Welcome to Gaia! ::

Bleach - The Spiritual Divide

Back to Guilds

 

Tags: Role Play, Bleach, Liberation, Romance, Combat 

Reply ☾[The Forgotten] Perdu
Marrock -Approved-

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Slevin Corpse

PostPosted: Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:23 pm


─Basic Character Information─

Username: Slevin corpse
Character's Full Name: Sir Marrock Chevalier
Alias: Kensei
Nickname(s): “The Terror of Death”
Race Caucasian
Age: 672
Birthday: Nov. 28
Zodiac: Sagittarius
Gender: Male
Blood Type: 0+
Sexual Orientation: Straight
Disabilities/Phobias: Only his own nightmares.

─Appearance─

Appearance: He is average height, has light brown hair that seems a bit like bed head, it's stuck up and falling off to the side's giving his head a squared off look. A sharp jaw, slanted but not overly masculine. He has high cheekbones and a small nose. He only shaves every once in a while so he does have some scruff, but from the neck down he is very battle hardened. His muscles are quite defined, he eats healthily and they have bulk but he's mostly trained to keep his endurance up and speed equal to strength, so while his muscles are big they are also toned. He has a great body shape, that of a warrior: a big chest, muscle bound arms, toned and defined legs. He is a warrior. While for attire he normally wears the shinigami outfit, standard nothing but the black hakamana an undershirt and the robe. It jsut has a few modifications, elbow pad's, arm guards, knee pads and shin guard's but he is still in the process of obtaining the chest peace and face mask. Each are highly valuable peices that are said to be near indestructable.
Height: 5’8
Weight: 170
Eye Color: Unknown, blindfolded.
Hair Color: Light brown
Tattoos/Markings/Scars: A pure black tattoo/scar really, that crosses through his left eye. It’s of a black marking of an stretched out “s” with a line through it just under the eye and a phrase on each hand. To the right hand it reads ”In God I Trust” and the left “My Heart and Soul!”
Unusual Features: Abnormally sharp carnivorous teeth.


─Personal Information─

Personality: He is quite stoic when not in battle, a thoughtful listener, a meditative thinker. He enjoys planning out strategies and what if's when he has spare time. In the presence of other's he'll ever seem absent from the conversation or as if he's daydreaming. His real personality kicks in when he's in battle. When theres blood and steel about the battlefield his personality is extreme focuse, he'll attack and attack and attack until there's nothing left. That's not to say when at a disadvantage he won't sit back and think or perhaps plan out small moves while attacking. Given enough time he can even read what someone might do in battle, its a skill he's harnessed over centuries of fighting.

Hobbies: Sharpening his blades, cleansing hollows and fighting.
Favorite Color(s): Silver, Purple and Black
Favorite Activities: Fighting.
Favorite Foods and Drinks: Sake, water, rice, any type of meat.
Other Personal Likes: The moonlit night, the brightest day and the cleanse of all things impure.

Least Favorite Color(s): Red, brown, orange.
Least Favorite Activities: Talking to annoying people.
Least Favorite Foods and Drinks: Bitter things and cabbage.
Other Personal Dislikes: Disgusting food, obnoxious people and anyone that hurts animals.

Personal Possession(s): Blindfold, silver necklace with a cross. He carries two mettalic case of 50 swords 25 swords each and extremely durable. The swords are simple blades but they can fight for a little while against zanpakuto. He wears a belt of kunai beneath his shinigami outfit along with a small sacred book.
Personal Secret(s): They’re Personal.

History: He was never normal, from an early age he developed a love for fighting and more so faith. His mother said he had a rare disease that if he looked upon the light he would go blind and most likely die from the shock. So she gave him a blindfold and from that day his spirit energy had been sealed away, forever trapped to grow in secret. He went about his life normally as a kid would for just a little while longer. He was never trained to use a sword because he was given his zanpakuto by his father, a blank slate that would grow with him and protect him; something his father could not do. It was his 6th birthday and his father gave him this zanpakuto. When the boy asked “What’s it’s name?” The father could not answer, but only smile while giving him a pat on the head. From that day on he carried it with him everywhere, swinging around the blade as if it were paper and always asking the sword its name but the blade never answered because like the blade, his own soul had not yet developed and he was also a blank slate.

