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 Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 7:42 pm
Hi I know I haven't been as active as I should have been. I've been sort of away trying to find some answers in my own head, but now I've found a few and I was needing some advice on telling the family that I am a male to female transgender.
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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:25 pm
I'm happy to give advice, but can I ask what your family is like? Are they open minded, queer friendly, or more on the conservative side?
Also are you currently living with or reliant on your family for meeting your basic needs?
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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 9:30 pm
Oxyria I'm happy to give advice, but can I ask what your family is like? Are they open minded, queer friendly, or more on the conservative side? Also are you currently living with or reliant on your family for meeting your basic needs? They are open minded and queer friendly and yes to both of the next question.
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Posted: Tue Jun 24, 2014 10:14 pm
That makes everything a lot easier. Personally I had no idea how to actually approach my family verbally (and it's pretty small -- just my mom, my brother and I), so I didn't. I sent an email late at night and proceeded to not sleep at all.
Writing a note and leaving it somewhere for them to digest while you're not around might be a good idea. It's personal, while also being easier to lay things out in your own way without any interruptions.
Something to remember: it's not going to be as big a deal as you think, nor as dramatic. It'll be a little awkward at first (but I'm guessing it's more than a little awkward as it is). My brother took a while to start using the right pronouns, but a piece of advice I have for this is: be patient. I've had to cut a lot of people out of my life, but never the people who've made a genuine effort to understand. All of this to say it's a joint effort and you have to be willing to be as open and understanding as you ask them to be.
I've found interactions with anyone who's unfamiliar with trans s**t who learns about me (or who knew me before) to be easy as long as I'm not reactive. I've found it also helps to have some humor about it and not take every little silly question or remark too seriously (just not undermining how significant it is).
There are a lot of things to say about this, but I hope that helps a little bit.
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Posted: Wed Jun 25, 2014 12:29 pm
Oxyria has given the best advice there is.
in my own case, coming out to my family as Bisexual was slow and scary. and my household is very liberal democrat (I'm sort of a black sheep).
I started by telling a few close friends. and then my siblings. after about a year or two, I told my mom, but I wanted to keep it away from my dad longer.
it wasn't until about a year or two ago that I let my dad know, and I sort of just pretended it was already obvious....
thing is, he's accepting of gay people, but I'm not entirely sure that he really isn't disturbed by it. I think he disagrees with it but is embarrassed by his own opinion. I dunno... he won't admit anything one way or another. he's very "not my business", and I guess that's polite in it's own way.
the way I see it, coming out is always a difficult and awkward thing to do, no matter how accepting you know your family to be. in that way, I guess it's kind of an irrational fear. but we're all only human. we can't help being afraid.
the one trick I have left to add, is know that you can be open in some circles and closed in others if you want. come out on your own time in any given environment.
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