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 Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2011 3:22 pm
Fly
When all that you think is ‘why’
And you can’t stop the tears that sting your eyes
Turn those bright eyes to the sky
Forget about the times you’ve cried
Leave behind the shallow lies
Let your imagination swell inside
Spread your fledgling wings, and fly.
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Really short one this time, I may expand on it later, but for now I like it as is.
It sounds a bit awkward, but I feel that it adds to it rather than takes away from it.
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Posted: Mon Dec 26, 2011 11:30 am
The internal rhyme was delightful! I do love all of the "i" sounds. I agree with you, it's not necessarily awkward in sound at all. A suggestion would be to regulate the rhythm a bit more. Each line has a different number of syllables. It would be good to keep them around the same ball park instead of six then ten then seven.
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EstoPerpetua Vice Captain
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