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 Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:26 pm
Takes place after College Letters Riker and Julian were going to DCU. Riker opened Julian’s letter for him, and Julian opened his. Their friends had already gotten in, and it had been nerve wracking waiting for his own letter–especially with the website being down.
So it had been a waiting game.
Julian was waiting to fail, honestly. He’d prepped himself for it. He had half a dozen backup plans, and had already prepared the speech he’d give Talia to assure him that he was fine, and that he was sorry for letting her down.
He hadn’t prepared how to actually tell her.
His body treated this like some monumental failure, even though he’d reread the letter nearly thirty times by the time he dragged himself down the stairs. It said he’d been accepted. Riker had assured him it wasn’t an accident.
But Julian was still so sure that he misunderstood.
Riker had gone down first, to tell Evan. Zac went to the store to get steaks to celebrate. Riker and Evan were in the kitchen prepping for dinner. He wasn’t sure where Soleiyu was, but he found Talia in the garage, folding her laundry.
He’d frozen on the stairs and almost gone back up to his room when he saw her.
Not because she was scary! He was just so afraid that he was going to blink and the letter would suddenly turn into a condolence.
Julian's footsteps were always light. He lingered on the bottom step for a moment, trying to force his body to regulate. He felt light headed, and his heart couldn't find its place in his chest so it fluttered between his throat and his stomach.
He looked at the paper one more time to make sure the words were still there--Julian McCann…pleased to announce…accepted…welcome…congratulations…. Yes, okay. Still there, still the same as Riker's.
Guilt and shame swelled in his stomach, but Julian tried to tell his body 'You're just hungry! It's okay!'
It didn't work. If he'd had food in his stomach, he'd have thrown up.
While alone up in his room, he'd had the opportunity to come up with a few plans. One of them included just taking a picture of the letter and texting it to Talia, but--
Well, he didn't know why he did that. It felt like cheating.
So, he'd dragged himself downstairs, and--
Talia was humming to herself. She wouldn't be down here forever. Things would get busy during dinner. He didn't want to miss the window between now and then.
He'd just rip off the bandage. If his body was going to overreact (to good news!!) (maybe good news news) (Julian, you might have misread it, please don't get ahead of yourself--)
No! Rip off the bandage, he said, and half flung himself down the last step. His face was red, because he'd had to hop to make sure he kept his balance.
He'd done everything he could to be comfortable. He was in his favorite, well-worn and oversized sweater. He drank a bottle of water. He'd been laying in bed and breathing to calm himself, and he'd held a cold pack to his face before coming down.
He was as ready as he'd ever be, which still didn't feel very ready at all.
"Talia," he said, but had to clear his throat. He felt dizzy. "Um. I just wanted to tell you, um. Well."
No, he couldn't remember the words. He was so close, what were the words? --They were on the page!
He looked down, but--
The letters all blended together, melting. He couldn't remember how to read. Had he been reading wrong the whole time? The letters were just squiggles on the page, wriggling around like worms.
His breath hitched.
Plan B--or was this C, or D, or--
"I got the mail," he said, which wasn't the words he'd been trying to say, but at least something came out.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:28 pm
Talia looked up and smiled when Julian first said her name, turning to look at him for a moment, a pair of pants in her hands. “Hey kid!”
She hesitated, her instincts wanting to give him her full attention, but…Zac had mentioned that Julian did better when you didn’t, and thus far all her attempts at trying had fallen flat but…she was working on something else, she could…keep focusing on that.
So her eyes drifted back to the pants and she grabbed a hanger, folding them in half and slipping them through the triangle shaped plastic, letting them fall over the bottom.
After a moment, she glanced back. “...You good Jules? You sound and kind of look like you’re going to pass out. Would sitting down help at all?”
s**t. Okay so she was crap at this. She loved him. And it was hard to just…be nonchalant. Still, she grabbed another pair of pants and began smoothing the creases from them too.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:28 pm
“Um, no,” he said quickly. “I mean,” he swallowed. He’d watched her folding the pants. Constant, steady. Predictable.
He wished they could change places. He’d have much rather been the one doing a comfortable task–one he knew he (probably) couldn’t mess up. Everything he was doing right now felt like he was doing it wrong.
Julian didn’t want to waste any more of her time.
