Yukon moshi Soma | Page 1 | Profiles | Guild Forums

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Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:08 pm

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Name: Yukon Moshi Soma
Age: 16
Birth date: April 13 , 1996
Gender: male
Sexuality: Bisexual
Personality: at first a bit cocky and rude at first but over time he softens up and turns into a really nice guy that becomes clusmy as well.
Likes: Sleep, his job, his pets and guys.
Hates: annoying girls, his famous rich Japanese cousins, People who say forgive me too much or sorry.
Race: Dragon
Biography: Is the cousin of a famous rich Japanese family. He really hates being called rose because he gets angry then softens up later. He lives with his Japanese family because he has nowhere else to go and since he got back from his trip he sees something surprising about to his family.
Other: n/a

Pets: Ren

Collen

Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:19 pm

Yo captain this one looks clear to me! Wanna get in here and let this new person get to roleplaying? biggrin

kaoru 94 sensei

jace180013
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jace180013
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Posted: Wed Sep 25, 2013 11:25 pm

beckyrainbow

-snip-

Some advice here for writing profiles as I really like your character.
#1. avoid using "um" in a profile. Profiles are generally written as though it was a file just telling about the person. "um" doesn't fit.
#2 Generally you want to write it in third person. I think you have a mix of first and third. I think maybe the way to go would be to make it more like you were writing about this person for a documentation rather than as though you were telling a friend about him.
#3 Avoid first person. First person is almost always bad in roleplaying. It can get annoying and confusing. So speaking in third person is always good. smile (this is RP advice rather than advice about the profile.)
Other than that I like it. Nice work. Could use a slight touch up but not to bad. smile

Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 6:24 am

jace180013

beckyrainbow

-snip-

Some advice here for writing profiles as I really like your character.
#1. avoid using "um" in a profile. Profiles are generally written as though it was a file just telling about the person. "um" doesn't fit.
#2 Generally you want to write it in third person. I think you have a mix of first and third. I think maybe the way to go would be to make it more like you were writing about this person for a documentation rather than as though you were telling a friend about him.
#3 Avoid first person. First person is almost always bad in roleplaying. It can get annoying and confusing. So speaking in third person is always good. smile (this is RP advice rather than advice about the profile.)
Other than that I like it. Nice work. Could use a slight touch up but not to bad. smile

I did fix the the um paragraph. And ik I have to rp in third person since this isn't the only character I made in this guild and RolePlay before.

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jace180013
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Posted: Thu Sep 26, 2013 9:00 am

Awesome biggrin Just wanted to give you some advice. As vice captain I like to do that when I can smile

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