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It was getting pretty late when the event at the museum ended, but Ptolemaeus still wasnât quite ready to call it a night at 10pm. He felt like getting some air and there was someone he had intended to see on this particular day, but he wasnât sure if said person would still be out and about. It couldnât have hurt to try looking, though.
Before transforming, heâd bought a small, heart-shaped, ribbon-tied box at his local convenience store and taken it along when he went out to patrol the city just in case he happened to run into a certain sailor scout. Of course, Chara could have very well been busy with his own business. Who knew what the senshi of chocolate liked to do on Valentineâs Day?
Before transforming, heâd bought a small, heart-shaped, ribbon-tied box at his local convenience store and taken it along when he went out to patrol the city just in case he happened to run into a certain sailor scout. Of course, Chara could have very well been busy with his own business. Who knew what the senshi of chocolate liked to do on Valentineâs Day?
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For the most part, Chara didn't really like Valentine's day. It seemed like such a waste of time and effort, people scrambling around, trying to make sure they don't disappoint their significant others. He, himself, rather enjoyed the day after when all the candy went on sale, and he could spoil his family with sugar they really didn't need. Still, he felt a little obligated to be out and about patrolling this evening, what with being the Senshi of chocolate and what not. He wasn't about to play some ******** cupid, but with so many people out and about with their smiles and laughter and stupid love sick grins, he just needed to be out there.
Besides, keeping their dumb asses safe helped to distract from his own longing heart.
He knew his pining was stupid, and his hopeful little thoughts of seeing that man again was a terrible thing to want in the first place, but he couldn't help it. Try as he might, he couldn't find a touch like that man's, nor did he ever manage to find a person with whom he could relax with like he did with him. And even now he found a hole burning on the tip of his tongue, aching with the need to tell Ptolemaeus of what he's seen, of whom he had met since they last ran into one anotherâŠ
Chara let out a sound of displeasure towards himself as he caught another couple walking arm and arm down the darkened park pathway. Geh⊠A pang of jealousy filled his chest for the briefest of moments. He hardly thought he was anyone to woo or whatever. ********, the only time he ever got so much as a paper card was the mandatory ones in elementary school. Who the ******** could love a brat like himself anyway? Turning back from them, he ventured back towards the city feeling the familiar signature of that annoying man, of Ptolemaeus⊠Not wanting to seem too eager to see the other, he slowly approaches him, hiding his jealousy behind a small smirk as he spotted the chocolates in the others hand. He hated the thought of Ptolemaeus getting attention from anyone else on the Civ side of things⊠It somehow made the awkward thing between them feel less real.
âLooks like you had some luck in the romance department, huh, Ptolemy? And here I thought you hated Chocolate.â
Besides, keeping their dumb asses safe helped to distract from his own longing heart.
He knew his pining was stupid, and his hopeful little thoughts of seeing that man again was a terrible thing to want in the first place, but he couldn't help it. Try as he might, he couldn't find a touch like that man's, nor did he ever manage to find a person with whom he could relax with like he did with him. And even now he found a hole burning on the tip of his tongue, aching with the need to tell Ptolemaeus of what he's seen, of whom he had met since they last ran into one anotherâŠ
Chara let out a sound of displeasure towards himself as he caught another couple walking arm and arm down the darkened park pathway. Geh⊠A pang of jealousy filled his chest for the briefest of moments. He hardly thought he was anyone to woo or whatever. ********, the only time he ever got so much as a paper card was the mandatory ones in elementary school. Who the ******** could love a brat like himself anyway? Turning back from them, he ventured back towards the city feeling the familiar signature of that annoying man, of Ptolemaeus⊠Not wanting to seem too eager to see the other, he slowly approaches him, hiding his jealousy behind a small smirk as he spotted the chocolates in the others hand. He hated the thought of Ptolemaeus getting attention from anyone else on the Civ side of things⊠It somehow made the awkward thing between them feel less real.
âLooks like you had some luck in the romance department, huh, Ptolemy? And here I thought you hated Chocolate.â
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âHm?â As the Dark Mirror senshi bounded toward the familiar figure he was certain was just the person he was looking for, Charaâs words made him pause and look down at the box in his hand. âOh, these? Hahaha, theyâre white chocolate, actually. Which, from what I hear, isnât really chocolate. Maybe I should have saved it for White Day, butâŠâ He shrugged. âI wanted to get you something, and I figured you were probably sick of just plain old chocolates. Maybe I should have gotten something else, like those gummy hearts or the little Sweetheart candies that say stuff on them.â
Leaping down from a low roof to a window sill and then the alleyway floor, he stood back up and presented the box to the White Moon senshi with a grin. âHappy Valentineâs Day, Kisses. Iâm not much of a romantic, but I was curious as to what the Senshi of Chocolate would be doing this evening.â
Leaping down from a low roof to a window sill and then the alleyway floor, he stood back up and presented the box to the White Moon senshi with a grin. âHappy Valentineâs Day, Kisses. Iâm not much of a romantic, but I was curious as to what the Senshi of Chocolate would be doing this evening.â
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âNo, white chocolate isnât chocolate, Iâll give you that. Itâs like.. A byproduct or something. Alot sweeter.â His eyes still curiously watched the box in his arm, then they widened, a faint blush coming over his cheeks as the older man stated they were for him, rather than a present received. Words were lost on his tongue as Ptolemaeus came closer, bounding down before landing before him and offering the box to Chara with that ever remaining grin on his face. Did he ever NOT grin? It was that grin that caused Charaâs boyish blush to turn into more of an angry heat in his face.
âWhat the ******** are you doing, a*****e? Teasing me like this? I bet they really were just some gift from some sorry sap who might have thought you were worth pining over, and since you donât like chocolate, you were just going to shove them off on me, huh?â Chara WANTED to just shut his mouth and accept them like a proper young man would. Maybe it really did mean something, but of course his stubborn nature and surprisingly low self-esteem wouldnât allow even the entertaining of such a thought.
The box was glared at for a few more moments, then a hand came out to push it away. Not forcefully, but enough to push Ptolemyâs hand back down to his side.
âI thought we were beyond teasing. But if you have to know, Iâm out patrolling, as I ALWAYS do. I have to keep these sorry assholes safe while they throw their hearts every which way this evening. Stumbling home drunk is the perfect way to make yourself a target.â
âWhat the ******** are you doing, a*****e? Teasing me like this? I bet they really were just some gift from some sorry sap who might have thought you were worth pining over, and since you donât like chocolate, you were just going to shove them off on me, huh?â Chara WANTED to just shut his mouth and accept them like a proper young man would. Maybe it really did mean something, but of course his stubborn nature and surprisingly low self-esteem wouldnât allow even the entertaining of such a thought.
The box was glared at for a few more moments, then a hand came out to push it away. Not forcefully, but enough to push Ptolemyâs hand back down to his side.
