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I haven't posted here, responded to my PMs, or responded to my comments in forever. I should give a reason why so no one feels like I'm ignoring them.
I don't feel like going into details because it was a horrible experience to me((Don't worry. No one died or was hurt. Atleast not physically.)), but my school counselours made me go to a psychiatrist.
That was on Wednesday. On Thursday, I went to see the psychiatrist.
After talking to him for an hour, he said that "I care about others more than myself and therefore have a bad self image". AND he recommended counseling. I'm not going to counseling. I didn't want to talk to him at all, and he expects me to talk about someone else about my feelings. mad Yeah right.
So for the past few days, I've been completely out of it. To my friends, I probably seem completely normal, like nothing happened. But in my head, my thoughts have been morbid and jumpy and some of my actions have been as well.
I'll be perfectly fine and then I'll think of something and start sulking. Then I'll think of something else and get angry. Then I'll think of something else yet again and be perfectly content again.
It even happens when I'm on the computer. I'll be happily typing a PM or something of the like, and then my Mom will call me. When I get back, I'll just haverandom thoughts and decide to go on Neopets, despite the fact that I was in the middle of a PM. After playing on Neopets for a bit, I'll see something orange and suddenly want to work on my Naruto Fanfiction. Any little thing I see will take my mind off of what I'm doing.
Also, my actions have been sporratic. At home, when I don't have to worry about time, I type normally. But when I'm at school, and the assignment is due at teh end of the period adn I only have five minutes left, I'll hitting the keys really hard and my hands twitch at the keys. This never happened during the school year. Until that event and the visit to the psychiatrist.
They all have me believing I'm some person who wants to commit suicide because I don't care about myself. Before any of this, I loved myself. I loved the person I was and who I was becoming.
But now, I'm not so sure. I feel like everyone's judging me because of teh incident and, honestly, I wouldn't care if I died right now.
Aren't psychiatrists and counselours supposed to make those feelings go away? And not make them stronger?
Well thank you, Mr. Psychiatrist. Thank you, Miss Counselour. Thank you, Miss Crisis Counselour. You all have ruined my opinion of myself and the fragile line of sanity I once had.
sad gonk scream
So, as you can see, I haven't really been in the right state of mind to sit here and type responses. I just don't think I can do that. Eventually, I hope to regain any sanity I once had and come back to responding to PMs, comments, and posts. But for now, you may not get to speak to me for a while.
I'm so sorry.
((Just as an example, I've been writing this post for two hours. D=))
I don't feel like going into details because it was a horrible experience to me((Don't worry. No one died or was hurt. Atleast not physically.)), but my school counselours made me go to a psychiatrist.
That was on Wednesday. On Thursday, I went to see the psychiatrist.
After talking to him for an hour, he said that "I care about others more than myself and therefore have a bad self image". AND he recommended counseling. I'm not going to counseling. I didn't want to talk to him at all, and he expects me to talk about someone else about my feelings. mad Yeah right.
So for the past few days, I've been completely out of it. To my friends, I probably seem completely normal, like nothing happened. But in my head, my thoughts have been morbid and jumpy and some of my actions have been as well.
I'll be perfectly fine and then I'll think of something and start sulking. Then I'll think of something else and get angry. Then I'll think of something else yet again and be perfectly content again.
It even happens when I'm on the computer. I'll be happily typing a PM or something of the like, and then my Mom will call me. When I get back, I'll just haverandom thoughts and decide to go on Neopets, despite the fact that I was in the middle of a PM. After playing on Neopets for a bit, I'll see something orange and suddenly want to work on my Naruto Fanfiction. Any little thing I see will take my mind off of what I'm doing.
Also, my actions have been sporratic. At home, when I don't have to worry about time, I type normally. But when I'm at school, and the assignment is due at teh end of the period adn I only have five minutes left, I'll hitting the keys really hard and my hands twitch at the keys. This never happened during the school year. Until that event and the visit to the psychiatrist.
They all have me believing I'm some person who wants to commit suicide because I don't care about myself. Before any of this, I loved myself. I loved the person I was and who I was becoming.
But now, I'm not so sure. I feel like everyone's judging me because of teh incident and, honestly, I wouldn't care if I died right now.
Aren't psychiatrists and counselours supposed to make those feelings go away? And not make them stronger?
Well thank you, Mr. Psychiatrist. Thank you, Miss Counselour. Thank you, Miss Crisis Counselour. You all have ruined my opinion of myself and the fragile line of sanity I once had.
sad gonk scream
So, as you can see, I haven't really been in the right state of mind to sit here and type responses. I just don't think I can do that. Eventually, I hope to regain any sanity I once had and come back to responding to PMs, comments, and posts. But for now, you may not get to speak to me for a while.
I'm so sorry.
((Just as an example, I've been writing this post for two hours. D=))