It was after his sixth birthday that his father had left, to a place his mother would not say and he could never guess but the look on her face was always sad and the boy never knew why. It was a few months from when he turned ten years old and the boy was fast asleep, his zanpakuto in arms and sleeping peacefully, when the world went dark within his dream’s, he was left standing in a single beam of light, a tall man stood before him. The man looked just like he did, except his hair was silver and he wore a very nice coat but he was terrifying all at the same time; even with that smile, that smile like moonlight. The mysterious man wore a blindfold and had pale skin and even wings like an angel in the stories his mother told him. The only thing was he was speaking but no sound came out and he was hiding something behind his back, the last few words he spoke finally echoed with sound. ”Kensei, Zetsuei.” Which he somehow knew to mean “Sword Saint, God Send.” Neither despite not knowing Japanese nor his spirit being of that origin.

That was the first time he spoke while sleeping and it would be the last for the sound that came next was more terrifying that lightning. An unearthly sound of a thousand blades scraping against metal, a horrible roar of machinery and his own screech of terror woke him instantly into his own blade but it wasn’t a blade at all, it was so much more. It was taller than him, longer as well, the way he held it and the only thing that saved him was the wall behind him, he was holding a seven foot chainsaw sword. It had a straight handle a foot long, an enormous blade that spun so quickly sparks were flying all across his bedroom then his mother rushed to help and what happened next was he’s never forgiven himself for. She was him laying beneath his own sword, panicked from it first activating a chain wrapped around his wrist was the only thing protecting him from death, but the blade sliced straight through and began slicing into his left eye, the blindfold was nigh indestructible fabric but all around the eye a gaping wound appeared as the blades sliced straight through his skull, it was scarring to say the least,

The boys mother ran to him, grabbing the blade from his hands, but it was his soul and extremely heavy she could not bear its weight even with all her might and it cut through her, from shoulder down to the boys last unconscious thought he watched his mother die by his own soul, his own damn weapon. As he fell unconscious his mother with her last breath performed a sacred healing kido, and healed what she could of his face but that was all she could manage before dying in a pool of blade. The wall was covered in scars, blood was pouring over his face overwhelming his senses, but when he finally woke from what he could only imagine was a horrible dream he found himself in a hospital somewhere within the Gotei 13. He was holding his sword, but for some reason felt a fear of saying its name. He awoke without memory of anything that transpired, he repressed it all along with all of his power and it would be several years before he gained it all back. The healer had told him he was an orphan that she found him on the street thanks to a kind stranger, she described as wearing a blindfold just like the boy.

The story of being an orphan was appealing and his mind chose to believe it. His last memories were of his father leaving but for some reason his mother had been absent. So he joined the Academy with his own weapon, but no matter how hard the instructors tried they couldn’t teach him to use his zanpakuto, he was an absolute failure at kido. But there’s always a silver lining, his hakuda skills very top tier, his zanjutsu was top tier and his hoho was one of the best in class. He had an inner desire to grow stronger, despite the fear of saying his zanpakuto’s name and releasing it he did his best to improve in every area but with his blindfold sealing all of his spirit energy except for about 1% kido was off limits and his hoho while excellent, his flash step was poor. He grew well in the next six years, his shunpo had slightly improved, his hoho was fast enough to keep up with other student’s shunpo and in the physical aspects he grew exponentially: he was considered a sword master and hakuda expert before leaving the academy.

Sadly though it was not his fate to graduate, without the use of his zanpakuto he could not and so he simply left; this place was not for him and the only thing he could do was leave. He ventured out becoming a wanderer, seeking strong opponents and good friends all the while visiting dangerous area’s such as the higher rukongai district and encountering an assortment of thieves, murderers and cannon fodder. Four years later and he was still traveling, not once has he activated his soul to fight but relied on his own skill. None could match him in hand to hand combat, he was too fast, to agile and with a sword he was a saint so he took up his zanpakuto’s name as an alias. “Kensei.” He wore the traditional shinigami attire but with some modifications. His sword was kept on his back, sheathed, while he also wore steel framed boots and light armor. The light armor has four pieces, elbow pads and knee pads for striking with shin guards and arm guards for block blades, he found his hakuda to be an effective counter against blades but he still used his sword from time to time.

That was his life for nearly a hundred and twenty years, fighting, killing the murderous and protecting the weak but somewhere deep inside he knew something was wrong, that innate fear of his own zanpakuto and why he could never say the words to release it. He grew curious one day, so curious and bold. The man sat in the midst of pile of dead bodies, he had grown cold to killing; it didn’t affect him if they deserved it and looked at his unsheathed zanpakuto. It was shining, shaking, it wanted to be called, and it wanted to be released. He stood up, stabbing the blade into the ground then he called out with all of his courage and instinct. “Rise and Rip Kensei, Zetsuei!” With that his blade nearly destroyed itself from excitement, the shape changed in a luminous spark, standing before him was the key that unlocked a flood of memories and a flood of power. Everything that he had done, everything that was repressed was now flooding out of him, his spirit energy though only 1% was enough to completely destroy the area around him. The bodies were ripped to shreds, the ground was nothing but dust and for miles anything standing was now torn to pieces he had just killed hundreds with a single release the innocent and the ugly but this was the rukongai district 80, there were hardly any innocent.

