In-Depth Profile Help w/ Roxas

[Uchiha Roxas]

In-Depth Profile Help with Roxas

Hey One_Being,
Before we start I just want to say I'm not doing this to patronize you but to help you. I think starting over fresh with the Newest Version of the profile will be most beneficial for you. At the moment, we keep just re-posting the same things over and over and I'm growing frustrated; so, I can't imagine how you must feel! Anyway, what we're going to do is literally go through this, section by section, highlighting what' not working and then editing them accordingly or talking about edits etc.

A few key things to note:
- Each document post will contain a Section of the profile with a list of problems and then that section posted again in a quote with my proposed edits.
- When we move onto a new section I will post a new Document Post with that section in it.
- Discussion will be in normal talk posts.
- Red highlights are what we think need reworking
- Edits in Medium Sea Green
- Compromises will be Underlined

Your current whole profile is below as a spoiler.
 

[Uchiha Roxas]

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One_Being

[General Information]

Name: Arcturusn
Nicknames: Lagahoo
Titles: WOLF
Age: 21
Birthday: The day fortold to be the end of all things good
Star Sign: Bootes
Gender: Male
Race: Alien
Moral Alignment: Evil

[Personal Information]

Occupation: The Hunter
Sexuality: Anything with a wet hole.
Likes: Pure Joy found in violence, destruction, and war.
Dreams: Be The Strongest Warrior in the Universe
Dislikes: Being touched by other males.
Fears: People trying to hold him back from power.
Darkest Secret: Arcturusn as a child was sold by his own adoptive father to be a child prostitute.
Favourite Food: Bear & Women
Favourite Drink: Magic
Least Favourite Food: Males
Least Favourite Drink: Alcohol
Loyalties: Arcturusn growing up on the battlefield has learned his loyalty should always be in his strength and willpower to survive at all cost.
Intelligence Level: Arcturusn is highly intelligent in the vast knowledge's gained from a constant life of war.
Dominant Hand: Ambidextrous

Strengths: Arcturusn strength comes from his endurance and indomitable willpower to survive.

Weaknesses: The more Arcturusn persist in battle he becomes a berserk overwhelmed with pure joy to kill all in his path. This is farther darkened by his sex hunger takes control and he usually forces himself on those who fall to him dead or alive.

Cherished Items: The Hammer of Arcturusn: This hammer crafted from Star metal the natural negating material to the divine, arcane, and psionic. Arcturusn keeps this hammer always at his side, as it can forge creations from the material of anything, even the gods themselves.

Philosophical/ Social Viewpoint: If you're not for me, then you're against me!

Religious Viewpoint: Arcturusn is acknowledges the existence of deities, but does not pledge loyalty nor faith to any of them.

Romantic Viewpoint: Arcturusn only love is the battlefield for it is where he can fulfill any of his pleasures.

Personality

Being born from a bloody situation and forced into a life of violence, Arcturusn had hardly any time to live like a normal child. Trained at a young age to be an emotionless fighters. Brainwashed to purge information considered useless for combat purposes. Therefore, Arcturusn acts as a wild animal with only the will to kill and survive. He will use anything that he can forge as a weapon. He enters a sort of kill mode that causes his eyes to fade slightly but become very serious, thus showing his resolve and determination to kill anything in his way to achieve victory.

Arcturusn is subject to bloodlust, getting an intense bestial satisfaction off of killing other people almost to the degree that he could be considered somewhat psychotic. He will occasionally grin in such a manner that makes him appear to be a demon and loves the feeling of killing scum. He's always open for a challenge and does not mind literally crushing somebody's body and internal organs to employ his battle techniques.
Arcturusn has no morals on how he kills people and will easily slaughter anyone without giving it a second thought. When it comes to allies, he will smile and talk with them on an even level very interested in sharing his own thoughts but keeping his secrets as well.
Biography
Arcturusn was discovered as a baby crying from inside his mother intestines on a battlefield by a group of intergalactic mercenaries. Their leader beloved saw this as a sign the child was meant to live and saved him, despite the lovers claims that the boy was a omen of bad misfortune. When Arcturusn turned three, his adoptive mother was dying from a mysterious plague. Her final moments were holding onto Arcturusn' right hand and calling out his name before she died. The mercenary leader, despite his cold and arrogant personality, had deep affection for Arcturusn's adoptive mother; her death fueled his anger towards Arcturusn, who blamed his "cursed heritage" for the death of his lover.

