before this quarantine I was and still am wanting to runaway.
But...always a but huh.
i'm 39. Single mother of 19 year old twins. i have never lived outside of my place (well my moms) except for a few months when i was trapped at a guys grandparents place and that was 19-20 years ago. I didn't know at the time i was being verbally and sexually abused. His grandparents and mom was trying to force me to marry him. just to clear his name on a criminal record. Another thing i had no clue about...sexual offenders (yay me...). That is what he was listed as. he had me give up almost everything. friends, family, and tried to get me to quit my job. I didn't. i managed to get back home and stayed my a** there and on top i was pregnant. He had no interest with them. thankfully he got put in jail and i never had to deal with him again. It took me years to stop being afraid of him.
twins was born 2 months early. i went back to work to only have to quit cause my mom couldn't take care of them. (i was 20 at this time) kids got put into school at 3 years old. yay right? nope. i still couldn't work, still no friends. fast forward a few years to receiving a phone call every single day to pick my son up since they could not deal with him. (mental disability) to the school wanting to suspend him because they was sending him home.....confused riiiight. so homeschooled him a year and sent him back to school. everythings going great no issues with my daughter at her school or him either. so i start looking for a job...which was cut short due to the school calling. every. day. again.
needless to say i have not been able to get a job cause of my sons actions and my daughter passing out during every PE day. (found she had Scoliosis and Kyphosis) Had to pull him out of school. my daughter was able graduate and that was last year.
still no "friends", no job, never had time to my self and my sanity left me last year for sure. I take care of the twins along with my mom. Im the one who has to go get what ever, no one else. yes i have a brother that lives nearby, no he has never offered to watch my kids but i have watch all 3 of his along with my 2.
i haven't seen a movie in a theater since i was a kid, i haven't ate in a restaurant since before the kids. my lifestyle or decorations i had to put away, nothing holds my interest much anymore.(my son has made sure of that)
last year i lost it. i was close to not being here. not by pills but by bullet. what few "friends" (3 or 4) none that lived near cause i met them on here years ago and they live out of state. i tried reaching them ...texting...i guess they didn't care. they didn't help at all but 2 of them. i may get a hey once a month from them now.
im not alright. i want out. i want to be my own person. i want to know what its like to be my own person. im cracking. i want to go to places, i want to explore.
my mom wont leave the house, the kids are the same. i dont want to be like this forever! i want to be free is that wrong of me? i feel like i should be ashamed thinking such things. i cant laugh....i dont smile. when i do laugh its at anything and everything then i get shot down about laughing. so i stopped. i cant smile. when kids look at you scared to even grown people....i have to hide my fangs. (no really i have natural fangs)
but really. is it wrong of me to want to runaway? i mean...can i? am i allowed?
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 1:53 am
im sorry that you had to go through that ! i know what that feels like my first husband abused me really bad and left me for dead twice .... I am here for you if you need a freind to chat to about things ??
Your feelings are valid. you have every right to the feelings you feel
no one appears to be helping you or supporting you and on top of that everyone in your family seems to be putting their problems onto you rather than thinking or asking if you are okay.
By your words alone you are falling at the seams and lost your sense of self and that's very saddening to hear, is there any services that you can contact for a bit of respite? if not try to give yourself at least one self task each day and if you can try and sit your family together and talk about this. tell them you are hurting inside perhaps you could then share what it is that is deeply burdening you.
I've been in a similar boat myself I was 17 when I first got pregnant and I was in a very abusive relationship to which when I gave birth to a baby he did not want, he left me when she was 6 months after sexually abusing me holding me down by the throat, throwing hot bottles of baby milk at my back when I said no to sex... to raise her as a single parent. my mother rather than support me took over maternal duties seeing it as an opportunity to be a mother again I suppose she saw it as a distraction from my dads deteriorating health... I was suffering a mental breakdown and my dad was the only one really seeing my struggles. he died when I was 19 due to bone cancer (Myelofibrosis) which meant I had to struggle to raise my daughter and be a pillar to my mum who was suicidal... it meant I could not mourn his loss and I had to (man-up) and put all my pain on hold. at one stage she left me 3 months alone with my daughter to go drinking and partying with some guy she had slept with. Whilst meanwhile I became an insomniac who wasn't allowed to grieve for my dad and had run into a debt up of 20 grand trying to keep a roof above our heads as I had no way of working or getting anyone to care for my daughter. On top of this, to make matters worse.. my sister inlaw tipped off the child protection services to lie about me being a bad mother and so I had to fight for the love of my daughter even when she saw her grandma as a mother.