He held this blade like a burden, he was shocked to remember what had happened, and he finally knew why the scar was so painful to look at, why he cried at night for no reason he could imagine, why he hated the world yet loved it. He caused his own mothers death; it was his fault, his own fault. He couldn’t accept that, he couldn’t handle it, something inside cracked and he let out a breathless gasp, holding his blade so tightly his hands were bleeding, the sword was shaking and a voice was calling out to him. “You have awoken me, now I must tell you. Do not be sad, it was not your fault, it was no one’s and you can trust in me, she is happy watching over you now.” The soothing voice seemed to call him but still the sudden shock made him angry, hateful at… himself, he wanted to kill, he was too strong to kill himself but he heard of a tale that beyond the 80th district there was a portal deep underground that could take him to heaven or hell and he would do it just to find her. He would fight the devil himself to take back his mother or plead to God to bring her back. He set out on this journey, his zanpakuto was never sealed again and his faith was never stronger, he would go on to slaughter the evil with the blade on his back and the anger of his fists.

He journeyed out far beyond the rukongai district where hollows roamed in droves, powerful and weak alike he spent the next 20 years killing them, trying to find one that would open the gate to hell. That’s when it finally happened, the very last hollow out of hundreds of thousands in that one area; the very last one was the key to his mother. The gate flung open, two skeletons opened the doors for the hollow and behind the doors a terrible demon appeared, a huge armor cover arm reached out grabbed the hollow but not without Kensei, he leaped in after it and after the would be guardian sliced open the hollow it found the shinigami as fair game and attempted to attack but it could not stand against his blade, it ripped straight through him in a single stroke. He made his way deeper and deeper into hell, eventually encountering the seven deadly sins, he killed all but one, the very last one and with his dying breath he spoke the last phrase which would end it. His bankai was there all along, he just never noticed. ”In God I Trust, My Heart and Soul!’ From that phrase a second flash appeared, a sleeker blade just like his zanpakuto’s own form. He grabbed both and with an utterly terrifying shreak from rage he killed the last of the seven deadly sings and fell to his death with not an ounce of power left.

But he was hard to kill. He met the devil himself, the ruler, the king of hell and as he stood up, his bankai gone, his shikai spinning so slowly, he stood up half unconscious and despite his mother’s best intentions he ripped away his blindfold, straight torn away. He stood there all alone and he could see the devil with eyes shining like the light of God, his spirit imploded with power. The king of hell slammed down its fist, but the enormous release repelled his fist and with a broken body and all the spirit energy he could muster, he charged at the hell king and with a zanpakuto that was spinning so fast the air was visible around it, he sliced through the devil’s arm but before the final blow could be dealt, the king released an evil blast, the shinigami was no match and he was sent once again falling to his death… finally the shinigami could rest but fate seemed to have other plans for him: he was sent to the null, a void where his body and spirit were given power absorbing all the sins and power of the null up until the present, where he was sent back and he could only guess why. He needed help, he needed training, he needed power if he was ever going to get his mother back.



─Zanpakuto Information {Sealed}─

Zanpakuto Name: “Kensei, Zetsuei”
Zanpakuto Appearance: A simple black katana.
Zanpakuto Spirit: A tall man with a slight muscular build, he wears a sleek black coat, a blindfold, white gloves and a wide smile.
Inner World: His inner world is a world of light and darkness, when his world is in shambles it is completely dark; dead tree’s, blood fountain’s, destroyed wrecked of ruins. While he is confident and powerful his world is bright with shining silver fountains, tall castle’s and buildings and a plethora of other features.
Basic Zanpakuto Attacks/Powers: Cutting edge spirit energy.


