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New enemies worry an ancient entity. How do the Shinigami face beings as old as faith? 

Tags: Bleach, Shinigami, Roleplay, Soul Reaper, Zanpakuto 

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[♠] Miztien-Urie [♠] ( ⑫th Squal hopefull )

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JadeRabbitEmperor

High-functioning Garbage

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:08 am


This Oc was inspired by my favorite card game Magic the gathering and the Izzet guild of ravnica from the card game.
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± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±Personal Information± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±

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Shinigami Name: Miztien-Urie
Nickname:Grand dragon of the mind or Miz
Human Name: Gideon ( Last name unknown )
Actual Age: 324
Appearance Age: 24
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Straight but with no interest in women.

Blood Type: O Negative
Medical Conditions: N/A
Occupation: Research into dimensional combat applications as well as other alternate world applications.

Likes:
Dislikes:
Fears:
Relationships: N/A

Personality: Arrogant, Relaxed, Overly calculating, Miz is the kind of person to never under estimate his enemy's but also over estimate his own. Unafraid of any thing Miz will jump into any fight simply to gadget the enemy's strength. While he holds himself in an emotionless state he has been known to brake character from this blank expression state and regain some resemblance to a human being. Miz normally speaks a low under tune load enough to hear but low enough to not to gain to much notice around others.
This only changes when he becomes enraged. Miz becomes an overly aggressive fighter who while sticking to his normal style of combat is now on a greater level of attack. Unleashing attacks with full intent of destroying his target with no consern for those in caught in the cross fight.
Miz will also resort to attacking others simply to gain a reaction from his target.
Quote:"Everyone has a weak point, allow me to find yours."

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±Appearance Information± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±
Eyes: Right eye is blue while the left is red
Hair Length: roughly 3 inch's.
Hair Color: grayish to white.
Height: 5.5
Weight: 135Lp
Marking(s) / Tattoo(s):
Personal signet tattooed on his back. That stretches from both shoulder blades to his lower back.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ± Becoming a Shinigami± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±
This is my story:
Miz came to the soul world the same as every one else. He lived close to 60 years in the rukon district secretly training in swordsmen ship. When a small gang of hollows attacked a near by farm. Miz was the first into battle downing the lead hollow before being injured by a second.
Soul reapers came and downed the rest saving him. Seeing he had been able to down the leader of the gang with nothing more then a normal katana the reapers transported him into soul society where the current number one captain had his wounds tended too. After a few weeks of rest he was then asked to train to become a soul reaper.

Miz like many reapers came into the academy with nothing in the form of skill or technique compared to the trainers or even the captains. Though he grew quicker then most graduating in half the time as most other and almost immediately gaining a seated position after words. He become one the few to graduating with a full under standing and graps over Hido and Kido.

Miz worked for nearly 187 years before gaining his Shikai.
This put him behind the bulk of most other reapers he had surpassed back in the academy. Most others had gained their in only 100 years max, this forced his captain to drop him from the 2nd seat he held and into the 5th seat. When he did unlock it though he again surpassed all but his captain. reigning his seat as 2nd seat.
Under the teachings of his former captain Miz was then 100 years later able to release his bankai. this again put him ahead of most other reapers. Miz trained sense to master his bankai. When his former captain was killed in combat he was then promoted to the captain seat.
Miz has sense spent the bulk of his time researching new tech to combat hollows and those like them.


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± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±Shinigami Information± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±
Division: Squad 12
Past Divisions: Have never been move from or two any other squad.
Rank: ???
Reiatsu Color: A mix of both Red and Blue. Some times mistaken for purple.

Kido List / Way of Binding
1. Sai - Locks a target's arms in place behind their back.
9. Geki - Engulfs a target in red light, completely paralyzing them.
26. Kyakko - Hides the target from sight, presumably by bending light.
37. Tsuriboshi - Creates a star-shaped cushion of Spiritual Energy, which anchors it to nearby objects with "ropes" of spirit particles. It can stop falling objects, acting like a safety net.
39. Enkosen - Summons a shield of condensed Reiatsu to block opponents' attacks.
58. Kakushitsuijaku - Tracks and locates any spiritual force the user focuses on. To activate it, the user must draw a circle on the ground, cut into four parts with a specific character in each. The incantation animates the circle, causing various numbers to appear within until the specific set is found. The number set seems to be a variation on longitude and latitude.
61. Rikujōkōrō - Summons six thin, but wide, beams of light that slam into a target's midsection, holding them in place.
62. Hyapporankan - A rod formed of energy is thrown towards the target before it disintegrates into numerous short rods which are used to pin the target to the surroundings and render them immobile.
63. Sajo Sabaku - Binds the arms of a target. It’s virtually impossible to break this spell on physical strength alone.
75. Gochūtekkan - Summons five incredibly tall and thick pillars to pin a target to the ground.
77. Tenteikūra - Transmits messages mentally to anyone within an area of the caster's choosing. In addition to reciting the spell, the user must draw specific markings on their arms, which are animated by the spell to convey the messages. The messages can be spoken either by the caster or by another within the vicinity of the caster.