He presented the paper to her, half folded as if to hide some shame. His fingers pinched it so tightly that it seemed like he couldn't let go, and his hand trembled just slightly from the effort.
He didn't know where to look, so he looked down at the ground and honed in on the nickel half-hidden under the dryer.
“I just, um. Here.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:29 pm
Talia hesitated, and held out the pants she was about to fold. Or hang up. One of the two and took the paper from Julian. “Trade you. I hate doing pants. Folding would be easier but some have to be hung up and I just. I want to do one or the other. Not both.”
She stepped away from the dryer and instead leaned against the washer, looking at the letter and bursting into a delighted smile. “I’m so proud of you, Julian.”
Her mind began whirling at once, thinking of all the things Julian would need, the books, new clothing obviously, DCU didn’t have a dress code so he’d have to get some comfy things to wear and…
Oh.
Swallowing, but trying to hide the concern in her voice. Not at him being gone just…at him…not being there.
“Do you think you’ll want to get a dorm? You…you’d still come home to see us, if that’s the case, wouldn't you?” Would this even be his home at that point? He was going to University for goodness sakes…he’d be able to get an apartment. Live his own life. It.
Huh. Talia suddenly felt like crying. But still. “Whatever you do, you have a home here, and I love you. And, seriously. I am so, so proud of you, Julian.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:29 pm
Julian relaxed marginally, gladly taking the pants in exchange for the paper. Having something to do with his hands brought him some small comfort, and he slipped into easy habits. The pair of pants in his hands belonged on a hanger, and one second he was reaching for one, and the next he’d already hung that up and was folding the next pair.
Missing a few seconds here and there wasn’t uncommon, and when he pressed himself to dig deep, he could sift through his thoughts enough to parse Talia’s words.
Pride didn’t come naturally, or easily, to him, so he latched onto the first thing
“Do you want me in a dorm?” he asked quickly. He moved onto the next pair of pants and folded them precisely, with the focus of a surgeon.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:29 pm
“I–” Talia closed her mouth quickly and thought over the words. “Selfishly, no. I don’t. I like you here with us. I like you at home where I know you’re safe. But, I know that you’re getting to a point where you might want to go on your own, and I won’t hold you back if and when that’s the case and if you want to be in a dorm, you know I’ll do anything and everything to make it comfortable but…”
She hesitated and looked down at the paper again, chewing her lip.
“...I like you being home. I know we’ll still be a family if and when you want to leave but…I really like you here…”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:31 pm
Julian still didn’t look up. He smoothed out the fabric of the pants once more and nodded. It took him a moment to find the words and remember how to speak. There was a lump in his throat and his heart was pounding–all things which were worth feeling silly about. He just couldn’t control them.
“Um, well. I–I would…”
Like to stay.
Please let me stay.
“It–I mean, it would save–I mean, I have financial aid. It–it would cover–”
No. Well, yes, but that wasn’t what he was trying to say, so he tried again.
“I think–a dorm is probably very nice–” Hillworth wasn’t so bad. He hadn’t really had a bad roommate. And he’d met Luke there, and–his skin crawled. It felt like he’d broken out in hives. His face felt hot. He reached for the next pair of pants but his mind couldn’t sort them into ‘fold’ or ‘hang’. Hang, to be safe.
I don’t want a dorm.
He drew in a breath. His hand wouldn’t stop shaking, which was making it very hard to line the seams up.
I don’t want to leave.
The room felt so hot. Too hot for February.
I’m sorry.
“Would it be okay?” he forced himself to say. His voice didn’t sound quite right, like it was someone else borrowing his body to speak for him. He appreciated it, because he couldn’t make the words come out, himself.
He wanted to say more–wanted them to say more–but the next word he tried to say caught in his throat and came out like a scratch, but he couldn’t even clear his throat to relieve the pressure.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:32 pm
“I don’t care about money, regardless of what you choose, saving or spending doesn’t matter…would it be okay if…if what?”
Talia was glancing up from the paper now, her grip on it rumpling the edges slightly. She tried to ease her grip but.
Her mind raced to remember what else he had said, and she hoped she was putting three and four together and making seven but. Her heart was beating way too loudly and she was so stressed out about doing this right that…
She was sure she was going to do it wrong.