I'm in a better place now I am now 37 and she's now 19 I have 4 other children now... one being a Trans (Female to male) step-son
my mums still selfish I barely hear from her unless she wants to broadcast how wonderful her life is... I am married I find myself very lucky to of found the man who sticks by me...but I know not everyone is that lucky to find that support that I found in him.
It truly is a struggle even now to give me some me-time, hobbies are a great distraction but they don't fix the issue of loneliness. yes even with the support of my husband i still find myself being lonely, offline I have no friends I can talk to... other than family members and that can be rather tricky to convey my thought and feelings especially when many of them are so self-absorbed! So I know exactly how that must feel for you.
Your life is truly chaotic especially with kids that have such complex needs and demands... even at 19 those needs do not vanish ( believe me I know! me and my daughter, as well as my 13-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter, are on the spectrum ) so if you wish to talk or vent I am here.
Just know YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID and don't kick yourself for wanting your freedom after so long of feeling trapped Find at Least ONE THING THAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY whether that is a shower/ bath or putting makeup on .. Excercise, take a hobby. Do at least one thing that's exclusively for you, it could be anything as long as it is exclusive to you! in times like these, I can understand how getting out can be extremely harder now but note you are not alone <3
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 7:23 am
You have every right to feel the way you do. I am glad that you are in AMG so you can talk out your frustrations and feel less alone. Do something just for you every day whether it is a bubble bath or a walk. You have spent your life taking care of everyone else you deserve some time to your self. I would be happy to chat anytime you would like.
im sorry that you had to go through that ! i know what that feels like my first husband abused me really bad and left me for dead twice .... I am here for you if you need a freind to chat to about things ??
oh my gosh, im so sorry. emotion_hug not many want to talk to me, since my thoughts go in many directions. so i really don't know how to talk to others as badly as i want to.
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:19 pm
Pixelaited_Flooftronic
Your feelings are valid. you have every right to the feelings you feel
no one appears to be helping you or supporting you and on top of that everyone in your family seems to be putting their problems onto you rather than thinking or asking if you are okay.
By your words alone you are falling at the seams and lost your sense of self and that's very saddening to hear, is there any services that you can contact for a bit of respite? if not try to give yourself at least one self task each day and if you can try and sit your family together and talk about this. tell them you are hurting inside perhaps you could then share what it is that is deeply burdening you.
I've been in a similar boat myself I was 17 when I first got pregnant and I was in a very abusive relationship to which when I gave birth to a baby he did not want, he left me when she was 6 months after sexually abusing me holding me down by the throat, throwing hot bottles of baby milk at my back when I said no to sex... to raise her as a single parent. my mother rather than support me took over maternal duties seeing it as an opportunity to be a mother again I suppose she saw it as a distraction from my dads deteriorating health... I was suffering a mental breakdown and my dad was the only one really seeing my struggles. he died when I was 19 due to bone cancer (Myelofibrosis) which meant I had to struggle to raise my daughter and be a pillar to my mum who was suicidal... it meant I could not mourn his loss and I had to (man-up) and put all my pain on hold. at one stage she left me 3 months alone with my daughter to go drinking and partying with some guy she had slept with. Whilst meanwhile I became an insomniac who wasn't allowed to grieve for my dad and had run into a debt up of 20 grand trying to keep a roof above our heads as I had no way of working or getting anyone to care for my daughter. On top of this, to make matters worse.. my sister inlaw tipped off the child protection services to lie about me being a bad mother and so I had to fight for the love of my daughter even when she saw her grandma as a mother.
I'm in a better place now I am now 37 and she's now 19 I have 4 other children now... one being a Trans (Female to male) step-son
my mums still selfish I barely hear from her unless she wants to broadcast how wonderful her life is... I am married I find myself very lucky to of found the man who sticks by me...but I know not everyone is that lucky to find that support that I found in him.
