1. The Single Christian
2. The Dating/Engaged Couple
3. The Married Couple
4. The Separated/Divorced Couple
Welcome to Part 1 of this series! I do hope that I am able to offer some encouragement and wisdom on each of these topics. Everyone is free to discuss the topic by posting in this thread, and offering wisdom that they would like to add or share. Now that's said, here it is:
The Single Christian
At some points in our lives, we will all be single, in this case I am referring to single as currently not in a relationship (not having a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife). Being single is such an important time in our lives. Some are single and haven't dated before, others may be single due to a breakup, a divorce, or loss of a loved one. Whatever the case may be, the purpose of a single Christian is just as important as any other person's purpose out there!
Like all other Christians, regardless of relationship status, there is still a duty to fulfill in God's eyes and He still has a purpose in the life of a single Christian, even if their relationship status may change. Since the topic I'm trying to get at here is relationships, I will start by saying that it is important to be faithful even while single! It's important to be faithful to God, and a single Christian can have as much impact as a Christian of another relationship status. It's important that a Christian who is single should still enjoy the life that Jesus died to give them, even if things get difficult and perhaps there becomes a longing for finding true love, or recovering from a loss. Whatever the situation, God still has a plan for your life!
Jeremiah 29:11 NIV:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I have noticed that there are some single people, even some single people out there that profess to be Christians and are afraid of commitment to another person so they have no interest in "dating" to find a potential life-time mate, but are rather interested in fulfilling sexual desires. This is a trap that some people do fall into, and when someone has sexual relations with someone whom they are not married to, it creates a spiritual connection between those two people. Some people feel regret, and filthy inside due to this so they move onto another partner and perhaps even have sexual relations with someone else. This is a vicious cycle that may be difficult for some to stop. By doing this, a single person is committing sexual immorality/adultery, which is not a way into Heaven and we must avoid this behavior at all cost by using the armor God has given us to fight off this temptation (Ephesians 6:10 - 20). This is not what God wants for our lives, and unfortunately this can come upon those that are even in a relationship:
1 Corinthians 6:9 - 10 NIV:
Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
There are some single Christians that choose to live a life of celibacy maybe because that is simply their own choice because they feel they won't need a romantic partner, perhaps due to the loss of a spouse, or perhaps people choose this after being hurt by enough boyfriends/girlfriends.
Remember, that in The Holy Bible that God does not condemn marriage (As a note: Song of Solomon/Song of Songs is a good book praising marriage):
Proverbs 18:22 NIV:
He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord
1 Corinthians 7:8 - 9 NIV:
Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
In the future, God may bring someone into your path whom you fall in love with. It is possible, even when one is trying to live a life of celibacy.
For some people whom are single, perhaps they are used to doing things on their own - or perhaps some feel they should be alone concerning past hurts. God does not want us to be alone. Those whom are single should still take responsibility to witness to others, join in fellowship with other Christians, and do things that make the Lord happy. Christians still need to sharpen other Christians (Proverbs 27:17), don't be afraid to pray to God and make your requests known (Philippians 4:6 -7), don't be afraid to pray for others (James 5:4 - 16), and confess your sins to a fellow Christian who can pray for you as well or to the Lord (1 John 1:9; James 5:16)
In society, being a single Christian doesn't mean you are less capable than anyone else because God has a plan for your life! Some may treat you like less, but don't let this stop you! Thoe whom are Christian still need to follow the Lord in everything they do.
1 Corinthians 7:17 - 24 NIV:
Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches. Was a man already circumcised when he was called? He should not become uncircumcised. Was a man uncircumcised when he was called? He should not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing. Keeping God’s commands is what counts. Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.
Here is more from 1 Corinthians 7 concerning those whom are unmarried:
1 Corinthians 7:25 - 40 NIV:
Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.
What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.
If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.
Here is a good link that I found concerning many different topics for the single Christian (articles and ebooks) that may be worth a look http://christianity.about.com/od/singlesresources/Christian_Singles_Advice.htm
This is an interesting topic, and not the easiest topic for me to put together, but I do hope that those who are single and Christian got plenty out of this section of the series and feel free to discuss between one another, offer your own wisdom to this thread, and ask questions.
EDIT:
There was one other thing I meant to put in here that I also forgot and realized last night:
Other single friends getting married
I wanted to put this topic in here because I have noticed far too often in society that there will be those who are single that have their single friends, and sometimes things change. Their single friends may find a boyfriend, no big deal. If it works out, perhaps they'll become engaged - another step. When they're married, some of those who are single - even single Christians aren't sure how to handle their friends getting married so they end up leaving their married friends.
Generally why single friends leave their married friends is because they are either jealous, don't feel they have anything in common with their friend anymore because their friend is married and they aren't, they perhaps can't stand any PDA's or their friend always talking about their spouse, they may feel their married friends don't understand their own relationship scenarios, or they can't spend time with them as much anymore because they have marital duties to fulfill first. This is such a big problem that I have read countless blogs and articles of people saying that they are afraid to get married because they don't want to lose all their single friends. That is most definitely a problem in this society! I, too, lost all my single friends after I got married. I find that it's easiest to hang out with other couples whether they are dating, engaged, or married because it has become difficult to keep relationships with other single people while being married because some get annoyed after a while, don't think I spend enough time with them, some don't understand that I must fulfill my marital duties first, etc. This becomes difficult because a married couple ends up feeling sometimes that marriage was the wrong thing because they lost their friends, when marriage is a blessing in God's eyes. Or their marriage feels a little strained because of lack of friendship since those whom are married need friends, too.
Some are overcome with jealousy, and wish it was them getting married instead, or perhaps a single friend married someone you've been crushing on. Sometimes a single friend may try and break up a marriage purposefully or even not on purpose. Whatever the situation, we are told not to covet what each other has.
Exodus 20:17 NIV:
“You shall not covet your neighbor’s house. You shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male or female servant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
If there is a single Christian and their friends get married - there should be no jealousy. We find many examples in Song of Solomon of the married couples friends being happy for them, and it doesn't specify whether they are married and single as well, but my guess is perhaps there is a single friend in there somewhere.
Song of Solomon 1: 4b NIV:
We rejoice and delight in you;
we will praise your love more than wine.
And throughout, the friends are happy for their friend(s) who have gotten married. We should be happy for those who get married, for they have found something good in the Lord.
If a single Christian must ever break off friends with another single Christian, they tend to think, "Am I stopping the friendship for the right reasons?" or, "How can I end this friendship in the most gentle way possible?" Single Christians should think these questions through with any friend they have of any relationship status to make sure they are doing what's right with God.