“Would it be okay if you stayed? Yes, Julian. This is your home. I love you, I want you here so much. So, so much…you mean the world to me, honey.”
Oh god, what if she was wrong. What if he was just trying to stay because of the money…what if he felt trapped now?
But. She kept her mouth shut, eyes flicking around the room slightly so that he didn’t feel trapped under her gaze too but. They kept landing on Julian, hoping that she hadn’t messed it up.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:32 pm
Very slightly, Julian's shoulders relaxed. He let out a breath he'd been holding for so long that it burned his lungs on the way out.
"Um, okay. Thank you," he said, soft, but honest. Like he was testing the waters, trying to leave space to correct himself if he'd misunderstood. Talia kept looking at him. He didn't have to see her to feel the weight of her eyes on him. She was worried, so he worried, and it was spilling over like a too-full glass.
He was running out of pants to fold so he slowed down and unfolded, then refolded, the pair he was working on.
"I like it here," he said, because there were a thousand wrong things to say so he wanted to keep the conversation safe.
But he wanted to stay so badly.
Talia said he could! Said she wanted him here!
...But his mind had played tricks on him before, and sometimes he heard what he wanted to hear, not what anyone had said.
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:34 pm
“Well, good. Because I love you being here.” Talia’s shoulders had sagged slightly and she gave a little laugh. “I…I think, and please if I’m wrong feel free to say so…but are we both like, worried about the same thing just…in reverse? Because I’ve been…this just made me think that you might want to leave, and I was really upset by the idea but that felt…very selfish to be…but, Julian. I mean every word that I love having you here at home…so, if that ever bothers you, I hope you’ll remember this.”
She cleared her throat and looked away, smiling rather sheepishly at the letter. “I, absolutely would not mind if you always lived here. I don’t care how old you get, or how old that society thinks is reasonable for sons living at home, but like. If you’re still here at age forty? I’ll be so excited. Wrinkly, but excited. And happy to have my Julian here. Not that that means I expect you to stay either! You will never be made to leave, and you will never be made to stay either if leaving is what fits your path best. I know I’m saying a lot, and I’m definitely losing track of everything coming out of my mouth but…yeah. That’s…how I feel.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:34 pm
Julian flashed a quick, apologetic smile, which he shared with her briefly before turning back to the pants he was working on. The hair he’d tucked behind his ears fell but he didn’t reach to fix it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you. I probably haven’t been very good at telling you how much I appreciate you having me here.”
He couldn’t keep refolding the same pair of pants without making the exchange awkward, so he finished the pair he was working on and reached for the last one.
“I, um. It’s really nice to hear that you wouldn't mind if I–you know, if I stayed. It’s a little–well.”
Julian fell quiet, which he often did when he had something he wanted to say, but no idea how to say it. Usually, he gave up and let the topic move on. This time, he stayed with it.
He chewed on the inside of his cheek, and then that stopped, too.
“I hope you won’t get tired of me. Um. I guess, when I was younger, well–I didn’t really know how, um.” He gestured to the paper but it took a few seconds longer for him to find words. “I mean, I didn’t know what ‘after high school’ was going to look like. I still don’t. Um. I mean, there’s still a lot of things that could happen between now and then! I mean, a lot could happen before I turn eighteen, and–”
Nervously, he tucked his hair behind his ear. His eyes found the nickel again and he crouched to pick it up off the ground before rising again. It felt like moving through water. Like being fully dressed, soaked in the rain. He felt like he moved too quickly, and not at all.
There wasn’t any dust on the nickel but he brushed it clean with his thumb and then held it out for Talia.
“...I’m not sure what I was trying to say, sorry. But thank you. It really means a lot to me.”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:34 pm
“It’s a lot more than not minding, Julian, I want you here. A lot.” Talia reached out without thinking for the nickel, it was something to do, and the words on the paper had absolutely blurred into mush, but that was all right.
She was quiet for a moment, trying to process all that he said, but the biggest thing she latched onto was that a lot could happen before he turned eighteen and…well yeah. A lot could happen. This was Destiny City. People got corrupted, killed, and just simply vanished all the time. But.