It truly is a struggle even now to give me some me-time, hobbies are a great distraction but they don't fix the issue of loneliness. yes even with the support of my husband i still find myself being lonely, offline I have no friends I can talk to... other than family members and that can be rather tricky to convey my thought and feelings especially when many of them are so self-absorbed! So I know exactly how that must feel for you.
Your life is truly chaotic especially with kids that have such complex needs and demands... even at 19 those needs do not vanish ( believe me I know! me and my daughter, as well as my 13-year-old son and my 7-year-old daughter, are on the spectrum ) so if you wish to talk or vent I am here.
Just know YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID and don't kick yourself for wanting your freedom after so long of feeling trapped Find at Least ONE THING THAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF EACH DAY whether that is a shower/ bath or putting makeup on .. Excercise, take a hobby. Do at least one thing that's exclusively for you, it could be anything as long as it is exclusive to you! in times like these, I can understand how getting out can be extremely harder now but note you are not alone <3
not much of services here, and what i hear they don't really do much for others. I have in my own way tried voicing my problems....but that lead to more problems. so i stopped saying much. one of those damn if you do, damn if you don't. i seriously wonder how different it would be if my dad was still alive, like would my son be better with the father figure deal. (my son has started verbally abusing me...which hurts.) im glad you are in a better place. yeah...it's always gonna be there. i have some same issue as my son, just never was diagnosed but his is more severe. so we end up butting heads a lot. taking time for myself. i try. and have pretty much almost given up on even that!! take a shower 50/50 chance my son will yell for me. change into pants from shorts? where are you going gets asked by almost everyone. walk outside? where are you going. yard work? he comes and takes it away. Video games...i was sooo into those. not anymore. sweep the floor? missed this area. exercise...i feel emberessed when i try something and thats when im alone when every one finally goes to sleep. sleep...or laying there. is about the only way no one messes with me. does not help my severe depression. cant drive anywhere unless its to go get food or meds. and if i take to long ill get a text from my daughter on when i was getting back. my mom finally has stopped calling me when i go out asking since the family (including my brothers) have this where are you on our phones so she can track me. (i honestly dont mind since i have to travel out of town sometimes) i want to dress up...wear makeup. only problem, no store sells what i like or fit, (dark, black, goth, retro) a also have no money to by my own stuff. makeup...i dont even know how to use that, or to even do my hair. i know in the past i tried to learn on both but with the odd stares at the house i stopped. im feel dead inside. at the moment the only thing i have that no one else does is this music ive been listening to with headphones on. i get lost in this guys voice.
Spooky-Fangula
Lonely Vampire
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Spooky-Fangula
Lonely Vampire
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Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:27 pm
mama_bearr
You have every right to feel the way you do. I am glad that you are in AMG so you can talk out your frustrations and feel less alone. Do something just for you every day whether it is a bubble bath or a walk. You have spent your life taking care of everyone else you deserve some time to your self. I would be happy to chat anytime you would like.
gonk id be happy just for a bath! but the tub is to small sweatdrop so showers it is. walking...i get the where are you going. or don't walk far, the coyotes are out. i used to walk at night out on the property but they insist i stop cause we have a pack of coyotes nearby. yaaay. for some reason im not allowed to walk since when i used to and come back they are freaking out cause they didnt know where i went, or took to long. since i have a bad habit it seems to just go and not tell anyone so everyone gets their panties in a wad. so i stay ..in my room.
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 2:31 pm
im starting to wonder if i should start dressing up as the mad hatter and just sit in a chair somewhere clinking a tea cup to a saucer. they probably wouldn't get the joke...idea. or laugh then tell me to stop. most likely the latter ... emotion_8c
before this quarantine I was and still am wanting to runaway.
