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 Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 10:21 pm
SO I was diagnosed Bipolar... some years ago. I can't remember right now. But anyway, I've taken all kinds of meds, spent plenty of time in hospitals, and spent plenty of time manipulating my way out of going to hospitals.
When I'm in a good mood, my mom tells me that I'm not bipolar, and that I just probably have PTSD. But when I'm araging and down and suicidal, she throws at me that I'm bipolar and tells me to take another pill.
I mean, I know everything I go through, and it's a lot. But I just don't know what to do. My mom has done stuff like this before. She'll tell me one thing, and brainwash me, and then use something else for revenge or something. Sometimes she keeps telling me the truth, and then lies to me when she's angry, and then other times it will be the other way around.
The thing is, I'm so confused. I don't want to stay here, but I literally have no place to go. I'm not emotionally stable enough to get a job and go out on my own, but I'm not strong enough to stick around for this.
I guess I just need to know if I'm overreacting? My family is good, but very vindictive and very mean when they want to be. THey don't really support any decision that I make, and then when I fail from lack of confidence, they tell me I'm just like my father and I'll never amount to anything.
I mean, I want to go somewhere. But I'm scared and I don't even know where to go. What does someone else think? Is this overreacting? Is it worth staying? I'm too tired to try so hard.
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Posted: Fri May 12, 2006 10:46 pm
Quote: When I'm in a good mood, my mom tells me that I'm not bipolar, and that I just probably have PTSD. But when I'm araging and down and suicidal, she throws at me that I'm bipolar and tells me to take another pill. Sounds familiar. Maybe we're related. wink Truthfully this kind of behaviour, in my experience, comes from people who want to understand, and then try to understand-sometimes, but then fits like this prove they dont understand. Honestly, I wish I could tell you how to make them understand the storm that rages in the heads of those who suffer the disorder, but nothing I've tried works. I did come close once. I got the idea from a TV commercial. I was in the car with my mom, and I started changing stations, I'd find a stattion she'd like and wait until she started singing and was obviously alright with the selection and then change the station to something I knew she'd hate. I let it sit there and started singing along, and then I changed the station again. I kept doing it until she got mad and yelled "Would you cut that out......" And I looked at her and said "That's what it means to be bi-polar." All she could say was "Well, it sucks." That was the first and only time I ever felt like I had gotten through to her. Of course, it didn't stop her behaviour towards me. So I gave up on ever being understood.
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Hypomanic Poet Vice Captain
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Posted: Sat May 20, 2006 11:28 am
I'd sugest to you that you stay at home for the time being, especially if you're a minor, and perhaps you could get a part-time job-if you're allowed- with scheduled, regular shifts- it'll help you feel a bit more stabilized and secure. That's what I did, and it's helped in my case. Save up a bit of money from each paycheque and put it aside, and save it up for an apartment.
As for the family situation- I wouldn't sweat it too much. Every person in nearly any family has experienced that, or something similar. It becomes a problem of you're parents are verbally or physically abusing you. If it gets to that point, leave, even if only for a bit, and go to a grandparent's or a good friends' house for a few days.
If youre home life gets really bad-there's always someone you can call- the Kids' Help Line, Counselors, etc. They may not fully understand what you're going through, but they can listen and it's usually EXTREMELY helpful to get stuff off your chest. Perhaps you could sit your mom down for a serious heart-to-heart conversation and simply tell her how she's hurting you, as she may not even be aware of it. And, you can always come here. There's always someone here to try to help. heart
By the way, how old are you?
I hope my rambling helped in some way. XD sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jun 06, 2006 11:05 am
Hypomanic Poet I'd sugest to you that you stay at home for the time being, especially if you're a minor, and perhaps you could get a part-time job-if you're allowed- with scheduled, regular shifts- it'll help you feel a bit more stabilized and secure. That's what I did, and it's helped in my case. Save up a bit of money from each paycheque and put it aside, and save it up for an apartment.
As for the family situation- I wouldn't sweat it too much. Every person in nearly any family has experienced that, or something similar. It becomes a problem of you're parents are verbally or physically abusing you. If it gets to that point, leave, even if only for a bit, and go to a grandparent's or a good friends' house for a few days.
If youre home life gets really bad-there's always someone you can call- the Kids' Help Line, Counselors, etc. They may not fully understand what you're going through, but they can listen and it's usually EXTREMELY helpful to get stuff off your chest. Perhaps you could sit your mom down for a serious heart-to-heart conversation and simply tell her how she's hurting you, as she may not even be aware of it. And, you can always come here. There's always someone here to try to help. heart
By the way, how old are you?
I hope my rambling helped in some way. XD sweatdrop
I'm actually 18. My parents were terrible parents, even my grandmother will speak out against her own daughter. My problem is that my mom acts more like an 18 year old than I do. She makes brash, stupid decisions that she doesn't give a damn how they affect her children. She's a bit of a pothead, my brother's a pothead, and she could really give a damn.
I've told her many times, but she tells me that I just need to get over it. Since I've posted this I've found that if I put a different outlook on it all, then it's not so bad. I know that this life is only one step in the mud, and that things do get better. I've done a lot to focus on my art, and me, and to try and forget about how neglecting and resentful my mother is. I also try to be less resentful myself, and less jealous of the children she takes care of (she's a nurse, and she takes car of kids with disabilities, and she talks about how great they are all of the time). I've also learned to accept that my mother will probably never really grow up, that this is her.
I don't know, maybe it's me that's grown up.
On the job topic, I've actually been afraid to get one. It's silly, I know, I'm always unnecessarily paranoid. But I've had stable jobs before, but I forget everything else and I focus on work. I would forget to eat, to relax, to sleep. I just wanted to work all of the time. I've been told I have and obsessive and compulsive personality, and I come from a family of addictions. I've been working on this, though, and I'm pleased to say that when I return from my summer away, I'll be furthering my education and getting a job.
@razorgod- I don't thinks a matter of understanding, because I don't think she really cares. She's got this perfect picture in her head about people, and she never takes the time to actually see how people are. Now, I know that I appear to be very critical of my mother, and I am, but I also respect her. If she doesn't want to understand, I suppose I can't really make her.
Like I mentioned before, I'm starting to mature, I think. That or I'm gaining a different mindset in which I can react to home life differently. Something in me just kind of clicked, and I realized there was more to life than family, and now I can see beyond that. I figure that maybe family will never be what I want it to be, and as I push it away from the top of my priority list, I've found myself calmer and more peaceful. Family really does create terrible drama, especially in anyone with a nervous disorder or chemical inbalance.
Oh, I hope I haven't rambled too much. I've been very vocal lately. XD
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