Hado List / Way of Destruction
1. Shō - Pushes the a target away from the caster.
4. Byakurai - The user fires a concentrated, powerful lightning bolt from their finger.
11. Tsuzuri Raiden - Electric current flows through any object the user touches and is able to lead electricity, damaging any target that is in contact with the object the current runs through.
31. Shakkahō - Fires a ball of red energy at a target.
33. Sōkatsui - Fires a burst of blue spiritual energy at a target in a similar manner to 31, but over a wider area and with more power.
54. Haien - Fires a blast of purple spiritual energy that will incinerate a target completely when it makes contact..
58. Tenran - A widening tornado-like blast is fired towards the target.
63. Raikōhō - Fires a massive wave of yellow energy at a target.
73. Sōren Sōkatsui - Essentially a doubled version of #33, this spell fires two shots of blue fire with greater potency than the single-shot variety..
88. Hiryugekizokushintenraiho - Fires a gigantic blast of spiritual energy resulting in an truly enormous explosion.

± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±Extra Information± : . : ± : . : ± : . : ±
Personal Skill:

Theme Song:
Path of Duality
The day i die


Zanpakuto:

Zanpakuto Name: Niv-Mizzet, Dracogenuis
Translation: ( Z - > ) 90° - (E-N²W)90°t=1
Zanpakuto Type: Elemental paradox
Zanpakuto Weapon (Sealed):
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Length: 2 feet 3 inch's
Width: 1.1/2 inch's
Weight: 4.2 pounds each
Description: Miztien-Urie's Zanpakuto started off no more different then any other. A normal run of the mill katana. Over time infused with his spiritual pressure to form his Zanpakuto. How ever unlike most others his Zanpakuto split in two the second it was formed. Each one a polar opposite of the other but refusing to work without both halves. Like a bow and arrow each is worthless without the other.

Zanpakuto Spirit (Inner World Appearance):How he looks in my inner world
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Length: Close to 150 feet
Height: 25 to 30 feet at max
Width: 12 to 15 feet
Weight: Unknown
Description: A large red and blue colored dragon. Standing like a giant over Miztien-Urie, standing at well over double his highest. Sporting an array of armor forming scales from head to claw. Flexible yet ridged and super strong upon impact. His voice is a deep fear inducing tune yet it behind it lays obvious wisdom that most be earned and is never given freely.

Zanpakuto Spirit (Outer World Appearance): How we looks to the rest of the world.
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Length: 3 feet
Height: 16 feet
Width: 5 feet
Weight: Unknown
Description: Standing still like a giant in this form the soul beast is a mass of energy's that are unstably held together inside an armor made of an unknown alloy. Unable to speak directly and only through mental ESP its voice has morphed into an echo of sorts that started load and ends low like it was echos into the distance. The tune is like that of a voice over a staticy radio.

Soul beast name: Melek, Hi to kōri no
Translation: Melek of fire and ice
Personality Harsh in his judgement but always fair to a fault believing that a balance of sorts most be maintained. Can be very aggressive if provoked but is very hard to do so. Always seems to be sat thinking even when he's talking or fighting.

Inner World:
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World name: Jōki wa dōsa
Translation: Boiler works
Description: A vast sprawling city of steam pipes and medieval tower structures. No plant life to be seen. The sky shifts between a red or blue coloration depending on weather or not Miztien-Urie is under presser or relaxed. The higher one travels up into the sky of towers the colder it becomes under the air its self seems to freeze while at ground level it seems to become hot enough to melt one to slag.
Physics: No gravity, Damage to structures auto regenerates over time.

Relationship with Spirit: Mentor ( Soul beast ) and student ( Miztien-Urie )

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Shikai:

Name: Tsunawatari
Translation: The balance of existence
Description: Both swords are now as much as 15x harder to brake due to the increased Reishi now being sent through the blades. While Miztien-Urie might lose physical strength behind attacks but he gains a greater increase in his speed and reaction timing then most captains.

Restrictions: Physical strength is greatly halved in replace of a greater spiritual presser and energy reserves as well as much faster reaction time and speed. By as much as 60% but only for a few seconds at a time.
Release Command: Kore o kangaete iru baai wa, watashi wa mae ni yatte ita ka wakaranai
Translation: If this is thinking i don't know what i was doing before

Unreleased form
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Length: 2.7 feet.
Width: 4 centimeters
Weight: 7.8 pounds each
Description: Reflecting the balance of night and day, fire and ice. Both swords take on a more steam lined form better for quick slashing attacks father then sword to sword combat. Both sport a colored line of ether red or blue down the middle of the blade that allows for energy attacks to be directed like bullets from a gun barrel.