─Zanpakuto Information {Shikai}─

Shikai Name: Kensei, Zetsuei
Shikai Incantation: “Rise to the light, Zetsuei/Kensei.”
Shikai Appearance: His shikai takes the form of a gigantic sword. It is eight feet long and two feet wide from blade to blade. The handle is a foot long while a spike at the end of the handle is another foot. From the handle a large chunk of metal, like a big square block but more flat only a few inches wide acts as the cross guard. Going up is the bulk of the blade, the track on what the blade spins around, it’s a third of the width and ends in a tip, it has odd markings along the length and when fully charged with spirit energy glows bright blue. The teeth of the blade are shaped like a hook, but without the hook part. There are at least a hundred and twelve blades on each side of the track, he gains a new blade after a strong kill so weaklings do him no good. When fully charged the blade spins so quickly it doesn’t appear to be moving, it just appears as a huge broad sword, glowing with a bright blue coat of spirit energy around every toothy blade further increasing its cutting power. Side note: A chain is connected to his wrist like a bracelet, it connects to the sword’s handle just above the spike and can only be cut by his own blade but will re grow on command.
Shikai Attacks/Abilities:

Technique #1: “Cut Out The Evil!” The blade’s ability makes it nigh indestructible, the teeth (all of them) are sharp enough to cut through “most” anything they touch given enough time but even the densest material will be cut down within a minute at most. The teeth use spirit energy to cut through anything that can’t be cut by pure zanpakuto spirit infused metal and that’s rare to find. Though fortunately his spirit energy is limited to a mere percent of what it should be.

Technique #2: “Dragon’s Chew Toy” He’ll split the blade of his zanpakuto straight down the middle, the moment this happens the track will reconnect to form a blade that resembles a mouth, the track running “U” shape. Then the right side will grow and curve above the left half, while the left will curve off in the same direction resembling a silhouette of a dragon’s mouth with its neck. The mouth doesn’t close or move it’s just like a giant grinder, especially if caught in the middle.

Technique #3: “Chainsword Slash!” It’s the generic sword swing that lets out a large or small amount of spirit energy in the form of a wave. Well his a bit different; When he uses the wave it comes out as spinning disc of death, that unlike most will just cut forward his will cut into, when it hit’s an object it uses it’s spinning cycle to overwhelm instead of just pushing forward once, it does it a lot! Oh and when it’s shot from between the mouth of the dragon: when using this technique the mouth will straighten, then be slung for a five times faster speed. He can also just sling it out of his blade through a strike for a slower attack.



─Zanpakuto Information {Bankai}─

Bankai Name: “Kensei, Zetsuei.”
Bankai Incantation: “In God I Trust, My Heart and Soul!”
Zanpakuto Appearance: It does not change shape but instead gain’s the other half, a secondary blade that is an exact replica of the original the only difference it cuts fully using spirit energy, the blades that spin are not made of metal but pure spirit energy and while they are made of his spirit energy they have no trouble cutting through flesh and blood but they do it better at cutting away the spirit of others, while the other is much better at cutting flesh and blood over spirit energy but again they can both do each others job just as well.
Bankai Appearance: He gains a black coat, tight fitting and sleek, metal boots and slightly baggy pants. He wears gloves that read out his bankai incantation and has two chain wrist bracelets.
Bankai Attacks/Abilities:

Technique #1: “Heart and Soul” It is basically his shikai’s ability to cut through most anything, so this requires no detail except that its max speed is enough to generate a powerful wind, hundreds of sparks and even ignite the air into a flame at half speed and half the blade to not even appear moving top speed is twice that.

Technique #2: “Dragon Chain Slash” While forming an open wide mouth type thing, he can now stack multiple disks, having each one spin rapidly for a few seconds then fire off in groups of six to beret the opponent at a five times faster speed than when just throwing them off his blade. When charged up they will take slightly more energy but at better benefits of being much stronger than a few sword swings of his zanpakuto. Also they can cut through stuff like spirit energy attacks and, you guessed it: Your face!

Technique #3: “Dual Death” He can summon a second chainsword, identical to the first in every way, shape and form. It gives him a second chain bracelet but not much else besides, you know… having two of his own swords!