But it was kept a secret for regardless of the matter Arcturusn was in his ranks, and like all he had to earn his keep. From then on Arcturusn was trained to be a warrior in the ancient teaching of The Weirding Way to fight in not only zero gravity, but any atmosphere. Which he received training from the leader of the mercenaries he belonged to. The techniques were engraved within the Arcturusn's psyche and could still be recalled many decades or even centuries later.

Arcturusn in his first battle became warped into desiring the fight, mostly to gain his leaders favor and later to satisfy his own fighting abilities. After successfully killing the first person he would in a list of thousands, Arcturusn tempered himself to become stronger and know how to hold his sword, eventually building a strong and very personal relationship with the any weapon he wields. While they celebrated Arcturusn was given for the night as a prostitute by the Mercenaries leader to a favored warrior. A thing Arcturusn would learn later on in the heat of battle as he exacted his revenge against the one who molested him, in which he learned this fact.

Arcturusn became devoted to revenge, and though he knew he could not beat his leader in a fair fight. He put a deceptive plan into order to make such a thing possible. At the first moment he gained a chance to do so by being the lone guard on watch of the mercenaries water supply he poisoned them all. As they retired from the effects he confronted the leader, and the two fought until Arcturusn came out victorious. He then collected all the weapons and knowledge found on the dead bodies that lied around and put them on a ship he still uses to travel the universe.

[Relationship Information]

Friends:
○ Character Name as Url Link | Force | Relationship Type
Releationship Explanation

Enemies:
○ Character Name as Url Link | Force They Belong To | Relationship Type
Releationship Explanation

Family:
○ Character Name as Url Link | Force They Belong To | Relationship Type
Releationship Explanation

Romantic Relationships:
○ Character Name as Url Link | Force They Belong To | Relationship Type
Releationship Explanation

[Weapon Information]

