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i am going to have to call erich soon and tell him i'm sorry but i'm going to cut myself again..i can't take this i can't take this!!!!!!! i knew today was going to suck but i didn't know it was going to suck this much. mom told me i had to clean up before piano then erich could come over...i said okay not a problem and so i did that and then went to piano. so i don't practice so i only sign up for things because my parents expect me to and i don't want to. so mrs. lita made me feel like s**t saying she's disapointed in me because i don't know a goddamn thing in there..so when i get home mom says i want fries so i get fries and then pick up erich which took awhile don't know why but it did so mom called and asked where was i and i said was in greentree and she said okay..and so i get home and she says what is he doing here and i was like well i told you i was going to pick him up and she said i wanted you to get the fries now and then pick him up. you didn't get the fries and then pick him up did you? yes, oh GOD NOW THERE COLD! i just don't know what to do with you get out...(me trying to say something)..just get out now, get out. so i get out and i stay out waiting for her to come to get me back in..i mean she told me to go out why would i go back in if she wants me out..so erich and i were waiting outside of the house and i was freaking out and trying to cut myself with the key car and the house keys but it didn't work and erich was telling me to calm down and count to ten...even though things are s**t the only thing that's pleasant in my life is him. i really do think we were made for each other..and so after along time mom opens the door with her new self and tells us to come in and to open the blinds and my daugther is so excited about you comming over that she doesn't know english today....so i open the blinds while she glares at me...and we sit down and mom basically does an interview thing with her..and so erich said we been going out for almost 2 years and she was like well and you finally tell me d oyou have anything to say? and since i was so SCARED out of my mind i said no...all i did was look at the floor and laugh when i found things funny. and she told me to get mackenzie to come down to see him and she and i didn't want her to go down so i said she was sleeping and so apparently mom was talking s**t about me infront of me and behind my back while i was downstairs..there still saying i need to go to kingwood.

I CAN'T LIVE IN THIS HOUSE PAST THIS YEAR....IF THEY DON'T LET ME GO TO ARLIGNTON OR AUSTIN I SWEAR TO GOD THE REAL TRUE HOLY GOD THAT I WILL CUT MY WRIST INFRONT OF THEM AND SAY LOOK WHAT YOU ARE DOING TO ME!!! YOU TAKE ME OUT OF KINGWOOD NOW OR I WILL KILL MYSLEF!!!!!!!!

and so she said he was a good guy who has his head on him but she just doesn't know about her OWN daugther and she hasn't heard about him making me sad but when shes sad mom's doubly sad...whatever whatever YOU WEREN'T SAD WHEN I WAS SO SAD I CUT MYSELF YOUR NOT SAD NOW!!!!! YOU DON'T FEEL WHAT I FEEL STUPID FAKE a** b***h!

and so we left and when we were leaving starbucks i hit this other car..well we hit each other...and it left white on each others car and a little scratch and we didn't do anything about it and just left..i AM A ******** THAT CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT I CAN'T EVEN DRIVE!!!! so once again erich had to tell me it was okay and i felt like s**t for ******** up so much already...and so while we were going over to ryans mom was like what are you doing and i told her i was dropping him off home and she wanted pei wei after that..so i went over to ryans hung out droped erich off and mom said where was i while i was dropping him off and i said i was comming home and she said okay...and so i got depressed because today was just mrs. ******** day and so once again erich was cheering me up i feel so bad...but he says he loves me so i know he doesn't mind..i just feel bad that he has to...but it was weird because he just was different after mom talked to us..like i don't know why but i guess it made him feel more the 'bofyriend' role than before god knows why. not like i'm complaning it was just different...so.... i was freaking out and calling ryan and joey when i was going to get it cause it was long time from when we talked..i called to say i got gas and does she want fries or not...and so i rushed over there and i keep getting in alomst accidents after the crash and when i get there everyones taking their time making stuff and i rush over and i'm talking to ryan trying to calm down and not crash on purpose and they keep callin and i ignore them and well i told em i got an accident at shell instead...and well mom said i am done with you i don't even know when to begin or end..just get away from me don't talk to me..and she yelled at me afterwards...

just like ryan said...all this and me harming myself just because mom didn't get her food ontime..

i'm pathetic...but being pathetic is a piss butt anserw...btw, for thos who say if you really cut you wouldn't tell people..i'm saing this cause i'm hoping people will stop me.....i don't want to and if someone can stop me i will...but i am confused now..and if no one helps me...i will....because it's not getting better like that website SAID IT'S NOT GETTING BETTER THEY SAID IT WOULD!!!!!!!!!

You boyfriend sounds like he'll always be there for you. You have your boyfriend. He is your sunshine. Let him warm you. Hold him.

Write your mother a letter about how you feel. And what she's done to you. Give it to her if you want. Don't make it threatning though...


Time heals all wounds, it'll be o.k 3nodding

i'm 'okay' for now.i'm still sad over it but i won't do anything. i called the hotline..and everyone that reads says there sorry but that doesn't change anything though i am apreicative that your sympahtetic and don't act like i'm a 'drama queen' with 'pity parities'.no there is something geinuinaly wrong with me dumbass parents.

okay..i'll try that.

you can pm me if you need to... I practically live here... I will help as much as I can...

I know what you are going through love. Feel free to PM me of you need someone to talk to.