âI thought we were beyond teasing. But if you have to know, Iâm out patrolling, as I ALWAYS do. I have to keep these sorry assholes safe while they throw their hearts every which way this evening. Stumbling home drunk is the perfect way to make yourself a target.â
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âItâs sweeter? And a byproduct?â the older senshi repeated. âHuh. I donât remember reading or hearing about that.â Noticing Charaâs blush as he approached, his default grin broadened into something more sly as he endured the otherâs berating. âOh no, Iâm not teasing. This is just payback for the chocolates you were kind enough to give me in the past. Think I might still have burn marks from some of âem. Would be rude not to return the favor, right?â
When the box was pushed back at him, Ptolemaeus shrugged and leaned back against one wall of the cramped alley, opening the box himself so he could pop one of the bite-size white confections into his mouth. âYâknow, some people call each other âhoneyâ or âsweetheartâ, but your pet names are the best, I think,â he snickered as he ate. âFirst of all, Kisses, since these arenât really chocolate, why the hell would I need to shove them off on you? Secondly,â he continued, carefully selecting another piece, âIâm pretty sure most people who know me - whether as a civilian or a senshi - are very well aware Iâm not worth pining over. And finally,â the senshi stated more seriously, lifting the white chocolate to Charaâs lips, âIf I knew they were pining over me, I wouldnât just accept chocolates or anything else from them. Not before we discussed the matter. That wouldnât be fair.â
Then his playful smile returned. âI donât know what you mean by being âbeyondâ teasing. As far as Iâm concerned, no one is beyond teasing. But that was clever, pushing these things back at me so Iâd have to hand-feed you.â
Gazing out at the dark street with the couples still lingering about, he considered Charaâs words. âKisses...why do you do this, again? Is it for yourself? Or those âsorry assholesâ?â
When the box was pushed back at him, Ptolemaeus shrugged and leaned back against one wall of the cramped alley, opening the box himself so he could pop one of the bite-size white confections into his mouth. âYâknow, some people call each other âhoneyâ or âsweetheartâ, but your pet names are the best, I think,â he snickered as he ate. âFirst of all, Kisses, since these arenât really chocolate, why the hell would I need to shove them off on you? Secondly,â he continued, carefully selecting another piece, âIâm pretty sure most people who know me - whether as a civilian or a senshi - are very well aware Iâm not worth pining over. And finally,â the senshi stated more seriously, lifting the white chocolate to Charaâs lips, âIf I knew they were pining over me, I wouldnât just accept chocolates or anything else from them. Not before we discussed the matter. That wouldnât be fair.â
Then his playful smile returned. âI donât know what you mean by being âbeyondâ teasing. As far as Iâm concerned, no one is beyond teasing. But that was clever, pushing these things back at me so Iâd have to hand-feed you.â
Gazing out at the dark street with the couples still lingering about, he considered Charaâs words. âKisses...why do you do this, again? Is it for yourself? Or those âsorry assholesâ?â
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âIâm sure you would just love to taste my chocolates on your skin again after you used your magic, wouldnât you?â Chara could just feel his face burning up hotter and hotter as Ptolemaeus continued to tease him, talking of his nicknames and of his reasoning behind things. His mouth didnât want to open in response though. He was right, he WASNâT worth pining over, but it didnât stop him from pining after him. It was stupid, so very stupid⊠But that didnât stop his chest from pounding as the far taller man came close to him and press the fake-chocolate to his lips, nor did it stop him from taking it slowly with his teeth and drawing it into his mouth, chew it It wasnât the best, yet the eroticness of it all certainly didnât let him down.
For a moment, his eyes could no longer meet the otherâs, and he watched the shadows on the ground. âWhat can I say⊠I like it when you give me attentionâŠâ His voice was soft and barely above a mutter as his anger just kinda ebbed away. The Dark Mirror Senshi did seem to have an odd calming effect on him; as quickly as he was riled up, he was brought back down. An emotional rollercoaster if there ever was one.
âI do it to help others. I told you that time and time again a*****e. My answer isnât going to change, you know. Plus, thereâs creepers like you lurking in the shadows. Someoneâs gotta keep these people safe. Whatâs your excuse?â
For a moment, his eyes could no longer meet the otherâs, and he watched the shadows on the ground. âWhat can I say⊠I like it when you give me attentionâŠâ His voice was soft and barely above a mutter as his anger just kinda ebbed away. The Dark Mirror Senshi did seem to have an odd calming effect on him; as quickly as he was riled up, he was brought back down. An emotional rollercoaster if there ever was one.
âI do it to help others. I told you that time and time again a*****e. My answer isnât going to change, you know. Plus, thereâs creepers like you lurking in the shadows. Someoneâs gotta keep these people safe. Whatâs your excuse?â
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The Dark Mirror senshiâs grin actually faltered and he looked at Chara before forcing a laugh. âHa...actually, if you did that to me again, I think Iâd prefer to just get burned rather than use my magic. I may usually give in to my bodyâs urges and instincts, but if itâs without my consent or control, I generally donât appreciate it.â
He smiled in satisfaction as the other accepted the sweet, even if he didnât quite meet his gaze. âDonât you have other people who give you attention?â Ptolemaeus closed the box again and set it down on a small crate before moving over to wrap his arms loosely about Chara, guiding him to lean against his chest. âI figured today would have been especially lonely for you if you had no one to spend it with. Not sure about your civilian life, but I thought I could at least make sure you had company on your patrol.â
âIf you do it to help them, why do you sound so resentful about it all the time? Calling them assholes and sounding so unhappy about needing to protect them. Or is âa*****eâ really just your general term of affection and is insulting them your backwards way of showing you care? Because those would explain a lot.â He craned his neck slightly to rest his chin on the top of Charaâs head.
He smiled in satisfaction as the other accepted the sweet, even if he didnât quite meet his gaze. âDonât you have other people who give you attention?â Ptolemaeus closed the box again and set it down on a small crate before moving over to wrap his arms loosely about Chara, guiding him to lean against his chest. âI figured today would have been especially lonely for you if you had no one to spend it with. Not sure about your civilian life, but I thought I could at least make sure you had company on your patrol.â
âIf you do it to help them, why do you sound so resentful about it all the time? Calling them assholes and sounding so unhappy about needing to protect them. Or is âa*****eâ really just your general term of affection and is insulting them your backwards way of showing you care? Because those would explain a lot.â He craned his neck slightly to rest his chin on the top of Charaâs head.
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The faltered smile didnât go unnoticed, and immediately he regretted it.
âI didnât mean it like that⊠I wonât do it, I swear... â Though the thought of Ptolemy being rough with him again excited him just a bit, he would rather anything they did be spurred on by sweet and true feelings than accidental druggings. It was an interesting thought of having the chocolates used on himself, thoughâŠ
âYeah, but⊠Itâs not the same as yours⊠Geesh, stop making this so mushy and grossâŠâ The other didnât need to know how much use his mouth got from others in alleys like the one they were in now, nor how willing and ready he had become to get that âattentionâ he craved. But it was true, nothing felt as good as it did with Ptolemy. As he said this, he readily leaned against the other, feeling relaxed and safe in his arms. His own came up to loosely rest on the slope of Ptolemaeusâ hips, enjoying his warmth. As comfortable as it was, the other really, truly, did not know how to shut his mouth. Chara couldnât stop his gloved fingers from digging into the otherâs hips through his clothing.
