singer.
Well of course the band needed him then..
Though I was sure I had never heard of them before..
I didnt really know much outside the hospital..
My parents had taken me here when they didnt have anywhere else..
When I was becoming too much of a dent in their busy lives..
And just thinking about it..
Dug me deeper in my hole.
My lonely, dark, empty hell hole.
Where I lay in my prison of a bed and think of everything wrong.
Letting pessimistic sides of me that were unimaginable..
Come out and play..
Telling me..
How ugly I was..
How horribly problematic I was..
Ruining everything..
And everyone..
Bothering everything..
And everyone..
I reached over the railing, between two of the larger boards..
Where I could barely fit my arm and..
The small hand held mirror.
I memorized where I set it on the table beside the bed.
I pulled it back and flicked it open..
It was only a tiny cosmetic one..
But it was enough..
For me to see..
How horribly ugly and hideous I was..
How..
I quickly shut the mirror and threw it at the thick railing.
It wasnt fair.
The disease taking over..
It wasnt fair at all..
No.
Why did I have to go through this?
Why me?
Why couldnt the seriel killer in jail..
Or the psychopath walking down the street?
Why me?
I was younge..
So why did I have to die?
Why was it like this..
Why?
I was sobbing quietly.
Tears running down my pale cheeks.
I hadnt even noticed..
I took my pillow in my hands..
Holding it over my face to block the light..
The cieling light..
And leave me in this darkness..
The darkness I was..
I curled into a ball and started crying harder.
I hated this place..
I hated being here..
I hated being alive..
I started to move the pillow out of the way when I caught sight of the black hair.
And I froze.
"Are you okay?" Gerard asked.
I pulled the pillow quickly over my face.. Blocking out the tears.. The ugly.. The light..
"Are you okay?" Gerard asked again.
He was leaning on the side of the railing, awkwardly trying to shift his weight because he was on the crutches still.
I couldnt see him..
But I could hear him..
I nodded slightly, not moving my lips.
God, Im an idiot..
"I thought I heard you crying?" Gerard said.
Calm..
Caring?
No.
Calm.
I shook my head 'no'.
"Why were you crying?" He asked.
I finally moved my lips.
"I wasnt." I said.
"Yes you were.. Here.. Give me the pillow.." Gerard said.
I felt a slight tug on the pillow.
But I held tighter.
I shook my head 'no'.
"Why not?" Gerard asked.
I took a deep breath.
"Because Im ugly." I said, feeling tears in my eyes again.
"Here.." I heard Gerard say.
And I felt him tug lightly at the pillow again.
And I let go.
But I quickly regretted it.
The light piercing at my eyes.
I pulled the blankets over my face.
I didnt want him to see me..
He was so pretty..
And I was so horribly ugly..
So horribly..
Obviously the reason why no one came and visited me..
Because they couldnt stand the sight..
But it wasnt long before he took the blankets away from my face..
Leaving me crying up at him..
Looking at his beautiful..
So beautiful..
With his black hair..
He looked at me a few seconds..
Here it comes..
Here it comes..
And frowned.
There we go.
I reached to pull something over my head again when Gerard stopped me.
He was still looking at me.
"Why do you say your ugly." He asked blankly.
I knew what he was trying to do..
Make me feel better..
Everyone did..
It didnt work..
"Because I am." I said, holding my hands over my head.
Shuffling awkwardly again, Gerard reached over the railing and picked up the small compact mirror.
He opened it.
"Look at this.. Look in this and tell me your ugly.." He said.
He positioned it, having to moneuver himself again.. But he held it over my face..And for the first time..
For the first time since I had been in here..
I didnt notice the girl with the bald head..
No hair..
I noticed a girl with blue-violet eyes..
Clear and very pale face..
With pale medium lips.
For the first time,
I saw a pretty girl.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:45 pm
Inhaling deeply.
I couldn't believe it..
How could he have done that to me..
"You're not ugly." Gerard said. "You.. Is.. Are.."
"It's about my hair.." I said feeling my head. "Or lack-there-of."
"You.. You have really pretty eyes though.." Gerard said.
"They're like purple.." I said. "I never really noticed.."
He looked at me, his lips twitching upwards.
Smile?
"You never noticed your eye colour?" He asked.
"I haven't really thought about it.. It hasn't been really on my mind.." I said.
I hope I didn't sound mad..
Oops.
"How are you coming along?" I asked, desperate to keep conversation now.
I wasn't sure why..
But I was..
Normally, I would have been trying to get rid of him..
Leave me alone..
But..
I couldn't help run my fingers through my head.. Where my hair should be..
But not caring that it wasn't there anymore..
"Okay.." Gerard said. "My chest kinda hurts still. But they said the ribs healing really fast.."
"What about your leg?" I asked.
"The crutches are annoying.. but it doesn't hurt much.."
I nodded slowly.
"I hope you don't mind me asking.." Gerard started.
He was looking at me strangely..
A way no one had really looked at me before..
"Why are you here?"
I inhaled deeply.
Letting grief overwhelm me..
I hated talking about this..
It was so hard.
So hard..
I pulled my blankets up over my chest fully and right under my jaw.
Gerard sighed, knowing I didn't want to talk about it..
Knowing that it really upset me to talk about..
Knowing how uncomfortable it made me..
He started to turn.
"Sorry I shouldn't have.." He started to mumble.
I took a deep breath.
"You asked me why I'm here Gerard?" I said, tears coming to my eyes.
It was so hard..
I didn't even know if I could bring myself to say it.
His interest sparked, he nodded, slightly leaning back against teh thick railing and his crutches.
"I have leukemia." I said.
Gerard looked for a second, as if he wasn't quite understanding what I was saying.
"I'm dying." I said.
Then the tears started.
Pouring down my face.
I looked away..
To the side of the bed..
Feeling the strong grief again.
I heard slight shuffling.
He's leaving.
Like everyone else..
Not wanting to get attached to something you would only lose.
And I felt a warm hand under my chin.
I looked over in surprise.
Gerard had that same odd look in his eyes..
He wiped a tear.
Of my pearly skin.
His hand on my cheek..
And it felt like someone cared..
"Mr.Way. your friends are here to see you.. I think it's time you went back to your bed.." A nurse said obviously realizing he was over with me.. With me Not around.. Not near.. with
Read Above ^^
Gerard nodded slightly and smiled at me, before hobbling back over to his bed.
I sat up immediatly when I heard the door close and the nurse leave.
Gerard was still smiling.
Poking my nose over the rail, I watched him for alittle while.
His friends and brother came through the door alittle while later..
Gerard seemed to have forgiven Frank.
They were goofing around again.
"I'm surprised you haven't drawn all over your cast.." Mikey said.
Gerards brother..
Mikey..
"I've been keeping myself busy." Gerard said, glancing over my way.
I quickly ducked back under to the safety of my rails.
"Her?" I heard Frank whisper.
Thinking I couldn't hear..
But I could.
"She actually talks to you?" Frank said.
"I thought you said she was really introverted." Mikey said.
"She opened up." Gerard said, and I could feel him smiling.
I listened to them talk for awhile..
I listened to them..
Gerard didn't talk much about me..
But I realized he didn't know much about me..
He only knew I was dying of leukemia here.
That I lost my hair from the cancer..
He didn't really know anything else about me..
Did he even know my name?
Probably not..
Why would he..
And I let his voice and his friend's voices be my lullaby and I drifted to a deep sleep.
He smiled and I smiled.. Because everything was amazing.. Everything was perfect. My Gerard was perfect. And I woke up, in the shock of it.
I sat up.
I.. I..
Did I just dream about being with Gerard?
Like that?
I looked at the railings.
That'd never happen.
I thought hopelessly.
Not while I'm in this..
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:46 pm
I woke up, just knowing Gerard was going to come over and talk.
And in less than a few minutes..
Who should show up over the railing but Gerard.
"Awake?" He said, his lips twitching upwards.
Smiling.
"I am." I said quietly.
