Welcome to Gaia! ::

Bleach: Legendary Souls

Back to Guilds

Joing the Soul Soceity or the Arrancar Ranks! A fun roleplay guild. 

Tags: Bleach, Shinigami, Arrancar, Legendary, Souls 

Reply | GhostFiles | 〚 Shinigami 〛
✓ Squad 11 Captain: The Void Fist

Quick Reply

Enter both words below, separated by a space:

Can't read the text? Click here

Submit

Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Tue Jan 22, 2013 3:15 pm


Public Records - Background Information

User Image
Basic::
Full Name:
Srin Noctis Azio
Alias/Title:
Legion, The Void Fist, Mask Hunter
Nickname:
Srinny or Legion(goes mostly by Legion.)
Gender:
Male
Date of Birth:
05/12
Age:

750 years old
Appearance:
Height:
Six feet one inch
Weight:
195 lbs
Eye Color:
Snow White
Hair Color:
Ebony
Body Type:
Lean Muscular
Nationality:
Unknown
Appearance Description:
Body:Legion is known to have spiky ebony of close length. It is known to stick up slight giving it this spiky look. His eyes are snow white due to only some say that is how he came into the Soul Society. His eyes often give off the appearance of him being blind but it is just for looks and does effect his slight what so ever. Legion always give off what most call a glare to the world, his eyes always seem slight closed as he looks towards something. One of the things that stand out about the man is his teeth. His teeth are slightly pointed seeming pointing out that his teeth are mostly canine. Some believe it’s the effect of Muko connection with his body though the Kokuga, his Shikai, infused on his right arm. Legion is graced with strong broad shoulders and seeming normal sized neck. His arms, even the Kokuga arm, are three and half inch wide in the bicep while his forearms are two inches. The length of the arms themselves reach down all the way to his mid thigh but his Kokuga reaching down only a mere half an inch more. His torso in a whole is a lean muscular one that is not all that bulky and flashy. In a nut shell basically the man has paces that are tone and abs. Legion true strength is not shown in his body so many are take off guard by it. His Kokuga it self is basically what appears in the Shikai state of the zanpakto. Strangely the gauntlet has this smooth, dark look to it instead of the normal bulky clanky metal most are. The gauntlet itself is infused from the base of his collarbone running down all the way towards the hand itself. The only thing is truly different between the Kokuga in the seal state of his zanpakto and its Shikai is the spikes from Shikai form are not there along with the blade at the elbow. The fingers or much rather claws, are long and pointed at the end to give the look as if they were supposed to hook something in. Each finger has a dark orange line running along the top of it. A space near the wrist, the forearm down to the elbow and two dots to the outside facing the gauntlet are other spots that show this dark orange coloring standing out in the ebony gauntlet itself. The posture of Legion is quietly simply a confidant, firm, and always tall. The last notable body feature is his runic tattoos that spread across his body. These tattoos are chain like lines that spread throughout his body moving across each other every so often. These slowly disappear when he takes off a restraint
Attire:His clothing is another of the things that make him stand out from the rest of the captains. Of course Legion wears his Captain's coat but he never really puts it on only resting it on his shoulders allowing it to cover most of his torso. Legion wears a sleeveless ebony colored vest that has a stripe of sliver running down the middle. The vest is open slightly to you get to the middle of his of torso. His left arm is bare all but the runic tattoos that covers below his jaw line allowing others to see when the coat is off. His pants are closer to his body unlike the normal attire of the soul reapers where they are loose and baggy. Once again colored in ebony the pants are pretty similar to those of casual human attire. He wears closed toe shoes with ebony tops and orange bottom treads. One big noticeable feature about his attire is the series of belts around left side the wrap around his waist and his thigh. These belts hold up his zanpakto as a sheath, many think he just likes how it looks but he would say different.




Classified Records - Psychology and History


Basic:
Occupation:
Captain of Squad 11
Affiliation:
Gotei 13
Former Occupation:
Unknown
Former Affiliation:
Unknown
Hobbies:
Hand to Hand Training
Drinking
Likes:
Ripping Hollows to peices
Strange enough he loves the moon.
Order
Dislikes:

Idiots
people who mess with his peace and quiet
pointless agurements.
Advanced:
Character Strengths:
he's a very loyal individual. He cares for those he loves and would put his life on the line for those that he cares for.
Character Weaknesses:
he has a pretty short temper. Being that this is a case, he may act out on his emotions faster than others. Plus he doesn't hold back what's on his mind, and tends to offend people at times.
Motto/Quotes:
"How much can a Soul take?"
Personality:
Whats he like: Legion gives off the outside appearance of strong, quiet, and cold person. Usually his words and how he acts gives off this as well. Legion is demanding of his squad to be the best the could be no matter how much work it seems, though his way of doing it is not nice. He will put any who wish to become strong though all sorts of hell to make sure it is done. Legion is not one for those who complain and whine about something that can be fixed. It greatly annoys him and usually causes him to speak up to voice what the hell he thinks. Legion truly has little restraint when it comes to people who starts to get on his nerves which makes him out to be cold i.e. his words are truthful and to the point which some times comes off as him being an a*****e. When his restraints are still on him he does have bit of an anger problem, which can lead him into some trouble, but usually he has someone there to try and speak reason into him before he goes to rip them to pieces.
Values: Legion is big on honor but does not allow it to control all of his choices in life. He believes that fighting between two people should stay strictly between two people with no one there to fight their battle. Another part of said Honor is loyalty to the Gotei itself in all truth he cares little for soul society. Hell if it was not for orders he would not care for the human world either. Though once again this does not always bind him, if something truly digs away from him too much he will do what he feels he must. Legion asks for what he gives out though, he feels that loyalty and respect should shown in return. The man his been known to have moments of kind hearted nice in his own strange way.
Habits:Habits kind of die hard with most people and Legion is not so speical not be one of those people. Legion is known to be a drinker when he is on or off duty he does not care what time of day is he simply wishes. This is not saying he is drunk all of the time he just simply likes a small buzz. Another one of his habits is that of training. The man makes a hardcore point that he does it most everyday to keep his body and mind sharp. In fact the Azio Clan had melted it into his mind that doing this was proper and something must be done. The last Habit he has is that he is rather blunt when it comes to people who get on his nerves. Its a double edged sword when it comes to most people but he truly does not care how they feel about his words. Truth hurts.
Problems: Lastly his Nihility problem is something that is shown once and awhile. With his restrains thrown off the more and more of his mental threshold is unstable. Once unstable Legion actually loses all emotion in general where everything is driven by what his brain says. With this happening he will do whatever seems logical or rather whatever he thinks should be done. Nihility is a hard thing to explain so only those who has been around in this state can truly understand what it is.
Sexual Preference: Hetero