Abilities:

Name: Teleportal
Translation: Teleportal:
This is the ability to teleport short amounts of distance with in line of sight. Max distance is 30 feet. The movement is instantaneous taken 1x1000th of a second to preform, how ever once used the ability needs at least 1 full second before being able to be used again. This how ever restricts his ability to attack and or block. The movement is in fact so fast he doesn't him self have the mental reaction timing to be able to block an incoming attack though he might be able to dodge it if given the right conditions. He can not attack while moving this fast ether, it is simply beyond his normal physical ability's even in bankai.
Cool down: 1 post

Name: Ridairekuto
Translation: Redirct:.
This power opens up rifts in space and time to sends any object into the void and back out in another direction at the same rate in time as they are being sent in.
The portals acts like doorways allowing any object to pass in or out of its direct connecting portal. Each portal how ever acts like a single doorway and any objects going in ether side of the portal will only come out of its counterpart portal. In this way objects send into portal A.Side1 will only come out of portal A.side2 and not out of portal B.side2. ( in other words no Scubby doo multy door hallways effects )
Portals show up as black swirling holes in reality that seems to pull at the image of whats ever is around it. Portals can be as large 6 feet wide or as small as 3 inch's. Portals are best thought of as black holes as they do pull in any energu near by, this includes light and heat.
Portals can only be opened a max 0f 5 feet away.
No more then 3 portals can be active at any one time.
Cool down: 2 Post

Name: Hahen o funsai
Translation: Shatter Shards:
Fires a barrage of 3 to 5 inch long needle thin ice shards that freeze most objects on contact. This depends on the objects physical mass volume and its external heat.
The shards them self can cause internal trauma to a body if not blocked as they travel at or near the speed of sound and hit hard enough to pass clean through a normal human body. However they normally freeze the enemy solid or at least case a painful numbing sensation at the point if contact by freezing the blood vain around the contact point preventing the proper use of that part of the body. This effects normally ends after a single post but can last for up to 3 depending on how clean the hit was.
Thermal temperature is -100 degree's. Standard (U.S. Fahrenheit) Only useable by the blue sword. Rang is 30 wards.
Cool down: 3 posts

Name: Jigoku no kegawa no yōna
Translation: Infernal furry:
A blast of super heated air that turns most any physical object to slag or singes it beyond usable visibility. Direct contact with a human body would result in a near instant and drastic increase in the internal temperature as well as first to second degree burns. A point blank hit from this attack would burn skin and muscle from the bone and blast said bone with enough thermal heat to boil the marrow inside to the point it would splinter the bone in an effort to escape. Even indirect contact can result in extrema damages to ones vision by boiling the liquid inside the eye and even boiling the liquid inside the skull. While this may not directly kill the target it can cause permanent damages such as brain trauma and blindness.
Thermal temperature is +100 degree's Standard (U.S. Fahrenheit). Only useable by the red sword.
Rang is 10 feet.
Cool down: 5 posts

Name: Burisutāboruto
Translation: Blister bolt:
Both swords become super conductor magnets, With a pulling or pushing power of up to 250 pounds each. This is done by running a high stream voltage up the back of the swords then down the edge in a clock wise or counter clock wise rotating fashion. No harm comes from this power but the magnetic ability's can be passed onto any other metallic object ether sword come in contact with other then another Zanpakuto as the spirital energy's counter balance this power. The blue sword passes a positive pulling force onto other objects while the red sword passed a negative pushing power on. This power is very useful when in a sword to sword combat as it allows Miz the temporary render a targets sword worthless by forcing it into a magnetic tug of war with any near by objects of his own swords.
The magnetic pull and or push power can only be passed along to an abject that ether sword has a physical contact with.
Cool down: 5 posts until refuse
Duration: 10 posts or unless new spiritual energy contacts the object to counter the effect.

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Bankai:

Zanpakuto Weapon ( Bankai ):
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Length: 3 feet 11 inch's
Width: 2 centimeters
Weight: 9 pounds.
Description: Returning to the form of Miztien-Urie's original zanpakuto before the split. The sword sports a vast array of ability's both new and old. Able to tap into all its old Shikai ability's as well as three new ones.


Name: Raru Zarek kūkan to jikan no masutā.
Translation: Ral Zarek the master of space and time.
Restrictions / Draw backs: While in bankai Miztien-Urie's zanpakuto becomes much easier to brake and if broken the bankai will release. Bankai can be used twice in any battle, each time if in bankai the sword brakes, the return to shikai reveals that one of the two sword will also be broken. Once both sword are broken Bankai can no longer be used until both swords are fixed.