─Natural Perdu Abilities─

Porte (Gateway):
This is a way for Predu to travel through the other realms, like a Shingiami Senkaimon or an Hollow/Arrancar Garganta. The users hand will turn black before the hand turns into a claw of somesort, then will simply drag their claws across the air, and as if the claw is digging into the fabric of space. It will rip a portal in the fabric of space. Allowing the user to travel through to any desired location. Once the user exits through the second tear into the desired location, both holes in the fabric of space will restore.
This allows them to pass through any world without disruptting the flow of Spirits.
This technique comes naturally to all Predu upon their creation.
Spiritual Recollection:
Strangely enough, upon creation, whatever race the revived being formerly was when it was alive as a Spirit it will be restored as. Meaning if a Shinigami comes back as a Predu, it will regain all of its former abilities and how their own Spiritual Power felt and looked. As well as their memories. Meaning they will not be able to be identified as anything else besides their former race.
Power Argumentation:
No matter what their strength was in the past, strength or weakeness in abilities. When they return as a Predu, all their abilities, whether its physical or with energy such as Kido. They are vastly enchanced, as if they went through years of training in the time that others thought they were ‘dead’.
Parfait Nettoyer (Perfect Cleanse):
When a Hollow is in the presence of a Predu, they will already feel weakened. As if whatever is giving them their power is being torn away from them. If a Predu comes in contact with a Hollow, they sins and corruption that make up the Hollow, that usually a Shinigami Zanpakuto would strip them of if slane will suddenly be stripped away from them, turning the Hollow into a Spirit on the spot, while the Predu simply absorbs the said corruption/sins, and grows slightly stronger.
If a Predu manages to defeat, or kill an Arrancar, instead of the arrancar actually dying, their Hollow abilities, what makes them them will be stripped of their Spirit, and they will be converted back into a Soul, with high Spiritual Power. While the Predu gains a massive boost of power.
If a Predu comes in contact with a Visored, the same concept applies as with Arrancar, except it will only strip the inner hollow from the Shinigami, and leave the Shinigami with their natural abilities as once before.
Then with a Fullbring, if they are near death, or are willing the tainted by Hollow that gives them their powers can be stripped as well. That's only if they want to be normal humans though.
Corruption
The only defect of the Perdu race, despite seeming pure is they are still made of the corruption and sins that are stripped from Hollows. If a Perdu is out of its world in which it was created for too long, the corruption will start to show in the person, causing a change in personality, thought, and will cause a transformation unless its somehow stabilized, becoming a very powerful beast with the instinct of a savage Hollow.
If a Perdu however is slain by a Shinigami's Zanpakuto, the corruption becomes purified and they Perdu wont die, but given another chance at life with a pure transformation instead of a corrupted one.


─Corrupted Transformation State {Baissé}─

Appearance: He will begin to grow larger and larger, his form becoming unrecognizable unto a four legged beast that stands on two legs. Its fur is pure black and its eyes are golden, its maw is like a wolf and its eyes are pure rage. It stands as tall as house at around 12 feet tall with an enormous bulking body. It has ten times his strength and is much more viscous. He even has a tail which he can use like an arm and very dense skin or fur.
Special Abilities and Techniques:

Ability #1: He can produce blades out of anywhere from his body, curved blades of different lengths and shapes and sizes. He produce powerful beam’s of spirit blasts from his mouth and turn his hand’s into chainsaw like blades or lastly summon a huge blade that is of his shikai, except made for a demon. It has a skull for a cross guard, bone handle, fanged teeth for the chainsaw and a row of human ribcages for the track piece.

Ability #2: Deafening roar: He can produce a roar so loud it shakes the earth, forcing a earth quake with the sound alone. It can deafen some, make others run in terror and produce a shockwave that can knock opponents back and severally disorient them. Maybe even make a few heads just pop.

Ability #3: Evil Aura: His body will glow red, a deep crimson aura surrounds him then charges at his claws or the chainsaw’s he produces. Each slash will send a small wave of this burning energy, it will increase his attacks in striking power making him able to cut through a lot with a few swipes of his blood drench claw.


─Pure Transformation State {Renouveau}─

Incantation: “Behold my Light.”
Appearance: After the incantation he will grow into an enormous size, appearing as a 12 foot tall warrior, absorbed in light and silver armor. He hold’s an enormous weapon that glows with the light of the sun, a broad sword that is as tall as he is. The armor he wears is radiant with power, ancient markings cover him from head to toe, the same type of markings cover his armor and his clothing is light purple, a mystical color.
Special Abilities and Techniques:

Technique #1: Power of the light: he can produce cero like beams from both hands. He can create barriers of this energy, shields, charged up attacks. He uses this new found power for mostly long range. He can produce precise beams of high intensity short bursts, or a long beam that’s mostly made to send the opponent flying.

Ability #2: My strength: he can use this pure energy to boost his attacks, his sword, his fists, and his durability. He can buff himself with a simple incantation to dense levels without losing much speed. His physical attacks are much stronger with a simple buff.

Ability #3: Final Charge: He can pour all of his energy into a single ball held in his hand, once its grown large enough, about the size of a car he’ll release it into an enormous beam that completely fries him but will make sure the enemy is dead if hit.