âNo, a*****e is the same as the word people. Everyone is assholes. Itâs more polite than calling them ********. And I never came up with a good nickname for you, so you kinda defaulted to a*****e too. I donât really⊠I am not resentful, just tired and stressed all the ******** time.â He paused and debated a thought for just a moment. âI like having you around though⊠Even if you make me angry as all hell sometimes. Tonight is just⊠Touchy. Love and mushy s**t and all that is really weird and foreign to me.â
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, pushing his face closer to Ptolemyâs chest.
âI donât know anything about it⊠But with you, I feel better⊠And that means something, right?â
âI didnât mean it like that⊠I wonât do it, I swear... â Though the thought of Ptolemy being rough with him again excited him just a bit, he would rather anything they did be spurred on by sweet and true feelings than accidental druggings. It was an interesting thought of having the chocolates used on himself, thoughâŠ
âYeah, but⊠Itâs not the same as yours⊠Geesh, stop making this so mushy and grossâŠâ The other didnât need to know how much use his mouth got from others in alleys like the one they were in now, nor how willing and ready he had become to get that âattentionâ he craved. But it was true, nothing felt as good as it did with Ptolemy. As he said this, he readily leaned against the other, feeling relaxed and safe in his arms. His own came up to loosely rest on the slope of Ptolemaeusâ hips, enjoying his warmth. As comfortable as it was, the other really, truly, did not know how to shut his mouth. Chara couldnât stop his gloved fingers from digging into the otherâs hips through his clothing.
âNo, a*****e is the same as the word people. Everyone is assholes. Itâs more polite than calling them ********. And I never came up with a good nickname for you, so you kinda defaulted to a*****e too. I donât really⊠I am not resentful, just tired and stressed all the ******** time.â He paused and debated a thought for just a moment. âI like having you around though⊠Even if you make me angry as all hell sometimes. Tonight is just⊠Touchy. Love and mushy s**t and all that is really weird and foreign to me.â
With a deep breath, he closed his eyes, pushing his face closer to Ptolemyâs chest.
âI donât know anything about it⊠But with you, I feel better⊠And that means something, right?â
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The black-haired young manâs brows rose. âYou didnât mean what? That youâd use your chocolate?â he asked, astonished. âItâs alright, Chara; Iâm not worried about that. Even if you did that, Iâd still have to use my magic to change it for it to have the same effect, so itâs not likely to happen again. And it wasnât your fault in the first place.â
Laughing aloud, Ptolemaeus inquired, âWhatâs mushy and gross about it? Not affection, right? Or you wouldnât crave it. You mean you donât like admitting that mine is different?â A low, deep rumble not unlike a purr seemed to escape the back of his throat at Charaâs touch and he closed his eyes as he concentrated on entirety of their contact and shared warmth.
âTo each their own,â he crooned softly upon hearing Charaâs synonym for âpeopleâ. âHeheh...weird to me that you donât just call them âpeopleâ if youâre trying to be polite, since âassholesâ isnât exactly the nicest term to refer to them, either.â Eyes still closed, he questioned, âWhy donât you take a break for a little while, then? No oneâs constantly making you go out and look for trouble, are they? Take some time off playing superhero for a while. The world wonât fall apart if you decide to take a short vacation.â
Ptolemy snorted in amusement. âThatâs part of my charm; couldnât you tell? I piss off people pretty easily, seems like. But I get it, about being extra lonely on Valentineâs Day. Must be hard being single when you donât want to be, I suppose.â He opened his dark eyes to look down at Chara when the shorter senshi pressed his face further against his chest. âYou go to school, right? Thereâs no one you have a crush on in your class or daily life?â
His smile became fonder at the question posed him. âOf course it does. And Iâm glad I can be here for you.â The Dark Mirror scout ruffled the White Moonâs hair. âItâd be a shame if I was your only refuge from loneliness, though, especially because we donât see each other that often. Donât you have other people in your life that can provide you with support? Or do you just push them all away?â
Laughing aloud, Ptolemaeus inquired, âWhatâs mushy and gross about it? Not affection, right? Or you wouldnât crave it. You mean you donât like admitting that mine is different?â A low, deep rumble not unlike a purr seemed to escape the back of his throat at Charaâs touch and he closed his eyes as he concentrated on entirety of their contact and shared warmth.
âTo each their own,â he crooned softly upon hearing Charaâs synonym for âpeopleâ. âHeheh...weird to me that you donât just call them âpeopleâ if youâre trying to be polite, since âassholesâ isnât exactly the nicest term to refer to them, either.â Eyes still closed, he questioned, âWhy donât you take a break for a little while, then? No oneâs constantly making you go out and look for trouble, are they? Take some time off playing superhero for a while. The world wonât fall apart if you decide to take a short vacation.â
Ptolemy snorted in amusement. âThatâs part of my charm; couldnât you tell? I piss off people pretty easily, seems like. But I get it, about being extra lonely on Valentineâs Day. Must be hard being single when you donât want to be, I suppose.â He opened his dark eyes to look down at Chara when the shorter senshi pressed his face further against his chest. âYou go to school, right? Thereâs no one you have a crush on in your class or daily life?â
His smile became fonder at the question posed him. âOf course it does. And Iâm glad I can be here for you.â The Dark Mirror scout ruffled the White Moonâs hair. âItâd be a shame if I was your only refuge from loneliness, though, especially because we donât see each other that often. Donât you have other people in your life that can provide you with support? Or do you just push them all away?â
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âA break? What good would a break do? I feel fine, and Iâm sure Iâm better off than some of the others Iâve met. And I have some senshi friends these days, some mentors and some I instruct a bit. But itâs nothing stressful.â His mind briefly went to the Dark Mirror Senshi Juliett he had fought recently. Old habits die hard, and he had attacked her first, but⊠He did find himself stopping when she had no fight whatsoever. Chara didnât want to think about her, not when he had a pair of warm arms about him.
He pressed closer in towards the other, wanting more and more of his touch. ******** being ashamed of it, he didnât care, he just really wanted Ptolemaeus touch.
âI do go to school, but Iâm graduating soon. I never think much about the people there. They are all cookie-cutter geniuses. Hell, Iâm probably one too, but I donât really think about anyone romantically⊠Well, no one except you.â Towards the end of speaking, Charaâs voice dropped to a whisper, and his hands came up to wrap around the otherâs neck, drawing him closer.
âDonât say anything about me being foolish for feeling this way, or that youâre not someone worth âpiningâ after. Sure, I said it, but I didnât mean it...I pine and want and dream and I hate and love it at the same time. And I donât think of anyone else, I donât want to.â
He pressed closer in towards the other, wanting more and more of his touch. ******** being ashamed of it, he didnât care, he just really wanted Ptolemaeus touch.
âI do go to school, but Iâm graduating soon. I never think much about the people there. They are all cookie-cutter geniuses. Hell, Iâm probably one too, but I donât really think about anyone romantically⊠Well, no one except you.â Towards the end of speaking, Charaâs voice dropped to a whisper, and his hands came up to wrap around the otherâs neck, drawing him closer.
