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Parnell's Challenge: Show, Don't Tell

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AJKline

Hallowed Hunter

PostPosted: Thu Dec 06, 2012 1:16 am


"How do I write about emotion?"


Let's explore that, shall we?

I read a column a few days ago by one Rob Parnell about showing, not telling, particularly as applied to the writing of emotion. For example, stating "he was sad" is a very broad way of putting something. Writing something so open-ended and nonspecific is subject to authorial opinion on what constitutes "sadness." The reader's opinion of what sad is may differ, and so they may come away from the passage with a different impression of what has happened than the author intended.

For this challenge, please write for us a short passage about the emotion of your choice, with these limitations:

SADNESS/GRIEF: You may not use "tear(s)" or any variation of "cry."
HAPPINESS/JOY: You may not use any variation of "smile" or "laughter."
ANGER: You may not use any word that invokes the raising of a voice ("yell," "howl," "scream," etc).
JEALOUSY/DESIRE/LUST: You may not use any words expressing desire ("want," "wish," "crave," "long for," etc)
FEAR: You may not show or name the object or source of fear.

It's late and I know I've missed some a lot. If your desired emotion is not listed, PM or quote me and I will add it to the list.

Contest runs until midnight, 31st December 2012. Winners will be announced and prizes given out no later than 5th January 2013. If contest has fewer than four entrants, all entrants will receive third place prize. You are allowed unlimited entries, and I will judge them all, but only one can win (ie., if you enter three times, you can't win first, second, and third prizes).

First Place: 40,000 gold
Second Place: 20,000 gold
Third Place: 5,000 gold

AJ's non-entry on sadness because she felt like it below the cut.

"Val?" Solemon crossed his arms, looking more concerned than curious as Valerius returned to him, alone. "Val, you never said she was married."

Valerius studied the flagstones leading back into the fort. They clouded and swirled together, the world becoming infinitely sadder. "It was never relevant."

"Val—"

He broke. The reality of her world and the disconnect it had with his own slammed into him full force; his heart wore heavy with suppressed grief over her death and the soul-tearing anguish of what he now realized was two hundred years without her, two centuries he had spent watching from afar. She had gone to her grave without ever learning his name. All at once, he felt torment and agony, nauseatingly clear and piercing straight through his soul, as though every day full of loving and missing her familiar face had been squashed into this one moment, the moment in which it hit him that she was truly gone from his life.

Valerius collapsed onto the flagstones, shoulders shaking. Solemon said nothing, but left the room to drag in a pair of dusty wooden chairs. Solemon took a firm grip on Valerius's shoulders and pulled him up, guiding him into one of the chairs. Valerius's head sunk into his hands, his sleeves growing damp and cold in the musty corridor of the abandoned fort.

After several long moments, Solemon swallowed hard and spoke up. "You ok?"

Valerius said nothing. Solemon's voice was hoarse and shaky.

"Come on. We should go." Solemon stood up, Valerius reluctantly followed. "We've still got a lot of work to do."
PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2012 2:35 pm


Desire at first sight

A glass in his hand, he was speaking with his friend near the hors d'oeuvres when he happened to turn and see her. He had seen her before now in blurred passing images in the periphery. She was familiar, but not like this––alight, center stage. The crowd of the room was as silent compared to the high resonances of her voice that pierced his heart. That crystalline clarity and the light of her eyes were as a holy javelin impaling him. In a moment it had passed through and the wound felt mortal. A great jagged hole remained and the blood laved his torso and his legs, ruining his nice suit. He felt himself grow pale and weak as his life left him. He saw his death in that instant but it did not come, rather eternity stretched on in agony as the clot-less wound burned.

Hours passed, and days, and his only thought was the end of his suffering, by death or by salvation. He stood stiff and nonplussed, the threads of his contentment unravelled by that voice, those eyes.

“I shall sleep no more,” he thought. “I am abandoned by peace and made incomplete until reunification might me relieve.”

His friend noticed a shadow of bewilderment come over his face.

“Are you alright?” The friend asked.

“Fine,” he said. His eyes followed the river of his blood flowing across the room to its source.

Lord Devrayne


char_han7

PostPosted: Thu Dec 27, 2012 3:17 pm


Anger

Her hands clenched the hem of the shirt she was wearing. Her fingernails dug into the fabric, pressing into her palms. The soft fabric protected the delicate skin from any harm. The rest of her body became rigid as she watched him leave. How could he have done that? After everything they had been through? She stood up with so much force that the chair supporting her scraped a few feet away from her current position. With a snarl, she picked up a knife from the table and threw it in the direction he had disappeared. He'll learn soon enough.
PostPosted: Mon Jan 07, 2013 5:00 pm


Closed at two entrants. Both participants receive 5,000 gold. Thanks for playing!

AJKline

Hallowed Hunter

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The Writing Games!

 
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