─Kidō Information─


Bakudō Level:
No talent but has some skill in low levels. 1-12
Hadō Level:
1-12 Not talented again.
Yusō Chūdō Level:
1-12
Chiyu Chūdō Level:
1-12
Shien Hōhō Level:
1-12
Hybrid Techniques:
N/A
Forbidden Kidō:
N/A


─Physical Information─


Hohō Level:
Expert
Hakuda Level:
Mastered
Zanjutsu Level:
Expert


─Relatives─

Mother: Diamond Moonsworn
Father: Lance Moonsworn
Siblings: None
Aunts: Unknown
Uncles: Unknown
Grandparents: Unknown

─Relationships─

Love Interest:
Friends:
Enemies:
Other Relations:


─Professional Status─

Affiliation: Neutral Good
Previous Affiliation: Neutral
Occupation: Sword for hire
Previous Occupation: Wanderer
Team: N/A
Partner: N/A


─Skills Information─

Intelligence: When it comes to math he is practically useless but if its strategy, finding weakness, solutions to puzzles or fighting in general: genius. Just not smart...
Athletic Skill: In swordsmanship he is top notch
Strength: He has trained to become a physical powerhouse, his strength is enough to lift large boulders or several tons with one hand and even crush them.
Speed: He has trained his physical speed to be on par with flash step but his own flash step is much faster, so moving faster for physical and countless after images for shunpo.
Agility: He can change his bodies position in a blink of the eye, its his training in hakuda that allows this and he does it quite well. His body is under full control, every muscle he has can be manipulated simultaneously and near instantly.
Stamina: Being a fighter his stamina allows him to fight against an equal for days before breaking a sweat.
Durability: Though he wears armor he is still very durable on his own. He can tank most physical attacks from years of training, even against objects much harder than his own skin or bone.(Wouldn’t durability go for items and such… we have endurance?)
Endurance: To restate the above he can stop near bankai level blade’s with his hands or very heavy objects from crushing him. His bones don’t break easily and he is skilled at using reishi to hold in the blood.
Flexibility: He could be a gymnast but he has more muscle than flexibility but he is flexible enough to do whatever he needs to in a hand to hand attack.

Any Special Skills:

“He’s good a sewing.” He is in possession of a Quincy item, a special sewing needle that can imbue regular clothing with the ability to absorb spirit particles when damaged or torn. This strengths any fabric he’s made ten fold, making it a flexible and durable alternative to heavy armor. This needle can only be used by someone with great experience in the craft or a Quincy I guess.

“He’s a quick healer!” He can recover in hours what most take weeks, days for months and hopefully he won’t have to find out what comes next but this effect only occurs when unconscious or sleeping, sake helps too but mostly just for the pain.

“High pain tolerance!” Speaking of it, it’s quite high, through countless battles he’s grown accustomed to being stabbed, slashed and even gutted one time but he can ignore most damage through sheer force of will or having a drink or both! But that doesn’t mean he isn’t aware of the damage, he knows if he’s going to bleed out or not so yes.



─Other Information─

Character Theme:
Other:
(Anything that wasn't covered in the Skeleton that you'd like to include.)

PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 8:56 pm


Well, firstly, for such a character as this one, I'd say he would definitely need to be older. A Perdue would be much older than the average person of their species, and besides that, your character also has a bankai. You fail to mention if the bankai is in the progress of being trained, so I can only assume it was mastered. A higher age would suffice.

All three of your shikai techniques are ultimatums, so to say. They each have no wiggle room, whatsoever, which is not something one would look for when joining a bleach guild, or really any role play guild on gaia. While you didn't go to this extreme, it is like saying " If my blade touches you, no matter what, you die. "
I digress. You will definitely need to work on the language of the shikai moves quite a bit. For instance, with the first technique, saying it can cut through anything is pretty crazy bro. With the second technique, it's just plainly overpowered. The third falls into the same category; it's really overpowered. You must remember, this is a shikai. It won't be some awe inspiring power blast death kill blast thing. It's more of a boost, and saying things like cutting through anything, blocking any attack, and being unable to be moved by any outside force is way over the top. Do some light editing her for the word structure, and overall weaken these techniques somewhat.

As for the bankai, the same things I said about shikai apply here. Remember, just because this is technically the original user's most powerful thing, doesn't mean it gets to be crazily powerful. The first technique isn't too bad, but the second and third techniques sound simply way too overpowered to be used safely on a role playing environment.

Th Corrupted form seriously needs just a load up of information.cbesides the fact that the appearance section is only a few sentences long, the abilities are very unexplained. Tis is your character, and as always, information and organization is your best friend here.

As for the Pure Form, the same thing applies. Just... Please add moron formation here, and describe any physical enhancements as well. If you all of a sudden spring new strength up here, it won't be kosher.

