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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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 Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 8:36 am
"Your watching Malice's Advice, with your not so friendly host, Darth Malice!" ((Applaud))
*Malice walks in from stage right, Red saber ignited and in hand. Striding toward the desk in the center of the stage he turns toward the crowd and lets loose a stream of Force Lightning over their heads. Taking his seat, he leans the chair back and levitates inches off the ground.*
"Evening everyone...It's good that you all came to the first showing of Malice's Advice. If not I would of had to hire some bounty hunters to torch your residences and eliminate your families..."
((Nervous Laughter))
"But I jest, or do I? Still this is the Galactic Premier of my new show and I'm pleased you all took the time to come out here beyond the Outer Rim. At least you can say that you didn't get stuck in traffic, just be mindful of flying through that asteroid field. It doesn't take a force sensitive to know what would happen to your ship if you got into a head on collision with one of those!"
((Laughter))
"Anyways, here's how this is gonna work. If I am able to I will broadcast a Sith Tip every day. Then I'll take up to 2 questions from the audience, my choice for which ones I answer. Questions should be posed in a 'What should I do' manner, the funnier the scenario the better. So have fun with it. Now on to our Sith Tip of the day!"
((Applause))
"Sith Tip Number 1
A true sith lord does not move the cup of soda into their hand. They move the person next to them by mind tricking them into getting up and getting it for them." Malice chuckles before continuing. "A healthy bit of advice that, on to your questions!"
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 4:04 pm
*raises hand* ooh OOH *waves arm* What *ahem* what do you do...if...um...some crazy dude offers your friend some death stix?
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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 10:44 pm
Malice leans forward, clasping his hands on the desk. Smiling savagely he thinks over his answer before responding.
"An excellent question. With this one you have a couple options." He sneers before continuing, "The Jedi route is simple...and without forethought. Simply use mind trick and say this; You don't want to sell them deathstix, you want to go home and rethink your life. The poor sap will repeat what you said and turn and leave." Malice chuckles, an edge to his voice. "Now if the Mind Trick is what you want to do then I recommend this; You want to sell your deathstix, but you will turn over any profit you make to the following account. I rather prefer the latter."
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 2:36 pm
What do you do when your fighting your apponent in a lava filled world, where you face him on a machine originally designed to carry lava rock and is only big enough to take one step forward or backward and he jumps away from the said platform onto solid high-ground?
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Rylos Kurokagi Vice Captain
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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2011 4:09 pm
"Sith Tip Number 2
When your former master tells you that you cant win because he has the high ground, believe him. If you don't you'll end up without limbs and burst into flame."
Malice shifts in his chair, absentmindedly tracing the hilt of his lightsaber with his left hand. "I think this one pretty much answers your question, don't leap toward him in a foolhardy attempt to gain the upper hand. My suggestion, force grip some lava and hurl it at him, see how well he defends that. In his moment of confusion, just force pull his legs and laugh in amusement as he tumbles down the slope. Who has the high ground now!?"
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2011 4:55 am
*tugs cloak* What should I do if I wanna tell something important to the high authorities, but they ignore me because I have no status? :c
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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 4:05 am
Malice looks at Janlu then smiles.
"Strangely enough, that is a question I get asked more and more often lately. Well first off you could always tug their cloak..." Malice gives Janlu a chastising look, then laughs and continues. "But to be serious, you could always follow the law of Sith Tip Number 3. When attempting to get the attention of any superpower in the known galaxy...simply blow up their deathstar...it never fails to attract attention. Surely there is no better way to say 'Hey, I'm over here and I have something very important we need to discuss.' Wouldn't you all agree?"
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2011 5:31 am
*nod, eyes glossed over in wonder* That's....brilliant! *dashes out of the room*
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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 4:36 am
*Malice sighs, leaning back and occasionally crackling lightning between the fingers of his right hand*
Not many participators to asking me questions, though I thank those who have asked. I understand that it may feel difficult to ask a Sith Lord personal questions, but I assure you...my loving audience, that I wont kill you without proper provocation. At least most of the time...Anyways, lets get straight to our Sith Tip of the Day!
Sith Tip Number 4
When falling in love...try not to Force Choke her...it leads to twins you never knew about.
Not 100% sure where that one is coming from but hey, it must be important right? I wonder if any of the Padawans at the Jedi Temple on Coruscant watch my show? Hopefully someone in that giant city gets what I mean. *Malice smiles knowingly, winking at Janlu*
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 10:54 am
*eyes Malice suspiciously* Y---you wouldn't choke me... would you? ;>>
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 12:31 pm
-raises hand- I have a question, What do you do if your must trusted advisor has a gambling addiction and seems to have lost all your credits in Pazaak games?
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2011 2:38 pm
Commander Zeke walks in and looks around and says. "Yeah Question General Malice whats the pint of this? maybe because I'm not a sith nor a Jedi but still I'm curious."
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Darth Malice the Fallen Captain
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Posted: Sun Sep 04, 2011 7:46 pm
*Malice smiles, tossing his lightsabers hilt, spinning, into the air and catching it. He repeats this process over and over as he speaks*
"Of course I wouldn't Janlu, whatever gave you that idea? Though your making a drastic leap by pointing out we are falling in love hm?"
*He turns toward the other two in his current audience.*
"The point behind this is rather simple, encouraging and hilarious evil advice from yours truly! *smiles* Besides I have millions of viewers across the galaxy...can't let my fans down can I? As for your question Aliquem...Simply give him the Krayt Dragon Pearl from your lightsaber and tell him to bet it on a match. The guy he is going up against will have to match it's value, probably by betting a sleek, very fast, possibly mildly problematic freighter and plenty of credits. When he does, use the force to cheat and win, possibly by tricking him into staying with crap cards or drawing when he should stay. Tada! Now you have all the credits he lost back, and a nice ship...I recommend calling it the 1000 Year Peregrine, or something to that effect. Now on to our Sith Tip of the Day!"
Sith Tip Number 5
If your opponent is a 2 1/2 foot tall green powerhouse who just fell an incredible distance to the floor below, don't just file it away to the back of your mind. Your troopers commander will tell you they couldnt find the body. Slap him and tell them to check the maintainence tunnels.
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Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 6:04 pm
*extends my hand upwards before speaking in a calm, quiet, and even tone.* I do have a question...what is the best way to deal with a large group of jedi that seek to take you down because you killed two of their masters, both of whom were among the heads of the Jedi Council? The groups they send after you are not in pairs, but squads of ten jedi each. Ignore the....specifics...as to the whys, if you will.
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Posted: Fri Sep 16, 2011 10:40 pm
"What would you do, or should one do, if they fall for the one they love but end up killing them because of such afterwards?" Alinara cocks her head in amusement.
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