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 Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2022 3:28 am
It's been 2 years since my little sister committed suicide. I loved my sister, but she was mean. Everyone in the family talked bad about her. We're 10 years apart. She spent almost her whole life being mean to me, or ignoring me. We grew up in separate households. Even as a small child she was mean to me, and my friends. I never held it against her, because she was bullied in school. But it brought me great pain. All her cousins avoided her, texted bad things about her right in front of her. The adults were always talking about her outbursts and crazy things she was doing. Like when she stole her dads money and ran away. Now that she's gone, it's constant boohooing over her. Of course I wish she was alive. Of course it's sad. But people talk about her like she was an Angel. They say what a beautiful spirit she was. She was literally one of the meanest people I ever met. They care about her so much more now that she's gone. Why didn't they get her help when she was alive? Why didn't they care then? I wasn't in her daily life. When I tried to get family members to help us reconcile, they said they wanted to stay out of it. But that's what family is supposed to do, help each other. I had no way to get her mental help. But the 3 adults living in her house could've gotten help. Her 2 adult siblings that saw her could've gotten help. She refused to talk to me, because she thought I told her to shut up, in Spanish. For over a year, she wouldn't speak to me because she misunderstood something I said, drunk, in another language than our own. That's the highest level of petty imaginable. I did everything I could, and she only pushed me away. I'm nothing but kind to the same people that cry over her on Facebook weekly. Why not spend time with me? I'm alive? Will they do the same to me? When I'm gone, will they say how wonderful I was and how much they miss me? Even though they couldn't care less what I'm doing now?
Open to replies/discussion.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2022 4:31 am
Social media. That's the real problem here. For me even, just Facebook. I wake up and see some ridiculous thing on Facebook and it starts me off in a bad way in the morning.
I was reflecting on my post and I don't want it to seem I'm mad at my sister. I don't mean my family should go around trash talking her. The thing I'm the mad about, is how they care so much now. I used to constantly stand up for her, to the same people claiming she's a saint now. If I had to give an honest speech at her funeral. I would've said she was a damaged soul and I wish she could've found happiness in this life. That I loved her, but her demons kept her from believing people loved her. But that many did. Anyone else would say, she was a beautiful person, inside and out and a shining light to all those around her! I'm like, no. That's not who she was? She was a confused ball of stress. She was always troubled. Whatever went wrong in her life, I wish I could've changed that for her. But I seriously tried. So no regrets, only sadness of what could've been.
I'm jealous when people say they had these strong relationships with her. I question how often they really actually spent time with her. I know they do love her, and they do love me. I just feel like my family has had such a non approach to everything. When people say she used to message them for help, I'm like why did you not tell her how much I wanted her in my life. Cause I said it to everyone.
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