âDonât say anything about me being foolish for feeling this way, or that youâre not someone worth âpiningâ after. Sure, I said it, but I didnât mean it...I pine and want and dream and I hate and love it at the same time. And I donât think of anyone else, I donât want to.â
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âYou feel fine? You just said you feel tired and stressed âall the ******** timeâ. How is that fine? I bet a break would do you wonders.â He shook his head. âI thought if you took a little off your plate, it might be easier to manage, but I guess if itâs your real life thatâs causing you the stress, then you wouldnât really want to take time off from being a senshi. What is it to you, then? A job? A stress-reliever? What is it thatâs making you tired, exactly?â
Ptolemaeus tightened the grip of his arms about the younger male protectively. He was studying Charaâs fluffy, two-toned hair when the shorter soldierâs words regarding thinking about anyone romantically sunk in. His brows rose once again and his lips parted slightly in surprise. Ptolemy didnât speak as Chara continued and was silent for a minute or two even after he finished. Then he closed his eyes, sighed heavily, and hugged the one-eyed youth closer.
âYouâre not foolish,â he murmured at last into his hair. âBut itâs true Iâm not someone worth pining after. You may not have meant it, but I did. You just donât know me well enough to understand why. And I know we canât help who we fall for, but...I get the feeling you might only like me that way because you donât feel like you have anyone else there for you, as a friend or otherwise.â
Ptolemaeus tightened the grip of his arms about the younger male protectively. He was studying Charaâs fluffy, two-toned hair when the shorter soldierâs words regarding thinking about anyone romantically sunk in. His brows rose once again and his lips parted slightly in surprise. Ptolemy didnât speak as Chara continued and was silent for a minute or two even after he finished. Then he closed his eyes, sighed heavily, and hugged the one-eyed youth closer.
âYouâre not foolish,â he murmured at last into his hair. âBut itâs true Iâm not someone worth pining after. You may not have meant it, but I did. You just donât know me well enough to understand why. And I know we canât help who we fall for, but...I get the feeling you might only like me that way because you donât feel like you have anyone else there for you, as a friend or otherwise.â
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âEhh⊠It wouldnât be any harm, but then I just worry about these people getting hurt and then I canât relax. Iâm fine where I am. Iâm fine. I am. Life is tiring so Iâm used to being tired. Iâm okay.â He didnât want to think about it⊠He truly didnât want to and just wanted to enjoy this gentle embrace that only tightened around him.
Yet the words that came about him sent his warm and loving feelings to ice in his veins. His arms loosened and moved to pushed Ptolemy away.
âDo you think Iâm that stupid? To just like you as I do because Iâm âaloneâ? Maybe in the beginning I was like that, but not now, not after all these different encounters weâve had. But obviously, you arenât convinced. I donât want to keep pretending that this is something more than it is if you donât feel the same way. I already feel stupid for confessing my feelings for you in the first place, and here you go, not even taking me seriously. Fine. Just fuucking fine.â His gentle pushings became a bit rougher, wanting to put distance between the man he once longed so deeply and himself. ******** he was so stupid!
He could feel his chest tightening more and more. It was so SO ******** stupid. There was no doubting how odd he was acting, how his words seemed to contradict themselves over and over again, but Chara had no idea how to control it. He had never felt something like this before, something as stupid and unhelpful as love tended to be. And with Ptolemaeus being how he was, there was no way heâd let himself feel this way ever again.
Was he being dramatic? Certainly, but werenât all teens that way?
âLeave me be, Ptolemaeus. What a fine ******** Valentineâs Day this was, thanks.â
Yet the words that came about him sent his warm and loving feelings to ice in his veins. His arms loosened and moved to pushed Ptolemy away.
âDo you think Iâm that stupid? To just like you as I do because Iâm âaloneâ? Maybe in the beginning I was like that, but not now, not after all these different encounters weâve had. But obviously, you arenât convinced. I donât want to keep pretending that this is something more than it is if you donât feel the same way. I already feel stupid for confessing my feelings for you in the first place, and here you go, not even taking me seriously. Fine. Just fuucking fine.â His gentle pushings became a bit rougher, wanting to put distance between the man he once longed so deeply and himself. ******** he was so stupid!
He could feel his chest tightening more and more. It was so SO ******** stupid. There was no doubting how odd he was acting, how his words seemed to contradict themselves over and over again, but Chara had no idea how to control it. He had never felt something like this before, something as stupid and unhelpful as love tended to be. And with Ptolemaeus being how he was, there was no way heâd let himself feel this way ever again.
Was he being dramatic? Certainly, but werenât all teens that way?
âLeave me be, Ptolemaeus. What a fine ******** Valentineâs Day this was, thanks.â
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âHeh...you act like you donât care about these âassholesâ, but when it comes to their safety, you worry about them more than most. Most people are selfish and donât care about the well-being of strangers, but you take too much on by considering yourself responsible for the entirety of Destiny City. No wonder youâre exhausted. You canât use the excuse that youâre used to it so that makes it okay, because it doesnât. Itâs wearing you down little by little.â His voice became more firm, but remained gentle.
âHuman beings - especially those who inhabit Destiny City - are stronger than you give them credit for. They face trials and get hurt all the time like with the events in winter regarding the monster poinsettias and biting rabbits or the Fall Festival with those bats. But you know what? What doesnât destroy this place makes it stronger. Thatâs why so many people fight back even without any special powers. Thatâs why they can survive. If youâre there to baby them all the time, thereâs no way theyâll have as much an awareness of whatâs going on, let alone be able to build up a resistance to it. Itâs like how a parent doesnât want their child to get hurt, but if they never let them fall, the kid will never learn what it means to endure the pain of an injury, heal, and find the will to get back up again. Thatâs why itâs good for both you and them for you to take a break every now and then You canât properly protect them from the Negaverse if youâre too tired to fight, after all.â
Ptolemaeus was expecting Charaâs withdrawal and did his best to keep him in his arms, tightening his hold even further. âStupidity has nothing to do with it,â he told him, all trace of his former smile gone as he kept his countenance impassive. âItâs natural to be drawn to someone you wouldnât ordinarily be drawn to when youâre desperate, and loneliness often makes people desperate. I know what thatâs like, Chara. And I appreciate you could tell me honestly what you think, so please donât feel stupid. It takes a lot of courage; a hell of a lot more than I have. Itâs not that Iâm not taking you seriously. Itâs that I donât think you know enough about me to fully make the decision of whether or not you actually feel that way. Iâm not even sure you know enough about yourself.â
With each push he received, the Dark Mirror senshi gripped harder, determined not to let the other get away. âI donât think so,â he said in a soft warning. âYouâre not going anywhere until weâre done here. I said we would discuss this and weâre going to until Iâm certain you understand.â
âHuman beings - especially those who inhabit Destiny City - are stronger than you give them credit for. They face trials and get hurt all the time like with the events in winter regarding the monster poinsettias and biting rabbits or the Fall Festival with those bats. But you know what? What doesnât destroy this place makes it stronger. Thatâs why so many people fight back even without any special powers. Thatâs why they can survive. If youâre there to baby them all the time, thereâs no way theyâll have as much an awareness of whatâs going on, let alone be able to build up a resistance to it. Itâs like how a parent doesnât want their child to get hurt, but if they never let them fall, the kid will never learn what it means to endure the pain of an injury, heal, and find the will to get back up again. Thatâs why itâs good for both you and them for you to take a break every now and then You canât properly protect them from the Negaverse if youâre too tired to fight, after all.â
Ptolemaeus was expecting Charaâs withdrawal and did his best to keep him in his arms, tightening his hold even further. âStupidity has nothing to do with it,â he told him, all trace of his former smile gone as he kept his countenance impassive. âItâs natural to be drawn to someone you wouldnât ordinarily be drawn to when youâre desperate, and loneliness often makes people desperate. I know what thatâs like, Chara. And I appreciate you could tell me honestly what you think, so please donât feel stupid. It takes a lot of courage; a hell of a lot more than I have. Itâs not that Iâm not taking you seriously. Itâs that I donât think you know enough about me to fully make the decision of whether or not you actually feel that way. Iâm not even sure you know enough about yourself.â
With each push he received, the Dark Mirror senshi gripped harder, determined not to let the other get away. âI donât think so,â he said in a soft warning. âYouâre not going anywhere until weâre done here. I said we would discuss this and weâre going to until Iâm certain you understand.â
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âLet me go, Ptolemaeus.â Charaâs voice was icy and low. And the tighter the other held him the angrier he became, and the stupider he felt. Here he was, trapped in the embrace of someone he thought he loved, being told he didn't actually know the other enough to feel that way and by the gods it HURT.