Relatives:
Azio Clan (Unknown)
Spouse:
-At this time unknown-
Friends:
Captains and Gotei he guess.
Rivals:
None Currently,Most are dead.
Enemies:
All that go against the Gotei
Background:
Due note this: Everything before the Soul Society is not being written for a reason so that is more of a surpise for everyone later on. So I hate to say it but get over it ^w^
Srin spawned in the Soul Society many years ago with no real memory of his past life. Srin had came to this place as a child of five and was thrown into the Soul Society to fend for himself. Out in a strange world he started to live in the streets stealing from the people and the homes all around. Not many would look for a small child as the thief so he was able to stay alive. Three Years had pasted since his arrival to the Soul Society and his luck had finally ran out as he was caught by Soul Reapers over seeing the home of a noble Srin was stealing from. The eight year old Srin was slowly dragged to the captain of these soul reapers that had been stationed there. This was the beginning of the true life of Srin. Being brought before the Captain current stationed there Srin was seen as just another begger in the Soul Society. This Captain had taken pitty on the small boy and had taken him into the Azio Clan. Little Srin at this time had no idea what was to come.

The Azio Clan had welcomed a new member into their fold. Srin was housed with the Captain and taken under his wing. For a time of two years Srin was trained under many of the warriors of the Azio can learning the art of Claw and Blade. Learning such a style of fighting demanded a strong mental strength and able to fight though the most painful wounds. This was needed to truly be able to understand if one was to use the Azio Claw Gauntlet, which was known to rip the soul of the User to shreads. At the end of those two years the Captain came to the young Srin offering him the gift of the Zanpakto Muko. Many within the clan round this strange to give such a young soul a zanpakto even thou he had been training for many years. With this The Captain had told the child what was to come next in his life. Being signed up to the Soul Reaper training young Srin had spent his few days with the man being told of what was to come. Srin did not understand why he was being thrown away from a family he had been accepted to so soon but he was asked to not question it. The night before him being sent into Soul Reaper Training he was taken in the side of the Azio clan. Dragging the young man to some of the other members of the clan the Zanpakto the boy had been given was transformed in its shikai by force and fused to his arm. The process had combined the Soul of both the Zanpakto and Srin himself making the gauntlet formed by the Shikai of Muko Little did anyone know the lasting effects that it would give the boy in the future.

The School he had been placed was something he was never used to. Being placed around so many different people had made Srin a shy quiet boy which did not help with the strange left arm that the boy had on his body. Srin dealt with the years of being shunned and being picked on left him with only one true friend. The Spirt of Muko itself had shown itself to Srin ending his loneliness in the place where he was the outcasts. Muko had started to shape Srin himself into what Fenrir believed the boy should be, a Lone Wolf. Soon the Outcast thrived in the fact he needed no one that no one wanted him. With this now pumping though his veins Srin start to rise to the some of the top students. Strangely enough even being at the top he struggled greatly in the ways of Kido. Soon the young fourteen year old challagened that Kido was for the weak and worthless of the Soul Reapers showing they had no true power. See Kido when he tried to focus and actually use it blew up in his face never working or even showing any signs of real use. From the young boy had study it had only seemed those who weaker in the sword could master such things which soon grew into his belif in that kido was for the weak. Some could say the reason he truly thought this was because he could not himself use it. His years of the soul reaper training had finally ended and it had grown time he had to move on to the true Gotei 13.

As fate would have it he went under the Squad 11 Captain known Orion Azio command as Lt. Nothing could make either man happier, it was truly a father son moment when they had been reuntied after there many years of being apart. Being the kind of men they were it lasted only a few moments and things went on like they should have. Now at the Ripe age of 18 he started his role as Lt. Of squad 11 learning what it toke be a leader rather than the lone wolf he had been. This seemed like a pretty sweet job from his end and he could not truly complain about. Hollows and other problems had never been a true problem to him and Orion everything went well. The next many years of his life remained by the side of Orion watching squad mates and friends die with time because of the increased hollow threat but it never seemed to be a true problem between the two. This soon ended when one day Hollows had some how came inside the walls and had a direct attack on the Gotei 13. It was one of the largest onslaughts that the Soul Society had ever had inside the walls as Minos and all sorts of hollows came. The fighting had seemed to go on for days intil they Gotei believed they had them on the run only to end up as a trap. Many of the Squads had went in unknowning of this trap Squad 11 being one of the few. During this mass fighting Orion had fallen before the eyes of Srin. This was day Legion was born and his Bankai toke form.. Few of the soul reapers had lived from the trap but the few that had did never spoke of what they saw. Safer for them.

