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 Posted: Sun Oct 09, 2011 8:44 pm
I am very angry about some stuff that's been going on in my life, things that have been going on for several months now. And I know I can only control how I react to things and not what other people do, but I feel as if I have been repeatedly slapped in the face, and it's beyond the point of forgiveness now.
No matter what I've said and done, or not said and done, it hasn't stopped. It's gotten worse. I'm just doing my own thing, going about my business, and suddenly I get punched again. I can just leave the situation. I'd be suffering enormous financial losses in walking away, but I can do it. But I feel that would only add to the resentment I feel, and I would also be letting some other people down in my effort to avoid a specific few.
How do you deal with things like this? When you really feel like you can't forgive one more time. When things have been done to you again and again without provocation, and you know they'll just keep repeating. When your options of staying or leaving are going to hurt you in some way.
I either put up with this thing continuing, or I lose thousands of dollars and upset a lot of people. Put like that, it sounds like I should keep taking punches. But I'm extremely depressed about this. I've been to the doctor twice in the past week and had to be put on medication because of the physical nervous reactions I'm having. This is serious and I don't know what to do. My favorite sort of meditation for situations like this is Tonglen, but whenever I start to think about the bad things happening, I start shaking.
I don't want to hate and I don't want to feel sick. I can't make this thing go away so I have to change how I feel and react to it, but I just don't know how. I'll take advice from anyone who has some to give.
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Posted: Mon Oct 10, 2011 12:52 am
If you are suffering physical harm, the first thing to do is to get out of the situation and if you have anyone in your care in this situation, take them out too. If your "friends" are offended by you leaving an abusive situation they aren't your friends. If they can't accept that you are being abused then you need to let them go. While leaving may be painful at first, the pain is temporary compared to the long-term pain that will build and develop if you stay, and I'm not talking just physical here.
While leaving may add to your resentment, you can get yourself into a more stable place where you can address your resentments more capably then where you are now I imagine. Where you are now doesn't seem like a very stable place to deal with much.
So you loose a few thousand dollars, you're going to lose it anyway if you are having to make frequent medical visits and your body and mind can only take so much abuse before it wears out. Where are your priorities I guess I should be asking? Is it in money or your health and well-being? Is pleasing others who don't seem to have your best interest at stake more important than having inner peace? What is more valuable to you?
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Posted: Tue Oct 11, 2011 5:19 pm
Thank you. I got myself out of the situation after sleeping on it a bit and although I hadn't thought of it in the terms you mentioned, I didn't feel guilty in leaving and I know it's for the best. But what you've said makes such good sense I feel even better about the whole ordeal. Thank you so much.
I'll take care of my health for now. I'll worry about dealing with what happened and forgiving everyone involved when I'm in a better state physically and mentally. Thank you, thank you.
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