âJust ******** let me go, because I'm never GOING to get to know you enough, am I? It's so ******** STUPID that I even feel this way and don't you ******** dare tell me it's not, because it ******** is! I feel like this dumb little lovesick idiot who took months and months to finally say how he felt and how badly he wished to just be with you, and it ******** SUCKS!â
His pushing weakened, and his words because laced with an angry crying sound as he struggled to stifle his heaving sobs.
âJust let me go⊠This is so ******** stupid⊠I don't want to see your ******** face again! I don't want⊠I don't want to feel so miserableâŠâ
âJust ******** let me go, because I'm never GOING to get to know you enough, am I? It's so ******** STUPID that I even feel this way and don't you ******** dare tell me it's not, because it ******** is! I feel like this dumb little lovesick idiot who took months and months to finally say how he felt and how badly he wished to just be with you, and it ******** SUCKS!â
His pushing weakened, and his words because laced with an angry crying sound as he struggled to stifle his heaving sobs.
âJust let me go⊠This is so ******** stupid⊠I don't want to see your ******** face again! I don't want⊠I don't want to feel so miserableâŠâ
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âYes, youâre right, love is stupid and it sucks,â Ptolemy answered loudly, almost yelling to match Charaâs volume. âYou donât get to pick who you like or how much. And you only end up knowing you really love them when youâre sure you hate them with all your heart and yet you somehow still care about them. I know that. And Iâm sorry. But thereâs no reason to act this way.â
As the senshi of chocolate began to break down, his strength to resist diminishing, Ptolemaeus moved to scoop him up in his arms and carry him further into the alleyway where they would have more privacy away from the entrance to the street. He set the other down behind a dumpster and cornered him, standing over him to block his path of escape and then crouching to meet his level.
âChara...what do you mean youâre never going to get to know me enough?â
As the senshi of chocolate began to break down, his strength to resist diminishing, Ptolemaeus moved to scoop him up in his arms and carry him further into the alleyway where they would have more privacy away from the entrance to the street. He set the other down behind a dumpster and cornered him, standing over him to block his path of escape and then crouching to meet his level.
âChara...what do you mean youâre never going to get to know me enough?â
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The sudden raising of the other Senshiâs voice surprised Chara enough that his own ranting and sobbing quieted down, just enough to where he managed to cover his face in shame. If he felt this way about the senshi of change as was stated, hating him as much as he thought he loved him, was it really love? The very thought left Chara dazed and confused as he tried to figure out what exactly the other meant without asking. There was no way his mouth would work properly, not just yet.
It always seemed to end this way, didn't it? Chara finding himself helpless in Ptolemaeusâ arms, hating how he felt but not wanting to be let go. So many conflicting thoughts raced through his mind; A desire to run and flee from this place, and the desire to stay here with Ptolemaeus just a bit longer fought in his mind, but luckily the decision was made for him as he was sat down behind garbage. With how low he was feeling right now, the other probably would have been better off dumping him right in.
Trapped and forced to take a moment to calm his sobbing self down, Chara tried to choose his next words carefully, wanting them to be laced with only truths and not influenced at all by the emotions flooding over him.
âHow can IâŠ? You're not on the same side, so we just⊠We can only know so much. I'll never get to know the civilian side of you because that is out of the question. What we even have now would be cause enough for others to question what we really want⊠It's never going to happen⊠Never. So isn't it pointless to even keep what we had before? Meeting in filthy alleyways and finding moments of pleasure every now and then if we happen to not be hurting or wrecked by whatever battles we may have been in? Itâs not enough for me anymore⊠But it's impossible to fix it, so why bother tryingâŠ? Charaâs voice was soft and sad, so unlike anything both of them had heard from the boy before. Chara certainly hadn't felt like this before. And how he hated it.
It always seemed to end this way, didn't it? Chara finding himself helpless in Ptolemaeusâ arms, hating how he felt but not wanting to be let go. So many conflicting thoughts raced through his mind; A desire to run and flee from this place, and the desire to stay here with Ptolemaeus just a bit longer fought in his mind, but luckily the decision was made for him as he was sat down behind garbage. With how low he was feeling right now, the other probably would have been better off dumping him right in.
Trapped and forced to take a moment to calm his sobbing self down, Chara tried to choose his next words carefully, wanting them to be laced with only truths and not influenced at all by the emotions flooding over him.
âHow can IâŠ? You're not on the same side, so we just⊠We can only know so much. I'll never get to know the civilian side of you because that is out of the question. What we even have now would be cause enough for others to question what we really want⊠It's never going to happen⊠Never. So isn't it pointless to even keep what we had before? Meeting in filthy alleyways and finding moments of pleasure every now and then if we happen to not be hurting or wrecked by whatever battles we may have been in? Itâs not enough for me anymore⊠But it's impossible to fix it, so why bother tryingâŠ? Charaâs voice was soft and sad, so unlike anything both of them had heard from the boy before. Chara certainly hadn't felt like this before. And how he hated it.
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It wasnât long before Ptolemy felt compelled to take the suffering young man in his arms once more, maneuvering so he could sit him in his lap with his own back against the wall. He held him tight and ran one hand through his curly hair, kissing the top of his head softly.
The older male took a deep breath and exhaled gradually before attempting to respond. â...Why are you a White Moon senshi?â he finally asked. âAnd why do you think Iâm a Dark Moon senshi?â
The older male took a deep breath and exhaled gradually before attempting to respond. â...Why are you a White Moon senshi?â he finally asked. âAnd why do you think Iâm a Dark Moon senshi?â
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All in all, the change in their position was welcomed, and he leaned his head against the otherâs shoulder, his right side pressed against Ptolemaeusâ chest. He couldnât remember the last time he cried, but he certainly remembered the headache that came with it. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to ponder the questions for just a few moments before speaking once more.