○ Bomube: Tiny adhesive bombs that are detonated by sound. The user places them on the fingertips of their thumb and middle finger and during combat, can conceal the bombs' placement without the opponent knowing where they are until it is too late. Vital spots such as the joints are targeted. The bombs will adhere in the direction they are facing and require just the slightest contact to stick. After retreating a safe distance the user detonates them by sound, such as snapping their fingers. They can also be used to for assassination and torture. Arcturusn specializes in this weapons technique involving the use of tiny bombs for various purposes. Arcturusn is very agile and capable of performing a number of acrobatic feats. He can climb large structures in a relatively short amount of time, and with little effort. Enabling him to quickly close with an opponent to plant the bombs, escape counterattacks, and detonate the bombs from a safe distance by snapping his fingers.
○ Throwing Knives: : Trained in knife throwing, Arcturusn displays an immense talent for skill. Able to hit the carotid artery resulting in instant loss of consciousness. Or the jugular vein, unavoidably resulting in death. Frequently he aims for the eye as the orbital cavity is soft and provides less interference, thus allowing the knife to go straight through to the brain. To further his deadliness with such weapons he uses knives explode when he whistles.
○ KAMIYADORI: This suit of full plate heavy armor was designed by Arcturusn from his former mercenary band armor, that he alone knows how to construct. It was the armor of the mercenary band that makes the wearer move through any type of terrain and leave neither footprints nor scent. The armor also gives the earer control over the traces of sounds they leave behind that they can drop false ones. Also they can control ambient sounds within 30 feet of yourself for a post. You can specifically duplicate any effect from shape and alter existing sounds, silence , or Ventriloquism, and in general can make sound they've heard come from any part of the area, displace sounds in the area, or suppress any sounds or sounds.
Below list the capabilities of the armor head to toe:
> Helmet: The helmets material makes the wearer immune to psionic and magical abilities that are mind affecting. Designed to be a double sided mirror from those looking upon the armor one cannot make out the identity of the wearer, but from the wearers perception that gain a 360 degree range of vision as the armor visor is socketed like the eyes of a fly by various camera. That is enhanced by lenses to see at night in complete darkness, heat vision, and as well as though a vibrating sensory to see enemies though sound, see and hear creatures on the Astral plane or under the effects of magical silence or invisibility. Another feature of the helmet is its power reader. The reader designate things by a aura that gives off layers that represent the number of abilities whatever the wearer observes has currently.
>Scarf: This garment made of colorful or transparent cloth, silk, or wool. In addition to keeping the wearer warm, scarves are used to distract potential marks and show something personal of the wearer. In this case it shows Arcturusn favorite story "King Arthur" that his adoptive mother would read to him everyday before he went to sleep. Arcturusn still uses the scarf with a free and open attitude, and the fact that its performances can elicit strong emotional responses, but he also needed to have a weapon that blended into his armor, but could still protect them if needed. The scarf hides pockets that the wearer can use to hide small items in as well. One side of the scarf looks like a normal, brightly colored performance scarf, while the other side has a number of blades woven into it. Because of the length of the scarf, the Arcturusn can attack people up to ten feet away, but the flexibility allows them to also attack those the wielder finds themselves grappled with.One side of the scarf looks like a normal, brightly colored performance scarf, while the other side has a number of blades woven into it. Because of the length of the scarf, the Arcturusn can attack people up to ten feet away, but the flexibility allows them to also attack those the wielder finds themselves grappled with.
> End Game: If Arcturusn thinks the armor will break can make the armor self destruct. This explosion is strong enough to take out bring down a building. Arcturusn being incorpereal is unaffected by the explosion
> Arms: Hand cannon with socket hand attachments compose the armors eight hand mode. The hand cannons can fire anything loaded in them in real time, but are usually powered by the dark matter generator. When ranged combat is not necessary the user activated the socket hands. Which are pieces of machinery is enchanted to function like a hand when attached to a hand cannons. The arms can bind together to appears as two arms to conceal the wearers true form even further. Retractable elbow blades single-edged blades are affixed to the forearms of each of the arms.
> Utility Belt: The armor has a utility belt built in that has six canisters. That contain:
Smoke bombs Appearing a metallic cube when carried with a yellow line across the middle. When released the yellow line is a scanner that let the dice know when they reach ten feet. At which point the dice anchor themselves to the deck below, and are realized to be smoke generators with a generator that last 10 post. The smoke created is so thick that it only moves upward, and nothing can be seen in their radius of 20ft. Arcturusn as the creator of this device has trained himself to maneuver within the smoke unhindered.
Rods Of Mercy: These rods when thrown segment itself into three laser anchors connected by ropes. That wraps around a targets neck, securely tying and choking them up, before the anchors are buried into the ground. The ropes are made from wire that has a tensile strength of 2.4 tons and as it is basically one long molecule. Arcturusn uses it to capture and subdue targets who are usually worth more alive than dead.
Weasel: The Weasal is an electronic system designed to fool sensors into reading wrong or no information. Arcturusn must never remove it from its canister for it to work properly.
Flash Bombs: Small metallic orb s with two crossing, inlaid lines, separating the outer orb into 8 pieces. When the orb strikes a surface, the lines glow bright blue for fractions of a second before it explodes in blinding light. A light that blinds all for 1 post and unable to see well because of overstimulation of the eyes for an hour. Arcturusn helmet blocks the light give off by these bombs.

[Ability Information]