Release Command: N/A
Appearance:
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Abilities

Name: Saikuronrifuto
Translation: Cyclonic rift
Summons a massive tornado like vacuum to the battle field. The size can vary from 100 to 300 feet wide.With wind speeds up to 100 MPG at the outer edge how ever the center tends to stay calmer and more stable though a powerful breeze can miss direct some attacks. Lose rubble, sand and dust
that gets trapped in the vortex tends to get thrown out into the center of the cyclone as though trying to injure those within its core. Though the items have no aimed direction Miz is however able able to use redirect to throw these items around the vortex as need be.
Ground combat becomes next to impossible as items are constantly hitting the ground bouncing back up and getting trapped in the winds again only to repeat the proses.
All combatants inside the core and even those close enough to the outer cyclone walls run the risk of being swallowed into the vortex at a second notice, This can result in some injury's cased by impact with flying items or being thrown to the ground. Random winds blow about biding for control over anything close by. The cyclone seems to want to pull objects inside while also wanting to throw objects about inside the wind vortex's center core.
Duration:5 posts
Cool down:10 posts

Name: Kanōsei no arashi
Translation: Possibility Storm
It is unknown how this power works but its directly connected to Miz's Shikai powers. While still able to perform both inferno furry and shatter shards at commands this powers has proven its value by throwing many an any off. The power seems to a 50/50 chance of ether and while one attack is ranged the other is for close quarters. This has allowed Miz to force many a foe back to a safe distance. with an unknown result.
Roll a d4. The number relates to one of 4 effects.
#1 Performs Infernal furry
#2 Performs Shatter shards
#3 Performs Infernal furry
#4 Performs Shatter shards
Cool down: 3 Post

Name: Ichiji-tekina shihai
Translation:Temporal mastery
Like a second level of bankai Miz unleashed a blast of constrained energy that reverts his sword back into Shikai form but with its Bankai powers. This however also turns all Shikai and other bankai powers off. Any effect they had are also ended at the instant of use.
By forcing the last vestiges of spiritual energy into his arms, legs and brain he then increases speed and reaction timing by as much as 10 fold.
This how ever comes at an extreme cost to his internal organs which are then systemically turned off as time progresses.

Only last a total of 12 posts. How ever after the use of this power Miz will instantly die If its not turned off by post 6.
Cool down: 100 posts  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 12:25 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Let's start from the tippy-tip-top then shall we.

You are in the right place, however, I'm fairly sure it's mentioned somewhere.

Now, onto the middle. Most of your abilities are not that broken. For the most part, the only thing that seems to be missing is having read over the Shinigami profile overview in this very subforum, which would alert you to the fact that all skills of a zanpakuto require a cool down period between their uses.

Some of them need to be more detailed (Shatter Shards, Infernal Fury) whereas others need some nerfing (Redirect, Blisterbolt). The same applies for your Bankai, most namely Eye of the Storm (as I have mixed feelings about Temporal Mastery, though doubt it would survive higher scrutiny).

That being said, I'm going to slip back and address some other things that could be issues that are revealed, however unintentional they may be, in your opening message. Let me start off by saying, unless you were one of the very first people to ever make a guild for a certain fandom, especially Bleach, you'll always be a relative unknown. There are exceptions, of course, but it's just something to expect. Fall From Grace, Broken Blades, Changing Tides, Ballad of Blades, all different guilds I've worked in or created, a couple of which were, for a small period, doing quite well. My (nostalgic) point being that most people aren't exactly known in the Bleach community, or any others outside of the main forums of CB, Exchange, and GD.

As for dual element zanpakuto, it's true it's not canon, however, canon shouldn't dictate absolutely everything, just somethings that would otherwise be extremely hard to pin down restrictions for. Not to mention, Dual Elements are just pushed together and made into one element in the canon (in your case, steam). And lucky for you I know MTG (and have a strong hate for Mizzet in general due to my Dimir playstyle), so your abilities make sense, but they're also just taken straight from the cards whose name's they share, with some added twists. All in all not too bad, but that can lead to trouble in some guilds. That being said, it's time to move onto the less nice parts.

Firstly, I want to start with this line here: "That being said i have no intentions of 'God-moding' or abusing my OC's powers even though they may seen OP."

This presents a problem for me for fairly obvious reasons. Sure, I could take your word for it that you wouldn't abuse your OC's abilities. But that's relative. What might not be abuse to me could be to someone else. Then I have the issue anyways. However, I've also been in this same situation before and I'll say what I said then. I do not care what you say about your rpc, your roleplay skills, or the examples you can provide. My job, as a profile judge and a member of this guild (and in this case, it's Captain), is fairness to the other members. If your abilities are deemed too strong by the highest power in the guild, then I'm afraid you'll have to change it. I cannot nor will not take your word that no matter how broken your abilities are, you won't abuse them. Such a thing is not fair to the other members of the guild, and as such, the profile will not obtain approval until the ability is changed.

Now with you, you've made it very clear that changing abilities in any way, shape or form. I actually have two examples of you saying so. One from here, and one from elsewhere.

My example from here: "At this point in my RP life i look at it like this, You can ether give me a chance see how i do and then tell me i need to make a different OC or tell me to get the ******** out now. Ether way im not changing my OC's powers for ANYONE !"