My mind kept drifting to the dream I had..
Being with Gerard..
Being happy..
But..
It couldn't happen.
"These rails are annoying." Gerard said, trying to get comfortable.
I bit my lip.
I knew what was next..
But would I tell him?
"Why are they here?" He asked.
I sighed.
"A few reasons.. Mostly because I kept trying to get away.." I said.
I realized it didn't matter if I told him..
I told him the most important thing..
The thing I hated talking about almost worse than anything else..
He looked at me and cocked his head slightly.
It was really cute..
He probably knew it too..
"You can't tell me you'd stay in this place when you know you're dying.." I said.
Gerard nodded slightly.
"It started out with just a simple get out of bed.. And then I just couldn't stand it here.. Alone.. All the time.. And I was going to die anyway.. I crawled out of bed and left. I changed, I took my things.." I said, staring into space..
Remembering..
"How far did you get?" Gerard asked softly.
"I actually made it out the front doors.." I said. "I actually got that far.. It just so happens my doctor smokes.. And before I knew she had me back in her and restrained to the bed.." I said.
I pulled off my blankets and brought my body down, so I was crouching at the bottom of the bed.
Gerard looked at me, slightly confused.
"They special made these rails so that I couldn't get out.."
"Can't you just crawl over them?" Gerard asked.
I stood up on the bed..
I was alittle dizzy at first, but it slowly passed.
Then I lifted my right foot..
And Gerard saw why.
He frowned.
"They're have you tied to the bed?" He asked.
I sat back down slowly.
"They tried keeping the railings, but, like you said, I crawled over and got out again.. So the railings were garbage.. But they spent alot of money on them.."
"Why did they think it would work?" Gerard said.
I smiled slightly at the thought. "They underestimated.. They thought I was too weak to climb over.. But I did.."
A smile..
Smile..
"You see.. the railing opens specially from a small lock on the bottom down there.. The keys in my drawer.." I said.
Gerard shuffled alittle and moved down to look under the bed.
I sighed.
The smile melted off my face.
I was trapped here now..
No way out..
No way..
Gerard and I took awhile longer, talking about smaller things.. More insignificant things.. When he asked me the only other question I was hoping he didn't.. "If you're dying.. Why aren't your parents here.. Where are the visitors?" Tears threatened in my eyes.. "Visitors?" I said, almost laughing bitterly. "What visitors?"
Click.
"But.. What about your family?"
I turned around.
[The rope on my leg long enough to pull that far].
I laughed coldly. "Family? They came once.. They won't be back except to pick up my body." I said coldly.
"Don't say that.." Gerard said, touching my shoulder lightly.
I didn't want to feel this way right now..
But thinking about my family..
Made me terribly bitter..
Horribly bitter..
"And why do you care?" I asked spitefully.
Gerard seemed alittle surprised.
"Why does anyone care? Why are you getting so close to me? It'll only get worse.."
Gerard still looked at me, frowning slightly as if in thought.
"Why do you care when my mom doesn't? Why do you care when she got rid of me so she could have all her time reserved for her?" Tears pouring down my eyes.
Everytime I thought about her..
About what she did to me..
Leaving me..
Abandoning her only daughter in a hospital to rot.
Because that's what it was.
Another way for her to be alone with her selfish self.
"Why do I care?" Gerard asked.
"Why do you care?" I challenged.
"I care because I don't like to see you like this." He said, slowly.
Calmly.
Caring?
No.
"Just leave me alone Gerard. Leave me alone like everyone else.. when I die it'll be easier that way. With no one caring.. No one crying.. No funeral.. Just another body in the morgue."
I rolled over again.
Gerard touched my shoulder lightly, but I jerked away.
Wishing I didn't, but not helping it.. Just wanting people to be fine and dadny without me.. I said, "Just forget me Gerard. It's easier for everyone that way."
Gerard seemed to get it then.
Gerard seemed to understand..
He slowly backed away from the bed..
And I heard him whisper, "I'll come visit you when I'm out."
And I rolled my eye's and cried.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:48 pm
And you know what?
He didn't come back over..
His friends came and left..
But Gerard Way never came back to my bedside..
He never talked to me anymore..
He acted like he had in the beginning..
Ignored I was there.
But it's what I had wanted.
It's what I had told him..
So why did I feel like this?
Why did I feel so bad..
Like I had lost something so important.
But I realized..
Maybe I had..
The only friendship I'd been in..
Heck, the only interaction with someone near my age..
Maybe I lost the closest thing to a friendship..
And to think I thought it may become more than that..
It's easier this way..
Easier for everyone..
This way, he didn't need to be sad when I died..
He didn't need to mourn the loss of me..
I didn't have to wish I wasn't dying anymore..
I didn't have to have a reason for living..
It was just perfect for everyone..
Everyone..
So why was it so hard, not to call out and apologize for being stupid.
For saying stupid things.
But I just had to convince myself it was fine.
It was alright.
So why was I feeling horrible again?
Why was I finding tears pouring down my face everytime I thought about it?
Why was I breaking down so much more now?
Why was it killing me to watch him get better..
Why was it killing me..
The day the doctor announced, when his mother and father were here.. That Gerard could go home the next day..
I couldn't wait..
And I couldn't let go.
I was happy..
But I couldn't stop crying..
My emotions and feeling's weren't working together..
But I realized..
I was changing my feelings..
Because I didn't want him to suffer..
Because I was really starting to care about Gerard..
But that's why you're letting him go.. I thought sadly.. Because you care.. And it seemed like seconds and his bed was vacant.
Life went on.
Everyday, me hating myself for letting something as precious as a single friendship go..
And everyone morning, I'd wake up with tears in my eyes.
For a week.
I rolled over, the day that marked the week of his abscence, and my mouth opened in shock.
"I told you I'd come." Gerard said, standing outside the railing, his lips curved upwards.
Smiling.and i am a idiotsfnscebhnnbvethjrvhumrvhumhtvrhhtrhtsvhhtrhhtyty
At me.
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:49 pm
And everyday.
Everyday he came.
Everyday he came with a smile on his face and something in his hands.
The first day it was a lily.
The second it was a teddy bear..
And it went on from there..
And everyday I told him not to waste his money on me, but he would just smile and said he had enough of it to 'waste'.
But I felt bad..
Everyday, we would talk more and more.
About simple things..
About complicated things..
Some days I was tired,
Some days I was angry,
Some days I was sad,
Some days just seeing him would cheer me up..
Other days, even that wasn't enough..
But he never complained, and he kept coming back,
So I supposed he didn't mind.
And there were days when we wouldn't talk..
I would cry.
Lay there and cry about nothing,
About everything.
And he would just softly wipe my tears..
Just to let me know someone else was there..
Someone who might not quite understand..
But was going to stay here anyway.
And that's what I needed..
A visitor.
Just one visitor.
His leg was getting better and at about the second week after he had left, he announced that they were taking off the cast.
He was happy about it..
He hated using the crutches.
He hated not being able to move around as easily.
And the day came that he was getting his cast off, and he didn't come.
At first, I was crushed.
Completely heartbroken that he didn't show up..
But then, I realized that him getting his cast off was a hell of alot more important than coming to see me..
The next day, Gerard came in the room, alittle slowly, but without his crutches and cast. He had a smile.. Yet a slight look of concentration playing across his face.
Click >
"Hi Gerard." I said, brightening alittle bit, when I had before been thinking about dying..
I was getting sicker..
But I didn't tell Gerard.
I..
I couldn't.
The smile played across his lips..
"I feel bad about not coming yesterday.." He said.
So why was he smiling?
And I was relieved to see he didn't bring me anything today..
He had a backpack..
Which was alittle unusual for him..
But maybe he didn't have it before from having to use the crutches.
"You finally saw it's worthless to bring me all those gifts." I said.
The smile grew wider.
"Oh no, I have a big present for you today." He said.
Curiousity sparked.
"And what's that?" I asked.
The smile never faded..
