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 Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2022 3:38 pm
Time flows differently in the wake of a loss.
In reality, everything has been continuing on as it always has been. But to the individual, things feel so surreal and not in a beautiful or awe-inspiring way.
The seconds between each blink often feel like minutes while the world moves in slow motion only to be brutally rubberbanded back into the present. Mentally whiplashed into a moment of unpreparedness because simply nodding while someone else is speaking usually leads to the realization that not a single word was actually heard.
Every mono-tone sentence sounds like a string of mumbles until they ask a pointed question, one that often receives that blank deer-in-the-headlights stare. “I’m sorry… what did you say?” The mind fog was slow to clear as Jenna stared at her mother. Her own expression was a mix of bewilderment and annoyance.
She’d been sitting on the couch reading a book; well… more like looking as if she were reading a book since it had easily been twelve minutes since she last turned the page. The same paragraph had been read no less than four times and still, she didn’t know what it said. One would think it was school-related but no, it was just some romance novel she’d had lying around; a well-worn spine from being read a couple of times before.
Beneath her eyes were dark circles from sleepless nights which her mother attributed to a mix of nightmares and depression. However, only one was true. It’s hard to be scared of a nightmare when you wander around at night with a wraith as a companion while mirror hopping through buildings and last known places where her brother use to spend time before his disappearance.
Dead
Apparent suicide. At least that’s what the officer had told them and while the bike was definitely Aiden’s, the body was unrecognizable and the scene felt more than just a little staged.
For eight months she had been looking for her brother and for eight months she had visited every animal shelter and vet clinic in the Destiny City area to find his dog, Riley. The only link she had that Aiden was still out there was that the Chesapeake Bay Retriever wasn’t at home and nobody had turned him in.
The lease was up and there were no forwarding addresses.
Nothing felt like it was adding up, if anything it was as if her brother had become a ghost; and yet… nobody seemed to believe her.
“I said that you look tired and suggested that you either go lay down upstairs and take a nap or get out of the house.” Mrs. Hale passed her daughter a flyer. “This was in the mailbox. It looks like the StarFall Faire starts today. I think it would be good for you to maybe call up one of your friends, stretch your legs and enjoy the weather.”
Neither suggestion elicited a single physical or vocal response from Jenna. Just that same blank look that shouted ‘go away and leave me alone’
“Sweetie,” Karen sighed, a sign of resignation as her shoulders sagged in defeat. “I know it’s hard for you right now. But moving forward doesn’t mean we forget the loved ones we’ve lost. It’s easy to sit here on the couch, pretending to be busy while waiting for that door to open and for Aiden to walk inside with that boyish grin of his apologizing because he forgot to tell us that he was going on an extended vacation or something.” She could see it in Jenna’s eyes when she came home in the evening. That sudden alert look on her face quickly dissolved into disappointment. “I still hope for that too…”
Still, Jenna remained silent, but her expression spoke the words that she kept so guarded. Her lips pressed into a thin line while her red-rimmed eyes filled with tears and yet she refused to bink if only to keep herself from crying. To this day, Jenna still refused because in her mind, allowing herself to cry as she wholeheartedly wanted to would mean that she was willing to accept that Aiden was truly gone and was now mourning his death.
Her heart hurt in ways that a sharp knife could not inflict and still she stubbornly grabbed the throw blanket from the back of the couch to hide her face and angrily wipe away the tears. “He will-” her voice was hoarse, muffled by the blanket. “He will come home, because I said so.” Such a childish thing to declare but in her heart and mind it would happen, even if he had to drag Aiden through that door herself.
Regardless of their father’s opinion, one way or another she was going to disprove the Police Officer and prove he was just in hiding.
The couch seat beside her shifted under the weight of her mother sitting down next to her. Jenna couldn’t look up, not yet, but she felt the weight of an arm drape across her back, the hand that cupped her shoulder and the slight pressure that encouraged her to lean sideways and into her mother's warm hug. “I truly… truly… hope you’re right because all I want right now is for you to be happy again. I’ve already lost one child and I’m scared I’ll lose you too.” The arms around her tightened as two tears landed atop her head.
Jenna shifted, her eyes like gold coins tossed into a wishing well, distorted beneath the shallow water of tears. Yet no amount of hope or pleading could make her one wish come true. “I miss him mom…”
“I know you do.” For a moment she let go of her daughter to retrieve the kleenex box from the end table on the other side of the couch. “I miss him too.” Both of them pulled out a napkin and blew their nose simultaneously. To an outsider, it may have seemed comical that they’d done so in unison, but for them, there was no joy or humor in the moment.
“I know I said you should take a nap, but… why don’t we go to the festival together. Just for one hour and if after that you are still not ready to be out then we can come home?” It would be good for both of them to get away from the place that held so many memories and remember how to function again. One never forgets the people they have loved and lost, they only learn how to function with the pain of knowing that they were gone. Karen had her good days and bad and with her son's birthday only a few months away, she knew that she’d relapse into depression and have to fight her way out of it again. But with Jenna, it was easy to focus on her daughter's needs than to address her own; because by helping her through this trauma she could find the strength to move forward and face the next day. “What do you say?”
