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 Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 9:19 pm
11:02 pm - ******** hell
this sucks so goddamn me much. i felt so bad about not telling erich(my boyfriend) about it that i emailed him in the morning and i mean early morning before my family went up to dallas yesterday to get our hair fixed..and i got of the phone with him recently and i feel like s**t. i can't do it anymore..but i need to! but he said he trusts me and since i said i wouldn't he said he knows i won't do anything stupid..and i didn't want to tell him because he'll be worried and he is worried. and now i just feel guilty for cutting myself and nothings gotten better..and i just need to do it ONE more time! that's all i need. i just need it on my left arm..that way i have it on the right and left...it's even....i mean i feel the need to do it everywhere..the neck the eyes, the forehead the arms....the stomach. but i won't.but i need just the left side..and it's so easy to do..it's easy..really easy.......
and now i'm paranoid..i keep looking around making sure no one is reading this..getting itchy all worried..i just want to die. i really do..i've been depressed this whole weekend and it doesn't look like it'll get any better.i'm starting to shut down again..it's hard...hard to talk about cutting...hard to hide it hard to deal with myself...hard not to do it...and i'm lost..i don't have anyone to really talk to about it..no one as usual.
Current Mood: [mood icon] stressed,depressed want to cut
on another note..
reading the post about this person wanting to kill her mom about moving her computer i was thinking about it..and well i understand her completely. when your depressed you NEED your computer..it is REALLY and TRULY a necessity. you NEED to talk to people to post your feelings to listen to your music and maybe post pictures because if you don't have your computer and your not in contact with others that undersatnd or just plain others than your going to ******** yourself or someone up..at least in my opinoin and my expereince..so
question:
do you all agree that when your depressed you feel the NEED and NECESITY of your computer? or can you go without it?
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Posted: Sun Mar 13, 2005 11:00 pm
Jesskitty:
If you cut again, things will only get worse, take it from experience man. You will feel guilty, and incredibly ashamed.
Listen to loud music, or punch a pillow, or the wall instead. That will help you release some emotions, while leaving less long term effects.
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Posted: Tue Mar 15, 2005 9:31 am
I know it isn't much, but if you need to blow off steam, feel free to PM me. I have AIM as well if you'd prefer that. I've been in that place, where death seems like a good option, and I've hurt myself before as well, so maybe I'll understand where you are coming from just a little.
Otherwise, I would suggest good music and hot tea, as soon as possible. Tea is a naturally relaxing thing: green tea, at least.
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