"You see, I can't be coming around very often.. I.. I'm in a band, we play shows, we go on tours.. They actually brought me to this hospital because we were in the area after a show.."
My smile fell.
My spirits dropped.
He was leaving me?
Leaving me here?
All alone?
No..
He couldn't..
"And, I'm the lead singer.. The band needs me.. We're leaving tomorrow for New Jersey.. Home.." Gerard said.
It explained why his parents hadn't come to see him the first few days he was in the hospital..
They had had to get from New Jersey to this little city in Canada.
"Oh." I said.
The tears..
I couldn't hold them in..
They started pouring down my pale cheeks.
And still, that ******** smile never left his face.
He was still smiling widely.
What, he was happy to leave?
To finally be able to leave me?
Like everyone else..
He's just like everyone else.
He set down his back pack and bent over to pick it's contents out.
I bit my lip.
To stop the tears.
This is why I never wanted to talk to him..
I knew it would be too much when he left..
And to think I actually loved..
Wait.
What?
But it was so obvious now.. I was in love with him.. The boy that had come every day when no one else gave a ******** for the 17 year old girl dying of leukemia.. And now he was turning out to be like everyone else
He threw something on my bed.
Shocked and angry, I looked at my lap where whatever he threw landed.
My mouth opened wide.
Jeans.
And a t-shirt.
And socks..
"They might be too big.. but I brought a belt.." Gerard said, still bending down.
"What.. What's going on?" I asked, swallowing tears..
Flicker of hope.
"You're present.." Gerard said, standing up.
He had a key in his hands.
"I'm getting you out of here."
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:50 pm
I hesitated.
Gerard reached over the side of my bed, tracing along the blankets with his finger until he met my leg.
The leg with the restrain.
He reached over to his backpack where he pulled out big and very sharp looking scissors..
He reached down for my ankle and cut..
As he was working against the white rope, he spoke quickly.
"When I open the railing and I get it off, I need you to run to that bathroom and get changed quickly.. If someone sees they'll try and stop us."
I nodded.
And in my head, I smiled widely.
Us
The pressure decreased in my leg, but it wasn't a moment of shock..
They needed to get me out of my bed sometimes..
But they would have had to keep re-restraining me.
Gerard moved quickly, pure concentration playing across his face, though the smile never vanished.
And in a few minutes, the railing moved down and away from the bed.
I took the clothes in my hands and swung my feet over the side of the bed.
I started to stand up..
But took quickly.
My head swam and I fell back onto the bed.
But Gerard was there in a second.
"Are you okay?" He asked worriedly.
I nodded slowly.
"I haven't been up in awhile.." I said slowly.
Gerard looked right into my eyes.
They were hazel..
His were..
Covered by a lock of his hair..
His beautiful black hair..
Though it looked pretty greasy..
It was still so pretty..
Gerard helped me up and stood up, his arms around me, helping me stand.
I felt my cheeks going red.
"I think I can stand now." I said quietly.
He let go, making sure I was steady..
But I really wished that he would have kept holding me..
I liked being in his arms..
I felt safe..
I felt my cheeks redden even more, so I walked, slightly disoriented to the bathroom.
I closed the door and went to the bathroom before quickly taking off my hospital gown and slipping on the jeans and t-shirt.
The jeans were pretty big for me..
I assumed they belonged to Gerard..
They were alittle too big, and I would need that belt..
They fell passed my knees if I didn't hold them up.
I looked into the mirror.
My eyes were alittle red from crying..
I turned on the tap and dabbed my eyes alittle bit, hoping it would make myself look prettier.
I was attempting to look prettier.
Gerard said I looked pretty already..
So maybe I didn't have to worry..
Maybe he did like..
I realized how stupid I was acting.
I quickly unlocked the bathroom door and slid out of the bathroom, holding the pants up.
I wasn't that dizzy anymore..
In fact, I was already getting used to being on my feet.
"I need the belt." I said quietly.
Gerard's smile returned and he reached in his bag and pulled out a belt.
"It's way too small for me, so it should fit you." He said.
I took it from him and put it on around my waist, seeing it fit just right.
"Thank you.." I started.
I looked over at Gerard.
He was bending over his bag again, pulling out a hat..
The railing was back in it's original place.
I wish he..
He didn't even look at..
He was..
"We have to go.." He said quickly.
My face was burning.
I felt it turning scarlet.
I..
It was embaressing..
I was fretting about how my face looked..
It was stupid..
Gerard took my hand after putting a baseball cap on my head.
"Just look like we're visiting.." He whispered quickly.
I nodded slightly..
We slowly made our way out of the room, Gerard had a slight limp..
And I couldn't move my feet too fast..
I sighed as we reached outside the room..
The room where I thought I was going to spend my life..
And we slowly walked down the hallway, taking smaller steps at first..
Getting alittle further down the hall..
And getting even further down the hall..
Until the hall was gone..
And I was standing outside on the pavement.
The hot sun on my face.
And I realized..
Oh God..
I did it..
After the hours of silent tears in prayer..
Gerard did it..
I was out of the hospital.
And holding hands with a boy I had fallen in love with..
He led me quickly to a silver car and soon, we pulled out of the hospital..
Away from my old life..
My horrible life..
The torturous dreaded feelings of pain and lonilieness..
And to my new life..
My life with Gerard..
Or so I hoped..
Gerard seemed to have really planned this. It must have taken awhile.. He must have gone over it in his head millions of times.. Because everything had worked out perfect.. And he cared.. He seriously cared..
Click.
We drove.
And drove.
It seemed like hours of silence..
But not an awkward silence.
I could feel Gerard smiling at the wheel as I looked at the scenery..
The houses..
The neighbourhoods..
The schools..
The kids..
The skate park..
And it was almost too overwhelming for me..
Seeing everything..
When I had been so sure that the only thing I'd be seeing was the pale walls of the hospital room and the thick railings..
And now..
Tears were rolling down my face..
Which was embaressing..
But I couldn't help it..
And I don't think Gerard minded..
I think he was enjoying the fact that I was..
Happy..
Because he cared..
Someone cared..
It was still so hard to swallow.
That there was someone who cared about me.
I inhaled the air..
It had a kind of pollutant smell..
But it wasn't stale..
It was fresh..
It seemed so much more real..
I put my hand on the car's window..
Not believing I had..
I was..
"Where are we going Gerard?" I asked, breaking the silence.
"Is there somewhere you want to go?" Gerard asked.
The thought of seeing my mom passed through my mind..
Telling her not to worry..
That I was fine..
But the thoughts almost instantly vanished.
Let the hospital call her in a fit..
Let the b***h worry..
If she cares at all..
"Nowhere.." I said.
I looked over at Gerard.
He smiled and looked away from the road for a minute to look at me.
"Then we'll crash at a hotel.. Tomorrow we can head further to New Jersey.." He said.
My lips twitched upwards to a smile.
Going to New Jersey..
With Gerard.
"You don't mind.. You did want to go home with me.." Gerard said, then laughed alittle. "That didn't come out the way I meant for it to.." He said.
I smiled.
Running away..
Running away with Gerard.
The thoughts seemed so incredibly impossible..
And yet, here I was.
We ended up stopping at a motel.
Gerard left me in the car while he checked us in, then came back to the car to get a few things and me.
He led me to a dark stale-smelling room.
"It's not the most.. endearing place.." Gerard said, when I didn't move from the front door.
"But it's only for one night." He said, smiling.
I sighed and walked in the room.
I stopped.
"Gerard, there's only one bed." I said.
Gerard dropped his bag he was carrying.
He face burned red when he looked back at me. "Uhh, I'm sleeping on the floor." He said quickly.
He picked up the bag.
I didn't realize until I sat on the bed, how exhausted I was.
In a few minutes, I was out.
But I woke up coughing a few hours later.
I was hacking uncontrolably.
I put my hand to my mouth and couhed into it..
And..
The small speckles of blood that littered my hand..
I closed my eyes and bit my lip.