The Dark years had followed for Legion as he started his new fond postion as Captain of Squad 11. His Soul Reapers were taught proper ways to act inside the squad, his way. Legion had started a personal campaign inside his squad to strength everyone that had been placed in there. None of them would be weak and fall to the hallow threats no more would anyone die his overseeing. Thou this would never be known by his squad they all saw him as a ruthless,dark, heartless man that pushed them to breaking down at times. Legion did not make Soul Reapers, he made warriors that would be the first into battle and destroy all threats that ever got close to the Gotei. Those years of harsh training and warrior bloodlust reign as one of the unpopular squad ruling but it had shown result. It had came to an end when a few members of the squad had died in a training session. Legion was soon judged and was able to get off uneffected if he promised to stop the harsh training and tactics he used in his squad. By the request he did going back to normal like the times Orion had been captain in a way.

The coming years had been undocumented so not much is known what happen during this time with the squad. Legion had requested a series of restrains for his gauntlet to keep control of the Nihility that had started to set in from the Shikai infusion he had as a child. Though this he had been able to reform his zanpakto in its blade form but it had be altered from the side effects as well. The Shikai Gauntlet had stayed on his arm surpisingly even with his new found restrains. With Legion all but whiter than normal it had seemed rumors had started to spread about how the Nihility had started to take over more and more causing him to become a hollow shell of what he once was.



Classified Records - Combative Information


Basic:
Carried Weapons:
Void Claws-Infused Right arm Gauntlet, it is a dark ebony metal gauntlet that wraps around the right arm and shoulder of Legion. Seemingly looks like a strange peice of armor by how it is made. Three small holes rest near the shoulder that glows from the build up of pure spiritual energy.
Fighting Styles: Close up and Way Too Personal: The whole fighting style of Legion is getting up close to his target and ripping them the shreads with his gauntlets. Unlike all other soul reapers this man has no sword so his range greatly suffers compared to normal soul reapers. Even with shorten range he makes up with fast flexable movements that can change up in a moments notice to prepare for what he is fighting. Using his claw he will grab a targets weapon and most likely counter with another body part of choice. This can be switched up with a small gauntlet on his left arm that can do the same but allow the Kukaga to slash into the foe. This style of fighting has a mixture of Jujitsu, Dim Mak, and Wing Chun. .
Strength:
The Strength of this soul reaper can be said to unrivaled. The training to his body from a young age allowed is strength to build and build. This is also do to the fact with no really sword to carry around and his lack of true long range ability that he focused on his body the most. He has been known to stop a stomp from a Minos foot with his Kukaga. All and All the statement Strong as an Ox does not apply because the Ox wished he was this strong.
Speed:
The man is not the fastest around but he has been known to win a foot race or two with his fellow captains. His only true speed comes from his reaction time in close combat situations and his strikes with in his range. Of course his flash step allows him to keep up with most captains he will not earn any reward for being the fast that is for sure. That said his Void Dash is a different story, while in use he becomes swift enough to keep up with any who knows the flash step. Sadly it only lasts so long or he will lose a great amounts of energy.
Intelligence:
Legion did not become captain for being unaware or stupid as hell. He knows the ways of combat and is said to an Expert Tactician. Legion does not know much about Kido to the point he does not even know how people do it.(Plus he does not really care for those who use kido alot). If put in human world standards he would be that of some who went to college for about four years.
Stamina:
When you have to punch and rip your enemy to big pile of nothing you know your Stamina has to be up there. Due to long years of train Legion has built a rather large pool of Stamina that makes him seem like the energizer bunny from hell. Legion himself has been known to fight for long periods of time against the hollow threats even back when he fought along side Orion. Thanks to his zanpakto's ability with stealing energy he can also use said energy instead of his own to keep the fight going longer and longer.
Durability:
If getting the living hell beat out of you when you were seven years old and coming back for it the next day does not say anything about your Durability that I do not what does. Once again that Azio training has came into play once more. Do to the long series of pain endurance training he had been given at the young age his nature pain thresh hold is great allowing him to take a hit and keep on kicking. Some normal strikes that would make a man go down to his knees would not seem to effect Legion a bit as he still came running at you. This does not mean he does not feel pain at all oh no he still feels it he just has such a great tolerance for it he will fight intil he drops


Advanced: ( Brief Explanation below )
Spiritual Pressure:
Cannot really be felt by many with the restrains he has on his self. When the first one is released it can be felt slightly and when the second restrain is lifted his spirtiual pressure will feel like getting his by a bus by those lower than Lt. Captains will feel the weight of it, Lts. May be slowed by this pressure depending on their strength. The Spiritual Pressure it self very unusual from most others. Like any other it does give a bit of weight to it but it also gives off a cold, empty feeling to all that can feel it. some say it is him using it as some form of scare tactic others saying its his Kukaga leaking its own out to all those that can feel it.
Swordsmanship/Accuracy/Other:
Swordsmanship is not something he really has do the fact he does not use a sword and reallly has never used one. He is a hand to hand combat fighter to where he will simply fight fist against sword any day. His Accuracy is great when he is close up and able to keep up with his target and not having to unleash large wild swings to actually attack someone. Of course his style goes into more detail about his fighting and such.
Special Training:
Legion has training in enhanced pain tolerance to where he can take some heavy wounds and keep going. His body has beaten to nothing for years thanks to the Azio clan training that he had taken on. Or course with the years of sword to claw fighting he has taken a lot of sword slashes and stabs also adding on to said tolerance. Fighting thru the pain no matter what is in his way. Legion is known to be a master in many different styles of hand to hand fighting that he had been taught from Orion himself.
Personal Abilities:
Repulse: By using the stolen energy from his foes he level his gauntlet palm to the target of choice firing out a small brust of spiritual energy that fires out two feet, wide it ranges two and half feet. It can range from minor damage to high powered blasts depending on what amount of energy is used. This is also a way to expel bad spiritual energy from his body aka poisons and curses. Depending on how strong it can range from one to three posts of using this Repulse.