“No matter what happens between now and when you turn eighteen, or after you turn eighteen, that’s your room. It’s not changing. It won’t change until you say that you want it too…and honestly even then I think I’m too sentimental to do anything about it so…” Talia shrugged and looked at the nickel, putting it on the corner of the dryer. “I love you. You being here means a lot to me too. In case I don’t say it enough. Thank you for allowing me to care for you…”
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:35 pm
Julian laughed softly, uncertainly. Pleasantly, even if he never seemed to know what to do with too much relief. He followed the nickel, and kept his eyes on it even after her hand moved away from it.
"You say it enough," he reassured, settling back into the same little smile he always seemed to have. "Please don't think anything you do isn't enough. You've always been so wonderful to me. I liked where I was staying before," he said, which could have been honest or just Julian's way of not having anything bad to say about a roof over his head, "but this place has been so different. It's much warmer. I mean," he slowed his words and pressed his lips together.
Julian's silence wasn't always an indication that he was uncomfortable. Sometimes it just took him a little longer to find the right words. While it was still common for a string of words to tumble out of his mouth--quickly, obligingly--the slowness of some of his words was new.
Like he was trying to let himself occupy space and attention for more than a split second.
"My last home was busy, too. There were a lot of people. But everyone sort of seemed like they were doing their own things. I didn't mind. I actually, um, well I'm okay on my own." He tucked a few loose strands of hair behind his ear. "But I just mean, um. Well, thank you for letting me share your house. Not just, um. Giving me a corner."
Something shifted on his face and he quickly met her eyes. "Sorry! That came out weird! I'm really just trying to say that I like it here and I'm so grateful to be here!"
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:35 pm
“I wish there was more room in here so we didn’t have to give you an attic either, especially with Riker living in there too…but.” Maybe one day the house would empty a little bit, and Julian would have the space to himself again, or Riker might want the dorm. She didn’t know, and it wasn’t the best to speculate. The house behind them was going up for sale, or so Tobias kept saying–maybe if it actually did, they could work on some kind of underground tunnel connecting to it…it wouldn't pass codes but Soleiyu could take care of that. He could take care of anything.
“Sweetheart, don’t apologize for how things come out. I get it. I do. I know it’s not the same thing, but my thoughts get stuck too, sometimes. Brains with trauma are. Strange and unreliable, I think.”
It wasn’t something she had ever really thought about or said out loud, it was the truth.
Giving him a corner. That.
Hm. It was really a shame sometimes that she had a moral code, or she would let slip that that was an important house to her and make sure Faustite had the address…
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Posted: Tue Apr 28, 2026 6:36 pm
Trauma.
Julian’s eyes landed on her immediately, with an expression that seemed foreign on his face.
Guarded.
It was brief, either a testament to the control he had over himself and his emotions, or because it was a mistake manifesting between one thought and the next.
His eyes lingered on hers for a second before he dragged his gaze back to the clothes. A pleasant smile settled on his face and pulled out the lint trap.
“I like the attic.” Pinching the lint, which came out like a soft block of thread and long, white cat fur, he carefully balled it up and deposited it in the wastebin. “I’ve got so much space up there. Zac did a really good job. It’s my favorite room in the house. I mean, if you asked me to pick a bedroom–I’d pick the attic. I think you spoiled me with it. The air conditioning is great. And you can watch the sun rise or set. I’ve got so much space. Riker and I have lots of room up there. I mean, the closet is huge. And I’ve got–well, the bed, my desk, the television.”
He started counting things on his fingers, “The mini-fridge. The table by the bed. The beanbag chair by the window, the table over there. The dresser. There’s space for my violin and Riker’s guitar,” he counted those on one finger, and finished with, “And the bookshelf.” Always full of blankets, though.
“I feel so lucky to have all of that. And–to know that if I ever need anything, um.” He glanced towards the stairs leading up to his room. “Well, I can just come down. And there’s so many people here. I think you’re all great. And Maxim, too. Um. I mean, I love having dinner with everyone. And, um–well, I like hanging out in the living room with you. I like–”
He faltered, but not because he didn’t have enough to say–but because he had too much.
“I like all of it. You take really good care of me. I just really appreciate it. Everything. And I don’t say it enough.” He offered thanks often, but it would never really be enough, so he looked at Talia and smiled again. “Thank you.”
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