I was getting worse..
I was getting sicker..
I was..
"Are you okay?" I heard Gerard whisper quickly behind me.
Worry..
And maybe I was still half alseep..
Tears rolling slowly down my cheeks.
"I don't want to be alone.." I said.
I didn't..
I was so afraid..
I was so sad..
Gerard seemed to hesitate.
I sobbed.
And I felt cold..
And alone suddenly.
I didn't even feel Gerard lay down beside me..
But I did feel him put his amrs around me..
"You're cold.." He said, still sounding worried.
I put my hand on his which was around my chest, just below my collar bone.
"Are you feeling sick?" He asked.
Yes.
I shook my head no.
It was too much..
I couldn't tell him..
"Keep me warm.." I begged, still sobbing lightly.
And Gerard kissed my head lightly..
I felt his lips against the back of my bald head.
And I slowly drifted asleep..
I woke up, to the bed slowly moving up and down below me. It took me a few seconds to realize I was in a motel.. and the bed was not in fact moving.. But I was resting on Gerard's chest.. He had propped himself up, leaning against a pillow, watching the television. He looked at me, smiling. "Morning." And it seemed if I died now, I would be missing so much..
Gerard suddenly sat up.
"s**t." He said.
I looked at the television.
I gasped.
My picture played across the screen.
Gerard looked at me quickly.
"How old are you?" He asked.
I realized..
We hadn't really..
"I'm seventeen.." I said cautiously.
Gerard's face paled.
"s**t. We have to get out of here." He said.
"Why, Gerard, how old are you?" I asked, as a sketch of a boy..
Looking very much like Gerard..
Flashed over the screen..
"I'm twenty-one." He said, getting out of bed and grabbing the few things we brought.
My mouth opened wide.
If he was..
Than..
"And amber alert out for Angelica Armour.. Kidnapped from her hospital room.." The reporter repeated on the television.
I gasped.
Kidnapped?
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:52 pm
"Gerard.." I said.
"We have to leave.. If the owner of the motel sees the news.." Gerard said.
"Kidnapped? But.. I'm not kidnapped.." I said.
"You're under eighteen, I'm over eighteen.." Gerard said, more to himself than to me.
He helped me off the bed, me still wearing what I had worn yesterday..
"I'll drive you back to the hospital.." Gerard said.
"No." I said.
Gerard stopped, half through the doorway.
"What?"
"I don't want to go back there.. Please Gerard.. Just let me live the few.. monthes.. I have left.." I said.
But I knew those monthes..
Were probably going to be weeks..
Or maybe even days..
But I didn't want to..
I couldn't..
Tell him.
Gerard paused for a minute.
"If that's what you want.." He said, sighing slightly.
"Unless you don't want to get stuck in this.." I said. "Then I understand.. I'll.."
"No." Gerard said. "I just.. I just.. Want you happy.." He said.
I smiled. "Then what's the plan.."
"I'll go pay for the room and we'll head away.. I doubt we'll be able to get into New Jersey.. People at the boarder will be looking for us.."
My heart leapt when he said us.
Us..
Gerard and I..
"You go wait in the car.." Gerard whispered when we stepped out into the cool morning air.
I shivered abit..
Gerard walked me out to the car, continually looking over his shoulder.
Making sure everything would be okay..
Well, hoping it would be.
I felt kind of like a celebrity..
Every now and then, a nurse would wheel in a television for me to watch a few programs, and I remembered seeing celebrities getting ushered to their cars with people on either side after them.
Gerard had one arm around my waist and holding me fairly close to his chest.
He was still limping slightly.
He was holding me close to him..
To keep me safe..
And warm..
"I have a sweater in the car." He whispered when the car was in sight.
I nodded, still shivering slightly.
The t-shirt was alittle big..
It didn't keep much heat for myself.
We reached the car and Gerard opened my door, looking around while I climbed in.
"I'll be right back." He said, making it sound more like a promise.
I nodded, holding my pale arms.
"The sweater's in the back, you can reach over and grab it while I'm paying." Gerard whispered, shutting the door lightly and breaking into a slow run (because his leg still) towards the main part of the motel.
I turned over and grabbed the black sweater I saw behind the seat.
I quickly put it over my head.
It was big, but when I hugged my arms to my chest, I was warm.
The hood was over my head.
I figured it was a good thing.
I saw Gerard coming back from the building.
He hopped in the car.
And I noticed the slight panic on his face.
"The news was on when I was in there.." Gerard said.
I gasped.
We..
We were doomed..
No, they would find us..
"Luckily, the story about us wasn't on.. But he looked at me a long time before he took his money." Gerard said.
I nodded.
I was afraid..
But not only for me..
For having to be away from Gerard..
But Gerard..
What would happen to him?
Would the police take him if we got caught?
Would he have to go to jail?
He hadn't done anything..
Nothing wrong..
Only good..
Gerard pulled out of the parking spot and toward the front entrance intersection.
I turned back to look in the glass window of the motel, to see the owner, or who I assumed was, with a phone in his hand to his ear.
"He's on the phone." I said blankly.
Gerard hit the gas and we sped out of the parkinglot and away from the motel.
"Hope to hell he didn't read the liscence plate." Gerard said, glancing in the rear view mirror. "Now what?" I said, feeling tears in my eyes.. Feeling hopeless.. Gerard put his hand on my knee. "We'll be okay.." Gerard said. He turned up the radio that was on a local station.
Click
We listened in silence, letting Gerard try to figure out what to do next.
In the middle of a song there was a long pause and the dj came on.
"Sorry for the interuption, but we have more news about the missing girl, Angelica Armour.. They have just been spotted in a motel.. The witness didn't catch the liscence plate, but got the make of the car. Look for a silver car.." The dj continued to report, but I couldn't ********!" Gerard yelled, hitting the top of the sterring wheel with his ********!" He said angrily.
He pulled the car to the side of the road.
He looked over to me,
My mouth opened in shock.
He turned down the radio.
"I'm sorry.." He said calmly. "We're just going to have to maybe walk.. Or go somewhere no one will look.." Gerard said.
I thought for a minute.
I didn't know what to say.
"I don't think you can walk very far." I pointed out.
Gerard nodded and sighed.
"I don't know what we're going to do." He said.
I looked around the area.
We were on a highway..
Forest on either side..
Somewhat familiar forest..
I thought about it for only a few seconds more..
Before I realized..
I knew where we were..
And I knew where we could go..
"Pull out.. and keep driving.." I said. Gerard looked at me questionably, but did as I asked. "I know where we can go." I said.
Click.
Gerard followed my directions,
As vague as they were..
My parents used to take me up here on hikes..
When they cared..
When I wasn't sick..
I could only barely remember which direction to go..
And I wasn't even very sure of my directions.
We turned onto a small dirt road that looked like no one had used it in a very long time..
But Gerard trusted me..
Maybe he seriously did..
Or maybe he knew we had no other choice..
I didn't really understand..
Did he want to be with me?
Or just make me happy..
Or was it the same thing?
Did he want to make me feel better..
Or was he just doing the right thing?
Or maybe the wrong thing..
And as we got further, Gerard slammed on the brakes.
I slid forward, almost smacking my head off the dashboard.
I looked up at the road (Well, it was basically a path) ahead and saw a fallen tree.
It started raining.
It seemed to be threatening all day..
But of course, now it just started to downpour.
"Is this going to be okay for now?" Gerard asked.
I nodded.
"We're out of sight.. People don't obviously come around here very often.." Gerard said.
I nodded again.
I was getting tired..
All the excitement and work was making me tired..
Or maybe it was the disease taking hold.
Maybe I was getting more and more drowsey because my head was shutting down.
Slowly..
"I'm tired.." I said, leaning my head against the passenger window.
Gerard looked at me and around.
"Here." He said.
He climbed out of the front seat and into the back.
He pulled open the middle seat to the trunk of the car.
"I hope it's still.." He whispered to himself.
He pulled out a blanket.
