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Has anyone in here just had a bad experience with churches? How did it affect your faith? How did you recover?

There are some things about some churches that honestly get me frustrated, but I grew up in a church that I see as quite messed up, like they had things backward sometimes. I did leave as an adult, but ended up going back, and felt called to do so. I took caution, but that person I felt I was supposed to reach (a person we didn't know before actually going there) has chosen their own choice, but it seems my husband and I were his last warnings (longggg story). After this person has left, it feels incredibly empty - like I'm not meant to be there any longer.

I know my husband and I are ill quite often due to existing health conditions. We haven't been in a month and it seems like either Thursday, Friday, or Saturday...it has been pink eye, food poisoning, colds, extreme fatigue, toothaches, etc.

Like, we actually have legit reasons and haven't wanted to share illness with other people at that church because that's not nice. We notice they keep having all these events and we don't get invited to them so we'll go by the church on our way to down, look, and people are having some big ol' party or get together, but we weren't invited, never knew what went on. Feel so left out and like people there simply don't care that much. Sure, they have offered some help here or there, which we're grateful for, but it's not so often that we hear from the people there. I don't identify myself with believing what they believe these days, but no one would know that because they don't ask.

When we came back, we were treated like we were all important and then the novelty wore off. That church's lack of social-ness disturbs me. Like, you'll feel like you're getting close to someone, hanging out with them, really getting to know them, enjoy talking to them and then next Sunday you're yesterday's news. They won't try to talk to you for months....this isn't just with one person there, it's been with many. We've tried to make the effort to invite people over, get to know them, but then they just stop talking to you and don't have anything to do with you. Emotionally, it's frustrating to try to get to know someone and that same scenario happen again and again. We feel like the outcasts. There's such a lot to this story, but I'm at the edge of leaving there again...or not really saying I'm leaving, but kinda ease my way out and go somewhere else so it's a quieter way out.

I feel like I don't have many real friends in that church and not as much emotional support. Sure, they'll throw cash at you to help, but sometimes it's the emotional and spiritual side that needs more support if that makes sense.



But at the same time I have so much guilt if we flat out leave. I can't describe it almost. Maybe it's because of having to do with growing up in that church.

While discovering other churches seems to be the best answer, it's hard in a small town. There's quite a few churches, but when you've been to most of them and see some stuff worse than the church you're already in, it's rough.

We did find one other church that we have known about, but feel better about since one of their pastor's had a big change of heart and some of their more corrupt youth pastors got the boot. We've been going a bit more and getting our kids involved in their kids programs (Church of Christ's...well, most of them don't believe in having Sunday School or a kid's program while people are in church because it "separates the family unit" - I can see the point, but the teachings aren't their age group. They don't understand what the adults can and it becomes flat out boring, they act out, get in trouble, and some of the time - start hating church). The church has had quite a few criminals or people that didn't do honest things...I know we're all people and have our share of mistakes because we've all fallen short, but why is the crime so high in this church?!

The hardest part about about leaving is this guilt that hangs over me, but I figure that might be something that's ingrained in me with the way people around me have acted and I don't want to make my parents look bad, but I don't feel all that welcome there.

I'm also not sure why this church doesn't reach out to the community. When people want to do that, I notice that this church has a habit of shutting them down.

There was a person there that I totally idolized because they continued to press for outreach. They wanted to help the homeless, invite people to potlucks, allow the women to speak in church, to have a women's bible study at the same time men have theirs after potluck (usually the men have a study and meeting and kick all the women out and if you're a woman and walk in, you get dirty looks, it's awful), etc. After she tried for months and months, someone eventually shut her down because she said, "You know what? I have a family around me. I have my husband and kids and that's who I am supposed to witness to." and all this other garbage about why she shouldn't reach out to others outside of her household and all these people online loved her post...I found it revolting..someone made her cave because she isn't an easy one to break like that...I wonder what they did or said.

My parents became part of an afterthought when my Dad's job demanded he worked Sundays at times and then they wanted to help the community by doing a soup kitchen sign up sheet and the elders flat out told them, "No."

It was sad of me to learn that this church doesn't have a good reputation around town for being nice to people, which hurts. We're supposed to be a bit more kind than that.

My husband kinda set his foot down and said, "The next Sunday we do end up making will be our last." and I'm not sure how to process it. It's like, "I love you," and, "What do you mean by 'last?!" all at once. So rough.

Thank you for your thoughts 3nodding