Spiritual Techniques/Releases:
Rip: Throws off the first restrain allowing him to use his shikai to its full ability. It removes a layer of runic tattoos. The tattoos when truly being released will show dark brink chains attached to the ground and will snap it.
Break: Throws off the Second restrant allowing him to use his bankai and removes all tattoos from his body.
These restrains block off most of his spiritual energy making his powers handicapped to the point that other than his great strength he is just another soul reaper. These restrains take the form of the runic tattoos that are painted across his body from the chin below. These were mostly placed to block off a good bit of his contect to his zanpaktos power and the Void Fang side effects. They are mostly there to keep him from fading in the spirit world of Zanpakto.
Kidou:
Has None.
Specialty: ( If none, leave blank )
nada
Hado:
nope
Bakudo:
nope
Other:
NOPE
Zanpakuto Name:
Muko
Zanpakuto Type: Melee
Zanpakuto Spirit:
Muko
Inner world: This vast zone is strangely a small white room where a throne sits holding the spirt Muko chained for all who enter to see. Of course this world is one big illusion where the small room is an endless void of nothing.
Zanpakuto Sealed Description:
Unlike most Zanpakto this weapon has a long curved blade with saw like edges on the front side of the blade. It had a hand guard with the head of fenrir on it.
Shikai:
Kokuga -Void Fang
Incantation:
"The Endlessness is Coming... Dip Deep and Claw"
Appearance:
Look at appearance.
Release Appearance:
His appearance does not change much due to the fact his gauntlet is forever stuck in this form. Thanks to the restraints on his body a few things do not show but when one of them restraints are released the following will show.. The gauntlet takes on a darker appearance becoming more life like instead of its normal look. Spikes form around the shoulder and a razor like spike forms at the elbow. His left hand when the first restaint is released slowly forms that dark metal like material around it much like the first gauntlet. It covers his hand giving him small amounts of armor there along with another claw.
Abilities:
His Gauntlet can cut though solid earth with ease.
The Strength of Legion is increased to that of inhuman strength where like is stated in the Strength section.
Techniques:
Void Slash: By building up spiritual energy into his Void Fang gauntlet he is able to slash in the air or on an object to unleash waves of spirtiual energy in the shape of the claw marks that were made. It on goes on for ten feet before disappearing. Normal length of said wave is three feet. Once and if contact is made the sharpness of his gauntlet will be the sharpness of the waves themselves along with giving a nice 3rd degree burns.He can focus this to three or four fingers hell even one with the force that would be from the others added to the waves being thrown so either way it feels like getting hit by five.
Void Flash: Focusing a good amount of spiritual energy into his legs he is able to use an enhanced flash step to close the distance between him and his target with ease.
Crushing Blow: Sending a good bit of his energy in into the Void Fang itself Legion will strike at a target with twice as much forces as his normal strike with the gauntlet would. It could easily break bones and form craters in the earth if used right.
Bankai
Boido hoshoku-sha
Incantation:
"All I am to the void... for those here to be safe"
Appearance:
This goes along with Release appearance.
Release Appearance:
Summoning forth the power of the Void,Muko himself forms behind Legion offering to give him said power he asked for. Once Legion says yes Muko will grab the body of Legion with many of smaller arms dragging him into his own body for reconfirguration. Once this is done Legion slowly is released from the back of Muko coffin. Coming out of said coffin Legion body is now covered in an suit of armor much like the gauntlet on his right arm. Starting from the head up this how he looks. His hair now has grown down to his lower back with it still spiking up slightly. His face is now shielded by a face plate with orange veins of spiritual energy decorating it slightly. The jaw line is now guard by a peice of armor not apart of the faceplate. The jaw armor gives a fang teeth pointed up from where his lips are giving a monsterous appearance. Moving down to the torso once more he is give a slightly spiked chestplate that slightly exposes a little bit above his belly button till you reach the greaves. This is the most interesting thing about the form along with his now fully gauntleted pair pf arms two pair of extra gauntlets form floating on his torso. This gives him a sided arm appearance allowing him to seemingly strike with now with all six. Unlike the attached middle gauntlets the other two are clearly held together by a strange spiritual like energy that moves to his will. The same orange veins of spiritual energy though out his torso armor as well. Finally we come down to the greaves and such. The thighs and shines are covered in the same material like the rest of his body has a thin chain like layer below them giving a slight chain mail appearance. The knee caps are given a small curved spike on each side.
Abilities:
Gauntlet can now slash though most metals with ease.
The Shikai strength enhancement is doubled in Bankai allowing him to preform much larger feats and hit with the power that can shatter a Minos's mask in a single strike.
Techniques:
Soul Slasher:The advanced form of the Void slash by charging up the spiritual energy into his gauntlets Legion and swing his claws in any direction sending claw mark waves out from out to fifteen feet away. The length of said waves are five feet. One of the better things about this verisimilitude is with the each pair of claw he can unleash up to six of the attacks at one time making it very tricky. Once contact has been made the target will be hit with the sharpness of his gauntlets and be given 2nd degree burns.
Rejection of Muko: By swinging all os his gauntlets to point the palms out in front of him Legion can focus some of his energy or stolen energy into each one of his palms for spiritual energy to charge. Once they are quickly charged Legion unleashes an advanced form of the Repulse reflecting powerful attacks or stopping them in their tracks by unleashing a short range wave of compressed spiritual energy. Depending on how strong the opposing attack is how much energy is needed for it to be reflected or blocked.
No Mercy: No mercy is the attack that Legion has been known to only use once and that was back when he first learned of his bankai. All the last remaining energy he has inside him will dash towards an enemy for what most call an onslaught attack. The upper gauntlets will launch foreword to grab the two arms of the target while his bottom set of gauntlets would grab hold of the targets legs. If and when this happens all said energy will pumped into the middle set of gauntlets and he will unleash a barrage of fists into the body of his target. These strikes are much different from most of his strikes before hand, every blow landed will send a repulse of spiritual energy on contact that will go through the body of said target. So along with the nasty punches to the body these blasts of spiritual energy will vibrate though the body and comes out on the other side increasing the force from the strikes. These strikes will break bones and make sure the target is left broken. Of course the down side this is that it must grab hold of the target and once finished the whole ability drains him all but very little of energy.
Void: The battlefield changes to a different plane in which both fighters are the only people there. The battlefield is his Zanpakto's inner world that goes on forever and the only way out is either by defeating Legion or Legion allowing them to leave. In this Void there can be no outside forces and all pay subject to the void. When Legion runs out of energy the void will release both back into the world they had came from and will not open again intil Legion regains enough energy to summon it once mmore
 