"My dad's car.. He always freaked out about us ruining the trunk.. so he put this blanket over it.." Gerard explained.
[AUTHORS NOTE: My Dad Actually Used To Do That..]
I nodded..
Too tired to question.
"Lie back here.. I'll just push my seat down and sleep there.." He said.
I nodded, slowly climbing over to the back seat.
The car was small.
But I wasn't very tall.
I bent my legs and I could fit.
Slightly uncomfortably..
But it would have to do.
"Here, take off the sweater.." Gerard said.
I took it off, still in the t-shirt.
I immediatly started to shiver.
Awkwardly, beccause the cars roof was so low, Gerard took my sweater and pulled the blanket over me.
I clutched it tightly.
He then lifted my head up abit and put my sweater under it.
My head was comfortably resting on the large sweater.
Gerard crouched down to a sitting position on the floor of the car.
His face was very close to mine.
My eyes started to close..
And opened again.
I was suddenly afraid I wouldn't wake up..
I would die in my sleep..
And I would never tell Gerard..
How much he meant to me..
"Gerard.." I said.
He looked over at me.
He was kind of squished between the passenger seat and the seat that I was laying on, but he didn't seem to mind.
His one leg was stretched across the car's floor.
"I.. I don't.. I'm going to feel horrible if something happen's to you because of me.." I said.
I was already falling half asleep.
"Don't worry.." He whispered calmly.
His breath struck my face..
He was so close..
And I very much wanted to kiss him..
I had never really..
Being very sick in middle school, and too sick for highschool, I had never..
Well..
Let's just say, I didn't have the experience.
Gerard put his hand on my cheek.
"All I need right now, is you're perfect smile.. You're pale face.. You're purple eyes that really remind me of night skies.. I'll be fine." Gerard whispered softly.
He looked at me closely.
He started to lean in.
I closed my eyes, alittle unsure of what to do.
His lips..
Were warm.
And soft.
And perfect.
Perfect for my first kiss.
And after that, I drifted to a sleep.. Wishing to just dream over what had just happened.. Silently have it repeat over.. And never have to wake up from it's beautiful repetition
I opened my eyes.
The rain had passed..
The sun was out..
Beaming through the trees..
I yawned slightly and things came into better focus.
Gerard was still sitting were he had been last night.
His back against the car door, his one leg stretched, his other bent.
His head had fallen to the side, his mouth slightly opened.
I smiled.
And I felt something well inside me throat.
I coughed abit, reached for the blankets to cover my mouth.
I looked back at the blankets after I hacked.
And say them darkened..
With the blood..
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:54 pm
I lay there for a few minutes.
Not knowing what to do.
I was..
I was getting so much sicker..
I was getting to the end..
I'm getting to the end of my road.
I looked over at Gerard..
And the tears wouldn't stop.
Watching him sleeping peacefully..
Probably after watching me sleep all night..
Watching his mouth slightly hang open..
His chest inhale..
Exhale..
Inhale..
In the steady pattern.
I sat there..
Just like the hospital..
Watching him..
I started hacking again, into the blanket.
The navy blood blanket had dark splotches of blood from my throat..
And I couldn't..
This was the first time I wanted to be alive..
Since I got sick..
Since my mom stopped caring..
Since she sent me to the hospital..
And then, I had just wanted to curl up into the little ball in my bed and pray to God that he would kill me now..
That I was a waste of precious space..
A waste of air..
But that changed when I became closer to Gerard.
Of course.
Right when I wanted to live again..
I get even ******** sighed, knowing that there was nothing I could do.
That the disease was starting to take over..
To take control..
And I knew that it wouldn't be lasting much longer.
I looked at Gerard..
Watching him sleep again..
He was so beautiful..
So perfect for me..
And even though things had backfired..
If I died in this car, with Gerard lying beside me..
Well,
It was better than dying alone in a hospital bed.
Here I was surrounded by trees..
In a solitude..
With my perfect Gerard.
I reached out and touched his hair..
The piece that covered his eye.
It was pretty greasy..
But it was still so pretty.
I ran my fingers through it lightly.
Gerard stirred.
His mouth closed and his eye's squineted before he opened them.
He seemed confused for a minute.
But he looked up at me..
And smiled.
"Morning." He said, yawning alittle.
"Morning." I said, stretching my arms.
My neg was alittle stiff..
But that wasn't a big problem.
"You feeling okay?" Gerard asked.
No.
The truth is Gerard, I'm dying.
The disease is taking control..
I'm afraid we'll only have a few more weeks..
Maybe even days together..
"Yep." I said. "Just alittle hungry."
Gerard frowned.
"I don't think I have any food.." He said.
He sat up alittle, obviously stiff and uncomfortable aswell.
He reached over to the front of the car and flicked the keys in the ignition so the radio turned on.
We waited in silence for the song to end and the news to come on.
It was a silence, but a relaxing silence.
I sat up, stretching alittle more and Gerard sat back on the seat.
He put his arm around my waiste and let me fall back to lean against his chest, one of my arms across his chest.
He cocked his head onto mine.
And again..
Perfect.
So perfect.
Just sitting in his lap, laying in his arms.
Happy..
But that little voice was screaming.
It won't last long..
"Gerard.." I started.
I had to tell him..
He looked at me.
His beautiful eyes..
Hair..
Face..
Personality..
So perfect.
"I like you." I said.
Chickening out.
Not being able to tell him.
Not standing it..
Gerard smiled. "I like you too.." He said.
But I knew he could tell something was wrong.
His arms around me tightened slightly.
Protecting..
Caring..
Loving..
And the next song came and went and the news came on.
"Our top story today is no leads on the Angelica Armour kidnapping, police are expecting the worst. Her mother had this to say in an interview earlier last night.."
I felt a lump in my throat..
Not blood this time..
Regret..
"Please, please, whoever you are.. Bring my baby home. She needs her medication.." A hysterical woman cried.
The tape cut out and the reporter person came back on. "The main suspect in the case is Mr.Gerard Way. 5'7 was last seen wearing a dark t-shirt and jeans.."
Gerard sighed.
"I'm going to have to change if I'm going into a town or something.." He said. "For food and s**t."
I nodded.
"We can switch." I said.
Gerard nodded.
"I think I'll walk over.." Gerard said. "There's a little store not far back right?"
I nodded. "I think so."
And we started on what we'd do for the day..
Mental Note : Never live in woods, going to the bathroom is hell. At least in the hospital I had a few minutes every six hours to go.. Gerard and I switched clothing articles (he changed outside, I changed inside the car which meant he was in his boxers while we exchanged clothing) and he left me in the car.. To go to the store and get some food..
Click
I felt extra alone today..
just sitting there..
Waiting for him to come back.
His clothes were still warm when I put them on.
I curled up in the back of the car with the blanket around me and the hoodie over my t-shirt.
The forest was so quiet..
So calming..
Just watching the trees lightly sway to the breeze, last years leaves, laying on the ground starting to deteriorate.
Like my body..
Breaking down..
I had to hide the blood stains on the blanket..
I couldn't let Gerard see how bad the sickness was getting.
I turned the blanket the opposite way.
It didn't help much..
But I sighed knowing there was nothing else I could do.
Gerard was only about an hour.
Maybe forty-five minutes.
He came back with a bag.
He stepped into the car.
"I couldn't afford much.." He said.
He pulled out a loaf of bread, three bottles of water and a small bag of apples.
"It'll be fine for now.." I said.
"I wanted to save up some money.. You know, not spend it all at once.." Gerard said, opening the bag of bread.
He gave me a piece..
And himself a piece..
We ate it slowly.
And quietly.
I was trying to make it last..
Even though I had never really eaten much..
"What do you say we go for a walk after.. er.. lunch?" Gerard asked.
I smiled slightly. "I'd love to." I said, taking another bite of my bread.
And so we hiked.
We spoke, conversing back and forth about different things..
Mostly about family.
"My mom's probably freaking out right now." Gerard said.
