WalMart* (A Bonus AMG Whodunnit Story)

[Waffle King Richard]

A/N: This is a small whodunnit story I threw together in honour of all those folks who are camping out outside their local WalMart stores across the US tonight in preparation for the "Black Friday" sales and the mad rush and chaos that is most likely to ensue at opening.

However this particular post is not going to contain the story (which will begin in the next post). This particular post is simply an introduction to the story of sorts.

Enjoy!  

[Waffle King Richard]

Per a statement a friend wrote on Skype, here is the beginning part of a story I've started working on this afternoon for you all to enjoy.

WalMart*

As the midday sun loomed overhead, a WalMart* Supercenter somewhere in the United States began to feel the hustle and bustle of the crowds doing some holiday shopping. Yes, the holiday season had come once more to WalMart*, and kids were browsing through the toys whilst their parents tried to convince those very same kids that they would have to ask Santa for their gifts, although it didn’t help that some kids started screaming that they wanted their gifts now, not whenever Santa chooses to deliver them.
Whilst this was taking place, a group of individuals wearing black trench coats and dark sunglasses entered the store and glanced around, before nodding to one another. “This will do perfect” one of them mentioned with a devilish grin on their face.

An elderly gentleman in a WalMart* outfit smiled at them. “Welcome to WalMart*! Get your crap, and get out!”

One of the others walked over and handed the elderly man an envelope stuffed with $100 bills, before telling him to go and take a break. With a smile of joy, the man left. They then proceeded with the first part of the procedure.

Taking their coats and glasses off, 4 shopping carts were collected and set up in the aisle, with crowds trying desperately to get around them. Grabbing an intercom phone, the same person who had given the greeter all of that money, took a deep breath whilst typing an extension into the phone.
“Ladies and Gentlemen!” she then lowered her voice and added “And snot-nosed annoying brats!” Bringing the enthusiasm back up, she continued. “Welcome to WalMart*. Indeed, whilst you came to do your shopping today, we have an added bonus for you! For today is the most important day in the history of the world! We invite you to continue browsing whilst enjoying some cart racing, for the Awesome Mature Gaians Guild World Shopping Cart Racing Championship! This is truly global history in the making! I am your outside host, Saving Gracie, and I would like to introduce to all of you, your contestants; who will run in two dead heat trials of 4, with those in first and second from each trial going onto the finals. So without further ado, let’s hear it for the championship racers of the world! Firstly, she scares everyone she invades the dreams of. A round of applause for Starshinebelle.”

She waved, but there was no attention being made of her. “Next, representing all that is innocent and pure in this world, we have angelic snow angel!” Still, no reaction. “Wow! Tough crowd!” Saving Gracie commented.

At that moment, Managers converged from several areas of the store and began demanding that they all go, only to have Saving Gracie shine $1 bills in their faces and thus shut the managers up. “Continuing on then. Next, we have Lycanthropos!” Ironically, Lycanthropos got a reaction, though not the reaction he had hoped for. A few passers-by booed and heckled him, until he got out his ever untrustworthy sidekick Sasha. As soon as they saw Sasha, the crowd shut up. Another member bopped Lycanthropos on the head and confiscated Sasha from him. “You can have this back after class, young man.” Lycanthropos whined in sadness as Saving Gracie continued the introductions.

“Continuing now, if I may, we next have Queentintin!” The crowd cheered in a standing ovation and uproar as Queentintin smiled and grinned at Lycanthropos. “Followed by Animeangel_99!” Another huge round of applause was heard. “Next is Waffle King Richard!” this time, only the sound of crickets chirping could be heard. Saving Gracie looked over at both Lycanthropos and Waffle King Richard. “I’m guessing this crowd favors the ladies. Still, next we have a fellow admirer of Waffles, give a round of good cheer for Pink Fregia!” The crowd cheered as two ladies told her to kick the butts of the 2 guys racing. “And last but certainly not least, let’s have a round for Markangel the Archangel!” The crowd was overjoyed to see Markangel the Archangel, to which he bowed and gracefully accepted a bouquet of red roses from one of the onlookers.

“It is now time for the first heat. Remember that only the carts in first and second place will advance to the finals! With that, let me announce which racers will be in this heat. Those not participating in this heat may go off and browse the store if they like.” Saving Gracie then grabbed a sheet of paper.