âI didnât really know at first. A cat gave me power, then found my personality âuncomfortableâ and left me on my own. When I met that cat again, she told me she wish she had never awakened me. So I said screw her and screw the other senshi, and I did what I thought was right. I saved people,and that was that. Then, the Negaverse had their attacks on the trains, and then there was the attack on the Rift where I made my first Allies, and KNEW I could never be anything elseâŠâ There was nothing else he could say about that. It wasnât specifically the White Moon he was attached to, but those he had saved AS a White Moon Senshi, and the bitterness that came against anything Chaos related. Except for Ptolemaeusâ court.
âIâm sure you just⊠Happened to awaken into that court and got attached to it, right? What reason do you have to stay with themâŠ?â He paused again, thinking, then reached down to take the older manâs hand into his own, fiddling absently with the tips. âI met another one from your court recentlyâŠ. A girl who was far more listless than I am. She had no will to fight, no reason to protect anyone⊠She only wanted to be a stepping stone for someone more important, but didnât want to die⊠And when I asked if she knew you, she said no, she hardly knew anyone⊠I know about being alone, but that seemed⊠So much worse. To not have any will of your own. Are you like that too? Do you know of our court, of any purposeâŠ?â
His words were still soft, but he had calmed down considerably. If he hadnât just cried his heart out, maybe he would have been rather happy to just sit like this. No, not anymoreâŠ
âI didnât really know at first. A cat gave me power, then found my personality âuncomfortableâ and left me on my own. When I met that cat again, she told me she wish she had never awakened me. So I said screw her and screw the other senshi, and I did what I thought was right. I saved people,and that was that. Then, the Negaverse had their attacks on the trains, and then there was the attack on the Rift where I made my first Allies, and KNEW I could never be anything elseâŠâ There was nothing else he could say about that. It wasnât specifically the White Moon he was attached to, but those he had saved AS a White Moon Senshi, and the bitterness that came against anything Chaos related. Except for Ptolemaeusâ court.
âIâm sure you just⊠Happened to awaken into that court and got attached to it, right? What reason do you have to stay with themâŠ?â He paused again, thinking, then reached down to take the older manâs hand into his own, fiddling absently with the tips. âI met another one from your court recentlyâŠ. A girl who was far more listless than I am. She had no will to fight, no reason to protect anyone⊠She only wanted to be a stepping stone for someone more important, but didnât want to die⊠And when I asked if she knew you, she said no, she hardly knew anyone⊠I know about being alone, but that seemed⊠So much worse. To not have any will of your own. Are you like that too? Do you know of our court, of any purposeâŠ?â
His words were still soft, but he had calmed down considerably. If he hadnât just cried his heart out, maybe he would have been rather happy to just sit like this. No, not anymoreâŠ
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âShe said sheâd wished sheâd never awakened you?â His brow furrowed deeply. âBut how come?â No wonder Chara seemed so bitter and conflicted if even the one who had brought him into their side of the war regretted it. âSo you knew you couldnât be anything else because of your allies? Or because you felt so strongly against the only other side you knew of?â
His lips finally bowed into a faint, sardonic smile at the guess to the answer of his second question. âYouâre sure, huh? Well you probably donât remember the first time we met since you were still so convinced I was with the Negaverse, but I more or less indirectly explained my reasons then,â he said. âOnly...theyâve changed a little and become more solidified over time.â
Ptolemaeus watched as he allowed Chara to play with his fingertips. âWeâre scattered, itâs true. Many of us work alone or just havenât met many others of our court at all. But that doesnât mean weâre aimless or without purpose. We may be more ambiguous in our intentions and some may have more than others, but the Dark Mirror Court holds a lot more meaning to me than simply being the court I was awoken into. Perhaps that meaning is nothing more than what Iâve derived from it for myself and might not hold true for others of our court, but it holds meaning to me all the same.â He leaned his head back to gaze unseeingly ahead. âIâm not like that girl you met. Iâm sure there are others like her in the White Moon Court and the Negaverse as well, even if you havenât met them.â
He took more deep breaths, as if to sigh, but didnât. The senshi of change simply sat there with his eyes half-lidded and distant like he was about to fall asleep. âYou told me once to pick a side; the right side, you said. Do you still truly believe there is only one right side?â
His lips finally bowed into a faint, sardonic smile at the guess to the answer of his second question. âYouâre sure, huh? Well you probably donât remember the first time we met since you were still so convinced I was with the Negaverse, but I more or less indirectly explained my reasons then,â he said. âOnly...theyâve changed a little and become more solidified over time.â
Ptolemaeus watched as he allowed Chara to play with his fingertips. âWeâre scattered, itâs true. Many of us work alone or just havenât met many others of our court at all. But that doesnât mean weâre aimless or without purpose. We may be more ambiguous in our intentions and some may have more than others, but the Dark Mirror Court holds a lot more meaning to me than simply being the court I was awoken into. Perhaps that meaning is nothing more than what Iâve derived from it for myself and might not hold true for others of our court, but it holds meaning to me all the same.â He leaned his head back to gaze unseeingly ahead. âIâm not like that girl you met. Iâm sure there are others like her in the White Moon Court and the Negaverse as well, even if you havenât met them.â
He took more deep breaths, as if to sigh, but didnât. The senshi of change simply sat there with his eyes half-lidded and distant like he was about to fall asleep. âYou told me once to pick a side; the right side, you said. Do you still truly believe there is only one right side?â
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âWell, why do you think?â He responded, as if the question might have been the stupidest thing he had heard all day. Well, after his own blubberings. âI was angry. Angry at her for not telling me what was going on. Angry at being attacked by that youma on the first night, and straight up ******** pissed at the frilly getup and heels that was my âuniformâ. She called me unpleasant and left me alone that first meeting, then when I met her next, she wished she had never awakened me, that I was a horrible person and wouldn't do well because of it, all because I cussed her out for having left me alone that night.â
There were times in the beginning of his senshi adventures that he hated and cursed that cat, but it didn't happen all too often anymore. In his mind, Chara had proven that damned cat Yumi wrong, what with the small amount of distant Senshi allies he had made and how he wasn't exactly alone, atleast not at this very moment.
âAs fragmented as the White Moon court is, there are just some people I can't leave behind⊠When I met you, yeah, I felt so alone that I thought I was suffocating in silence and emptiness, only carrying on because someone had to protect these Dumbasses who wandered around at night like there wasn't something severely ******** up with this city. But I realized⊠I had to change myself a bit to get that loneliness to go away, and I did, and so it went, at least for a little while, anyway.â Sailor Vulcan answer Syrtis came to mind, as did Subamara and a few others he met. He wasn't close to them, not in the least, but they were allies, just as he was, trying to protect people as best they could.
âWhat's right and what's wrong got alot more complicated, especially after you grinned your way into my life⊠But only when it comes to the Dark Mirror Court. I don't see them going around and straight up murdering civs, or forcing them to join their ranks like the Negaverse does. That being said, I refuse to accept the idea that they aren't guilty of something. Even if that something is turning a blind eye on whatever ******** up s**t the Negaverse is planning next.â Finally turning his gaze up to meet Ptolemaeusâ, Chara narrowed his eyes, not scowling but seeming to challenge the one questioning him.
âI do. The only side that is right is the one that protects and defends the people are here now. If you're working in a way that hurts them, or standing idling by, then you are wrong.â
There were times in the beginning of his senshi adventures that he hated and cursed that cat, but it didn't happen all too often anymore. In his mind, Chara had proven that damned cat Yumi wrong, what with the small amount of distant Senshi allies he had made and how he wasn't exactly alone, atleast not at this very moment.
