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Green_crayon42

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Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2022 2:00 pm

Hi guys! My name is Sarah or Green if you like.
I'd welcome comments. OK. Well, I'm gonna explain my life in this first post in bold so that people don't miss it.

I am a Traumatic Brain Injury(TBI). This has A LOOOOT of tiny details to it, witch will be clear as I continue keeping this journal. How did it happen? I drown and nearly died as an infant. Water got into my tiny head and ******** up things for my entire life. The main ones are that I am unable to drive or work, and I have a very interesting emotional range. When there isn't a stressor, I'm calm and collected. But when there is....that collection goes to shiiiiiiitt.

Bc this happened before age two, I grew up with a silver spoon. I had special treatment all the time. I didn't notice it at first. I enjoyed it. I had not noticed I was spoiled until I moved in with my boyfriend(now husband), and out of my family's influence.
Now, I do love my family, but not how I was raised.

I have three sisters whom I love very much. My mom and dad hate each other. My mom blames my dad for my drowning bc he wasn't standing by her on the dock. And bc of that, she weaponized me against him. I did blame him, bc I didn't know any better. At age 35, I learned my dad's version of the story and I was SHOCKED at the info mom had omitted. He indeed wasn't on the dock, but when he was called back he came with all speed. THAT'S what matters to me.

For 35 years, my mom poisoned me against my dad. Not cool, dude. So I'm dealing with that knowledge currently.

So that's my life. I have written a book of my TBI life, and before now mom was supportive all the way. Now that she knows I know dad's version(witch sounds sooo much more accurate), she no longer wants this story in print. because she's not painted as the amazing shining goddess anymore.
She SAYS I'm an adult and more mature now, and I am, but her actions don't match her words.

She's being a baby about this book now. But it's bigger then her. It's an educational tool. I'm not listening to her crying anymore. I'm not her mini me anymore. I am my own person now.

But the thing is, my sisters...I don't know what they'll do. Tina knows the story, and Judy bc I sent her the email dad sent me. I'm just worried about the future drama spill out when it is published.

Anyway, my hubby and I have been together for 6 years, married for 1. I'll tell about that later. it's a cute story.
My mom almost got me to break up 2 times. bc she didn't like his size. rolleyes so I'm a bit against her now.

I'm a carbon copy of my dad. I look like my mom's mom, but act like my dad. I was weaponized, so my dad doesn't know me at all. We're friends now and hangin out. We go on little dates and it's adorable.

Ok I guess that'll be it for now. Please don't feel sorry for me. That' one thing I never liked. I need help not pity.
k. bye.

Posted: Thu Dec 08, 2022 9:16 pm

My day of real life.
(or not being babysat by tech)

I only lasted til 3 or 4pm. But I decided not to do a cold break, just...use it less today. and I did. I said no games and no Gaia. It was definitely hard but I was ok. I played with my stamps a little, then I painted two things. (sorry, can't add photos-don't know how). I painted on a paper bag a few weeks (or month) ago, and finished it today. It's a simple painting of Redwall.
My little niece is going to play a candy cane in a Nutcracker dance, so I painted a candy cane for her. Now I'll have to think of what to paint for the older one.....I can't paint or draw that Axiotal? she loves. Too many little details. Louisa loves to scream out what she loves. Annie's quiet. So I dunno....

I was lost after that and didn't know what to do. I mean, I knew I wouldn't make it all day, but I just didn't want to sit here like a bum ya know?

I think maybe I should dedicate mornings or some short time, to no tech.

I would loooove to go outside!!! Even if it wasn't cold as s**t, I still can't go out. This is a terrible neighborhood and I don't drive to get out of it. Even if it wasn't, the grade is too steep to walk and there's a paper plant less then 2 miles from here! It's gaa-ross!!!

Our new house is coming. Our new house is coming. The builder is taking so long with his current project stressed First the groundbreaking was going to be June, then November, now it's January! It's the supply lines, I know it! 10 years ago, this would have been dad's fault completely. I'm quite proud.
But I still want it done. scream

I wanna get a tool for Matt-my husband. He's reeeeeeally excited to get a jewelry set up in the new house. but he'll need tools. We've been collecting minerals and stones, but he needs to collect tools.
I'm not sure if anything he'll need is under $200,....maybe it is?? I don't know...
He's got quite the collection of stones and cabochons(Cabo-shawns) now. Cabs are what the mineral/rock is turned into before it's in jewelry. Well, it's still a cab after that too but...meh..
His treasure chest of them is overflowing.
He had a collection of minerals before we met. He's always been a rock hound. and I'm liking it too.

He's moaning and groaning in bed bc I'm not there and the light is bright in here. it is past midnight. He's not actually speaking but it's upsetting him. I need to work on my bedtimes anyway.

Green_crayon42

Invisible Fairy

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Green_crayon42

Invisible Fairy

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Posted: Fri Dec 09, 2022 8:08 pm

I made a discovery yesterday.
My goal for the day was to be off of Gaia for as long as I could, and just do other stuff. I lasted until 3pm.

so now...knowing that limit, I have decided to devote mornings to no tech, and to only get on Gaia for fun, but not to live here.
in mornings I am allowed to use tech, but no games, and only for talking and as a tool. not to babysit me forever. so we'll see if I can live with that decision for 3+ days.
If I do slip up and live here one day out of like a month or something, it's fine. we all have those relapses. but this is a serious addiction. or if I'm like super beeeeehhh....not lazy though. lazy is fine bc that's just part of me. but don't get on Gaia just bc I'm a butthole.

after like 1pm or something, I can play games and be on here to chat. but no living here!!!

That is my goal.

So I'm wandering if I can keep to that. rn it's 11pm. Have I been living here? Yes. I've talked to people, but sadly, I did not keep my goal today.

Tomorrow morning, we shall see if I can do no tech.

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2022 3:52 pm

Yea! I did it!! I read some of Lord Brocktree over the tablet today, but I did well.

Mom tried to poke her nose in my business again. rolleyes She wants me to go to a therapist at VAYA. so she can talk about me with others.
I have a therapist, thank you. No, mom.
I'm a grown woman.
She's trying to make me do what she wants. Ugh. She always does. Up until 3 years ago, she was my goddess and I was her mini me. I moved out and she's ....not happy.

Her end goal with me WAS to get in a very nice apartment with dad paying for me and her. bc I'm a full dependent.
That still is her end goal. but now she has a major wrench in it. I don't live with her and don't need her.
She's incompetent as my legal guardian.

I have total care with the office I go to now. She just wants me to do what she says.

When I see her in person, she may cry to get her way. and lie to me about the past. I used to pull that trick.
But if I stand up, she'll back down. She's not used to that. I've done it once before when she wasn't being nice about my hubby.

She wasn't happy when I switched from CVS to Walgreens. It's like 2 minutes down the road!! She had her small fit, and that was that.

I feel better now. She'll cry and have a fit, but that's how it is mom.
my problem is me. when I stand up I get really loud and commanding. I don't wanna do that in public.

Green_crayon42

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