PostPosted: Thu Jan 24, 2013 7:45 pm


Hi there. I'm pretty new myself, but I thought I'd start my mod duties off by snapping out a profile review. I've asked the Hopeless Optimist for that permission, for which I've been approved.

That said, I'll warn you that I don't believe in being either a d**k or a softy on principle. I'm going to give you a review based on personal experience, logical parameters, and the position you're going for. If I come off sounding aggravated or crude, I'm sorry. I mean to speak to you calmly in a reasoned fashion. The following is given with the authority of a moderator, but the voice of a colleague. You're welcome to ask for clarification, or, in the case that you find a requested change to be too much, you may suggest an alternate adjustment to the profile's contents. In which case I'll either ask for a quote containing the change in question, approve the suggestion, or refuse. My goal is to clean up the rough edges and holes I notice in your profile, with the final result being what can reasonably be considered an improvement meeting and (I dearly hope) exceeding the minimum parameters of an acceptable profile for this guild. I ask that you be as patient with me as I will be with you in order to reach that goal in a manner with which you are comfortable. I also extend my aid should you require it, now and in the future. Hopefully, we come out of this with a healthy respect and possibly even a bit of trust in one another, yeah?

On to the profile:

I'm slightly fanatical about this, but the fact remains that every profile you will ever come across is always in need of more detail, more information. They also always benefit. You may not thinks so, and you may have seen specific profiles to support that notion, but I can guarantee that the information itself is never what causes a lengthy profile to rankle. It is the prose, the organization of information, the separation of sentences and paragraphs which make longer profiles seem unpleasant. Well, that, and the attention span of the reader. Learning to organize and write a longer profile is an experience only obtained through practice. It's also important for those interested in furthering their writing into a career. However, rarely does it have time to become a problem for rarely do people write long enough profiles to allow it to.
You happen to be one of those people.
Right now this profile reads at about the standard level of detail for a seventh seat. You have enough information to fill every field except for those purposely left blank, however, what you have put is all very bare. Your profile will function as more than a guidebook of sorts for those interacting with your character. It will also function as a guidebook for you to write as said character, and will be an example of your general writing habits and skill level. You should treat it like such, and flesh it out. The more you put down, the more you will know about who exactly Srin Noctis Azio is as a person, and exactly how he deserved to be written.
So, while yes, many fields are specifically designed and intended to bear little more than a few words(Gender, Zanpakutō Name, Occupation, etc.), other fields are specifically designed to be descriptive in nature. For those fields, refer to the second paragraph of your Biography for roughly the appropriate length they should each be. I'd like this "detail boost" to apply to his appearance, any physical description of any state of his zanpakutō, his personality, the description of "Void Claw," his spiritual pressure(in this case I simply need more, not necessarily at the same length as the others), the field in the advanced section of the combative information headed by "Swordsmanship," and the description of the zanpakutō spirit(which must also expand to include an equally large paragraph describing his inner world, and a third paragraph detailing their relationship/history).
You should ask yourself follow up questions if you're struggling. Detail his posture, his opinions of politics, his various quirks, reiterate overt physical characteristics. Ask basic questions like "how does he/it react to [situation/person]?" "How does it/he feel [about an event or person]?" "How does it/he look?" Ask "what if" questions and imagine how things of a profound or mundane nature would affect his attitude, reactions, and appearance. Unique vocabulary is also your friend.

There are some things that either confuse or concern me which I will now address.
First, you claim this character is a peace-loving individual that likes to paint and drink tea. Then you go on to claim this character is "cold" and uncaring of those around him and their plights. Finally, you claim the character suffers from a severe phychological condition, one which I assume extends into a cessation of reason and possibly conscious thought whereupon this peace-loving, tea drinking painter whom is quite probably socially inept goes on a bloodthirsty rampage. You've basically given me three different personalities. While the first two could theoretically coincide well enough, the third flies directly in the face of the first characteristic, and runs a red flag for a Captain. This character contradicts itself, as well as the traditional role it will play, and will be kept under the scrutiny of it's superiors if you choose to go this route. You're welcome to, but understand the dynamic of Srin's relationships will differ from those of others.
Second, I've read this entire profile and the impression I'm getting is that his Void Claw is his shikai, permanently fused to his arm, and kept unsealed as a baseline release state much like Ichigo Kurosaki or Zaraki Kenpachi. Yet, he also has a physical zanpakutō with an additional two release states. Am I missing something? Are there two of them? If it's the latter, I suggest you rewrite a great deal of the zanpakutō and personal information to detail the reason and extent of that division of his soul, and bring the matter to The Hopeless Optimist for cursory review. I'm unaware of the protocol in this guild for dual zanpakutō, but if he approves it, I'll carry on reviewing accordingly. If it's neither of the options I've given, you may want to do some revising for accuracy.
Third, if your character has come to the Soul Society at the ripe old age of five years old, it had a human life, even if it does not remember it. The only thing that needs said here is: "include that s**t, broseph."
Fourth, I'd like an explanation of why and how he is inept with kidō. You can throw it in the biography.
Fifth, I'd really appreciate it if you were more mindful about separating sections of information.