Elsewhere: "Look ill be honest with you iv worked this OC out to the exact way i like him. Im not making another one nor scratching his powers to fit any one else idea of what a "Scientist" is and making new ones because that would destroy who he is to me. If i was going to do that id have made him OP as ******** and use chemical reactions that by the laws of physics no one could live through regardless of who or what they are."

If that bottom one looks a bit familiar, that would be because it's from Bleach: Soul Aria. While the guild had some chance, (and even after that second example, the two of you reconciled and then compromised), the Captain was quite obviously new to the game of being a Guild Captain. I can't hold it totally against her either. She had a long way to go, but her main problem with that guild in particular was on how openly oppressive she was. And while she refused to move from her point, you also refused to move from yours, concerning your OC. Tenacity is nice, but too much of it can be quite caustic.

Taking a small break from the ranting, I'm going to say I have a few pet peeves, but most of them can be shrugged off, no matter how much I dislike it. However, this example is one I may certainly not let go: "I based him off a game you obviously have not play but that not the problem if there even really is one honestly lol." The issue in question is, when placed in context, this is what should have been a serious discussion followed by "lol." In OOC, lighthearted, or friendly conversation, this is fine. But to me, when in a serious discussion, especially with one of the members of the crew, this should never be used. It denotes low, if not nonexistent, respect for the other party, and equivocates them and their arguments to menial things you don't have time for. You can try this on others, but should you continue your membership here, I would not suggest trying this with me. Say what you wish and however you want to say it outside of the discussion, but I would prefer things be kept more formal when speaking to the other party inside of the discussion.

Moving on from my little tirade, I'm down to my very last two points, so just bear with me a bit longer. The first thing I'd like to note is that to apply for a Captain's position, you need to send an rp sample to myself. The requirements for it are here in the guild, so they should be easy to find. Furthermore, as you've mentioned (and made your stand on) the fact that you will not change the abilities for anyone, for any reason, I'm going to have to say that you'll need to make another RPC then. This is my judgement based on the information provided, and it will remain as such unless I can be given a valid reason to change it.

Have a nice day,
The Management

iChan-Chan
Captain

Tricky Informer


sworday

Dapper Dabbler

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 1:56 pm


Starting your profile with a speech of righteous indignation isn't the best way to make friends, neighbor sweatdrop I get where you're coming from, but it doesn't hurt to give everyone a chance to surprise you. On a related note, there's already a squad 12 captain, the listing on the front page isn't accurate anymore. We do desperately need Katena though so if as you've stated you'd rather start fresh with a new character, that option is available.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:48 pm


iChan-Chan

I feel we're kinda of on the same level playing field here if im not mistaken. so really all i have so say is im fine with editing the over all effects and duration and even the names of ability's just not redoing "what they do" so for example im ok with totally removing an ability such as Temporal mastery of even Blister bolt from the OC. But im not ok with taking inferno furry and instead of blasting out heat and replace it with a fire ball. i can turn the heat up or down as requested and have in fact edited the heat output on the power before.

My problem has been and always will be the way in which im told the OC isn't allowable. Id be perfectly fine with being told hes to OP can you re do his power to fit our standers or make another OC. Instead i feel im pretty much told his trash start over and and don't bother trying to edit him to fit the guilds standards we wont be bothered allowing even a remake ( and yes i have been told that before )

If you give me a set of standers to which each power has to play by i can and will edit those powers to fit the requirements.

As for my "abrasive attitude" towards the crew of that guild. You might have already noted in this replay i have the same over all attitude. Its nothing personal or even intentional its how i type at times. I never mean to come over as an a**-hole its just sort of happens. Mostly when dealing with people im unfamiliar with. Don't take this as an apology because it's not, If i insult offend or undermine your authority then id apologize but i feel that unless im told other wise then i shouldn't change to please anyone.
That being said if asked politely to do so id fix the problem right then and there. Im a very understanding person and im more then willing to play nicely but first i need time to find where i fit in and get use to those im in direct contact with then you'll notice my personally change over time as i get more use to what i can do and should not do.

JadeRabbitEmperor

High-functioning Garbage

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JadeRabbitEmperor

High-functioning Garbage

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 2:58 pm


sworday
Starting your profile with a speech of righteous indignation isn't the best way to make friends, neighbor sweatdrop I get where you're coming from, but it doesn't hurt to give everyone a chance to surprise you. On a related note, there's already a squad 12 captain, the listing on the front page isn't accurate anymore. We do desperately need Katena though so if as you've stated you'd rather start fresh with a new character, that option is available.
My "speech of righteous indignation" wasn't directed towards anyone person so if someone felt offended by it that's a personal problem they need to take up with me one-on-one. That being said over the last 2 months iv applied for 5 guilds i believe so at this points its ether be up front and tell it how it is and no body waist's their or my time in telling the other the OC isn't going to work and spend hours on end trying to fix it only to be turned down again when i can say "hay ether tell me its ok, needs work or to screw off". Saves a lot of time and effort on both sides.