But...always a but huh.
i'm 39. Single mother of 19 year old twins. i have never lived outside of my place (well my moms) except for a few months when i was trapped at a guys grandparents place and that was 19-20 years ago. I didn't know at the time i was being verbally and sexually abused. His grandparents and mom was trying to force me to marry him. just to clear his name on a criminal record. Another thing i had no clue about...sexual offenders (yay me...). That is what he was listed as. he had me give up almost everything. friends, family, and tried to get me to quit my job. I didn't. i managed to get back home and stayed my a** there and on top i was pregnant. He had no interest with them. thankfully he got put in jail and i never had to deal with him again. It took me years to stop being afraid of him.
twins was born 2 months early. i went back to work to only have to quit cause my mom couldn't take care of them. (i was 20 at this time) kids got put into school at 3 years old. yay right? nope. i still couldn't work, still no friends. fast forward a few years to receiving a phone call every single day to pick my son up since they could not deal with him. (mental disability) to the school wanting to suspend him because they was sending him home.....confused riiiight. so homeschooled him a year and sent him back to school. everythings going great no issues with my daughter at her school or him either. so i start looking for a job...which was cut short due to the school calling. every. day. again.
needless to say i have not been able to get a job cause of my sons actions and my daughter passing out during every PE day. (found she had Scoliosis and Kyphosis) Had to pull him out of school. my daughter was able graduate and that was last year.
still no "friends", no job, never had time to my self and my sanity left me last year for sure. I take care of the twins along with my mom. Im the one who has to go get what ever, no one else. yes i have a brother that lives nearby, no he has never offered to watch my kids but i have watch all 3 of his along with my 2.
i haven't seen a movie in a theater since i was a kid, i haven't ate in a restaurant since before the kids. my lifestyle or decorations i had to put away, nothing holds my interest much anymore.(my son has made sure of that)
last year i lost it. i was close to not being here. not by pills but by bullet. what few "friends" (3 or 4) none that lived near cause i met them on here years ago and they live out of state. i tried reaching them ...texting...i guess they didn't care. they didn't help at all but 2 of them. i may get a hey once a month from them now.
im not alright. i want out. i want to be my own person. i want to know what its like to be my own person. im cracking. i want to go to places, i want to explore.
my mom wont leave the house, the kids are the same. i dont want to be like this forever! i want to be free is that wrong of me? i feel like i should be ashamed thinking such things. i cant laugh....i dont smile. when i do laugh its at anything and everything then i get shot down about laughing. so i stopped. i cant smile. when kids look at you scared to even grown people....i have to hide my fangs. (no really i have natural fangs)
but really. is it wrong of me to want to runaway? i mean...can i? am i allowed?
You know, something sort of similar happened to me, see I was raising 3 kids, with my ex, will not name him, I wanted him, the ex, to my 2 youngest kids,(I have 2 kids, from previous rela.) well to get out of my house, our house, he was mentally unstable, and well worked nights too, so was tired, get a few hrs sleep then try my best for the kids during the day, he helped sure, but then he changed, thought he was the anti -christ, they were crazy days, I wanted him out, it was beginning to depress me, he was hospitalised, 2 months , and well wasnt much better when he came back, to make my story short, I met someone else, he helped me to move away, far away, and now I own my own house, my kids are better, , I'm doing things I want to, but I did run away I guess,but it was a good move! and forever, from my ex! ,my kids wanted me to take them away lol they were scared of their own father! eek and I know now why they were frightened!
So if you've got money hid away, and you want to restart, pls do, there is so much more out there for you heart and your kids!
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 6:29 pm
Queentintin
Spooky-Fangula
WARNING!! It gets Very personal
before this quarantine I was and still am wanting to runaway.
But...always a but huh.
i'm 39. Single mother of 19 year old twins. i have never lived outside of my place (well my moms) except for a few months when i was trapped at a guys grandparents place and that was 19-20 years ago. I didn't know at the time i was being verbally and sexually abused. His grandparents and mom was trying to force me to marry him. just to clear his name on a criminal record. Another thing i had no clue about...sexual offenders (yay me...). That is what he was listed as. he had me give up almost everything. friends, family, and tried to get me to quit my job. I didn't. i managed to get back home and stayed my a** there and on top i was pregnant. He had no interest with them. thankfully he got put in jail and i never had to deal with him again. It took me years to stop being afraid of him.
