You never had to be perfect. You always had an excuse to fall back on.. You lost your mother at a young age, and your father was always busy, working two jobs, and sometimes under the table, napping in the car between shifts. People just expected nothing but s**t from you, so this was what you gave them. You rode on those excuses, and lived in the hole they dug for you, almost not realizing it was meant to be your grave. Even when you did realize, did you care? Hardly. You had nothing left to care about. No one that cared about you...
Yet here you are, years later, hushing your little one, and singing the same lullaby over and over again. There was someone that you loved. Someone that loved you, and he made you feel all of the things they promised you would. He could just look at you and know that you weren't feeling right. He made mistakes, but you worked through them together with...a lot of yelling, and a lot of tears, but.. You worked through them. Until now.. He left months ago. His son was almost a year old, now, and he wasn't even here to see it. He wrote letters when he had the time, but you were losing touch with reality. The only thing that kept you grounded was this child, and it wasn't even yours. He wasn't yours... But he loved you like he was. He would look up at you with those eyes, so like his father's, and your heart would melt just the same. Even though you were harsh to his father about it, it didn't change how much closer it made you feel to the man you loved, just holding his child in your arms.. This love you now held for Jace, with all these mistakes... It hurt. You wrote him a letter, once the baby was finally sleeping, and you told him what life was really like. His parents had already come threatening at your door, that they were going to take the baby away from you, and it frightened the hell out of you. This was going to be the last letter, you swore it, as you wrote out each syllable, 'Your parents came again today. I'm beginning to think it's better if your son did go to stay with them. I'm working too many hours to be a good parent, and I can't afford all the babysitting. He deserves better.'
You can't go through with it, though. Even if the man you love isn't the man you knew, or the man you hoped for, or...the prince he was when you were younger... He is the only man that loves you, and even though your heart is breaking, you would never give that child up. Not without a fight. You crumple up the paper, and you cry into a bottle of whiskey. How did life get this ******** up? You never had to be perfect, but now there were a pair of eyes on you, belonging to a boy that you couldn't let down. He didn't see you as some pathetic kid, or the son of a druggie mother, or the lonely boy from the bad part of town... He knew you as his papa.
'Ellis misses you. Stay safe.'
Yet here you are, years later, hushing your little one, and singing the same lullaby over and over again. There was someone that you loved. Someone that loved you, and he made you feel all of the things they promised you would. He could just look at you and know that you weren't feeling right. He made mistakes, but you worked through them together with...a lot of yelling, and a lot of tears, but.. You worked through them. Until now.. He left months ago. His son was almost a year old, now, and he wasn't even here to see it. He wrote letters when he had the time, but you were losing touch with reality. The only thing that kept you grounded was this child, and it wasn't even yours. He wasn't yours... But he loved you like he was. He would look up at you with those eyes, so like his father's, and your heart would melt just the same. Even though you were harsh to his father about it, it didn't change how much closer it made you feel to the man you loved, just holding his child in your arms.. This love you now held for Jace, with all these mistakes... It hurt. You wrote him a letter, once the baby was finally sleeping, and you told him what life was really like. His parents had already come threatening at your door, that they were going to take the baby away from you, and it frightened the hell out of you. This was going to be the last letter, you swore it, as you wrote out each syllable, 'Your parents came again today. I'm beginning to think it's better if your son did go to stay with them. I'm working too many hours to be a good parent, and I can't afford all the babysitting. He deserves better.'
You can't go through with it, though. Even if the man you love isn't the man you knew, or the man you hoped for, or...the prince he was when you were younger... He is the only man that loves you, and even though your heart is breaking, you would never give that child up. Not without a fight. You crumple up the paper, and you cry into a bottle of whiskey. How did life get this ******** up? You never had to be perfect, but now there were a pair of eyes on you, belonging to a boy that you couldn't let down. He didn't see you as some pathetic kid, or the son of a druggie mother, or the lonely boy from the bad part of town... He knew you as his papa.
'Ellis misses you. Stay safe.'
