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 Posted: Thu Jun 17, 2021 4:02 pm
I'm 31. It has been 5 years that I'm with my boyfriend. We are not married yet because I went back to University while dating him and like... we were not in a rush to get married. I live with him now.
I'm not close with my own family because we do not get along.
My mom cares about me but I dislike to be always criticized and she keep telling me what to do.
My boyfriend like to spend time with his family as he prefer not doing activities alone. So he often invite his parents to come over.
I also believe he is the favorite child . His mom would call him to ask him if he is home and if he has eaten yet. His mom doesn't mind cooking for him.
His parents are like just my mom. They like to say to this do that. It's annoying.
If I want them to like me, I need to be FAKE, and just listen and say Yeah I'll do it... but in reality I won't do anything.
I should never argue with them.
So I should just listen, pretend to agree to keep a ''Harmonious''.
I often argue with my mom, but it's ''normal'' she is my mom. She can know if I disagree or what so ever.
But with my parents in law it is different. If I argue, they feel I don't respect them.
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Posted: Wed Jun 30, 2021 1:39 pm
Speaking from my own experience and situation, and realising that no two people and/or situations are exactly the same, this is how I approached things with my in-laws:
I was always respectful and willing to listen to whatever they had to say. I am also an adult quite capable of making my own decisions. I disagreed with them on certain issues but I never argued with them. When they suggested I do something I was not enthusiastic about, I usually responded, "I'll take that into consideration," and leave it at that. (or some other non-committal response such as, "I hear you," or "Hmm, that's something to think about." ) This way they knew I heard them, valued their input and was not just blowing them off.
"If I want them to like me, I need to be FAKE..."
I'm not sure what you mean by that, but in my experience I cannot form a meaningful relationship of any kind when I am not being my true authentic self. If other people don't like me, that's OK, I don't need everyone to like me, I just require others to be civil and respectful...and if they can't do that then I won't be around them.
I totally get these are your partner's parents and you want to get along. That's quite natural. It's important that each party to a relationship respect each other, even when they disagree. (and it's OK to disagree with his parents) As long as you come from a place of love and speak to them the way you want them to speak to you, there shouldn't be anything you can't work out.
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