In all honestly id rather be told hay its not going to work no mater what you do to it just make a new OC rather then be told fix this that and the other i spend 2 hours doing just that only to be turned down again.

So i get what your saying i really do and don't think im being a pretenses a** about it but im just being honest and straight forward.
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 3:35 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Well if you want a Captain's position, you'll have to pass a totally separate judgement. The available Captain's positions can be found here. Division Nine is under some scrutiny, as I believe the former Captain would like their spot back and I'm awaiting a reply, so if you'd like to be a Captain, this is the list to look at. Otherwise, you'll need the Katena list, which is also on the main forum.

If you're willing to edit the strengths, exact effects, and add more detail, then you're definitely allowing yourself more pliability. That being said, I need you to make a final decision about where you want your rpc to be before I go any further, as I won't approve of it, even with proper edits, if it hasn't had its run through the RP Sample judgement, surmising it is of a Captain level.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:04 pm


iChan-Chan
Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Well if you want a Captain's position, you'll have to pass a totally separate judgement. The available Captain's positions can be found here. Division Nine is under some scrutiny, as I believe the former Captain would like their spot back and I'm awaiting a reply, so if you'd like to be a Captain, this is the list to look at. Otherwise, you'll need the Katena list, which is also on the main forum.

If you're willing to edit the strengths, exact effects, and add more detail, then you're definitely allowing yourself more pliability. That being said, I need you to make a final decision about where you want your rpc to be before I go any further, as I won't approve of it, even with proper edits, if it hasn't had its run through the RP Sample judgement, surmising it is of a Captain level.

Well with the Lieutenant being open i guess ill apply for that spot. It would also allow me to maybe keep my bankai if i pass what ever tests come with that slot i would assume.
And ill begin to edit my powers right away.
If you would please tell me what needs toned down i can details based on that. Also im going to rework my very first bleach OC and see if he's ok for approval. Iv been meaning to bring him back to life within the RP world but have been to lazy to do so. And if miz has even a small chance here then id rather stay with or without him as this is the only guild so far to even give him any real consideration so even if he's ultimately turned down id at least rather stay with in a guild that gave him a chance rather then say he was total s**t.  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:21 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Starting with your Shikai, here's what needs addressing.

Redirect is my biggest concern in your Shikai, as it seems somewhat convoluted. It's a nice skill and a good spell, however, the way it works now makes it just a tad too strong and difficult to understand for many people. My suggestion would make it become an absorption/release technique for projectiles exclusively, as well as explaining where he can create the portals (although ideally they should be very close to his body).

Shatter shards needs way more detail into it. -500 degrees can be taken as two ways: Standard (U.S. Fahrenheit) or Celsius (the rest of the world). Either way, it's extremely cold to the point of being too cold. A blow from these would be pretty close to liquid nitrogen, if not worse. I suggest taking a mildly different approach and having him grab objects such as landscape, flash freezing them, and then it shatters, launching burning shards of ice (for example). Additionally, 100 yards is pretty far, so I ask you severely tone down the range.

The same for Infernal Fury. Explain which measurement the degrees are in. However, this one is a little less complicated than Shatter Shard, so little more is needed to change. If you wanted, you could make it more defensive or condense the projectile or so on.

Blisterbolt is fine except for the electromagnetic hold it can have over metals. However, aside from that, a contact electrical spark is fine as a move.

Moving onto your Bankai, the first problem is Eye of the Storm. The problem with this technique is it basically allows you to unload a full salvo into it, and then cast them all simultaneously when the opponent is in a compromised position, and with a high enough number, leaving them unable to dodge or defend. Normally I don't say this, but the technique will need to be changed, perhaps on a fundamental level (for example, make it from a storage move to one that creates a whirling blade/explosive spheres around your body temporarily).

Temporal mastery has this same problem, and probably needs to be changed on a more fundamental level. I understand it's fatality rate is certain, but reverting back to Shikai like it does is a tad too much. This one however, has the potential to be a storage move, tossing in a single technique or Kido into a type of confinement that releases it a short time later.

That being said, keep in mind, all your techniques require a cool down time, in posts and all mentions of time (30 seconds, etc) need to also be replaced by time frames counted by posts.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 5:45 pm


iChan-Chan



Abilities:
Name: Teleportal
Translation: Teleportal:
This is the ability to teleport short amounts of distance with in line of sight. Max distance is 30 feet. The movement is instantaneous taken 1x1000th of a second to preform, how ever once used the ability needs at least 1 full second before being able to be used again. This how ever restricts his ability to attack and or block. The movement is in fact so fast he doesn't him self have the mental reaction timing to be able to block an incoming attack though he might be able to dodge it if given the right conditions. He can not attack while moving this fast ether, it is simply beyond his normal physical ability's even in bankai.
Cool down: 1 post

Name: Ridairekuto
Translation: Redirct:.
This power opens up rifts in space and time to sends any object into the void and back out in another direction at the same rate in time as they are being sent in.