For the Zanpakutō, the following comes to mind:
For the shikai's appearance, I would appreciate it if you would edit for grammatical quality. The errors make it difficult to understand.
Normally energy absorption needs to be handled with great ease, and what you absorb is often not worth the energy expended to attain it, making it an ability I rarely ever endorse. The actual inclusion of it in this profile is not cause to deny it, however, the parameters it's set to are. Absorbed energy has to be used within a certain time period or it will harm you or dissipate. And it may only be used either offensively or as a healing mechanism. You can't use both. Under no circumstances is it feasible or permissible to absorb enough energy to regenerate a limb. A finger alone would be pretty staggering. That ability is struck right out. You can, however, use the energy to relieve fatigue, and pain, as well as help towards healing minor wounds such as lesions and bruises. Really extensive wounds will tax you, however. The attacks powered by stolen energy will relate directly to the amount of energy stolen. You can divide it between tasks, but you cannot overdraw from that additional reservoir or you draw from your character's lifeforce.
I'd like an explanation of the Wolf's Fang. How big do these slashes tend to be? Can he limit the force to less than the original five? Concentrate it to fewer fingers? What is the extent of their destructive power? Similar detail is requested of the other shikai abilities. How is Wind Howl enhanced? What happens if Crushing Blow is used wrong?
For the bankai description, where do the wisps flow? It cuts off.
Does Fenrir's Fangs have any physical attack power? Where does the stripped energy go?
Is there any way that Fenrir's roar affects Srin? Adversely or otherwise?
Void Wolf needs to be reworded so it's readily understood that it can't regenerate all of his reiryoku.
Reword Destructive Void. It reads as an auto-kill. Also, what's the extent of the damage it does to him?
For void, explain what qualifies as "outside forces." What happens if Srin runs out of energy?

Alannaa
Vice Captain

Dapper Genius


Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Fri Jan 25, 2013 5:29 am


Please do note this: I worked on my phone the whole time for this profile and I never have use to computer so yes my gammer and such is going to be udder crap. The length of my profile is decent size but its half assed to what i normally tend to go for. Anyone can agree working on a phone for about four hours is not taxing and its was something I just want to have done with. Secondly I hate doing profiles, its just who I am. So that did not help either. I am sorry it not "Captain" material and I will try to gain control of a computer soon enough to work on the bloody thing

Edit: I have changed up the Appearance for example of non phone workings ^w^
PostPosted: Wed Jan 30, 2013 9:38 pm


YummyBiscuits

Alannaa

ALRIGHT
There is your profile I add detail to everything al I hope to bloody hell you like it

Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen

PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 6:58 pm



Alright, I'll go on ahead and tell you my concerns with your rpc right now and you can hopefully work on getting them resolved:

-You put down what your character is good and bad at during combat for character strengths and weaknesses. That's nice and all but you put them under psychology and history, which I told you before in the past not to do. That section is meant to give others a better idea of what your character's strengths flaws exist in his personality. For example, is he a kind, pretentious man who's main flaw is being to kind towards everyone? I don't need weaknesses in combat. You can address that in his combative information. Like what fighting styles he used to and which ones he's weak at. Same can be said if he's not the best with speed, strength or say intelligence.

-For spiritual techniques and releases, you leave that one spot blank. It's the title for a new section. You seem to be posting techniques that should belong in the shikai section of your rpc's profile.

-With your zanpakuto, I have a few problems with it. For starters, it doesn't make any sense for me that your character's zanpakuto type is a melee zanpakuto, yet it possess the ability to 'steal' a enemy's spiritual energy and even have illusion type skills in bankai. Those are things that just make zero sense to have with a zanpakuto. Also, illusion type zanpakuto won't be allowed in my guild just because of the level of complexity having them present in role play.

-It doesn't make sense if your character's zanpakuto is always in shikai to even have a incantation to use is zanpakuto, as it would be totally useless in battle.

-Having the zanpakuto steal away spiritual pressure from the opponent is pretty vague based on how you describe it. You'd need to describe with better detail how much energy you can steal with this ability, if it's permanent and having a post cool down is pointless the way you set it up at the moment since it's unclear if your rpc could steal a lot of energy, enter cool down and probably do it again. That's just me.

-My main pet peeve with your character is just the fact that he's captain of the eleventh division and yet he has a zanpakuto that I just couldn't see being allowed in the Eleventh Division. It would make the most sense for you to stick with the zanpakuto type of being a melee zanpakuto with the skills being based of physical augmentation.

If you have any problems with any of my critique, please don't hesitate to discuss anything I said in my review.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:01 pm


The Hopeless Optimist

Alright, I'll go on ahead and tell you my concerns with your rpc right now and you can hopefully work on getting them resolved:

-You put down what your character is good and bad at during combat for character strengths and weaknesses. That's nice and all but you put them under psychology and history, which I told you before in the past not to do. That section is meant to give others a better idea of what your character's strengths flaws exist in his personality. For example, is he a kind, pretentious man who's main flaw is being to kind towards everyone? I don't need weaknesses in combat. You can address that in his combative information. Like what fighting styles he used to and which ones he's weak at. Same can be said if he's not the best with speed, strength or say intelligence.