○ Unique Physiology: Arcturusn is from an alien incorporeal being has no physical body, eight arms, and two legs. It is said his race started out mere human, but through being dedicated to technological advances and evolution that they ascended into becoming incorporeal. Below are the pros & cons of such a physiology:
Pros:
⦁ Arcturusn can be harmed only by other incorporeal, magic weapons, and magic users. Arcturusn cannot take falling damage from being flung into anything physical, as h naturally passes right though it. When not in the armor Arcturusn can enter or pass through solid objects. Arcturusn's attacks without any armor equipped pass through (ignore) non magical protection and armor. Arcturusn passes through and operate in water as easily as he does in the air. Arcturusn cannot be tripped or grappled by physical being. Arcturusn passively flies silently and cannot be heard if he doesn’t wish to be. Nonvisual senses, such as scent, tremorsense, and or blind sight are ineffective with regard sensing Arcturusn. Incorporeal creatures have an innate sense of direction and can move at full speed even when they cannot see. Incorporeal however can possess physical items and manipulate them such as weapons and armor. Arcturusn doesn't have weight and cannot set off traps that are triggered by weight.
Cons:
Arcturusn cannot pass through a magical protection. Therefore, magical protection can be used to forced out of his armor Making him unable to interact with the physical world. Arcturusn is ddamaged by other incorpereals, magic users, and magical weapons. Arcturusncannot make trip or grapple attacks, nor In fact, he cannot take any action that would move or manipulate an physical opponent or its equipment, nor is he subject to such actions. Arcturusn being a orphan never learned to properly use his incorpereal powers fully, and only knows how to possess and muniplate metal items.
○ The Weirding Way : . It is the fighting style used by Arcturusn and with the exception of a handful of practitioners is nearly extinct. The names of all The Weirding Way moves and disciplines are in German and practitioners are called Vieressen, German for "Eaters". The Weirding Way seeks oneness between the senses and is commonly referred to as the strongest of the intergalactic martial arts. Especially effective at disabling and destroying larger opponents, it is the basis of other space martial arts. Unless properly trained by a Weirding Way master these moves cause one to instantly die from the stress they cause on the body. Thus mimicry powers are highly disadvantages against The Weirding Way.
The Weirding Way is the first fighting style developed to anticipate combat against foes of different planets, universes, and dimension. It emphasizes combat against both unarmed and armed opponents, including those wielding ranged weapons. Its foundation is fighting in zero gravity, a prerequisite for all space age martial arts, which allows the practitioner to fight in any atmosphere. The Weirding Way seems to emphasize speed as well as the use of vibration-based attacks to bypass an opponent's armor and directly cause damage to limbs or internal organs. The art is also quite effective against larger foes. Panzer Kunst also provides a definite tactical advantage, since it gives its user the ability to analyze an opponent's fighting style and to retaliate accordingly. Therefore, a Vieressen will rarely be defeated in a second combat with a given enemy. Vieressen also seem to have been imbued with a sense of fanaticism and willingness to sacrifice themselves if necessary to carry out a mission.
Most of the known techniques of The Weirding Way are those that have been used by Arcturusn at one point during his journey:
⦁ Shadow Tracking: A basic skill used primarily as a training exercise which teaches a künstler to stay in their target's blind spot. The only practical applications it has in in actual combat is to dodge attacks.
⦁ Heart Strike: One of Arcturusn 's most commonly used moves, it is a strike that delivers a high-frequency vibration to the victim, bypassing the victim's armor, and concentrating kinetic energy that, when used correctly, can be used to destroy or at least disrupt function of the brain or heart. It can be nullified with a vibration of the same wavelength.
⦁ Missile Blow: A supersonic punch that adds electromagnetism to the impact, delivering more force to the strike.
⦁ Outer : By twisting into an attack made by the opponent, the Vieressen is able to redirect that energy against them, resulting in a kicking counterattack that is stronger than would normally be launched.
⦁ Personal Wisdom: Individual techniques created by each Vieressen that are unique based on their own body's construction, and thus unteachable. While not considered part of Panzer Kunst, there was a tendency to consider Vieressen top-notch only once they had developed a Seinerweisen. Arcturusn's is him using Sutereotomī to comeback to life, but right before he will self destruct his armor that has enough explosives to take out half a city.
⦁ Hunger Within: A technique which causes thousands of soliton waves to reverberate inside the target's head, increasing in frequency until they will localize in one spot in a month and blow the target's head off. In the meantime, the waves will be transmitted to anyone or anything who physically comes into contact with their head, blowing off the affected body part or piece of equipment. It is intended to isolate the target from others and cause them emotional anguish before their inevitable death. The technique cannot be cured by normal means, only by magic of a deity.
⦁ Armor Penetration: By attuning their rhythm of movement to the opponent's, the Veiressen then strikes when the opponent's guard is weakest. This training coonsist of analyze opponents to the point a Veiressen acquired a second iris made for this technique alone.
⦁ Heart Needle: A two-part Weirding Way master combination attack from the Weirding Way School, also called "Heart Driver" .
⦁ Partition – The first part of the attack, an initial Heart Strike-like strike is first applied in order to set loose a shockwave which bounces around inside the body, increasing in momentum and energy, before finally focusing on the extremities such as the limbs or joints. The opponent might notice this as a slight ringing in their ears. Note that while Heart Strike is usually delivered through the heel of the palm, Partition is done via the knuckles of the Vieressen's fist.
⦁ Heart Needle – The second strike, driving a second Partition into the focal point of the shock wave, which causes the pent-up energy to explode from within.
⦁ Rhythms Insertion – A technique associated with the long-dead Weireding Way School, existing only in books. By attuning their own chi to that of their opponent's, the Vieressen is able to fully nullify the opponent's chi, completely halting any attack they might have launched. This can only be used against opponents the Vieressen has fought prior for moves they have already witnessed.

