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Good day biggrin

The original Sabbath was from Friday evening to Saturday evening.

The Jewish peoples celebrate Shabbat, which loosely means Sabbath. Also called Shabbos. This is also a Friday evening to Saturday evening.

Then, there's a lot of us that celebrate it on Sunday, the first day of the week.

Personally, I don't believe this is a Salvation issue. We should be thinking of God each day of the week anyway. I don't think it matters which day we choose to attend service.

To say someone's going to Hell because of the day they celebrate God doesn't sound correct to me. Perhaps that's what your brother-in-law has learned in the SDA and that's why he says that. Although I don't believe it's right or correct of him to do so.

There are many people that way and sometimes, it's not all their fault (especially if they grew up going to that church their entire life) because they weren't taught any better.

Some people aren't taught how to find Biblical answers on their own and this makes them dependent upon a church for answers.

I suppose if your brother-in-law is seeing some things that aren't exactly Biblical being taught it's gonna be his choice whether to accept it, shrug it off and ignore it, or confront it.

It's a bit different, though, that if he says, "You shouldn't worship on Sundays, but on the Friday evening - Saturday evening," yet goes to church on Sundays himself then he's breaking his own rule, you'd think? Perhaps he's not seeing it that way in his own perspective, but I can see how that can be frustrating.



Would your facial expressions be "bad", too, if you couldn't look in the mirror at yourself to see how you looked when you did certain facial expressions? I'm not certain about his blindness, but if this has been life long then it can affect ways he does facial expressions because he's never actually seen a facial expression or perhaps he doesn't know what certain facial expressions are supposed to look like.

Babies learn a lot about their facial expressions and of others. Especially when they make a face and someone else makes a face. They start learning the cause an effect of this. Someone who is blind wouldn't pick up on this as early in life. Therefore, it'd be much more difficult.

Some disabilities can affect a person's social skills. It's not generally all their fault, though.



Taking in an in-law isn't always easy. They are married into your family, but their upbringing was more than likely different than yours and that can clash on so many levels that become a bit aggravating.

Many people that have a lifelong or near lifelong illness or disability may dwell on the past a lot. I mean, what else was there to do when the past hurts so much? What else to ponder upon when you barely get invited to anyone's party? Or how many times you think a person cries out to God and says, "Why am I this way?!" Perhaps it was the way someone made you feel like a freak of nature of something that wasn't made fun of you? Maybe it was the time people stood around and laughed when you needed help and there was no one? Maybe it's the time that other Christian tells you, "If your faith weren't so weak, you'd be healed already."

These things stick to a person and many times they can be embedded into the brain as trauma, which makes them incredibly difficult to forget. The past isn't easy for those that grew up with such issues to deal with in their life.

It's insanely difficult for a person to "give their past to the Lord" that has had trauma. It's insanely difficult. A person may try to, but then find they never did. No, we can't go back on the past, but the past can hurt an awful lot. Either way, that's his business between him and God.

If you haven't been in the same situation yourself, I can't expect you to be able to say, "I understand," but I would hope that some compassion and kindness could be given.

Is it that he doesn't want to grow up or parts of his mind isn't allowing him to grow up? Has he had so much trauma that he's mentally regressed back to a certain age and is facing hurdles to leave that behind? Or is it that his mental capacity doesn't go beyond a certain age? It's not uncommon to see a 30 year old person with some form of mental delay that has the mental reasoning of a 10 year old and that's as good as it's expected to get.

If the case honestly is because he needs to make up for a lost childhood then wouldn't you feel that way if you felt you never had a good childhood? Especially if you feel it had been missed out on?

Perhaps he would gain some benefit talking with a counselor or going to a peer support group?

Family trauma is pretty awful, though. Like any trauma, it sticks, and it doesn't just go away.

Even with those that are high functioning, they still have their struggles or have things that simply don't click. For some, they may need someone to remind them to shower each day. They may need a solid routine so they start remembering to get all of their daily tasks done. This is as an example. It's not limited to this, of course, and we all have our own struggles and bad habits no matter what level of functioning we are.

There's also some cases where the parents never gave their child 100% to trying to learn as many life skills as possible and things that'll help them the most. Each person is different. Although, if they had a bad influence at home that would tell them not to listen to their parents or a sibling that perhaps was trying to help, that sticks and then they start giving attitude and won't let anyone help because they are fully convinced they've got this no matter what when perhaps they don't. Again, as an example. The scenario is probably different.