-For spiritual techniques and releases, you leave that one spot blank. It's the title for a new section. You seem to be posting techniques that should belong in the shikai section of your rpc's profile.

-With your zanpakuto, I have a few problems with it. For starters, it doesn't make any sense for me that your character's zanpakuto type is a melee zanpakuto, yet it possess the ability to 'steal' a enemy's spiritual energy and even have illusion type skills in bankai. Those are things that just make zero sense to have with a zanpakuto. Also, illusion type zanpakuto won't be allowed in my guild just because of the level of complexity having them present in role play.

-It doesn't make sense if your character's zanpakuto is always in shikai to even have a incantation to use is zanpakuto, as it would be totally useless in battle.

-Having the zanpakuto steal away spiritual pressure from the opponent is pretty vague based on how you describe it. You'd need to describe with better detail how much energy you can steal with this ability, if it's permanent and having a post cool down is pointless the way you set it up at the moment since it's unclear if your rpc could steal a lot of energy, enter cool down and probably do it again. That's just me.

-My main pet peeve with your character is just the fact that he's captain of the eleventh division and yet he has a zanpakuto that I just couldn't see being allowed in the Eleventh Division. It would make the most sense for you to stick with the zanpakuto type of being a melee zanpakuto with the skills being based of physical augmentation.

If you have any problems with any of my critique, please don't hesitate to discuss anything I said in my review.

So you toke two weeks for this when I asked you five other times and you said it was fine.. I mean this kind of stupid after this point.

Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200

Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:07 pm


Here let me explain alittle more: The stealing of energy needs direct contact to steal this energy from them. Your also not thinking about the razor sharp claw that will rip thru your flesh when you are hit with thing.
Secondly he is not kind he is a does not like Death simple simple stuff there. Just because he does not like death does not mean he is kind. He was kind to a few people and they are dead.
Lets make a point with illusions fine I really do not give a rats about that ability but It has been known that Zanpakto have duel abilities or change alittle.
I have given you guys details like a muther fu-cker. I am not going into atom to atom detail because what is the bloody point?
For the incantation well damn you asked for it and you got it
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:11 pm


Wulvengar Noctorus
The Hopeless Optimist

Alright, I'll go on ahead and tell you my concerns with your rpc right now and you can hopefully work on getting them resolved:

-You put down what your character is good and bad at during combat for character strengths and weaknesses. That's nice and all but you put them under psychology and history, which I told you before in the past not to do. That section is meant to give others a better idea of what your character's strengths flaws exist in his personality. For example, is he a kind, pretentious man who's main flaw is being to kind towards everyone? I don't need weaknesses in combat. You can address that in his combative information. Like what fighting styles he used to and which ones he's weak at. Same can be said if he's not the best with speed, strength or say intelligence.

-For spiritual techniques and releases, you leave that one spot blank. It's the title for a new section. You seem to be posting techniques that should belong in the shikai section of your rpc's profile.

-With your zanpakuto, I have a few problems with it. For starters, it doesn't make any sense for me that your character's zanpakuto type is a melee zanpakuto, yet it possess the ability to 'steal' a enemy's spiritual energy and even have illusion type skills in bankai. Those are things that just make zero sense to have with a zanpakuto. Also, illusion type zanpakuto won't be allowed in my guild just because of the level of complexity having them present in role play.

-It doesn't make sense if your character's zanpakuto is always in shikai to even have a incantation to use is zanpakuto, as it would be totally useless in battle.

-Having the zanpakuto steal away spiritual pressure from the opponent is pretty vague based on how you describe it. You'd need to describe with better detail how much energy you can steal with this ability, if it's permanent and having a post cool down is pointless the way you set it up at the moment since it's unclear if your rpc could steal a lot of energy, enter cool down and probably do it again. That's just me.

-My main pet peeve with your character is just the fact that he's captain of the eleventh division and yet he has a zanpakuto that I just couldn't see being allowed in the Eleventh Division. It would make the most sense for you to stick with the zanpakuto type of being a melee zanpakuto with the skills being based of physical augmentation.

If you have any problems with any of my critique, please don't hesitate to discuss anything I said in my review.

So you toke two weeks for this when I asked you five other times and you said it was fine.. I mean this kind of stupid after this point.


Yeah, sorry for the delay on my half. I've had a ton on my plate lately. You still had some changes that needed to get done, but I was going to save them in case the others couldn't response. You've asked me three times and not five, and some of these mistakes I wanted the vice captains to take charge of because of the fact that I've been real busy. Your rpc is really together and I'm liking him so far, but those changes that I mentioned, particularly with your character's zanpakuto bother me. I missed that because I didn't notice that you put melee for your zanpakuto type, which was why I said it looked fine earlier. As for why I didn't say anything about it having illusion properties, this was something I've decided not to have recently in the guild after helping someone in the guild with their zanpakuto.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:14 pm


I mean I do not see the bloody problems with it. The energy held for a amount of time and he must discahrge it after awhile or he will get harmed. His Zanpakto is fused into his arm thanks to experiamtns done by the clan. Squad Eleven Clearly States Melee and Swordsmen. He fits Kelsey prefect so he is right for the job.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:30 pm


Wulvengar Noctorus
I mean I do not see the bloody problems with it. The energy held for a amount of time and he must discahrge it after awhile or he will get harmed. His Zanpakto is fused into his arm thanks to experiamtns done by the clan. Squad Eleven Clearly States Melee and Swordsmen. He fits Kelsey prefect so he is right for the job.