âAs fragmented as the White Moon court is, there are just some people I can't leave behind⊠When I met you, yeah, I felt so alone that I thought I was suffocating in silence and emptiness, only carrying on because someone had to protect these Dumbasses who wandered around at night like there wasn't something severely ******** up with this city. But I realized⊠I had to change myself a bit to get that loneliness to go away, and I did, and so it went, at least for a little while, anyway.â Sailor Vulcan answer Syrtis came to mind, as did Subamara and a few others he met. He wasn't close to them, not in the least, but they were allies, just as he was, trying to protect people as best they could.
âWhat's right and what's wrong got alot more complicated, especially after you grinned your way into my life⊠But only when it comes to the Dark Mirror Court. I don't see them going around and straight up murdering civs, or forcing them to join their ranks like the Negaverse does. That being said, I refuse to accept the idea that they aren't guilty of something. Even if that something is turning a blind eye on whatever ******** up s**t the Negaverse is planning next.â Finally turning his gaze up to meet Ptolemaeusâ, Chara narrowed his eyes, not scowling but seeming to challenge the one questioning him.
âI do. The only side that is right is the one that protects and defends the people are here now. If you're working in a way that hurts them, or standing idling by, then you are wrong.â
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Ptolemy shook his head. âSounds like you had every right to be angry. And it sounds like she hardly even knew you, so what right did she have to call you horrible? Whatâs worse though, I think, is that you let the opinion of someone who hardly knew you had such a negative impact on you. You know what she said wasnât true, so why let it bother you? It just means she had bad judgement.â True, it was surprising to the Dark Mirror Senshi that a cat that was supposed to be considered a knowledgeable guardian would judge someone so superficially, but he supposed that just because they were guardians and knew more about some things than others didnât mean they were perfect.
And then Chara mentioned people he couldnât leave behind. At first Ptolemaeus wasnât sure what he meant by that, but then he recalled the rumor that if someone changed sides somehow - corrupted or purified their starseeds - they would forget everything and everyone relevant to their former faction. By âleave behindâ, he probably meant he didnât want to forget them. That was something the DMS could understand. His own memories were very precious to him.
âI donât understandâŠâ he said softly. âIf you have people you care about so much that youâre determined not to leave them behind, why do you feel so lonely? Arenât they enough for you, learning from you and teaching you and fighting by your side?â
Leaning back, he closed his eyes and chuckled wearily. âThis reminds me of a story...this whole war. Itâs like the one about the angels who fought in the heavens and how the losers fell and became demons in hell. But then there were also the angels who had stood by and decided to do nothing so they could side with the victors in the end. They were cast out of the heavens, too, but supposedly they didnât fall as far as the demons because they werenât weighed down by as much sin. Instead, they fell to Earth and became fairies; selfish, amoral creatures who couldnât tell the difference between right and wrong, so they did both.â
He opened his eyes again and interwove the fingers of one of his handâs with Charaâs. âTo me, the White Moon senshi are the angels in heaven. Theyâre self-righteous and moral and boring in their single-minded sense of order. They think their way of existence is the one true path to happiness and perfection. The demons are the Negaverse. They immorally want to drag others down with them because misery loves company, or perhaps they really are just happier where they are, because when youâre that low, the only place left to go is up. And the Dark Moon Court to me are the fairies. We live in between, just like the majority of the world which exists between extremes. To me, there is no right and wrong. Anything can be justified or villianified if shown in the right light.â
âYou say that protecting and defending people is right, but what if those people youâre defending are murderers and criminals themselves? You say that working in a way that hurts people is wrong, but what if someone needs to get hurt in order to understand the value of the pain they cause others? And like I said before, I know you feel you need to take care of the whole city, but if the city doesnât learn to fend for itself because youâre babying it, are you really doing it a service by sacrificing your happiness?â He sighed deeply. âAnything can be alternately perceived, reasoned out, and twisted to suit any other logic, purpose, or meaning, so why bother trying to make sense of any of it? Thereâs no real truth except what you yourself make of it.â
And then Chara mentioned people he couldnât leave behind. At first Ptolemaeus wasnât sure what he meant by that, but then he recalled the rumor that if someone changed sides somehow - corrupted or purified their starseeds - they would forget everything and everyone relevant to their former faction. By âleave behindâ, he probably meant he didnât want to forget them. That was something the DMS could understand. His own memories were very precious to him.
âI donât understandâŠâ he said softly. âIf you have people you care about so much that youâre determined not to leave them behind, why do you feel so lonely? Arenât they enough for you, learning from you and teaching you and fighting by your side?â
Leaning back, he closed his eyes and chuckled wearily. âThis reminds me of a story...this whole war. Itâs like the one about the angels who fought in the heavens and how the losers fell and became demons in hell. But then there were also the angels who had stood by and decided to do nothing so they could side with the victors in the end. They were cast out of the heavens, too, but supposedly they didnât fall as far as the demons because they werenât weighed down by as much sin. Instead, they fell to Earth and became fairies; selfish, amoral creatures who couldnât tell the difference between right and wrong, so they did both.â
He opened his eyes again and interwove the fingers of one of his handâs with Charaâs. âTo me, the White Moon senshi are the angels in heaven. Theyâre self-righteous and moral and boring in their single-minded sense of order. They think their way of existence is the one true path to happiness and perfection. The demons are the Negaverse. They immorally want to drag others down with them because misery loves company, or perhaps they really are just happier where they are, because when youâre that low, the only place left to go is up. And the Dark Moon Court to me are the fairies. We live in between, just like the majority of the world which exists between extremes. To me, there is no right and wrong. Anything can be justified or villianified if shown in the right light.â
âYou say that protecting and defending people is right, but what if those people youâre defending are murderers and criminals themselves? You say that working in a way that hurts people is wrong, but what if someone needs to get hurt in order to understand the value of the pain they cause others? And like I said before, I know you feel you need to take care of the whole city, but if the city doesnât learn to fend for itself because youâre babying it, are you really doing it a service by sacrificing your happiness?â He sighed deeply. âAnything can be alternately perceived, reasoned out, and twisted to suit any other logic, purpose, or meaning, so why bother trying to make sense of any of it? Thereâs no real truth except what you yourself make of it.â
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âMaybe it was because I was younger then that it bothered me so much. I was new and scared but I donât just get âscaredâ, I get angry-scared. It was like⊠Two years ago? Itâs kinda faded away so it doesnât hurt anymore. I probably was a nightmare. Still am, I ainât even gonna lie.â Honestly, he hoped that cat had become roadkill at this point. She certainly wasnât qualified to catch a ******** mouse, much less teach children and teens how to fight. Which she obviously didnât. He pushed the thought of that fleabag out of his mind and contemplated loneliness, then shrugged again. It was the easiest way to get a quick thought across.