“For Heat One, we have Markangel the Archangel, angelic snow angel, Lycanthropos, and Starshinebelle! Participants to your shopping carts!”
As the four of them got into position, Saving Gracie began counting down. “10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1… Carts gone!” The four carts took off, heading towards the produce area at high speed, whilst narrowly avoiding shoppers who were oblivious to what was going on in the store. “Four racers going for two final places! Starshinebelle and angelic snow angel are the early leaders, with Markangel the Archangel pressing in third, and Lycanthropos seeming to lag behind a bit as they head towards the produce area.”

As the four racers reached the produce area, Lycanthropos charged and rammed his cart into angelic snow angel’s, pushing her into a display on bananas and toppling her cart. “Well, that’s not in the rulebook! No one messes I guess with Lycanthropos!” Saving Gracie mentioned for the observers.

angelic snow angel got up as the others left her behind and lifted her cart, now furious as hell at Lycanthropos for his stunt. “LYCANTHROPOS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” she shouted before charging after the rest of them.

Up ahead, Starshinebelle still led, but with Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos close on her tail. “Up into the Toys Department! It’s still Starshinebelle in the lead, but Markangel the Archangel is pressing hard, as is Lycanthropos!”

Suddenly, Lycanthropos and Markangel the Archangel rammed their cats from opposite sides into Starshinebelle and forced her off balance. “It’s the double whammy from both Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos!”

The race continued without officials getting involved. “Into the Boys and Girls clothing area now! It’s Markangel the Archangel leading, with Lycanthropos in second, angelic snow angel in third, and Starshinebelle in forth.” Taking the inside line, Starshinebelle then passes angelic snow angel to go into third place. “Starshinebelle takes angelic snow angel and goes into third!”

As Starshinebelle gained on Lycanthropos, she grabbed a skirt from one of the racks and threw it over his head, momentarily blinding Lycanthropos. Markangel the Archangel saw what happened and twisted his cart sideways slightly, forcing Starshinebelle to crash into a shopper and break the shopper’s ankle.

“Don’t mess with the bosses! Markangel the Archangel still leads, with Lycanthropos in second place having cleared that skirt from over his head. This is getting HOT!!!”

As they exited the clothing racks, angelic snow angel got a full head of steam and charged hard. “Coming back towards the finish line now, and angelic snow angel makes her move! She passes Starshinebelle! She passes Lycanthropos! She’s even passed Markangel the Archangel! ANGELIC SNOW ANGEL MUST WIN!!!” Sadly, it was not to be, as she entered the final turn too quickly and gravity pulled her into a display of cosmetics, coating her and her cart in makeup. “She’s overdone it! angelic snow angel crashes!”

Markangel the Archangel retakes the lead and pumps his fists in the air as he passes the checkered flag and wins the race, followed closely by Lycanthropos in second place. “Winner of Heat One! Markangel the Archangel! With Lycanthropos in second place! Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos both now have a place in the finals later today!”

Saving Gracie then stretched her arms whilst they prepared for the Second Heat to begin. The customer who’d been hit and broken her ankle, was saying she’d sue Wal-Mart, only to be informed that by being in the store that day, risk of injury or loss of life was her responsibility, and thus Lycanthropos if she died, neither the Awesome Mature Gaians Guild, nor WalMart*, would be responsible.

After a short thirty-minute break, the Second Heat was ready to begin. “Alright everybody! It’s now time for the Second Heat. As a reminder, those participating are Queentintin, Waffle King Richard, Animeangel_99, and Pink Fregia. Those in first and second place will then go on to join Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos in the finals later on today. Participants to their shopping carts!”

As everyone got into position, Saving Gracie began the countdown. “10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1… Carts gone!” They charged off, heading once again towards the produce area. “They set out for the second heat, and Waffle King Richard is in the back, and struggling! Up ahead, it’s Pink Fregia leading, with Animeangel_99 in second and Queentintin in third!”

Animeangel_99 was then seen ramming into a few shoppers. “And Animeangel_99 wastes some shoppers!” Problem is that in doing so, she destroyed her shopping cart. “Hey Animeangel_99, you lost your cart!” To which Animeangel_99 spotted an old co-worker of hers who had insisted she serve her future husband, who happened to be selecting a banana cream pie. She rushed over and took his cart, smashing the pie in his face at the same time. “Serves you right!” she thought as she ran to catch up.

