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But do the first two really need to occur for the baby to come? Personally, I don't think a woman should need to get marriage if all she wants to do is have a kid. (Yes, there are cases like that!) You shouldn't need to waste time pretending to fall in love, get married, just so you can achieve your ultimate goal- to raise a child.

So many couples split before their child is even old enough to walk, many couples know that it was never going to work out anyway, and some feel that having a kid will fix all their problems. Who are they kidding?

Some woman want/need a child more than a husband, some men just want to take care of a kid instead of accompanying a wife. There are more and more stories of single women looking for sperm donars for their future children. It's all alright with me, s'long as they can support a child. Society ought to loosen up on their judgement of single parenting.

Your thoughts?

I would be a product of such a home. The only reason I'm not totally screwed up in the head is because of the rest of my lovely family that raised me along with my mother. And I'm extremely glad that my father is not involved at all. I'd be miserable if he was. Psh, I defnitely have a blog that touches on this on my space. rofl

And I wouldn't know the first thing about raising a kid with another parent/a spouse. No example has been set for me. D:

Ditto, my mother is a remarkable woman. I am always amazed by her.

And I show her by completely ignoring mother's day and all other holidays! Love ya, ma!

But seriously though, from what little I recall of my childhood when my parents were still together they weren't happy together. But they're both sensible people who realized that, while they love each other, they really couldn't be together any longer.

I think it worked out for the best. I'm not what one would call a shining example, but I don't think of myself as too bad off.

I've seen a lot of happy families, and it always makes me smile seeing them. But at the same time, I see a lot of ******** up families and I wonder what the ******** is wrong with them. How can you grow to despise someone so much and still be married to them? Jesus

I hate families like that.

That's like those families that stay together "for the sake of the kids", but it winds up backfiring. The ought to come to their senses and realize their kid isn't completely oblivious to the situation.

And another thing I just remembered- I think my father practically refuses to pay child support. rolleyes Figures. He's the one who's selfish, if anything. You wouldn't believe how well off he was while my mother was struggling with me. Once again, thank goodness for the rest of my family.

What happens if one spouse isn't ready for a child, but decides to have a kid anyway, then splits after giving the false impression that they're going to help the other raise the child? 'Nother reason why marriage might not be the best way to have a child.

It's less selfish in that you're actually thinking of what the kid will need from you.

Children from a happily married couple are better off than children from a happily divorced couple. Children from a happily divorced couple are better off than children from an unhappily married couple, who are better off than an unhappily divorced couple.

So happily divorced is still on the high end of the list, but children with two parents who like each other are still better adjusted than single parent families.

Biologically... we aren't animals who are meant to ******** and then have the father disappear into the woods. Bears do that... not primates. We're social animals. It is demeaning to the other partner that you only consider them useful for the other half of your child's genetic code. If you want to have a child without a relationship, why not adopt? You'd definately be making THAT child's life better.

And there is a big, big problem with single motherhood that I have experienced firsthand. They DO NOT want to let go. I don't have a dad to tell her she is being overprotective and overbearing. And she doesn't have a husband to turn to when I leave. She has made me her entire life...and she has a ******** death grip on me. I am 21 and it is a week-long struggle to convince her I am "big enough" to drive an hour away on my own. She has convinced herself that I'm incompetent so there is a reason for me to stay with her... so she can "teach me how to be independent." But she never actually teaches me anything, it's just an excuse she uses to keep me close. And the worst part of all is that she has ME convinced I'm not competent enough. Hearing it day in and day out is a real blow on your self-esteem.

Define happily married and well adjusted for me. Heh. My cousins (though still toddlers and little kids) are being raised in "happily married" couples. I definitely see future problems with them...

My mother has been an amazing role model to me, and I think even more so because she is a single parent. She's managed to get a great hold on life, her needs, and mine. We live comfortably in a nice neighborhood, I'm actually a pretty good/obidient daughter, she's got a man (probably soon to be fiance at this rate), etc. She's pretty good at letting me have my freedom, though I think that's partially because her parents were a lot stricter towards her and she knows how that feels. (I think that's part of the whole first to second genreation transformation of Asian families...)

I think it has a lot more to do with the person that's raising the kid, not the situation itself.

if you can support the kid and raise them without someone else's help, go ahead. if you think you can and you're wrong, though, way to go: you've ******** up someone's life.

i know a couple of people who are raising kids without being married to the other parents right now - both of these people work with me and both are close to my age (a little older and a little younger). they're brother and sister, actually. the brother is living with his girlfriend and they are raising their son together. they're not married and as far as i know they're not talking about it. they're just raising their boy and it seems to be working out for them. the sister is living with her boyfriend and his son from a previous relationship. so instead of circumventing the "love, marriage, babies" order in the usual way, that is to say skipping the "marriage" step, she essentially wound up with babies first (her boyfriend having a kid), then love (meeting him and getting together), and marriage? who knows?
in both cases things seem to be working out. i think as long as you've got a support system (relatives, friends, whatever) and enough financial security to be able to make ends meet for both you and your tot, it honestly doesn't matter. kids need various material things and they need love and attention and role models and other intangibles, and if you can provide those things for them without a partner, fine. if you need someone else's help, and they're up to it, again, fine. who cares, really, as long as the kids turn out ok?

I don't really have anything against single parenting, except that it'll be harder on the parent and more stressful, which could lead to early death and would make things even worse for the child. Of course, that's worst case scenario.

Me, I'd *like* to have love and marriage as well, but I'm skeptical that the former exists and I'm certain that the latter is fairly lousy in reality.