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key world saga responce thread

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lordarmand83

 
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 09, 2012 9:28 pm


ok this is where i want every one to post their responces to my story which can be found here.... http://www.gaiaonline.com/guilds/viewtopic.php?t=22535771

thanks
PostPosted: Tue Jan 10, 2012 6:47 am


Well I think it's a nice beginning. smile There is a bit of a problem with fragmented sentences. And it's probably best to try and stay in one tense; you switch back and forth between past and present tense. Otherwise I think it's a great setup and I would like to see where this goes. smile

Twiclipse

 
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