twins was born 2 months early. i went back to work to only have to quit cause my mom couldn't take care of them. (i was 20 at this time) kids got put into school at 3 years old. yay right? nope. i still couldn't work, still no friends. fast forward a few years to receiving a phone call every single day to pick my son up since they could not deal with him. (mental disability) to the school wanting to suspend him because they was sending him home.....confused riiiight. so homeschooled him a year and sent him back to school. everythings going great no issues with my daughter at her school or him either. so i start looking for a job...which was cut short due to the school calling. every. day. again.
needless to say i have not been able to get a job cause of my sons actions and my daughter passing out during every PE day. (found she had Scoliosis and Kyphosis) Had to pull him out of school. my daughter was able graduate and that was last year.
still no "friends", no job, never had time to my self and my sanity left me last year for sure. I take care of the twins along with my mom. Im the one who has to go get what ever, no one else. yes i have a brother that lives nearby, no he has never offered to watch my kids but i have watch all 3 of his along with my 2.
i haven't seen a movie in a theater since i was a kid, i haven't ate in a restaurant since before the kids. my lifestyle or decorations i had to put away, nothing holds my interest much anymore.(my son has made sure of that)
last year i lost it. i was close to not being here. not by pills but by bullet. what few "friends" (3 or 4) none that lived near cause i met them on here years ago and they live out of state. i tried reaching them ...texting...i guess they didn't care. they didn't help at all but 2 of them. i may get a hey once a month from them now.
im not alright. i want out. i want to be my own person. i want to know what its like to be my own person. im cracking. i want to go to places, i want to explore.
my mom wont leave the house, the kids are the same. i dont want to be like this forever! i want to be free is that wrong of me? i feel like i should be ashamed thinking such things. i cant laugh....i dont smile. when i do laugh its at anything and everything then i get shot down about laughing. so i stopped. i cant smile. when kids look at you scared to even grown people....i have to hide my fangs. (no really i have natural fangs)
but really. is it wrong of me to want to runaway? i mean...can i? am i allowed?
You know, something sort of similar happened to me, see I was raising 3 kids, with my ex, will not name him, I wanted him, the ex, to my 2 youngest kids,(I have 2 kids, from previous rela.) well to get out of my house, our house, he was mentally unstable, and well worked nights too, so was tired, get a few hrs sleep then try my best for the kids during the day, he helped sure, but then he changed, thought he was the anti -christ, they were crazy days, I wanted him out, it was beginning to depress me, he was hospitalised, 2 months , and well wasnt much better when he came back, to make my story short, I met someone else, he helped me to move away, far away, and now I own my own house, my kids are better, , I'm doing things I want to, but I did run away I guess,but it was a good move! and forever, from my ex! ,my kids wanted me to take them away lol they were scared of their own father! eek and I know now why they were frightened!
So if you've got money hid away, and you want to restart, pls do, there is so much more out there for you heart and your kids!
see my problem is i want to run away from my kids too.
before this quarantine I was and still am wanting to runaway.
But...always a but huh.
i'm 39. Single mother of 19 year old twins. i have never lived outside of my place (well my moms) except for a few months when i was trapped at a guys grandparents place and that was 19-20 years ago. I didn't know at the time i was being verbally and sexually abused. His grandparents and mom was trying to force me to marry him. just to clear his name on a criminal record. Another thing i had no clue about...sexual offenders (yay me...). That is what he was listed as. he had me give up almost everything. friends, family, and tried to get me to quit my job. I didn't. i managed to get back home and stayed my a** there and on top i was pregnant. He had no interest with them. thankfully he got put in jail and i never had to deal with him again. It took me years to stop being afraid of him.
twins was born 2 months early. i went back to work to only have to quit cause my mom couldn't take care of them. (i was 20 at this time) kids got put into school at 3 years old. yay right? nope. i still couldn't work, still no friends. fast forward a few years to receiving a phone call every single day to pick my son up since they could not deal with him. (mental disability) to the school wanting to suspend him because they was sending him home.....confused riiiight. so homeschooled him a year and sent him back to school. everythings going great no issues with my daughter at her school or him either. so i start looking for a job...which was cut short due to the school calling. every. day. again.