Jenna seemed hesitant at first but after much internal deliberation, she finally nodded. “One hour,” her voice lacked its earlier conviction but at least it was something because honestly, she wasn’t sure if she’d make it even that long.
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Posted: Thu Jun 16, 2022 3:38 pm
The drive to the festival was uneventfully quiet.
Jenna sat in the front passenger’s seat staring out at the blur of colors that swept by when they got on the freeway while songs from the 90’s played on the radio. The volume was low and acted more like white noise than anything. A few old favorite songs came on and without realizing it her foot began tapping in tandem with the beat.
Soon enough traffic slowed while vehicles moved over into the right lane exit. With it being mid-day they ended up sitting through a couple of lights multiple times while people waited for that one coveted parking spot to become available. Street parking was the pits but it beat paying fifteen to twenty dollars to park on someone’s lawn or in a garage.
Eventually, they did find a spot about six blocks away from the festival. A bit of a walk but they could both use some time to stretch their legs.
When finally they arrived, one of the volunteers approached them. He carried with him a basket full of multi-colored star charms and in his hand were a stack of pamphlets; a map with the layout of the area, key points of interest, and a list of shops with discounts for the event. The young man with lavender-colored hair and kind dusty-blue eyes explained to them the history and traditions of the Wishing Tree across the street as well as the eco-friendliness of the paper used to write the wishes on.
If it was this time last year, Jenna might have cared about all that, and probably would have taken a few sheets to plant just to see what kinds of flowers grew from them. But given her current mood, she only partially listened to his rehearsed speech and before he was finished she abruptly interrupted him with a curt “thank you” and looped her arm through her mothers to put some distance between them.
“Jenna…” Her mother's scolding tone didn’t phase her, nor did it give her reason enough to pause or look up. “Rushing through this won’t make the hour go by quicker.”
“His voice was annoying,” a lie but it was the only thing she could think to say to end the conversation before it turned into an argument between them.
There were close to sixty, maybe seventy, people around the tree. Parents hoisted their children up onto their shoulders so they could pick a piece of paper from higher limbs while others found lower branches to tie their own wishes too. A smaller group surrounded the table, backs hunched forward while they scribbled on the paper. When a spot opened up, Jenna approached and wrote a wish of her own.
[allign=center]I wish someone would believe me enough to help me find my brother.
Jenna[/allign]
To the police officers it was an open and shut case; according to their records he was dead, nothing left but mangled remains locked in a casket buried six feet under compact dirt and a layer of new grass. But she remained unconvinced. Just because his name and dates were written in stone didn’t make them true. Hopefully, someone else would agree with her if only they’d give her a chance to explain.
“I’m done with mine,” she turned, freeing up an open spot for her mother assuming she was going to write one as well.
For a long moment, Jenna looked down at the paper in hand, debating whether or not she should tie it to the tree or just bury her own wish. It’s kind of pathetic how I’m the Senshi of Wishes and can’t even grant my own wishes. I’ve been reduced to pathetically asking some stranger to grant it for me.
But if it worked… could she complain?
“There’s a free spot here,” A handsome man smiled down at her. He stood about six and a half feet tall with snow-colored hair and glacial blue eyes. He reached up and effortlessly pulled one of the limbs a bit lower so she could tie her wish to it more easily; otherwise, she’d probably have been on her tippy-toes. Mostly because she didn’t want a young child to pick hers; her wish wasn’t something they could fulfill.
“Thank you -” Jenna hesitated and gave him a moment to fill in his name.
“Isaac.” He glanced over his shoulder to where a young woman was pondering over which wish to pick and how many she’d take. “My cousin’s having a hard time picking who to help.” He smirked and shook his head. With a shrug, he carefully let go of the branch but kept a mental note of where it was placed.
“She must have a big heart.” A small smile tugged her lips but it didn’t even come close to reaching her eyes. “The world needs more people like her.”
“I agree,” Isaac responded with a tone of admiration. “It’s easy to lose sight of the kindness the world has to offer. Whatever is troubling you, I hope things start getting better.”
Doubtful Jenna’s thoughts snapped back bitterly but she managed to nod and respond in kind. “Thank you. I hope you and your cousin have a good time. I gotta get going, but- thank you for your help.” She scanned the crowd for her mother who was leaning against the base of the tree, patiently waiting for Jenna to join her.
“See, not everyone here is annoying. It’s ok to talk to people.”
Jenna rolled her eyes, less of an aggravated gesture and more of a ‘stop being a mom with the whole I told you so.’ She looked down at the time on her phone, “Forty-eight minutes.” Time was ticking and it was obvious that she was intent on keeping to the one-hour maximum stay and not a second more.
“Then let's make the best of the time we have left here.”
[quot]over 2k words
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