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okay, so i really needed to vent out somewhere.
but omfg my mum.
she's being horrible to me for no reason.
she asked me to play 'the sims' for her, and make them plant and keep them occupied while she was cooking, so i did. and me, not knowing how to play the game properly i made two people dance, one person plant strawberries and another plant pumpkins.
when she saw this, she went ape s**t at me me, saying that's not what she wanted me to do and that i used her lifestyle points. (i don't even know what those are)... and then i defended myself and told her i didn't know how to play the game and i was doing what she told me to do, then she started pinching my arms, kicking me and slapping me and telling me i have no respect and she wishes i was like my sisters.

i don't know what caused her to act like this, but it really affects the way i feel about myself when she's like this.
not once, have i ever heard her say 'kira, you are good enough.' or 'i'm proud of you'.
it's always 'kira why are you so different?' or 'i wish you were more like your sister.'
'you look horrible, go get changed'.
and then when i try to be the same as everyone else and 'normal', she calls me a sheep and tells me i don't have a mind of my own.

and she wonders why i hate myself so much...


sorry, i just really needed to get that out, nobodies going to read it anyways. /:

(Kitty should be an agony aunt or something *I*)


Kira, what truly should matter to you is how you feel about yourself. Be proud that you at least tried to make an effort. It's not your fault she acts that way. It's hers. You can't take responsibility for her actions. You can only take responsibility for your own. You had good intentions, that's what matters.

(Quoted from Kitty)

aw, thank you heaps kitteh.
but she just makes it a whole lot harder, seeing as mother's are supposed to love you and think you're the greatest human being ever.. /:

But some parents don't understand how to do that. They learn from how their own parents, siblings, and friends treated them as they grew up. Subconsciously, they do the same. Have you ever told her that it bothered you? Like, using I statements, such as, "Mom, I feel I'm never good enough. I feel like I'm always compared to my siblings as if I'm horrible. I try to do the best I can. I just feel like it's not good enough to please anyone."

You never know until you try. :s

It's usually to do it best when she's calm, not upset.

Just don't giggle or smile when you say it. Make sure you're sincere.
Opening up about something that makes you vulnerable is always scary.
But things won't change unless you speak up because she might not know it bothers you.