○ Blacksmith [Master]: : Not only is Arcturusn efficient in the art of combat and in the use of his abilities, but he is also a highly skilled smith, with most of his equipment and weapons being crafted by him.

[Weakness Information]

○ Magic: The ability to use magical forces to varying degrees. Those who possess this ability are known (among other things) as Magicians, Wizards, Warlocks, Sorcerers, Mages, and Witches. This is his weakness alone without his armor.

○ Science: The ability to be intellectual and the practical activity of encompassing the systematic study of the structure and behavior of the physical and natural world through observation and experiment. Science has been known as the only true way to acquire knowledge about reality and the nature of things. The user can manipulate the laws of Nature/Science through a mundane method that manipulate reality to whatever they desire which can be interpreted as "super-science". The power of science does not obey the conventional laws of physics, since it created it, and can do whatever it want's with it. This is the weakness of the armor only.

○ Armor: If you destroy Arcturusn's armor he becomes unable to interact with the physical world.

 

[Uchiha Roxas]

Part One: General Information

Okay, so first things first. The General Info part of the profile may seem unimportant but it is. This is the first bit of information ANYONE will see about your character and as such it needs to tell people enough about them whilst also encouraging them to read on. If what's written down looks like horseshit, they'll treat the rest of the profile as such and avoid you in RP too. So, we're even going to work on this.

Note:
- Picture in spoiler to avoid page stretching.

- Black Colour Coding Removed in order to better use coding for edits and what not.

Original General Information Section

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[General Information]

Name: Arcturusn
Nicknames:Lagahoo
Titles: WOLF
Age: 21
Birthday: The day fortold to be the end of all things good
Star Sign: Bootes
Gender: Male
Race: Alien
Moral Alignment: Evil

So, whilst it's not all bad, I did highlight some of the bits in this General Info Section. Here is why:
- Nicknames are like Aliases and the like but unless you can explain those nicknames then we have no idea what they meant or whether or not they are good or bad. Maybe using translations and what not would be helpful here. Or maybe even explaining it because I now know what that is after googling it but I shouldn't have to. It should be clear.

- Age and Birthday are the same problem really; it sounds cool in your head but he has an age and therefore has a birthday.

- Boötes is a constellation not a star sign. If you're going to use it, explain it.

- Specify what Species of Alien you are. It would be helpful and make sense. He's a ghost but an Alien? Help us out here. You don't have to go into full on detail because that will come under the powers section but a race name will do.

So, here are my proposed edits. You don't have to use them but as I took the time to do them: read them. It's only polite. Remember, discussion afterwards will be made in normal posts.

Proposed General Information Section

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[General Information]

Name: Arcturusn (Syllabic Pronunciation of Name Here in Brackets; Could be helpful)
Nicknames: Maybe names he uses when people can't actually say his name here? Nicknames from his homeworld translated, e.g: "Si" (Spanish for "Yes")
Titles: Lagahoo & then explain how he got the title in his bio or something.
Age: 21
Birthday: An actual date here please, you may put a star date but you must translate into an Earth Date afterwards.
Star Sign: Bootes; explain why this is used. E.g: People on his Planet are assigned Star Constellations depending on their class or profession.
Gender: Male
Race: Alien ~ Insert Cool Alien Race Name Here
Moral Alignment: Evil

Right, we all good now? Anything you wonna discuss?