Meanwhile, further back, Waffle King Richard was still struggling far in last place, before he suddenly collapsed, though with no one having noticed, and customers opting to trample over him to continue their shopping. Up front however, the three remaining contestants were duking it out as they made their way round the store, coming back down towards the START/FINISH line. However, Queentintin suddenly stopped for some unknown reason. “And Queentintin stops suddenly as they return to the home stretch! This is getting really mean!”

With only two racers left, Animeangel_99 pushes forward on Pink Fregia, but to no avail. “And it’s over! Winner of Heat Two! Pink Fregia! With Animeangel_99 in second place! Both will join Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos in the finals in just over an hour!” Queentintin walked over and shook their hands.

“Congrats ladies!”

“Hey Queentintin, how come you stopped?!” Animeangel_99 asked.

“The wheels on my cart just stopped turning.” As the three of them grabbed drinks, they suddenly realized something.

“Hey, has anyone seen Waffle King Richard anywhere?” Pink Fregia asked.

“I saw him behind me at the start, but I haven’t seen him since we were heading into produce.” Queentintin replied. To be honest, no one had seen him for a while.

“Oh well! I’m sure he’ll turn up.” Lycanthropos mentioned as he walked over.

“Yeah, but still…”

“Ladies and Gentlemen, although I doubt any of the men are gentle, be sure to come back in an hour for the final! It’s gonna be a blast!” With that, Saving Gracie hung up the intercom phone and took a long sigh.
After hanging up the intercom phone, Saving Gracie looked around. “Okay, so two down, one to go.” She made some notes in her notebook whilst thinking to herself out loud. “I wonder why Waffle King Richard lagged like he did. He doesn’t usually race like that!” As she thought this, the others came over.

“Hey Saving Gracie, have you seen Waffle King Richard since the race got underway?” Lycanthropos asked with a neutral voice.

“No, I haven’t seen him since the start of the last race. Why?”

“We can’t find him here.” Markangel the Archangel explained.

Animeangel_99 shrugged. “He’s probably off doing some shopping, knowing him. He’s such a klutz and probably his clueless mind caused him to forget about the race and just go off, staring into space as he usually does. To be honest, I’m kind of glad he isn’t here to see this. He didn’t win, and there’s no telling what he would have done had he seen his own defeat.”

“Well, let’s get some lunch and then prep for the final.” Markangel the Archangel said, given that he just wanted to win the final, and get it over with., to which everyone nodded. As they made their way over to the in-store Subway (Eat Fresh), they all soon forgot about the fact that Richard was not amongst them, and found themselves enjoying their meal greatly as a result. Everyone that is, except for one person, who deep down, seemed almost overjoyed at what had just transpired.

After finishing their lunches, the four remaining racers began warming up and allowing their stomachs to rest for a little while before reporting back to the START/FINISH area. Saving Gracie grinned as she picked up the intercom phone once again.

“Ladies and Men who would like to think of themselves as gentle and kind, but are in fact quite the opposite! It is now time for the Final Race to determine the Champion of the World! Enjoy the festivities as we once again remind you of the four participants in this race. Lycanthropos, Animeangel_99, Pink Fregia and Markangel the Archangel will all compete, having each won or come in second place in the earlier trials! Racers to your positions!” With that, all four took their carts and lined up next to each other at the line. “Who will win?! Let’s all find out! 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1… Carts gone!”

The four carts smashed together as they began running towards Produce. Lycanthropos seems highly determined, as he passes Pink Fregia for third. “Here’s a surprise! Look at that Lycanthropos go! He passes Pink Fregia, and he’s keen to show Markangel the Archangel and Animeangel_99 a thing or two!”

At that moment, a number of things happened. At first, it seemed like the two previous races, until all four carts, one at a time, suddenly rose up and flipped onto their sides, with three racers piled on one another and Pink Fregia to the side. They were all in some agony it seemed.

“OH MY GOSH!!! RACE CANCELED! RACE CANCELED! WHO DID THAT?! RE-RUN IN 15 MINTUES!” With that, Saving Gracie rushed over and helped with getting the four carts set upright and ensured no damage had come to them.

