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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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 Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:27 pm
A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:28 pm
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that Johnny isn't paying attention, so she asks him, "If there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "None." The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off." The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:37 pm
The secret to a long marriage is that we take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes on Tuesdays. I go on Fridays.
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:37 pm
Q: What's the difference between the government and the Mafia?
A: One of them is organized
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:39 pm
PRISON MAIL
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?"
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money."
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. "Dear husband, you wouldn't believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden."
The prisoner writes back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:40 pm
SNAIL CHARITY
A man relaxes with his evening paper when he hears a light knock on the door. He opens it, looks down and sees a small snail.
"Mister, could you spare some change?" the snail asks. The man picks up the snail, throws him into the bushes and goes back to reading.
A year later, there is another knock at the door. It's the snail again.
"What'd you do that for?"
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 7:41 pm
What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?
The Dolly Llama.
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Posted: Fri May 08, 2015 8:40 pm
What are Mexicans' favorite sport? cross country
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Posted: Sun May 10, 2015 12:56 pm
There were 3 sisters living together, aged 96, 94, and 92. The 96 year old decides to take a bath, so she puts 1 foot in the tub. She then yells out, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old said, "I do not know. Allow me to come up the stairs and I shall help you." She takes one step up and yells out, "Was I supposed to go upstairs or downstairs?" The 92 year old thought to herself, "I hope I never get that forgetful." as she was sitting at the dining room table eating. Then for good measure, she knocked on the dining room table. She then said, "I will help you both, after I check to see whom is at the front door."
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Posted: Sun May 10, 2015 12:58 pm
ColinThePhilosopher There were 3 sisters living together, aged 96, 94, and 92. The 96 year old decides to take a bath, so she puts 1 foot in the tub. She then yells out, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old said, "I do not know. Allow me to come up the stairs and I shall help you." She takes one step up and yells out, "Was I supposed to go upstairs or downstairs?" The 92 year old thought to herself, "I hope I never get that forgetful." as she was sitting at the dining room table eating. Then for good measure, she knocked on the dining room table. She then said, "I will help you both, after I check to see whom is at the front door." Haha thats cute!!
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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Posted: Sun May 10, 2015 1:03 pm
That sounds alot like my grandmother in New York. She actually called a dentist while I was over there, to ask about a Bluetooth.
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Posted: Tue May 12, 2015 6:09 pm
Have you heard about the woman whom was so poor, she lived in a two-story Dorito bag, with a dog named Chip?
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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Posted: Wed May 13, 2015 4:03 pm
Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy
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Posted: Tue Jun 09, 2015 1:23 pm
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TokahontasTheWaterBearer Captain
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