There's families that are more of the enablers. They don't want to see their child succeed or they want to take their own kid's disability/SSI and possibly if they're an adult, their food stamps as well and use it for their own needs. I've seen families that have an adult disabled child at home and they'll say, "Oh, at the store when you go we need ____________." and make this whole list and they use up their food stamps, not knowing any better that this is their own personal money and not for anyone else because that's breaking the law or they keep taking their adult kids disability money and using it on what they want so they want to make sure their kid remains disabled for the money and such. It's horrible.

There could be a lot of reasons why his past was hard, or why even a high functioning person would end up seeming a little "off" or having potential social, emotional, financial, etc. struggles.

To ask him if he wants his food cut up like a baby can come off as bullying, teasting, or taunting and it honestly sounds like you set him off or triggered him. If he had a parent or relative that said something similar to him, it would be no wonder he got so upset. For some special needs people, saying the word, "No." can even be a trigger and it's rough to navigate, but there are other phrases, "Not right now." or something because they had abusive caregivers or were teased for it or couldn't comprehend fully why the "no" was happening.

If his father made him eat everything, if his dad perhaps got rude or abusive with his methods, I could understand that might be triggering when it comes to eating at the table.

If a person is reminded of a similar setting that induced trauma years ago, it can retrigger in their minds and makes them upset, angry, inconsolable, or cause them to run off or escape the situation that's not exactly dangerous.

Your brother-in-law does sound like he has some good knowledge about certain topics and that's good, too. Although, it's connecting all the thoughts - the Bible knowledge to the church that isn't preaching the gospel as it should be - making the bridge come together on those two things may not be working. Most people would be like, "This church isn't preaching the gospel. I should leave." but this thought may not be joining together for them for whatever reason. Maybe they're drawn to the people there, might feel guilt about leaving, might be incredibly forgiving, or think, "This is all okay. It must be."

It doesn't sound like he fully understands what he's saying though when he's telling someone else they belong in Hell. They probably got triggered and angry and didn't think about it or used the phrase loosely - it's possibly, especially if they have heard that phrase a lot.

Their parents or a family member could've teased them calling them a "little baby" all their life and that can be frustrating, too, to keep remembering that.

Of course we don't always know people's triggers and can't accomodate if we don't understand them. So we can do so unintentionally without realizing it, but I suppose after all of that now you understand that one.

As time goes on, perhaps you'll learn more, and how to avoid the upset and such. If it ticks you off that much then perhaps avoid them. Hard living in the same house, but keep the talk short, but polite. Avoid saying too much to them or something.

I do hope that your sister and brother-in-law can find a place of their own in the near future and this would probably help, too.

A facial expression may be a facial expression, but some people may not interpret them properly or may not be able to imitate them properly. As special needs, they may use the some facial expressions at the inappropriate time. If somehow their facial expressions are being tied to the way they look then sadly, they don't stand a chance against those that are too judgemental thinking, "Well, that doesn't look right," when perhaps the person is doing their best.

Many children with special needs need to be taught appropriate facial expression as they are often unable to learn it properly on their own unlike a child that has no special needs that can discover and learn it for themselves. Just look up, "Understanding facial expressions with special needs" there are guides on how to teach children with developmental delays how to associate the right emotion with the correct facial expression.

I can't even imagine if a special needs child has an abusive parent that smiles when they're hurting their special needs child because they will definitely learn wrong queues through that type of trauma as well.

I'm not letting your brother-in-laws disability fool me. I have not met him, I cannot vouch for his level of functioning, people can type whatever they please on the internet whether true or false, people can type and leave out key information because they do not know that information or they intentionally leave it out to make this other person look worse than they honestly are, I don't know your brother-in-laws past, I don't know if they have an IEP or what it says, I don't know if they're on SSI or declared disabled by the state, I don't know how his facial expressions are in real life, etc. All I have is a post from one side of the story.

There are many people with disabilities that are capable of more, and at times to get there they do need extra help to show them how to apply it. The application of information in some areas can be an issue.

Just because someone is high functioning doesn't mean there isn't a problem that exists.