Keakealani
I can see that. I don't have any huge dislike of "chivalry" as a concept, so long as it's always executed with the understanding that women are humans and deserve the human considerations of "oh, you don't like that? Well then, I won't do it." In other words, doing something that's culturally deemed to be "chivalrous" even in the face of a situation where it doesn't belong is offensive to me, because it puts the man's needs to pay homage to a patriarchal norm above the woman's desires or needs, which is not, in my opinion, very respectful or chivalrous.
That being said, maybe we'll have to "agree to disagree" about "man as head of household" - I think that may be true in some cases, but I have a hard time agreeing that it's true because of any sort of inherent truth about gender, so much as maybe other social pressures (such as higher wage-earning potential for men as a group) which lends itself to be the case. OoOo! I had to leave my two cents for this topic despite it being an old one, hopefully you'll see this. =D
Before my husband and I got married we went to a pre-engagement counseling program through our church.
I get the feeling of being the minority as a progressive feminist, especially in a church. We're lucky in the fact that our church is very progressive and are making people re-think what they "know" about the bible and women's rights and progress is one of them, and it is amazing.
However, when talking with our counselors they mentioned to us "The man must be ahead of the household and finances."
That never settled well with either of us and for our relationship it works best if we deal with all matters equally.
To us, it all comes down to submission. There needs to be times where I submit myself to what my husband needs/wants for this marriage, and there are times where he needs to submit himself to my needs/wants for this marriage. An equal give and take.
Of course the lines blur from time to time and that causes a fight, but that is where communication, grace and forgiveness needs to come in, am I right?!
We view this marriage as a partnership, but personally I feel much better following his lead since he is great at the more structured parts of life where as I am more of a free spirit and need some boundaries, but never once do we see our marriage as a struggle for power, and that is where the problem lies in a lot of people's minds when they hear "Man must be ahead of the house hold."
Don't let it be a power struggle and it will never be a problem in your marriage/relationship!
I am in the thought process of equality and balance. He leads certain parts of this marriage because those are his strong suits, and I lead in certain parts because those are my strong areas. If there is a problem or unbalance in our marriage then we work together and face the problem as a single entity working together for peace.
To me, if both people are happy and feel comfortable inside the relationship then they are doing it right.
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