Welcome to Gaia! ::

so i'm starting to wright this now in hopes a flame will be lit under my a** for getting s**t done. well here i go again...lets get up to speed shall we?

my name is zato i'm a fTm and i'm 24 gonna be 25 this month.

ok for starters many of you have probably heard me whine about assholes in my life well good news the ******** are gone >=)!!! my sis finally got divorced now her kids and her are happy. but with happy news come sad news...financially we are now ******** as i'm sure alot of people are. but my dad is losing his job my mom is unemployed and i'm unable to work due to my issues and my back problems.

so now i gotta get a job despite being in mental and physical pain (yay!!) <---sarcasm.

but i'm staying happy because if i don't force myself to look towards a bright future i'd be dead =). so i crank up my happy tunes and change my future. as long as i'm positive good things will come (happened before). so yeah my family have gotten really good with not calling me the wrong things lately =D!!

i've been practicing bass and drawing and Japanese again so hopefully it'll pay off. gonna start going to the library to study business/music on my own when i have time also at home on the webs. i've been working out (getting my chest small and also getting to a healthy weight so i can get med stuff done when the time comes. it's been a total of 3 weeks i believe and i've lost almost 10 pounds o.o; but i'm also on meds for my thyroid so that probably helped.

being an uncle is fun at times lolz but the kids can drive me nuts too those kids are being raized right now. they love all and don't see differences in people and they grasp what i am ._.; i was shocked but my sis explained it to them and bam they still love me and call me uncle TuT <3.

the way people glorify being trans ect. pisses me off...none of us asked for this life in fact if i was born with my male parts i'd be happy as s**t. save me all the hardships and abuse from people who are so dumb and backwards. i fail to see how people can hate someone for how they are outside and in...it baffles me...as long as you don't ******** with me i could care less what you look like or what you are. if your cool i'm gonna hang with you if not oh well it was nice to meet you. people can be such shits. my old friends that i told said they still liked me but yet they stop talking to me and avoid me (out of shame? what?) but ******** it i'm better off now with my new friends =) and my best friend who's never left my side because she's awesome and knew what i was before i knew how to tell her or the word for it. she's good people.

wow i'm rambling...ugh...sorry. anyway yeah on my next visit (when i can afford it.) to my therapist i should get the letter and ok to move on with hormones and stuff...if not i'll find another therapist. =) but i'm pretty sure he'll give me the ok...especially since this s**t affects my work v.v; sadly at my last job i broke down and i was so ashamed i cried in public =/. i couldn't wear my binder due to it being more or less 8 hours and they wouldn't let me use my name ect...so yeah...i really need this to happen badly. and it will i know it will. i don't care if i'm fat, ugly, bald ect as long as i get my parts i'll be happy =). out side appearances can be fixed.

soooooooooooooooooooooooo yeah happy time =D!!! i'm really excited to go see the aquabats live on may 1st!! <3 <3 i wish dog inthe pwo would come to the usa and come to Chicago TuT i would be so happy lolz. they are my fav band in a long time. any way....yeah my birthday is coming up and my sis dropped some hints on me about something..not sure what it is still but they planed something...i don't much care for this lolz....i'm not expecting to get anything due to money issues i'm just happy my best friend is coming over for a week or so. also chicks have been flirting with me over the net ...despite me saying i'm gay and my friend saying the same thing...wtf? they don't even know what i look like XD. oh well...

so in short me just being a normal boring guy wink . i'll add more when it happens but until then i love you all. ******** those people that s**t on you and embrace the thing people call a wall. ******** off unicorns XD

It's nice of your to share what's happening in your life with us. Depending on what you want to do makes things you learn pay off. For example if you're not thinking about being a musician then studying music probably won't help you too much ^ - ^" .Personally I would focus more on the job issue than the change issue, but ultimately that's your choice. It just might be better to have a job that you can financially rely on and not have to scramble for one when you in deep trouble. Especially when hormones and stuff are gonna cost a bunch.


Forcing yourself to be happy can be a bit rough on yourself though. We can't always be happy, but just make sure you don't get caught up in the spiral of despair. Also make sure you aren't relying on your positive attitude too much. A positive attitude is great to have, but things don't happen automatically and you must take action as well. when you have a negative attitude you get people depressed and upset around you so it may seem that positive attitude helps because people will be happy and more friendly around you.

well ******** this s**t...had a good long a** cry like a little b***h =/. found out i'm probably not gonna have insurance until i get a job but my back is still ******** up. oh ******** joy! =) s**t just keeps getting better huh?!

thanks i need alot of help but it's better if i do it alone...i don't know how i'm gonna do this...i guess i'll just ******** up my back some more at any job i can get...but ******** i should stop my belly aching my problems aren't s**t anyway. ******** it all. =) i'll be fine.