needless to say i have not been able to get a job cause of my sons actions and my daughter passing out during every PE day. (found she had Scoliosis and Kyphosis) Had to pull him out of school. my daughter was able graduate and that was last year.
still no "friends", no job, never had time to my self and my sanity left me last year for sure. I take care of the twins along with my mom. Im the one who has to go get what ever, no one else. yes i have a brother that lives nearby, no he has never offered to watch my kids but i have watch all 3 of his along with my 2.
i haven't seen a movie in a theater since i was a kid, i haven't ate in a restaurant since before the kids. my lifestyle or decorations i had to put away, nothing holds my interest much anymore.(my son has made sure of that)
last year i lost it. i was close to not being here. not by pills but by bullet. what few "friends" (3 or 4) none that lived near cause i met them on here years ago and they live out of state. i tried reaching them ...texting...i guess they didn't care. they didn't help at all but 2 of them. i may get a hey once a month from them now.
im not alright. i want out. i want to be my own person. i want to know what its like to be my own person. im cracking. i want to go to places, i want to explore.
my mom wont leave the house, the kids are the same. i dont want to be like this forever! i want to be free is that wrong of me? i feel like i should be ashamed thinking such things. i cant laugh....i dont smile. when i do laugh its at anything and everything then i get shot down about laughing. so i stopped. i cant smile. when kids look at you scared to even grown people....i have to hide my fangs. (no really i have natural fangs)
but really. is it wrong of me to want to runaway? i mean...can i? am i allowed?
You know, something sort of similar happened to me, see I was raising 3 kids, with my ex, will not name him, I wanted him, the ex, to my 2 youngest kids,(I have 2 kids, from previous rela.) well to get out of my house, our house, he was mentally unstable, and well worked nights too, so was tired, get a few hrs sleep then try my best for the kids during the day, he helped sure, but then he changed, thought he was the anti -christ, they were crazy days, I wanted him out, it was beginning to depress me, he was hospitalised, 2 months , and well wasnt much better when he came back, to make my story short, I met someone else, he helped me to move away, far away, and now I own my own house, my kids are better, , I'm doing things I want to, but I did run away I guess,but it was a good move! and forever, from my ex! ,my kids wanted me to take them away lol they were scared of their own father! eek and I know now why they were frightened!
So if you've got money hid away, and you want to restart, pls do, there is so much more out there for you heart and your kids!
see my problem is i want to run away from my kids too.
Ahh, ok, well then Idk, maybe if you have someone who you can trust, leave them for a while with them, then take time for yourself ^^
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 6:39 pm
Spooky-Fangula
WARNING!! It gets Very personal
before this quarantine I was and still am wanting to runaway.
But...always a but huh.
i'm 39. Single mother of 19 year old twins. i have never lived outside of my place (well my moms) except for a few months when i was trapped at a guys grandparents place and that was 19-20 years ago. I didn't know at the time i was being verbally and sexually abused. His grandparents and mom was trying to force me to marry him. just to clear his name on a criminal record. Another thing i had no clue about...sexual offenders (yay me...). That is what he was listed as. he had me give up almost everything. friends, family, and tried to get me to quit my job. I didn't. i managed to get back home and stayed my a** there and on top i was pregnant. He had no interest with them. thankfully he got put in jail and i never had to deal with him again. It took me years to stop being afraid of him.
twins was born 2 months early. i went back to work to only have to quit cause my mom couldn't take care of them. (i was 20 at this time) kids got put into school at 3 years old. yay right? nope. i still couldn't work, still no friends. fast forward a few years to receiving a phone call every single day to pick my son up since they could not deal with him. (mental disability) to the school wanting to suspend him because they was sending him home.....confused riiiight. so homeschooled him a year and sent him back to school. everythings going great no issues with my daughter at her school or him either. so i start looking for a job...which was cut short due to the school calling. every. day. again.
needless to say i have not been able to get a job cause of my sons actions and my daughter passing out during every PE day. (found she had Scoliosis and Kyphosis) Had to pull him out of school. my daughter was able graduate and that was last year.