“Oh thanks Saving Gracie! We’re all just fine, don’t worry about us! We just happened to crash and get bruised at high speed. But thanks for worrying about the shopping carts and not us.” Animeangel_99 muttered as she brushed off some of the dust from her pants.

Queentintin and angelic snow angel then ran over.

“What happened?! You all looked like you just wiped out suddenly” angelic snow angel mentioned.

Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos looked around. “ALRIGHT! WHERE IS SHE?!” Lycanthropos demanded of angelic snow angel.

“Where is who?” she asked rather confused.

"Starshinebelle! She came out of nowhere and suddenly flipped us all over by kicking the fronts of our carts!”

angelic snow angel looked at him for a moment, completely and utterly confused over what he was saying. “What are you talking about?! She was sitting with us back at the start when you crashed! She wasn’t anywhere near here.”

“But I saw her too!” explained Markangel the Archangel. “And you can’t challenge two people on what they saw if it was the same thing!” Things became somewhat more confusing a moment later when Animeangel_99 and Pink Fregia suddenly said that they had seen angelic snow angel flip their carts over.

“But again! Starshinebelle and I were back at the start!” angelic snow angel insisted.

“Do you have any witnesses?” Markangel the Archangel shot back.

“Well, for one, they both have me as a witness” Saving Gracie stated for the record. “They were both sitting by me at the time of the accident.”

“Outside Commentators do not count.” Animeangel_99 announced with pride.

“Look. Let’s just get this race re-run over and done with. I’ve got a Super Cell that may have a full-blown tornado with it, due to hit soon, and I want to chase it” Markangel then explained as he looked at his smart phone’s display which had popped up a message for him.

Setting up 4 new shopping carts at the START/FINISH line, they prepared to hold the race once again, though with 4 very confused, and somewhat nervous racers. “Well, if it wasn’t either of them, who was it?”

That very thought ran through each of their heads. It was about to become even more unusual however. Saving Gracie had pulled the footage for a review, and allowed everyone to watch the replay of what happened from the vantage points of 3 security cameras. In each, the four were seen racing their carts, until the point of the incident. What each camera showed, would be a curiosity for experts around the world. Two of the cameras flickered at that moment, but showed all four carts suddenly lifting their front ends and flipping over.

It was what the third camera showed that would freak the faint of heart, and send chills down one’s spine. A see through shadow was suddenly seen moving from an aisle, out in front of them, and motioning at the four racers, before the front ends rose up and caused the accident. The shadow seemed to vanish into thin air as the carts hit the floor.

“Any thoughts?” Saving Gracie asked with interest of the 4 racers.

No one said anything, for they were all too stunned to respond over what they had just seen. Nevertheless, they knew that they were obligated to run the race, Lycanthropos if they had just been freaked out.

Everyone took their positions once again, though worry still lingered in the back of their minds. "Get it together Markangel the Archangel! There's no such thing as ghosts!!!" he thought to himself.

Saving Gracie picked up the Intercom phone once again. "Ladies and Gentlemen! We're back for the restart of the final race! 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Carts gone!" The four racers took off for what would hopefully be the final time. "It's Pink Fregia, Animeangel_99, Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos as they peel off towards the Produce section!"

They screamed past as sparks flew from the poorly maintained carts. Animeangel_99 began to slow. "Markangel the Archangel and Lycanthropos both pass Animeangel_99! Her cart is slowing her down, and she doesn't like that at all!"

Out of frustration, Animeangel_99 let go of her cart and just ran.

"Animeangel_99 is racing solo! Wait! That's not allowed!" In actually, she was just catching up with Lycanthropos, before bribing Lycanthropos with a $20 bill which she had slipped out of his wallet earlier that same day.

Lycanthropos stopped, before trading his cart willingly for that $20 to be in his hands once more. Animeangel_99 then rushed off to catch up with the others, whilst Lycanthropos voluntarily withdrew. "Not for long! Animeangel_99 takes Lycanthropos' cart, and catches up with the others, whilst Lycanthropos voluntarily withdraws from the race." Saving Gracie's voice trailed off, rather stunned at what she was viewing.