His limp was slightly increasing and I could tell that he was starting to go through some pain.
My legs were starting to cramp and slow down.
We had been walking for awhile through the woods, following the path that continued when the car couldn't.
Stepping over tree roots and rocks wasn't hard at first..
But now my feet were starting to drag.
I was getting tired.
But the woods were beautiful..
And the trial was still somewhat familiar..
I felt like there was something at the end..
The end had been my favourite part.
"Surprisingly my mom seems to have taken my abscence badly." I said coldly.
Gerard stayed silent.
But I wasn't expecting him to answer.
"The hospital must have called her to let her know I had disappeared.. Kinda sad when your mother hasn't realized you've disappeared.." I said.
"We're not going to run back into her open arms.." Gerard said, taking my hand. "Don't worry about it.. It's just getting to you."
I sighed and nodded, grasping his hand.
"Shall we take a break?" He asked.
"Sounds good." I said, feeling like my legs were going to collapse underneath of me.
Gerard pulled me aside to a fallen tree onto the side that was still alittle damp.
It had thin green moss growing off of it..
But I didn't mind.
We rested for a few minutes..
Just sitting there..
My head on his shoulder..
His arm around me..
He kissed my head lightly a couple times.
Just whispering meaningful nothings..
Happy..
And hoping it would stay that way..
We started up the path again. And in about another hour and a half, we reached the end.. And it was immediatly clear why I loved it
It was a ridge, almost a cliff, that was clear with the exception of a thick tree.
And on the clearing below, was an abandoned or just vacant amusment park..
The Ferris Wheel clear over the horizon..
And I remembered..
Seeing the sun shine through the ferris wheel made it look like it was on fire..
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 6:55 pm
I loved it.
Absolutely loved it.
Every second of it..
Gerard and I, sitting underneath the tree, his arm around me, my head resting on his shoulder.
Talking.
And as we watched the horizon, we waited for the sun to come down and rest behind the Ferris Wheel.
Setting it ablaze.
Well, making it look that way.
It was so romantic, as little girl sounding as it was..
It was the most romantic thing.
[If you have one nearby, I strongly suggest taking your sweetheart.]
I looked up at Gerard.
He looked down and smiled.
"Gerard," I asked. "Is it illegal if you kiss me?"
Gerard shrugged slightly. "I don't know.. I mean, you aren't objecting it.." He said, then gave me a quick look to say 'Right?'
"So it's not going to get you in trouble?" I asked.
"It shouldn't.." He said.
I nodded slightly and leaned back on his shoulder, staring at the horizon.
Gerard moved and reached into his pocket..
In his hand was a vibrating, plain black cell phone.
"You have a cell phone?" I said, more in surprise than as a question.
"Yeah, I've been ignoring it.. But I think I'm going to take this call.." He said.
"Why didn't you just turn it off before?" I asked.
He shrugged and clicked a button before answering the phone.
"Hello?" He said.
He immediately held the phone away from his ear.
A shrill annoying sound was coming from the other end.
Gerard sighed and put his ear back to it. "Mom, calm down." He said.
More hysterical attempts at talking..
"I didn't take her." Gerard said coldly.
More hysteria..
"Well, I can't help it if the police have been in and out.. Don't blame me! Okay, I just did someone a favour and it's getting up everyone's a**." Gerard said, sounding a little angry..
Maybe more frustrated.
"Mom, put Mikey on the phone." Gerard said bluntly.
More hysterical sobs.
"Hey Mikey."
Then a pause because it seemed Mikey wasn't so overly freaked out.
Compared to Gerard's mom.
"I didn't do anything wrong." Gerard said.
Pause.
"I can't tell the police because the first thing they'll do is handcuff me and take my a** to the station."
Pause.
"Mikey, you don't understand."
Pause.
"Why? Why did I do it? Because that's what she wanted. Because I love her." Gerard said and hung up the phone.
I looked at Gerard. He did.. He did love me.. Love. It's a word, that people overuse and say all the time.. But when someone actually means it.. The feeling is unbelievable.
Click
It felt like someone gave me some strong s**t that let me wander freely in heaven..
That I was in heaven.
He did love me.
I loved him.
He loved me.
A match made in heaven.
And as Gerard put the cell phone back in his pocket..
I felt like nothing could compare.
The sun was starting to set..
Getting further to the Ferris Wheel..
And looking all the more beautiful..
Gerard turned back to me and put his hand on my cheek.
It was so warm..
I wonder if that's what love is?
Warm.
He leaned in to me and I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine.
And a shiver ran down my spine.
Gerard put his arms around me and pulled me closer to him.
Our lips not leaving each others.
I felt a small flick outside my mouth and realized it was Gerard's tongue.
I hesitated.
I became suddenly very self-conscious, that yesterday was my first kiss and right now was my first..
Well, as some people might call it..
Real kiss..
And did I want to go through with it?
Did I feel ready for it?
Did I think it was right?
Was I willing to let Gerard show me how to do it?
The answer to every question.
Yes.
And I opened my mouth wider.
Gerard's tongue slipped into my mouth and another shiver ran down my spine..
As the sun peaked behind the Ferris Wheel..
And set it ablaze.
I opened my eye slightly to see it happening.
The sweet feeling of his lips against mine..
His tongue gently in my mouth..
His arm's around me..
My arms had moved around him..
And heaven.
As if where I had gone..
As if I had died..
Because this was all I ever needed..
The Ferris Wheel's shadow creeping across the landscape..
The fireworks going off in my head.
And suddenly.
I felt it in my throat.
Oh God..
Please not now..
I couldn't stop it..
And I couldn't pull away fast enough..
A cough bubbled up my throat and I coughed deeply into Gerard's mouth.Gerard broke away.
He bent over to his side and spit what I had coughed onto the grass.
I fell onto my hands and knees, choking.
Not breathing.
Gerard looked over at me..
And when I looked back, I saw the trail of blood leading from his mouth where he had spit.
And the look of horror,
panic,
and utmost concern.
"Angela!?"
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:03 pm
"Angela?" Gerard said again.
I coughed again.
It was so bad this time.
So so bad.
The blood was coming.
And my coughing was deeper.
"Oh God." Gerard said, scooting towards me.
I finished coughing.
And collapsed.
Half in a pool of my own blood.
So weak..
The disease was coming to its climax..
And my life was coming to an end.
"It's.. So.. Much worse.." I said, gasping for air.
"Oh God.. This isn't the first time?" Gerard asked.
I paused.
"I couldn't.. Tell you.." I said, tears escaping my eyes.
It was so hard to breathe..
I couldn't sum up the energy to do it..
And everything was starting to shut down.
"That's it.." Gerard said.
I felt him lift me out of the crimson stained grass and into his arms.
My head lolled back.
"Where are.. You.. Taking me.." I choked out.
"I'm taking you to the hospital." Gerard said.
"N.. No.. Gerard.. If the.. Police.. See the car.. What's go.. Ing to happen.. To you.." I said.
"Please.. Please stay awake.." Gerard begged.
The ground below me started to move..
Until I realized that Gerard had started moving.
But consciousness was swaying in and out.
And sadly..
I realized that one of those times of lost consciousness..
Could be the last.
"At.. Least I'll.. Be Look.. Ing at Him.." I said out loud.
Gerard moved as quickly as he could through the woods, me in his arms and his injured leg. Until he made it to the car.. "I don't care what happens.. I can't lose you." Gerard whispered, a tear falling on my hand around my stomach.
Click.
He set me in the passenger seat gently.
"Stay awake." He told me.
My eyes rolled.
I ran around to his side of the car and in another few seconds, he was reversing out the path.
He eventually got a space big enough for the car to drive out front wards.
The rugged terrain was keeping me conscious.
Every bounce of the car jerked me into awareness again.
But it wasn't long before we were out of the forest.
I drifted unconscious..
But was woken up by a sharp poke to my arm.
I snapped upwards..
Awake.
And pissed.
"Stay awake.." Gerard said. He wiped under his eye.