still no "friends", no job, never had time to my self and my sanity left me last year for sure. I take care of the twins along with my mom. Im the one who has to go get what ever, no one else. yes i have a brother that lives nearby, no he has never offered to watch my kids but i have watch all 3 of his along with my 2.
i haven't seen a movie in a theater since i was a kid, i haven't ate in a restaurant since before the kids. my lifestyle or decorations i had to put away, nothing holds my interest much anymore.(my son has made sure of that)
last year i lost it. i was close to not being here. not by pills but by bullet. what few "friends" (3 or 4) none that lived near cause i met them on here years ago and they live out of state. i tried reaching them ...texting...i guess they didn't care. they didn't help at all but 2 of them. i may get a hey once a month from them now.
im not alright. i want out. i want to be my own person. i want to know what its like to be my own person. im cracking. i want to go to places, i want to explore.
my mom wont leave the house, the kids are the same. i dont want to be like this forever! i want to be free is that wrong of me? i feel like i should be ashamed thinking such things. i cant laugh....i dont smile. when i do laugh its at anything and everything then i get shot down about laughing. so i stopped. i cant smile. when kids look at you scared to even grown people....i have to hide my fangs. (no really i have natural fangs)
but really. is it wrong of me to want to runaway? i mean...can i? am i allowed?
What you feel, it's no wrong. Abuse can trigger different kind of point of view after ''the storm''. I can't say I understand what you are feeling but, I kinda can relate. I was sexually abused at my early years (around 12..) by someone who was family and later, by my first boyfriend. I hid it secretly, until my friends found me all bleeding and trying to cover my wound with makeup.
But what i can say is that if you runaway, you won't be able to recover fully. I know you don't know in real person, and I'm kind of socially awkward, i can be late to reply (Its kinda difficult for me to too for other few reasons) but, I can be a pair of hearing ears for you, i can lend you my shoulder (my digital one of course haha) or just be hear for you.
You are not alone in this. You have to, though, take care of you, running away now, could be even more harmful for you and your body health is vital for you take that step ahead to heal yourself.
Its a pretty scaring what happened to you but you were brave enough to speak about this, i'm sure you're strong enough to overcome this smile
im sorry that you had to go through that ! i know what that feels like my first husband abused me really bad and left me for dead twice .... I am here for you if you need a freind to chat to about things ??
oh my gosh, im so sorry. emotion_hug not many want to talk to me, since my thoughts go in many directions. so i really don't know how to talk to others as badly as i want to.
well im always here . im here for those that really need me
Posted: Fri Apr 24, 2020 8:16 pm
Spooky-Fangula
mama_bearr
You have every right to feel the way you do. I am glad that you are in AMG so you can talk out your frustrations and feel less alone. Do something just for you every day whether it is a bubble bath or a walk. You have spent your life taking care of everyone else you deserve some time to your self. I would be happy to chat anytime you would like.
gonk id be happy just for a bath! but the tub is to small sweatdrop so showers it is. walking...i get the where are you going. or don't walk far, the coyotes are out. i used to walk at night out on the property but they insist i stop cause we have a pack of coyotes nearby. yaaay. for some reason im not allowed to walk since when i used to and come back they are freaking out cause they didnt know where i went, or took to long. since i have a bad habit it seems to just go and not tell anyone so everyone gets their panties in a wad. so i stay ..in my room.
I prefer showers to bathes too. Coyotes never attack people. We have lots of coyotes around here. Tell them you are gong for a walk and will be gone for 1 hour. If you walk for 1 hour and return for several days then they will stop bugging you and no panty wadding. lol
I've got the hatter's shakes that make me break and take it easy Full of mercury and quickly silver running through my veins...
ok so these past two days, my mom has been telling me to get over myself. my depression has hit and i havent been right. Does not help that i tried telling her how i don't like how my son abuses me with words. Which she said he was abusing himself. ????? how? so since i've said that she has been quick to jump on my case.
what the hell....really. and tonight i was sitting on the porch and was told very boldly by him to get in. never would say why just that i needed to be inside. i wasn't even 5ft from the door. =/
can i be kidnapped now?
...I'm sick, I'm sane, I'm glad, I'm mad, I'm bad, I'm feeling dizzy My mind is in a frenzy and my world is out of sense