For the physical section, having three mysteries is a no go bro. I can tell this is a powerful character, yes, but c'mon. You and I have a bit of a past in this subject, and unless there is a story-plot reason for having that sort of power ( which there isn't, by the way ), you just can't have it. For a character that is obviously meant to be powerful, I'd say definitely limit it to at least one mastery, and the other two are adept.

As for the skills section, these will all change depending upon what you change within the skills. Remember to have these lineup to correspond with the physical section, and whatnot. Simply put, if you are going with top notch swordsmanship, don't put low strength but crazy high speed.

As for the other skills section... In the role playing environment, I see no fair use for these abilities in any setting. No matter how I see it, these are considered a form of god mode. Besides that, they don't correlate towards the character's overall abilities. It seems as if these are all taken from some super macho point of view, slapped together, and called a character.
I say delete them, because I will not approve it, and I don't believe any of the other mods will either.

Quote me when you have finished this, and I'll get to it as soon as possible. I'd prefer no arguments; I get ranty very quickly.

YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500

Slevin Corpse

PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 1:48 am


YummyBiscuits
Well, firstly, for such a character as this one, I'd say he would definitely need to be older. A Perdue would be much older than the average person of their species, and besides that, your character also has a bankai. You fail to mention if the bankai is in the progress of being trained, so I can only assume it was mastered. A higher age would suffice.

All three of your shikai techniques are ultimatums, so to say. They each have no wiggle room, whatsoever, which is not something one would look for when joining a bleach guild, or really any role play guild on gaia. While you didn't go to this extreme, it is like saying " If my blade touches you, no matter what, you die. "
I digress. You will definitely need to work on the language of the shikai moves quite a bit. For instance, with the first technique, saying it can cut through anything is pretty crazy bro. With the second technique, it's just plainly overpowered. The third falls into the same category; it's really overpowered. You must remember, this is a shikai. It won't be some awe inspiring power blast death kill blast thing. It's more of a boost, and saying things like cutting through anything, blocking any attack, and being unable to be moved by any outside force is way over the top. Do some light editing her for the word structure, and overall weaken these techniques somewhat.

As for the bankai, the same things I said about shikai apply here. Remember, just because this is technically the original user's most powerful thing, doesn't mean it gets to be crazily powerful. The first technique isn't too bad, but the second and third techniques sound simply way too overpowered to be used safely on a role playing environment.

Th Corrupted form seriously needs just a load up of information.cbesides the fact that the appearance section is only a few sentences long, the abilities are very unexplained. Tis is your character, and as always, information and organization is your best friend here.

As for the Pure Form, the same thing applies. Just... Please add moron formation here, and describe any physical enhancements as well. If you all of a sudden spring new strength up here, it won't be kosher.

For the physical section, having three mysteries is a no go bro. I can tell this is a powerful character, yes, but c'mon. You and I have a bit of a past in this subject, and unless there is a story-plot reason for having that sort of power ( which there isn't, by the way ), you just can't have it. For a character that is obviously meant to be powerful, I'd say definitely limit it to at least one mastery, and the other two are adept.

As for the skills section, these will all change depending upon what you change within the skills. Remember to have these lineup to correspond with the physical section, and whatnot. Simply put, if you are going with top notch swordsmanship, don't put low strength but crazy high speed.

As for the other skills section... In the role playing environment, I see no fair use for these abilities in any setting. No matter how I see it, these are considered a form of god mode. Besides that, they don't correlate towards the character's overall abilities. It seems as if these are all taken from some super macho point of view, slapped together, and called a character.
I say delete them, because I will not approve it, and I don't believe any of the other mods will either.

Quote me when you have finished this, and I'll get to it as soon as possible. I'd prefer no arguments; I get ranty very quickly.


Yes bankai is mostly mastered and why rant, there's nothing to really argue about.

So thigns changed. He's bumped up a hundred and something years because i don't know the average age of shinigami i chose 3 something.

Shikai moves deleted armor and unmovable. Switched with a energy wave and the ablitiy to change his shikai's sword into a dragon's mouth like sword. From inside energy can be charged then shot out.

In bankai tech 2 and 3 were taken out while 1 and 1 in both shikai and bankai where worded slightly different beign a chainsaw and zanpakuto it does stand a high chance of cutting through many things.

New bankai techs: he gains a second sword through ability and much stronger energy disks. Being mostly physical and his sword is a chainsaw type weapon it's hard to give it too many detailed attacks but i did my half best.

Moving on to skills they were correctly corrisponding to his physical self.

I did my best to add on to the corrupted and pure states but i couldn't think up much other than a few extra lines, though most will be more detailed in an actual rp.