The portals acts like doorways allowing any object to pass in or out of its direct connecting portal. Each portal how ever acts like a single doorway and any objects going in ether side of the portal will only come out of its counterpart portal. In this way objects send into portal A.Side1 will only come out of portal A.side2 and not out of portal B.side2. ( in other words no Scubby doo multy door hallways effects )

Objects with physical mass that do not fully pass through both sides of portal, Exiting fully, lose 1% of their total mass value as that 1% of the object is then needed to keep the portal open, other wise the portal would close and cut the object in half regardless of its spiritual power as the portal opens to another dimension and this said dimension does not fallow the same laws of physicals as this one.

Portals show up as black swirling holes in reality that seems to pull at the image of whats ever is around it. Portals can be as large 6 feet wide or as small as 3 inch's. Portals are best thought of as black holes as they do pull in any energu near by, this includes light and heat.
Portals can only be opened a max 0f 5 feet away.
No more then 3 portals can be active at any one time.
Cool down: 2 Post

I hope i made this one more understandable now.

Name: Hahen o funsai
Translation: Shatter Shards:
Fires a barrage of 3 to 5 inch long needle thin ice shards that freeze most objects on contact. This depends on the objects physical mass volume and its external heat.
The shards them self can cause internal trauma to a body if not blocked as they travel at or near the speed of sound and hit hard enough to pass clean through a normal human body. However they normally freeze the enemy solid or at least case a painful numbing sensation at the point if contact by freezing the blood vain around the contact point preventing the proper use of that part of the body. This effects normally ends after a single post but can last for up to 3 depending on how clean the hit was.
Thermal temperature is -130 degree's. Standard (U.S. Fahrenheit) Only useable by the blue sword. Rang is 30 wards.
Cool down: 3 posts

Name: Jigoku no kegawa no yōna
Translation: Infernal furry:
A blast of super heated air that turns most any physical object to slag or singes it beyond usable visibility. Direct contact with a human body would result in a near instant and drastic increase in the internal temperature as well as first to second degree burns. A point blank hit from this attack would burn skin and muscle from the bone and blast said bone with enough thermal heat to boil the marrow inside to the point it would splinter the bone in an effort to escape. Even indirect contact can result in extrema damages to ones vision by boiling the liquid inside the eye and even boiling the liquid inside the skull. While this may not directly kill the target it can cause permanent damages such as brain trauma and blindness.
Thermal temperature is +250 degree's Standard (U.S. Fahrenheit). Only useable by the red sword.
Rang is 10 feet.
Cool down: 5 posts

Name: Burisutāboruto
Translation: Blister bolt:
Both swords become super conductor magnets, With a pulling or pushing power of up to 250 pounds each. This is done by running a high stream voltage up the back of the swords then down the blade in a clock wise or counter clock wise rotating fashion. No harm comes from this power but the magnetic ability's can be passed onto any other metallic object ether sword come in contact with. The blue sword passes a positive pulling force onto other objects while the red sword passed a negative pushing power on. This power is very useful when in a sword to sword combat as it allows Miz the temporary render a targets sword worthless by forcing it into a magnetic tug of war with any near by objects of his own swords.
The magnetic pull and or push power can only be passed along to an abject that ether sword has a physical contact with.
Rang is 2 to 4 feet max
Cool down: 5 posts until refuse Though objects don't lose their new found magnetic ability's for 10.

i removed the shock ability in replace of only the magnetic ability as i don't foresee many allowing this to hinder their Oc in battle. It would be more making a distracting of quick get away by forcing the enemy to pick between me or their weapons. Other then that its worthless really.


▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂▂


Bankai:

Abilities

Name: Name:[i] Taifū no me[i/]
Translation: Eye of the Storm
Opens small refs in space and time allowing only objects with a physical mesa volume to be sent into the future ( 2 RP posts later max or straight away ). The proses by which this is done is yet unknown.

However objects that then exit into existence from these refs in space and time seem to act as if they had just been performed and are able to be dodge and blocked as normal. This refs do not acts like redirect portals in that nothing can inter into them. Objects that pass out of the refs seems to end their existence once the attack has been preformed or a total of 1 second passes from the point of coming into existence. These objects simply fade into nothingness once they have out lived this 1 second time frame.

Multiple objects can be sent into a single ref but can also be released from multiple refs or just a single ref. Also a single object can be released from multiple refs. This seems to imply that the same object or objects in question are being pulled into and out of a single world or even multiple worlds form parallel universes.