The cameras then returned back to the race at hand, with Markangel the Archangel leading now, and Animeangel_99 in second thanks to a customer nearly colliding with Pink Fregia. "Coming back into the final stage, it's Markangel the Archangel and Animeangel_99 battling it out for the lead. It looks like Pink Fregia's bid has failed! It's Markangel the Archangel and Animeangel_99 with only 100 yards to go! Can Animeangel_99 pull off a win here?"

However Pink Fregia put in a final bid and pushed as hard as she could, catching up with the others for the final sprint to the line just around the corner.

"Pink Fregia catches up and comes through! Markangel the Archangel and Animeangel_99 battle it out!" But Animeangel_99 had already decided that she'll do anything to win, just like Markangel the Archangel. The two carts smashed into each other at full force, forcing both racers off-line and caused them to crash into a pair of displays.

"Look out! They're gonna crash!"

Coming round the bend, Pink Fregia ran with her cart to the START/FINISH line, to the applause of those few present. "Pink Fregia has done it!!! Pink Fregia is the World Champion!!! Pink Fregia for lap of honor!!!"

With that, Saving Gracie put down the Intercom phone and joined in the applause that everyone for the most part, seemed to have for Pink Fregia and her victory.

Pink Fregia however had a simple answer to that. "Screw the lap of honor! I'm too tired out from that last run!"

Pink Fregia was escorted to the makeshift podium, whereupon she was handed the globe trophy which she held high above her head to the cheers of those around her.

"Congratulations Pink Fregia!" Markangel the Archangel mentioned as he walked over with a slight limp from a sore ankle.

"Thanks. But what about you? You're not hurt, are you?"

Markangel the Archangel wouldn't get a chance to answer, as the lights suddenly began to flicker madly throughout the store.

"What THE?!" Pink Fregia looked around somewhat worried and frightened.

The temperature also dropped drastically throughout the store, to where everyone could clearly see their breath. A voice, which sounded neither male, nor female, was suddenly heard whispering "Pink Fregia", yet with no clear indication of where it was coming from. It sounded like it was coming from everywhere, yet nowhere at the same time. Toys began to move on their own, with power tools switching on all by themselves,

Even though there was no power source for those tools.

Again, the voice whispered "Pink Fregia", which didn't help matters. Customers began to panic, but found a small dilemma, as the doors seemed to have sealed shut. Effectively, everyone was trapped inside the WalMart*, with no escape it seemed.

As if they didn't have enough problems, the lights went out completely, before the lighting department staffers got an urge to scream out in sheer terror. Every lamp on display suddenly found bulbs popping out of the fixtures. Freaky enough as it was, what appeared to be a little girl then wandered up with a smile on her face and began to mimic a light switch being turned on and off. There was no light switch where her hand was, and yet you could hear a faint click as her hand went up and down. Every time her hand went to switch the light switch on, all the lamps suddenly switched on, as if a bright bulb was inside each. Then she'd turn them off again. Of course, there were no bulbs in any of the lights on display at this point.

Meanwhile Lycanthropos, who'd been busy right by there, finally noticed the girl as his attention waned from that $20 bill he’d regained from Animeangel_99 a short while ago. He made his way over, before seeing that none of the lights had bulbs in them.

The little girl had a hollow giggle that seemed to reverberate as she ran off down a nearby aisle. When he turned to look down that aisle not more than 5 seconds later, she had seemingly vanished into thin air.

To Be Continued...

 

[Waffle King Richard]

Alright folks of the Awesome Mature Gains Guild! You are the judge and jury so to speak in this matter.

Please vote how you feel things are:

If you think that Waffle King Richard is to blame, vote for Waffle King Richard.

If you think that angelic snow angel is to blame, vote for angelic snow angel.

If you think that Starshinebelle is to blame, vote for Starshinebelle.

If you think that Queentintin is to blame, vote for Queentintin.

If you think that Markangel the Archangel is to blame, vote for Markangel the Archangel.

If you think that Lycanthropos is to blame, vote for Lycanthropos.

If you think that Animeangel_99 is to blame, shame on you.

If you think that Pink Fregia is to blame, vote for Pink Fregia.

If you think that no human is to blame, vote for Pickles.

Your answers will determine what happens next in this story (if anything at all).  

[Asylum Renegade]

Very beautifully written.

I vote for Queentintin as she stopped for no apparent reason (well I think her reason was bogus) during the race.