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 Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:51 pm
So, I'm gunna help people with profile issues here. Deal wit' it.
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 4:53 pm
Ok, first customer! Let's do this!
So, let's start simple, can you fix the coding breaks in this profile for me and then post it here?
Thanks. kodsu 1992  Basic Information
Full Name: Torrant Malfore
Nicknames: tory, rant
Pilot Call Sign: black blade
Age:35 was in the last war at 15 years old
Gender: male
Birthday: 11/19
Ethnicity: he Caucasian: his skin white unless not tanned for scavenging
Misc Features: Has a tattoo on his right arm under his sleeve of his platoon he was in. it shaped like the head of a blade liger it back ground contain to sword arcking out making it to look like wings
Personal Information
Sexuality: straight
Relationship Status: Single
Personality: calm guy just want to make a descent honest dollar while rebuilding his old shield liger. treat everyone with respect. he is willing to be with any girl that willing to let him be in their life. he knows his boundaries and don't ask much questions when repairing andthing from zoids to transport
Team Loyalty: neutral for the time being[
Likes:food
relaxing in the sun
scavenging
Dislikes:teams that don’t treat team member with no respect to them or zoids
no pay check
the cold
Fears: death
deathsaurers
the death of zoids
Dreams:join a winning team as a pilot
build or rebuild the best zoids
wants his shield liger to become a blade liger again
Biography:
[I.]
Torrent was in the last war when he was 15 years old. He started as an attack cat scout for the liger platoon and slowly worked his way to get blade liger rank .When Torrant finish his term and the war ended the army took the blade liger that had stealth capability with booster. sadly he was reduced it to a standard shield liger for his standard zoid. He vow to rebuild his liger one day. When he was 29 he was on his way to town that had an arena to battle and he had a mechanic job to work on a liger zero armor plans that wasn't standard. In the out skirts of that town he was attack by some bandits and badly damage his liger that it could not survive another trip so instead of risking it he moved in to that town and been working on zoids trying to get parts he need to accomplish his dream getting his black blade liger and one day compete in the arena.
Torrent past of being a soldier came from his family in the chaotic century. His great grandfather fought by Irvine, moonbay, and van in the guardian force to save the world. After many years wars kept coming up and the guardian force was called to protect the people and that what they did . Generations go all the men in torrents family went to the guardian forces and piloted a liger of some sort till the time of war was over. Over the years of service he had to modify his bones by replacing the bones with metallic alloy to help keep his body from being crush from the speed of his old blade liger. Now the era of tournaments take place intstead of the battle pf destroyed zoids and the loss of lives through blood shed. In return torrent skills of piloting he learn how to fix zoids and transport vehicles.
Torrent works in the pits of the arena working on zoids. Also custom made weapons on any junk part he get that can’t be used for the client’s zoids. While he works on an armor for any liger zero that need a high power, but it would push the pilot ability to their limits. Torrent just has one problem, it that he hear the soul of the zoid he pilots. Torrant tries to pilot only one zoid. years past and he test the zoidsas he fixes to see if it fix and if it isn't fix the rest of the repairs would be free and be pay the original deal
Curriculum Vitae
Primary Job: mechanic for zoids and transport
Secondary Job: pilot to a black shield liger
Currently Contracted Team: none
Former Employment:soldier
mechanic to his father’s shop
Theme Songs: main theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZOiUrnT7-0
Battle song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTJ8Qsb9DGo
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 6:35 pm
Uchiha Roxas Ok, first customer! Let's do this!
So, let's start simple, can you fix the coding breaks in this profile for me and then post it here?