No power is able to be sent into a ref. Any attempt results in a temporal explosion blasting the attemptie back with equal to greater force then the power being used. It should also be noted that once performed if miz does not allow the attack to be performed within the 2 posts time frame the attack back lashes onto him and the ref or refs automatically open and the attacks are then directed at him. Can be used for to escape a grap but at a cost.
Ref's can be opened at any distance with in line of sight.
Cool down: 4 Posts

This would prevent any ability to stock pile attacks as i can only attack 2 posts into the future but need 4 the re use the power.

Name: Kanōsei no arashi
Translation: Possibility Storm
It is unknown how this power works but its directly connected to Miz's Shikai powers. While still able to perform both inferno furry and shatter shards at commands this powers has proven its value by throwing many an any off. The power seems to a 50/50 chance of ether and while one attack is ranged the other is for close quarters. This has allowed Miz to force many a foe back to a safe distance. with an unknown result.
Roll a d4. The number relates to one of 4 effects.
#1 Performs Infernal furry
#2 Performs Shatter shards
#3 Performs Infernal furry
#4 Performs Shatter shards
Cool down: 3 Post

Name: Ichiji-tekina shihai
Translation:Temporal mastery
Like a second level of bankai Miz unleashed a blast of constrained energy that reverts his sword back into Shikai form but with its Bankai powers. This however also turns all Shikai and other bankai powers off. Any effect they had are also ended at the instant of use.
By forcing the last vestiges of spiritual energy into his arms, legs and brain he then increases speed and reaction timing by as much as 10 fold.
This how ever comes at an extreme cost to his internal organs which are then systemically turned off as time progresses.

Only last a total of 12 posts. How ever after the use of this power Miz will instantly die If its not turned off by post 6.
Cool down: 500 posts  
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 6:51 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

For future reference, just let me know you made the edits on your profile. Much easier for everyone that way, in any guild. Teleportal is fine, however, Redirect, while clearer, should probably not remove physical mass from an object, just as a forewarning, especially with disregard to spiritual power.

Hmmm Shatter Shards is still iffy. I do like that it flash freezes, but the extremely cold temperature is still a bit much, but not instantly lethal, so I believe it will be fine after you change the temperature again.

However, Infernal Fury is significantly too hot, so tone it down some more as well.

The whole problem with Blisterbolt is that it causes magnetic forces, which renders sword fighting impossible against him. You can make it pass currents, but not magnetically steal the enemy's weapon.

Eye still has the same problem as earlier and hasn't appeared to be changed too much, aside from adding in backlash.

As for Temporal Mastery, much better. This one can slide.

iChan-Chan
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:19 pm


iChan-Chan
Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

For future reference, just let me know you made the edits on your profile. Much easier for everyone that way, in any guild. Teleportal is fine, however, Redirect, while clearer, should probably not remove physical mass from an object, just as a forewarning, especially with disregard to spiritual power.

Hmmm Shatter Shards is still iffy. I do like that it flash freezes, but the extremely cold temperature is still a bit much, but not instantly lethal, so I believe it will be fine after you change the temperature again.

However, Infernal Fury is significantly too hot, so tone it down some more as well.

The whole problem with Blisterbolt is that it causes magnetic forces, which renders sword fighting impossible against him. You can make it pass currents, but not magnetically steal the enemy's weapon.

Eye still has the same problem as earlier and hasn't appeared to be changed too much, aside from adding in backlash.

As for Temporal Mastery, much better. This one can slide.
Well iv come this far to late to turn back now lol. Because Redirect is pretty much the same thing as Eye of the storm of willing to rework the Eye all together.
That's being said aand you know what MTG is would a "counter spell" power be ok or would a power to "copy target spell" power be better suited towards the guilds standards ?
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:27 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Hmmm Counter Spell would probably be more appropriate.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:55 pm


iChan-Chan
Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Hmmm Counter Spell would probably be more appropriate.


Take your pick i guess, i like rift my self. Iv not put any details to them yet as im trying to cook dinner and im a little ... very pissed off atm. Bug problem, don't ask.

Name: Seiteki maindo
Translation: Mind static
At the moment a power is being used disperse its energy and counter that power. At any point in time counter the effect of any mind altering ability.
Cool down: 5 posts

Name: Saikuronrifuto
Translation: Cyclonic rift
Summons a massive tornado like vacuum to the battle field. Wind speeds up to 100 MPG. Lose item are sent air born. Ground combat becomes next to impossible. All combatants run the risk of being swallowed into the vortex and thrown out of the battle field and into random near by structures or swung about then slammed into the ground.
Duration:10 posts
Cool down:10 posts
PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:58 pm


Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Hmmm I like Rift as well, although the duration is extremely long. Tone back them both (with a longer cool down than duration) and I think it will work well.

iChan-Chan
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PostPosted: Tue Dec 10, 2013 9:12 pm


iChan-Chan
Ohhmaru-Concoo-Tanoweichi

Hmmm I like Rift as well, although the duration is extremely long. Tone back them both (with a longer cool down than duration) and I think it will work well.
Ok done ill PM you my RP sample tomorrow at the latest.  
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