Special skills: i agreed with so i changed

He is in possession of a Quincy object, its a needle that imbues whatever it creates with the ability to self repair and strength by absorbign spirit particles.

A quick healer when asleep

High pain tolerance

and a adrenaline filled shield to protect those he consideres friends.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 8:24 am


When I asked you to fix the physical information, I did so for a reason. Even if your character doesn't have high kido skill, it would still be preposterous to be a master of three different areas. That especially goes to say with such a low age. There are some captains who are possibly five times your character's age, and they do not have the amount of skill present with your character.
As I said before, even if you increase your character's age, I want at it decreased. One mastery, and two adeptitudes at most.

The " I will protect you " ability does not fit. When we looked over Marrock in the past, I explained that zanpakuto, as well as their users, have " niches " so to say. Meaning, that if an ability doesn't belong, it shouldn't be used. It's essentially saying that a Mage learns Sundering Blow in D&D. Since it doesnt fit, I elect that you remove it.

I'll get to your zanpakuto after you quote me again; I don't have a lot of time at hand to go through the releases now.

YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500

Slevin Corpse

PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 8:53 am


YummyBiscuits
When I asked you to fix the physical information, I did so for a reason. Even if your character doesn't have high kido skill, it would still be preposterous to be a master of three different areas. That especially goes to say with such a low age. There are some captains who are possibly five times your character's age, and they do not have the amount of skill present with your character.
As I said before, even if you increase your character's age, I want at it decreased. One mastery, and two adeptitudes at most.

The " I will protect you " ability does not fit. When we looked over Marrock in the past, I explained that zanpakuto, as well as their users, have " niches " so to say. Meaning, that if an ability doesn't belong, it shouldn't be used. It's essentially saying that a Mage learns Sundering Blow in D&D. Since it doesnt fit, I elect that you remove it.

I'll get to your zanpakuto after you quote me again; I don't have a lot of time at hand to go through the releases now.


When you have hundreds of years to train... how is it perposterous? Hoho the art of quick movement, zanjutsu swordsmanship and Hakuda which is just fighting... People can master this stuff in decades not centuries. Unless their very slow learners.

but i brought down both sword and hoho levels and kept hakuda.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 5:54 pm


The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.

YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500

Slevin Corpse

PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 3:45 am


YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??
PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 1:24 pm


Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.

YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500

Slevin Corpse

PostPosted: Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:58 am


YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.


nvm found and edited
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:35 am


YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.


Where do i go for sparring?

Slevin Corpse


YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:45 am


Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.


Where do i go for sparring?


You can make a thread in the PRP forum, and see if someone would like to have an out of rp battle.
In the rp itself, we are in the middle of a war! I don't think you'd want to do any sparring in the middle of a war, so I'm assuming the question pertained to my first answer.
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:48 am


YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.


Where do i go for sparring?


You can make a thread in the PRP forum, and see if someone would like to have an out of rp battle.
In the rp itself, we are in the middle of a war! I don't think you'd want to do any sparring in the middle of a war, so I'm assuming the question pertained to my first answer.


Whats the war about? and where at?

Slevin Corpse


YummyBiscuits
Crew

Powerhouse

11,375 Points
  • Marathon 300
  • Brandisher 100
  • Partygoer 500
PostPosted: Wed Feb 13, 2013 5:57 am


Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
Slevin Corpse
YummyBiscuits
The Zanpakuto abilities could use just a bit more information to clarify a few points of detail. Despite that, it's passable.

As for the " He's Good at Sewing " thing, please understand that a piece of clothing ten times harder wouldn't be worth more than leather armor, in a real world environment. As such, it wouldn't help very much in the Bleach Environment. I mean, a sword swing from even a low leveled character would be more than enough to break through the armored clothing, and it wouldn't deter much of the damage available.
It's just the fact you are bringing in human-world materials, with some added spiritual power, into a place where people are swinging around swords that can cut through buildings, and blasts of energy that can clear a city block. Hard clothes won't do much.

If you have no further qualms, approved.


Okay so approved excellent... also what else should be included in the zanpakuto abilities??


Some more information would suffice. Clarifying details, that would make it much easier to understand the ability itself. Some of them need to be read once or twice to garner the full meaning.


Where do i go for sparring?


You can make a thread in the PRP forum, and see if someone would like to have an out of rp battle.
In the rp itself, we are in the middle of a war! I don't think you'd want to do any sparring in the middle of a war, so I'm assuming the question pertained to my first answer.


Whats the war about? and where at?


Pm me, so that we don't spam the profile thread, please.
Reply
☾[The Forgotten] Perdu

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//