Wiping tears.
Crying for me.
About me.
A mixture of pain and drowsiness swept over me again.
Gerard poked me again..
And I snapped at him.
"Let me sleep! I'm ******** tired!" I yelled as best I could.
"Don't.. No. Don't sleep." Gerard said, wiping his cheek again.
And every few seconds I blacked out..
And forgot all about the seconds before.
"Please.. Please.." Gerard begged.
He was wiping more tears.
And I forced myself..
To keep my eyes opened.
Though slightly disoriented, I reached my hand over and put it on his leg.
He looked over.
"Keep.. Me.. Awake.." I mumbled.
Gerard reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone.
He held it out to me.
To my head.
"Call someone.. Call the hospital and tell them we're coming.. I can't call and drive.. And keep you awake.. Please.." Gerard said.
I reached blindly.
When suddenly, something knocked me out of my deep drowsiness..
I looked at Gerard.
He froze.
His mouth open wide.
And Gerard let go of the steering wheel.
The first officer stood over the second.
Both were standing on a hill just over a road where the suspect was due to drive by.
Sure enough, a silver car pulled down the street.
The officer spoke into his radio, knowing time was precious if he wanted to save the girl.
"Suspect in sight." He spoke into it.
He squinted and saw the boy in the front..
Holding something to the girls head.
"Suspect armed, victim in danger." He spoke.
The order came in and he looked down to his partner.
With the gun.
Time was precious.
The car reached the stop sign.
"Take him down."
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:06 pm
Starless Eyes For Heavens Sake.. [12] {♥Gerard Way♥} /. An Accident .
'Get Some Come On Baby Get Some'
I realized then..
That the window behind Gerard had shattered.
He gasped.
Completely letting go of the steering wheel..
And thank God we were at a stop sign.
A single tear rolled down Gerard's face.
He reached down and held just above his stomach.
He moved his hand..
I stared in horror.
Feeling more awake.
Sirens were coming down the street.
Gerard moved his hand away and looked at it.
Red.
Covered in his blood.
And everything happened in slow motion, but I knew if I blinked, it would be over.
Gerard keeled over and collapsed on the steering wheel.
The horn blared.
The sirens got closer.
But as Gerard fell..
His foot struck the gas pedal.
The car lurched.
I screamed..
But my body was losing momentum again.
There was a screech over the pavement as the car flew passed the stop sign.
I blinked and my head hit the cieling.
I realized the car had rolled.
Off the road and was rolling.
The sky and ground switched places.
My head felt like it was going to explode.
The pain errupted and streamed across me.
I was still screaming.
Finally..
The earth and sky stopped switching places and eventually..
The ground was above..
And the sky was below..
I looked over at Gerard.
He was hanging upside down in his seat..
Thank the Lord for seat belts.
"Gerard.." I mumbled, not enough energy to do anything else.
It was getting hard to breathe and I suspected a rib..
Maybe my collar bone..
Was broken.
I didn't move.
Gerard had a few cuts across and down his face.
From where the windshield and his own window had shattered..
Broken pieces of glass cut his face.
Just below him.. In his hand partly, was the cell phone he had been holding to my ear to call.
My head started spinning.
And I coughed.
Blood sputtered out of my lips and some splattered across his pale face.
So much blood..
Everywhere..
From him..
From me..
My thoughts started to detach.
The sirens were so close now.
I was incredibly disoriented.
Up was down..
No,
Down was down
And up was..
I saw feet running on the cieling towards me.
"Ms.Armour.." someone called.
A man was on the ground near my window.
Well..
He was on the sky of the ground..
"Are you alright?" He asked slowly.
I turned my head slowly to Gerard.
When I looked back to my window again..
There were more people..
How many..
Seventy Eleven?
I slowly counted..
Five.
But when I looked around to Gerard's window..
No one.
No one at all.
My sweet unconscious Gerard was sitting upside down in his seat..
Blood on his face.
And out of his chest/stomach.
"S.. Save Gerard.." I said to the men.
"Please, Ms.Armour.." One of the men said.
"Ger.. Gerard.." I cried.
Tears started pouring down my face.
I reached out for Gerard.
A sharp searing pain shot through my arm and at the top of my chest.
"We're going to get you out of here.." The man said.
"Gerard!" I screamed.
Why couldn't they understand..
Gerard needed help..
Please..
Gerard..
He can't..
No.
I'm supposed to die before him.
I'm not keeping up this fight if he's going to give up now..
And that seemed to get some of the men moving.
Six of them..
No, two of them..
Moved to the other side of the car.
Helping my sweet..
My gorgeous..
And my God Damned precious.
It took them awhile to get us out. A long time.. And Gerard and I were brought into different ambulances.. Before I finally fell unconscious and asleep
I woke up again when I was out of the ambulance, being wheeled out on a bed to the Emergency room.
Paramedics were over me, yelling commands and readings..
The voices were fuzzy..
I was partially awake until they brought me into the OR
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:07 pm
"The bullet struck through Gerard's chest.." The surgeon said.
Mrs.Way sobbed hysterically.
"The damage done was bad.. But could have been alot worse.." The sugeon said.
"Just tell me if my son's dead." Mr.Way said, holding his wife.
The surgeon sighed.
"Your son is in critical condition, but he is alive."
"When can we see him?" Mikey asked, a tear breaking.
"Anytime.. But I'd like to warn you that he is in alot of pain right now.. The bullet shattered one of his ribs.. To the point where it was almost disentigrated when we went in." The surgeon explained.
He started to lead the Way's down the critical care hallway.
"What about my daughter!" My mom screamed.
The surgeon ignored her and continued to walk down the hall.
"Now, your son is a very lucky boy. I assume he recieved some injuries to a rib?" The surgeon asked.
"He got pushed off a roof and broke one.." Mikey said.
"The bullet, after destroying the rib competely.. Instead of contining to a lung, it ricocheted off and was wedged in muscel around it."
"So.." Mr.Way asked, still silently consoling his wife.
"If your son didn't break his rib, he would have most definatly lost his lung and probably died."
The family was led down another hallway that had 'CRITICAL CARE' printed across the doorway.
They walked in..
Mikey didn't know if he could do it..
If he could make it to the end of the hallway to see his brother lying there.
Before they reached one of the last closed curtains, the surgeon turned to the Way's.
"He did sustain alot of cuts and scratches from the accident.. So try not to be too shocked.." The surgeon warned.
He ushered everyone behind the curtain.
And there lie the beautiful Gerard Way.
His face pale and covered in cuts from where galss had shattered into his skin.
He seemed heavily sedated.
His eyes rolled.
There was a moniter, taking in his heartbeat..
Which was at an unstable pattern.
Beep.. Beep. Beep.. Beep.. Beeeeeeeeep.. Beep.
"He lost alot of blood." The surgeon said. "His heart's trying to pump and equal amount through his body.."
Mrs.Way was completely hysterical.
Seeing her son lying so helpless..
And in critical care.
Lying motionless, except for his chest, trying to intake air and his eyes, darting back and forth.
He couldn't see them.
He couldn't do much.
But lie in his pain.
Seeing Donna Way's son like this tore her to pieces.
It was bad enough when Ray had called and said Gerard was in the hospital the first time.
After drinking alittle too much and falling off the roof..
And now he had been shot by the police and in a car accident.
And just seeing his frail body..
Gasping for air every little while.
And almost everytime he breathed, his chest heaved slightly.
Out of pain from his rib..
Or lack-there-of now.
"He can't see us?" Gerard's mom asked.
The surgeon shook his head.
"He should be stable by this evening if everything goes right.."
So my baby can still die? Mrs.Way thought sadly.
"If.." Mr.Way said, without realizing.
If he got better..
If He could survive this..
Mikey couldn't take seeing his brother like this..
His best friend.
Mikey stepped outside the curtain and broke down.
Bawling his eyes out.
Poor Gerard.. Poor Frail, Weak Brother.. Please get better.. Mikey begged.