Thanks. kodsu 1992 Basic Information
Full Name: Torrant Malfore
Nicknames: tory, rant
Pilot Call Sign: black blade
Age:35 was in the last war at 15 years old
Gender: male
Birthday: 11/19
Ethnicity: he Caucasian: his skin white unless not tanned for scavenging
Misc Features: Has a tattoo on his right arm under his sleeve of his platoon he was in. it shaped like the head of a blade liger it back ground contain to sword arcking out making it to look like wings
Personal Information
Sexuality: straight
Relationship Status: Single
Personality: calm guy just want to make a descent honest dollar while rebuilding his old shield liger. treat everyone with respect. he is willing to be with any girl that willing to let him be in their life. he knows his boundaries and don't ask much questions when repairing andthing from zoids to transport
Team Loyalty: neutral for the time being
Likes:food
relaxing in the sun
scavenging
Dislikes:teams that don’t treat team member with no respect to them or zoids
no pay check
the cold
Fears: death
deathsaurers
the death of zoids
Dreams:join a winning team as a pilot
build or rebuild the best zoids
wants his shield liger to become a blade liger again
Biography:
Torrent was in the last war when he was 15 years old. He started as an attack cat scout for the liger platoon and slowly worked his way to get blade liger rank .When Torrant finish his term and the war ended the army took the blade liger that had stealth capability with booster. sadly he was reduced it to a standard shield liger for his standard zoid. He vow to rebuild his liger one day. When he was 29 he was on his way to town that had an arena to battle and he had a mechanic job to work on a liger zero armor plans that wasn't standard. In the out skirts of that town he was attack by some bandits and badly damage his liger that it could not survive another trip so instead of risking it he moved in to that town and been working on zoids trying to get parts he need to accomplish his dream getting his black blade liger and one day compete in the arena.
Torrent past of being a soldier came from his family in the guardian force. His great grandfather fought with the guardian force to save the world. After many years wars kept coming up and the guardian force was called to protect the people and that what they did . Generations go all the men in torrents family went to the guardian forces and piloted a liger of some sort till the time of war was over. Over the years of service he had to modify his bones by replacing the bones with metallic alloy to help keep his body from being crush from the speed of his old blade liger. Now the era of tournaments take place intstead of the battle of destroyed zoids and the loss of lives through blood shed. In return torrent skills of piloting he learn how to fix zoids and transport vehicles.
Torrent works in the pits of the arena working on zoids. Also custom made weapons on any junk part he get that can’t be used for the client’s zoids. While he works on an armor for any liger zero that need a high power, but it would push the pilot ability to their limits. Torrent just has one problem, it that he hear the soul of the zoid he pilots. Torrant tries to pilot only one zoid. years past and he test the zoidsas he fixes to see if it fix and if it isn't fix the rest of the repairs would be free and be pay the original deal
Curriculum Vitae
Primary Job: mechanic for zoids and transport
Secondary Job: pilot to a black shield liger
Currently Contracted Team: none
Former Employment:soldier
mechanic to his father’s shop
Theme Songs: main theme song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZOiUrnT7-0
Battle song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTJ8Qsb9DGo
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 6:50 pm
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:09 pm
Wicked I think you got them all. Btw. Post the profile after each round of editing and quote me at the bottom so that we can see the improvement, it;s mainly for you but it's a nice touch for me to see how I've helped too, no? xD Anyway, now we're going to work on your grammar. Before we start, can I ask if English is your first language?
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:17 pm
Uchiha Roxas Wicked I think you got them all. Btw. Post the profile after each round of editing and quote me at the bottom so that we can see the improvement, it;s mainly for you but it's a nice touch for me to see how I've helped too, no? xD Anyway, now we're going to work on your grammar. Before we start, can I ask if English is your first language? Yes but at time I post by phone and it auto correct only when laptop down that is and it down by not be able to charge.
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Posted: Fri Apr 11, 2014 7:22 pm
kodsu 1992 Yes but at time I post by phone and it auto correct only when laptop down that is and it down by not be able to charge. Well, okay. How about we try taking auto correct off and try using correct grammar though. Because if you read your sentences back, we can see a slight problem. I want you to be the best you can be my friend and this isn't really that good a showing. You want to use your profile as an advertisement to say: "Look at me! I'm good! RP with me!" Right? So, fix as many grammar mistakes as you can. Afterwards, I will underline any you've missed.
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