âThere are different kinds of loneliness. Just because you have allies, students, and teachers doesnât mean you have friends. Sure, I can call on someone in the midst of battle and help them, and the same can call on me. But I canât just call them up all willy nilly and be like âhey, wanna grab a burger?â. Itâs not the same. And itâs not like I didnât try, you know? Itâs always ânot a good timeâ âIâm busyâ, or some lame excuse like that, so after a while whatâs the point in still trying. I got my mom and dad too, but.. Itâs not the same. Nothing is. Iâve found a few ways to sort of âcombatâ that creeping feeling but it never lasts more than a few minutes, then again, Iâm alone.â Embarrassment was quick to return to him, so to combat it, Chara pressed his cheek closer to Ptolemyâs chest, forcing himself to remember that right now, he wasnât alone. He never felt alone in this jerkâs arms.
In silence he listened to Ptolemyâs story, finding it familiar and not entirely wrong in its analogy. Along with the story, Chara took everything else in. The tiredness behind Ptolemaeusâ voice, the gentle rise and fall of his breaths, and the fingers that laced with his own. Why did he have to keep talking? Why did this Senshi of Change always had to make things complicated and difficult when they sat together? Did he really think he could change Charaâs mind?
âYou do know weâve talked about this before, right? Nothing is perfect, nothing isâŠâ He paused, thinking about what he said earlier and frowned. He was contradicting himself again. âFine. Nothing is black and white. But again, the world has ******** itself over and over and over again all through history, and there is always someone fighting against oppression and another fighting to force their ideals on others. Are the White Moon Senshi fighting for a particular Ideal? Sure. Thatâs the ideal that you donât go around and ******** MURDER PEOPLE. And I said it before and Iâll say it again, those who sit by and do nothing because itâs not fun are just as wrong as the murderers and liars and cheats themselves.â
Instead of remaining in Ptolemaeus arms, he pulled away enough to shift in his arms and looked hard into his would-be loverâs eyes, hoping hard to find an answer that was worth his time. It felt cheesy to say, but⊠No line he could think of would work better.
âIf you stand for nothing, Ptolemaeus, then what would you fall for?â
âThere are different kinds of loneliness. Just because you have allies, students, and teachers doesnât mean you have friends. Sure, I can call on someone in the midst of battle and help them, and the same can call on me. But I canât just call them up all willy nilly and be like âhey, wanna grab a burger?â. Itâs not the same. And itâs not like I didnât try, you know? Itâs always ânot a good timeâ âIâm busyâ, or some lame excuse like that, so after a while whatâs the point in still trying. I got my mom and dad too, but.. Itâs not the same. Nothing is. Iâve found a few ways to sort of âcombatâ that creeping feeling but it never lasts more than a few minutes, then again, Iâm alone.â Embarrassment was quick to return to him, so to combat it, Chara pressed his cheek closer to Ptolemyâs chest, forcing himself to remember that right now, he wasnât alone. He never felt alone in this jerkâs arms.
In silence he listened to Ptolemyâs story, finding it familiar and not entirely wrong in its analogy. Along with the story, Chara took everything else in. The tiredness behind Ptolemaeusâ voice, the gentle rise and fall of his breaths, and the fingers that laced with his own. Why did he have to keep talking? Why did this Senshi of Change always had to make things complicated and difficult when they sat together? Did he really think he could change Charaâs mind?
âYou do know weâve talked about this before, right? Nothing is perfect, nothing isâŠâ He paused, thinking about what he said earlier and frowned. He was contradicting himself again. âFine. Nothing is black and white. But again, the world has ******** itself over and over and over again all through history, and there is always someone fighting against oppression and another fighting to force their ideals on others. Are the White Moon Senshi fighting for a particular Ideal? Sure. Thatâs the ideal that you donât go around and ******** MURDER PEOPLE. And I said it before and Iâll say it again, those who sit by and do nothing because itâs not fun are just as wrong as the murderers and liars and cheats themselves.â
Instead of remaining in Ptolemaeus arms, he pulled away enough to shift in his arms and looked hard into his would-be loverâs eyes, hoping hard to find an answer that was worth his time. It felt cheesy to say, but⊠No line he could think of would work better.
âIf you stand for nothing, Ptolemaeus, then what would you fall for?â
Quote:
âYouâre not a nightmare,â the Dark Mirror reassured him. âI understand that there are different kinds of loneliness and relationships with others. But what I have trouble believing is that you canât turn any of the other connections you have with people into friendships. There are too many other lonely people out there in the world for everyone to turn you away.â He tilted his head to rest his cheek against the top of Charaâs. âYou sure you havenât been the one keeping them at bay? I mean, you werenât exactly friendly when we met, even after you learned how to tolerate my presence and accept I wasnât from the Negaverse. Wouldnât most people be intimidated by that hostility?â One of the things that made him different from other people was that Ptolemaeus welcomed confrontation and wasnât dissuaded by the threat of pain, but if that was how Chara reacted to most, it seemed pretty obvious to the Dark Mirror senshi why the other was having trouble making friends.
âYeah, I know weâve talked about this before,â Ptolemy answered. âBut I still donât think you get what I mean if you think I have no reason for staying in my court other than chance. We - or at least I - donât do ânothingâ. I do what I think is right, too.â He hesitated, doubting that Chara would take his next words very well. Still, he had to try to get him to understand. â...Iâm not saying I would actively attempt it myself, but...because there are so many people killing off this dying planet and consuming its resources, arenât there advantages to humans murdering each other? Since we have such few threats, we kind of have to rely on ourselves and our blood-thirsty natures to thin out our own numbers. Thatâs why I donât fight as hard against or think as badly of the Negaverse as you do. Because their actions arenât considered evil or wrong to me; just different.â
He let Chara pull away a little to meet his eyes. âI donât stand for nothing. Thatâs why you and I are different enough to be on different sides. Thatâs also why I donât think you know me well enough to truly know if you would like me in the way you seem to think you do.â He looked away. âIâm fine with still meeting like this and gradually getting to know each other this way. I donât know why itâs not enough for you. I could give you a phone number you could call any time you feel lonely if you donât think we meet often enough. But even if Iâm the senshi of change and I believe all things are changeable, I donât change my mind for no reason. I wouldnât expect you to, either.â
âYeah, I know weâve talked about this before,â Ptolemy answered. âBut I still donât think you get what I mean if you think I have no reason for staying in my court other than chance. We - or at least I - donât do ânothingâ. I do what I think is right, too.â He hesitated, doubting that Chara would take his next words very well. Still, he had to try to get him to understand. â...Iâm not saying I would actively attempt it myself, but...because there are so many people killing off this dying planet and consuming its resources, arenât there advantages to humans murdering each other? Since we have such few threats, we kind of have to rely on ourselves and our blood-thirsty natures to thin out our own numbers. Thatâs why I donât fight as hard against or think as badly of the Negaverse as you do. Because their actions arenât considered evil or wrong to me; just different.â
He let Chara pull away a little to meet his eyes. âI donât stand for nothing. Thatâs why you and I are different enough to be on different sides. Thatâs also why I donât think you know me well enough to truly know if you would like me in the way you seem to think you do.â He looked away. âIâm fine with still meeting like this and gradually getting to know each other this way. I donât know why itâs not enough for you. I could give you a phone number you could call any time you feel lonely if you donât think we meet often enough. But even if Iâm the senshi of change and I believe all things are changeable, I donât change my mind for no reason. I wouldnât expect you to, either.â