Mrs.Way held her son's limp hand when the next surgeon stepped out into the OR's Waiting Room
"Mrs.Armour?" The doctor said.
Mom stood up.
Fresh tears bubbling from her eyes.
"Your daughter survived her injuries from the car accident." He said.
Mom was in shock for a second, before she realized..
I was alive..
"Oh God.. Thank God.." She said.
But the doctor crashed down her thoughts of happiness.
"But the leukemia.."
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Posted: Mon Jun 05, 2006 7:45 pm
I opened my eyes.
For the first time since..
Since..
Angela..
I had been driving Angela..
And..
My chest had..
I had got..
Something happened to my chest..
And now I was in this bright room.
Someone touched my hand.
Everything was so blurred and bright..
And..
Argh, headache.
My mind seemed numb..
But..
It was an odd feeling.
But there was slight pain shooting through my body.
Well, there was a horrible pain shooting through me..
That came and went..
But when it came..
I moaned loudly..
I hurt..
My chest hurt.
Everything hurt.
"Gerard.. Gerard.. Are you awake?" A voice called.
It was so far away..
I moaned again..
Mostly because my tongue didn't seem to want to put words together.
And I fell out of consciousness again.
What seemed like seconds later.
I opened my eyes again.
This time the room wasn't as bright.
Wasn't as blurry..
But my chest hurt so much more.
My body hurt so much.
Where I was at the point of screaming out in pain.
Through the pain, I heard a light voice.
I was afriad if I moved anymore..
My chest would hurt so much more..
"Gerard.. Gerard please.. Please wake up.. I don't know what will happen if you die.." It pleaded.
I recognized the voice..
But..
"Please Gerard.. Mom and Dad are a mess.. They'll be so sad if you give up.. Please Gerard.."
I moaned slightly, the pain becoming too much again.
Too much to stay quiet.
My eyes darted as someone beside me moved.
"Hey.. Hey are you awake.." A boy with glasses said to me.
Mikey..
My brother..
Yeah.
I moaned again.
I cringed slightly.
My chest was hurting..
Ahh..
It hurt so much..
I felt something on my cheek and realized they were tears..
Of pain..
"Hey.. Gerard.. Can you hear me.." Mikey said.
I moaned again, because words wouldn't come out.
Not quite yet..
"Move your finger upwards if you can hear me.." Mikey said.
Slowly..
Because it was so heavy..
I started lifting my finger.
Pain jolted through me and my arm moved over my chest, and my legs curled upwards.
I closed my eyes..
Trying not to scream.
"Gerard.. Gerard.. are you in alot of pain?" Mikey asked.
His voice was floating further away.
Slowly, I nodded my head..
But I felt like I was going to puke.
The pain was so unbearable.
Slowly, I moved both of my legs back to the normal position..
And as much as I tried to move my arm..
I would just choke..
On the pain.
I decided to leave it over my chest..
I was gasping, without realizing when the nurse came behind the curtain..
She had a needle in her hand..
I cringed at the thought.
Please.. Let that be not for me..
Anyone but me..
She reached down and lifted up a tube.
She pumped the needle into that instead..
I semi-sighed, semi-choked, in relief.
But in a few seconds..
I fell back to my silent dreamless sleep.
And from the silent sleep.. I didn't think I'd wake.. But I did.. And the pain was not as intense..
In fact, I could move my head.
I could turn my neck.
Slightly.
My eyes opened..
Though they blinked slightly.
Blurred slightly.
But everything started to come into view..
The curtained room I lay in..
The heart moniter..
The..
Hospital..
The tubes sticking in and out of my arms and chest.
And one thing shot to my mind.
Angela.
Angela.
My sweet Angela..
My bed was leaning at an angle so I was sitting up slightly.
I tried sitting up alittle bit further..
But pain rushed through me..
And I thought I was going to be sick.
So I rested back down.
I wasn't getting anywhere..
Not now..
The curtain pulled back..
And three people stepped in.
Mom..
Dad..
Mikey..
..
Donna..
Donald..
Brother..
"Gerard.. Sweetheart?" Mom said, her eyes filling with tears.
"Wha.. Wha.. Happendd.." I said, speaking the best I could.
So confused.
Why..
I remember driving with Angela..
But then being randomly here?
How..
Why..
"Honey.." Mom said, but tears burst out of her eyes and down her cheeks.
Dad put his arm around her and comforted her quietly.
"You.. You.. Your awake.." Mikey said, wiping underneath his glasses.
I groaned slightly.
"Wha.." I started.
"You.. You were.. You're awake sweetheart.." Mom said.
Uhh..
I am..
Why was that such a big deal?
My mind drifted back to when the person..
Mikey..
When Mikey had been crying about me to wake up..
"We'll go get the doctor." Dad said, stepping out from behind the curtain with Mom.
"Wha.. Happend Mikey.." I asked.
"You got shot.." Mikey said.
I frowned slightly.
"Why.. By Who.." I asked.
"The police shot you for kidnapping Angelica Armour.." Mikey said calmly.
"I.. Dinn't.. Kidnap Er." I said.
It wasn't that I couldn't talk..
It was just..
Everytime I spoke..
My chest hurt..
And I would gasp from the pain in mid-sentence.
"Gerard.. You took a girl, younger than I am, out of the hospital. Against anyone's wishes.." Mikey said, calmly.
"She wanted.. To lea.. Leave." I argued.
"Anyway," Mikey said, not wanting to stay on the subject.
"I'm going to explain it quickly before the doctor get here.." Mikey said. "The police shot you at a stop sign.. And when you collapsed.. You hit the gas.. And the car rolled off the road and into a field."
My heart jumped.
Oh God..
"A.. Car.. Accident.." I said outloud.
"The car rolled a whole bunch of times.." Mikey explained.
"An.. Angela.." I said, feeling my chest raise upwards and downwards faster than before.
Faster than normal.
Panicked.
"Gerard.. The car accident didn't get her.." Mikey said.
I froze.
My eyes burned.
Tears.
"What do.. You mean.." I asked.
Not wanting it..
"Mikey.. Mikey.." I said a tear drifting down my cheek.
"Gerard.. Her leukemia.."
"No.. No.. Everything was fine.." I said.
But..
I remembered her..
I was smiling against her lips..
Because I loved her.
I really did.
I didn't care if she was four years younger than I was..
I slipped my tongue into her mouth after her few seconds of hesitation.
I opened my eyes slightly to see the sun peak behind the skeleton Ferris Wheel.
Her eyes opened a peak too.
And I felt myself smile against her lips as my tongue moved gently through her mouth.
She moved her arms around me and pulled me closer, closing her eyes again.
I did the same..
And heaven..
Heaven couldn't have been that beautiful..
That heartfelf..
Suddenly, her grip loosened.
She started to pull away..
But coughed.
Liquid sped through my mouth, and I broke away quickly.
The taste..
I recognized the taste..
I spit onto the grass, as I heard her choking behind me.
I looked down at the grass, gagging slightly.
Blood.
Thick Blood.
And when I spun around, back to face her in horror..
I saw her choking out more into the grass..
Oh God..
Don't make it be the day Heaven takes her away from me..
"Oh Mikey.. Mikey.. Oh I loved her so much.." I said, tears pouring down my face.
A second of silence, before Mikey understood what I said.
"Loved.. Whoa.. Gerard.." Mikey said.
"I can't help it.. I can't.. I love her so much.." I cried.
The moniter on the side spiked.
And dropped.
My chest rose up and down and up and down.
Quickly.
Hypervenilating again.
"Gerard.. Gerard.. Calm down.." Mikey begged.
The heart moniter spread uneven beeps.. My breath came in ragged gapses.. "Oh Mikey.. Why did heaven take her away from me.. Why?"
My head got light.
"Gerard.. Please.. You don't understand.." Mikey said.
I sniffled..
Kind of choking on a sob.
"You don't understand.. Loved?.. Gerard, she's still alive.."
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