Welcome to Gaia! ::

Title: Someone's Getting Fired! …Or Not.

Author: Mistina60

Beta: none

Series: Supernatural and the Cabin in the Woods

Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel

Rating: R

Spoilers: SPN - You just need to know who Castiel is. Cabin in the Woods – I tried not to spoil the major plot twists but it is definitely an SPN AU to a good chunk of the movie.

Warnings: Sexual Situations, some Gore.

Length: 2.075 words

Summary: Team Free Will goes on a job only to find that it's like a B Movie Horror Title. In short, it's a piece of cake. This upsets the engineers of this case. That is, until they realize they've unintentional set in motion a completely different film genre.



Dean stood alongside his 'baby', with his brother on his left and Castiel almost brushing arms with him on his right. The three of them stared at their destination, at which they had just arrived, with stunned expressions, though Castiel's was extremely subtle, of course.

They were deep in an isolated wood blanketed by the night. A cold breeze rustled the plush leaves, the only sound to be heard. No birds, no bugs, no… nothing. Before them was a decrepit log cabin that would have seemed vacant if the lights weren't on.

Dean let out a long whistle before remarking, "Are we on the set of Hell Hazers 2- Ouch!"

Sam had just elbowed him.

"What?" Dean chuckled as he rubbed his sore ribs, "They plagiarized that dude's conjuration research and our sweet cell phone technique then made them suck so why not a location?"

"Dean! This is no time to joke!" snapped Sam, double checking that his gun had a full magazine. "I mean, we don't even know what we're dealing with yet… Cas, you sure this is the place?"

Castiel nodded, never looking away from the cabin, "Yes, I'm sure. Though I admit I didn't expect this place to be so…" he tilted his head to the side. "…cliché."

"Well, I don't know about you guys but I don't think Jefferson's nephew survived… whatever this is." said Dean as he cocked his gun.

"Dean, I don't think that was appropriate." remarked Castiel.

"Sammy…" Dean glared at his brother. "What have you been stuffing the angel's head with?"

"Manners, empathy, morals… You know, the basics that you never learned."

"B***h."

"Jerk."

"Assbutt?"

"You'll get it someday, Cas." chuckled Dean causing the angel to frown.

"Ignore him, Cas." said Sam, shooting his brother a b***h face. "So, did you get any more information or just the location?"

"Just the location, barely…"

"Barely?!" yelped Dean.

"Yes." nodded Castiel. "I had to estimate the last known location of your friend's nephew from where he was last detectable."

"I don't follow." confessed Sam.

"Me neither." Dean chimed in.

"That tunnel we went through to get here is the only way in or out of these woods without supernatural means. There have been no reports of supernatural activity around here, at least not on a scale large enough to… Well… The boy and his friends became undetectable after passing through that tunnel. In fact, these woods are undetectable."

"Why the hell didn't you tell us that before- ARGH! " Dean crumpled to the ground, screaming, when a bear trap suddenly sunk its teeth into his thigh. "What the freaking f**k?!"

"DEAN!" Castiel was at Dean's side in the blink of an eye, prying off the rusty contraption and healing the wound, while Sam sought out the source.

"Looks like a zombie redneck." He said as he fired his gun and blew the brains out of the corpse slowly heading their way. "I'm starting to think your that Hell Hazer crack was accurate, Dean."

"A bear trap?!" exclaimed Dean holding the thing that bit him. "I'll give them this, using a bear trap as a projectile weapon is definitely not cliché."

"Dean." admonished Castiel as he hefted the hunter to his feet. "Not the time." The angel pointed toward where the zombie dropped to show Dean that it had friends. Lots of friends.

Dean picked up his gun from where it fell then swaggered to the trunk of the impala and popped open. He tossed his hand gun in and pulled out a couple rifles.

"Catch!" he called out after quickly loading the guns, tossing one to Sam. Pulling out two packs of ammunition, he slammed the trunk shut. "Let's gank these b***hes."

Read More?