Alright, let me explain this again.

-I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with having his shikai being fused with his harm. That's totally fine. It just makes no sense for him to have a incantation for his zanpakuto if he's in shikai.
-Your zanpakuto possess powers like being able to steal an oppponents energy, and even illusional abilities, which would easily be frowned upon by any member of the Eleventh Division. The Eleventh Division are people known for their cunning skills on the battlefield for fighting with brute strength, swords and their blades. Not with skills like stealing energy or illusional weapons. It's dishonorable for them as mentioned with Yumichika Ayasegawa, who's zanpakuto was truly a kidou based weapon, which he decided to keep secret from the others because he knew well that he wouldn't be accepted by his comrades for having such a weapon. Tell me, how would this unspoken rule work in favor of Kelsey? His subordinates wouldn't have respect for having such a zanpakuto in the first place.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:34 pm


The Hopeless Optimist
Wulvengar Noctorus
I mean I do not see the bloody problems with it. The energy held for a amount of time and he must discahrge it after awhile or he will get harmed. His Zanpakto is fused into his arm thanks to experiamtns done by the clan. Squad Eleven Clearly States Melee and Swordsmen. He fits Kelsey prefect so he is right for the job.


Alright, let me explain this again.

-I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with having his shikai being fused with his harm. That's totally fine. It just makes no sense for him to have a incantation for his zanpakuto if he's in shikai.
-Your zanpakuto possess powers like being able to steal an oppponents energy, and even illusional abilities, which would easily be frowned upon by any member of the Eleventh Division. The Eleventh Division are people known for their cunning skills on the battlefield for fighting with brute strength, swords and their blades. Not with skills like stealing energy or illusional weapons. It's dishonorable for them as mentioned with Yumichika Ayasegawa, who's zanpakuto was truly a kidou based weapon, which he decided to keep secret from the others because he knew well that he wouldn't be accepted by his comrades for having such a weapon. Tell me, how would this unspoken rule work in favor of Kelsey? His subordinates wouldn't have respect for having such a zanpakuto in the first place.

Illusions can go I am okay with that. His energy stealing is something that drains his enemy down. He has no long range abilites maybe something he keep mid range up for a little bit but that's it. The ability itself is there for the reason to keep the fighting up close by drain them down enough to make them not use tho long range attacks because they do not have enough to spare to do it. Dishonorable? The man is stronger than most captains and all sense can rip a man in two. So what his Zanpakto is a little different than most but it is a side effect not the true weapon around his arm.
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 7:53 pm


Wulvengar Noctorus
The Hopeless Optimist
Wulvengar Noctorus
I mean I do not see the bloody problems with it. The energy held for a amount of time and he must discahrge it after awhile or he will get harmed. His Zanpakto is fused into his arm thanks to experiamtns done by the clan. Squad Eleven Clearly States Melee and Swordsmen. He fits Kelsey prefect so he is right for the job.


Alright, let me explain this again.

-I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with having his shikai being fused with his harm. That's totally fine. It just makes no sense for him to have a incantation for his zanpakuto if he's in shikai.
-Your zanpakuto possess powers like being able to steal an oppponents energy, and even illusional abilities, which would easily be frowned upon by any member of the Eleventh Division. The Eleventh Division are people known for their cunning skills on the battlefield for fighting with brute strength, swords and their blades. Not with skills like stealing energy or illusional weapons. It's dishonorable for them as mentioned with Yumichika Ayasegawa, who's zanpakuto was truly a kidou based weapon, which he decided to keep secret from the others because he knew well that he wouldn't be accepted by his comrades for having such a weapon. Tell me, how would this unspoken rule work in favor of Kelsey? His subordinates wouldn't have respect for having such a zanpakuto in the first place.

Illusions can go I am okay with that. His energy stealing is something that drains his enemy down. He has no long range abilites maybe something he keep mid range up for a little bit but that's it. The ability itself is there for the reason to keep the fighting up close by drain them down enough to make them not use tho long range attacks because they do not have enough to spare to do it. Dishonorable? The man is stronger than most captains and all sense can rip a man in two. So what his Zanpakto is a little different than most but it is a side effect not the true weapon around his arm.



It wouldn't make sense that the ability itself is there to keep the fight up close if he's quote on quote, "stronger than most captains and all sense can rip a man in two". If you ask me, that's a lot of power on it's own already. To have a captain of a division that focuses on swordsmanship and brute strength, not zanpakuto that can do tricks like steal energy from a opponent isn't something that seems fitting for that division in particular. Also, like I previously mention, if you're going to use a melee zanpakuto, having abilities like stealing an opponents energy. It would make sense to have again, a zanpakuto that works around swordsmanship with augmentation in physical prowess, not stealing one's spiritual pressure.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 8:22 pm


I was told I was not allowed to have pyshcial buffs
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:01 am



After working with Wulvenger on things that needed adjustment, I see this profile fit for approval.

The Hopeless Optimist
Captain

Enduring Citizen


Great Lord Wulvengar

Enduring Prophet

8,150 Points
  • Brandisher 100
  • Elocutionist 200
  • Flatterer 200
PostPosted: Thu Feb 21, 2013 9:17 am


The Hopeless Optimist

After working with Wulvenger on things that needed adjustment, I see this profile fit for approval.

Thank you~
Reply
| GhostFiles | 〚 Shinigami 〛

 
Manage Your Items
Other Stuff
Get GCash
Offers
Get Items
More Items
Where Everyone Hangs Out
Other Community Areas
Virtual Spaces
Fun Stuff
Gaia's Games
Mini-Games
Play with GCash
Play with Platinum
//
//

// //

Have an account? Login Now!

//
//