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Alright, so I heard this one from a co-worker of mine, Mind you it's a bit crass,but it's pg-13. XD

Okay, so this couple from Earth go to Mars via space exploration. Upon arriving, they discover there's an entire civilization. After exploring some, they meet this martian couple at a bar. Over the night they get to talking about the two different civilizations and how they were alike and different. Eventually the topic of sex comes up. They come to an agreement that the couples would switch partners for the night and try it out.

So after going to different rooms at a hotel, the couples get together. The woman and martian man get ready to be together, then the woman stops the martian man as soon as he undresses and sees that he was inadequite by a long shot. "This isn't going to work, you aren't gonna be able to reach me with that."

The martian man then says, "Oh, no problem, just wait a moment." The martian man then begins to slap his forehead, elonging his 'equipment until it was just the right size. The woman nods that it was good, but then, "Okay, that's good, but it's too thin to please me." So the martian man starts pulling on his earlobes, making it wider and wider until it was just right. So after that they get into bed together and have a very enjoyable night.

The next morning, the couples get back with their right partners and depart. The woman looked super happy and everything, the guy not so much. He asks, "So how was the martian guy?" She replies, saying it was the greatest night ever.

"Oh really," The human man replies. "All I got was this headache. All night the martian woman wouldn't stop slapping my forehead and pulling on my earlobes."

XD sorry, adult joke.

This one is a bit gross but should be PG-13.

Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

Whats a baby anything doing in a club? lol

That's terrible! lol

vampire walks into a bar and asks for boiling water the bartender ask 'i thought u only drunk blood?" pulls out used tampon "im making tea"

This made me giggle >.<

For those of you who drive, and have driven at least 100 miles in one day, you'll get why these are funny!

Depending on where someone is from and where they are driving you can make some assumptions about their driving styles and etiquette...

Chicago: One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.

New York: One hand on wheel, one finger out window.

New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.

Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.

Scarborough, Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60 zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.

Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap

Ohio, but driving in California: Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror.

Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to someone in back seat.

Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind on game.

Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both feet being on the accelerator and both feet on the brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window.

West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.

Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above window level, driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on.

Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel, hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or brakes because with all the ice on the roads, you're all moving at the same speed either way.

Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or left on for 26 blocks...also cradling cheap cell phone.

Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and classic rock blaring from the radio.

Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand, B.C. Weed in the other. d**k on the steering wheel

New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand holding down sum hookers head while she's giving head!

Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.

California: (Bay Area / Silicon Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one hand at on-board navigation/Internet console installed in dash board, cell phone attached to head with microphone earpiece, having a executive meeting with half a dozen people on speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic hasn't moved in the past hour.

Montana: One finger on steering wheel of jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels blaring from speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves blowing out of bed while going down the highway.

Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head lodged up a**, chunks of rust falling off by the pound.

Quebec: engaged in heated political discussion with espresso in one hand and croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are for them.

Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up a**.

Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as far forward as possible, head fixed only looking forward, ignoring people behind and beside you, stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear before making any forward progress.

Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see over dash, driving too fast or too slow, car sounds like a bee as it goes by.