Grief and loss for some of us started at an early age and for others, later in life. No matter the circumstances, the situation, or what happened - I do believe we can all agree on that grief hurts. Whether we've had to grieve again and again or just once so farm in our lives, there's nothing that can quite make it go away 100%.
Psychologically, there are many steps we go through during the grieving process and they are usually simplified to these (but also, keep in mind that while these are generally considered stages of grief that people go through - not everyone experiences every step listed below and these don't always occur in this order, either. These steps aren't always used today as the original person that created them intended):
1. Denial
-Denial is said to protect us by helping us make this dramatic shift slowly while minimizing the pain, but we struggled with believing that a loved one has disappeared out of our lives here on Earth.
2. Anger
-When the heavy emotions set in further, anger is where a lot of people end up. We're angry that we lost a loved one. Why did this happen to them? Why did this happen to us? It may be hard to be around others when we feel angry, but it is a normal part of grief.
3. Bargaining
-There are times where we may feel desperate to have that person in our lives because we don't want to lose them. Perhaps we plead with God, "Heal this person/Bring this person back and I will...." or, "I'll never ________ if you just let this person stay with me a while longer."
4. Depression
-These days, most of us are familiar with depression or know someone who has had it. To feel beyond sad - to lack the motivation to do anything, feeling tired, not feeling like you can enjoy life (laugh/smile), etc.
5. Acceptance
-After all of these stages, we eventually hit a point where we have come to accept that this loved one that has passed away is not coming back and there isn't anything we can do to stop that. It isn't that the loss hurts less or that we don't feel pain, it's that we are not trying to change what has happened.
1. Denial
-Denial is said to protect us by helping us make this dramatic shift slowly while minimizing the pain, but we struggled with believing that a loved one has disappeared out of our lives here on Earth.
2. Anger
-When the heavy emotions set in further, anger is where a lot of people end up. We're angry that we lost a loved one. Why did this happen to them? Why did this happen to us? It may be hard to be around others when we feel angry, but it is a normal part of grief.
3. Bargaining
-There are times where we may feel desperate to have that person in our lives because we don't want to lose them. Perhaps we plead with God, "Heal this person/Bring this person back and I will...." or, "I'll never ________ if you just let this person stay with me a while longer."
4. Depression
-These days, most of us are familiar with depression or know someone who has had it. To feel beyond sad - to lack the motivation to do anything, feeling tired, not feeling like you can enjoy life (laugh/smile), etc.
5. Acceptance
-After all of these stages, we eventually hit a point where we have come to accept that this loved one that has passed away is not coming back and there isn't anything we can do to stop that. It isn't that the loss hurts less or that we don't feel pain, it's that we are not trying to change what has happened.
Understanding grief and loss can also help us cope, help us to understand what we are feeling, why we are feeling it and what is/isn't normal.
What we can find in The Holy Bible can provide a lot of comfort:
Psalm 34:18 NIV:
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Jesus mentioned something that we find in Matthew 11:28-30 NIV:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Psalm 147:3 NIV:
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
2 Corinthians 1:3-10 NIV:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.
When it mentions a New Heaven and New Earth in Revelation 21:4 it tells us:
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
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How comforting it would be to think about being in Heaven and there being no more crying, pain, or sadness. I don't know about you, but that has me pretty excited to meet God one day 3nodding
There is a lot of reassurance in The Holy Bible that God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit can comfort us, support us, and get us through tough times. While at times it might be hard when we feel bitter inside to accept those words, God is still there, trying everything He can.
Please feel free to share your thoughts, stories, ideas, memorials, etc. about grief/loss here 3nodding
