Oliver Hazard Perry [Zeus]

[tinytrrtle]

Part One of an interview with Mr. Oliver Hazard Perry, July 4, 11:35 pm.

Please state your full name, date of birth, gender, any alias you may have, orientation, and full names of parents, both mortal and godly.

[Scoff] You're kidding me, right? Thomas, we've known each other for years now ... Oh, alright. My full name is Oliver Hazard Perry. Yeah, I was named after that commodore from the 1800's, and why is still a mystery to me. Apparently, he was a U.S. Navy hero from the good old days. I was born on the summer solstice, June 21. I just turned eighteen a while ago, and yeah, I really like your snow globe, Thomas. Yes, I still have it. As for aliases ... Well, I don't really have a nickname. Some people like to call me a 'hazard' to hang around with because I'm always getting attacked by monsters. You already know I'm straight, though I've never really found myself falling all over any woman in particular during my life. I didn't know either of my parents for the first thirteen years of my life. I was found on the doorstep of an orphanage in Seattle, Washington. My birth information was written on a piece of parchment like they have in England, and tucked into my blankets.

Would you care to elaborate about the orphanage?

[Sigh] I don't know why you want me to retell my childhood for you, Thomas. You were there for a good part of it. No, I am not shy! Ugh, fine. As I already told you, I was found at an orphanage in Seattle at the tender age of two months. The people who ran the place always knew I was strange; I would always point at some visitor or window and scream. I don't exactly know what I saw then, but it must have been bad to scare a newborn. Anyhow, I stayed there until I was six. But then ... I had to leave.

Why? Did it have something to do with the things that made you scream as an infant?

Ah well, yeah. It was something that was really big, stupid, and ugly. Maybe the worst recipe for a monster out there. Anyways, all us orphans have to be in nice, church-worthy clothes while adults all size us up, like we're in a line-up or something. It was a cold December day when some man in a trenchcoat actually looked at me twice. He was more than seven feet tall and wore a wide-brimmed hat that he kept over his eyes. Or more like eye, as it seemed to me. Of course, when I told the lady who was writing up my adoption papers this freaky new development, she dismissed it as my imagination gone wild. Well, the very next day, the guy took me to this abandoned warehouse and tied me to a rotting floorboard. He hung me over a pot to roast and finally took off the lame disguise. At the time, I dubbed him as "Santa's Ugly Twin" but I now realize he was a Cyclopes who wanted to eat me. I thought I was a goner for sure, but suddenly there was a flash of lightning right at the Cyclopes's feet, and after that, I guess I fainted, because I don't remember what happened next. When I woke up, it was Christmas, and I was at another orphanage in Austin, Texas.

Did the monsters keep chasing you? Was there always this mysterious flash of lightning that seemed to save the day?

[Nod] For a while, I would see something strange out the window or disguised as a human, and then the monster would come and find me. Sometimes they would try to adopt me, other times they would kidnap me while I was outside of the orphanage. When I was younger and was about to be eaten, there would be some lightning, maybe even thunder, and then I would find myself at some orphanage in another part of the country a few days later. With the exception being the orphanage in Seattle, the longest I've stayed at one is about eighteen months.

What do you mean "when you were younger?" Did the lightning stop as you got older?

[Nod] I had just turned twelve when I was faced with some worm-like monster at a park that was close by to my latest orphanage in Chicago. Except it was much bigger and scarier than any worm. A few days before, I had gotten a letter under my pillow, made of the same parchment used to write my birth information on when I was dropped off at Seattle. It said, "He can no longer protect you. Fight well, young hero, for your destiny depends on it." Along with that, there were two other objects: a silver ring with an oval-shaped aquamarine gem set on top and a black iPod Classic. I wondered what freak would give a little boy such a weird letter and jewelry, but when I checked the back of the parchment, all it read was instructions on how to use the things apparently disguised as weapons. I kept my iPod with me at all times (there are always thieves at orphanages), and I put the ring on against my better judgement, but made sure to hide it's appearance with long sleeves. Well, turns out I got those things just in time; I battled the monster thing off with the gifts and a bit of an adrenaline rush. I knew I was a danger to the other kids, so I packed up what little possessions I had and ran away. I took a train to Detroit and was chased all over the country by monsters for more than a year. I got by on wits and my weapons alone. I'm not very proud of the fact that I had to rob many fast food joints and grocery stores to keep from starving. I winded up in Chicago again and would have still been running had I not met you.

Was meeting your interviewer a bad thing?

Oh, I didn't mean it that way, Thomas. You know you're my best friend. Okay, fine, I'll tell the tale of how our friendship came to be. I had to pass by a middle school to get to the train station, and that particular school held a friend I now hold near and dear to me. [Rolls eyes when interviewer asks if he is just trying to flatter him.] Anyways, apparently, I have a really strong scent, even at only thirteen years old. A boy the same age as me had walked out of the school, sniffed the air, and started stalking me immediately. I did everything I could to lose him; no such luck. He may have had a walking disability, but he sure was fast. Finally, he caught up to me at McDonald's (I know it's not the best hiding place; I was just hungry), asked me a few questions about my life, showed me his goatly hindquarters, and then explained everything about the Greek gods being real and all over a burger, fries, and Coke, his treat. So that was the day I was supposed to be returned to Camp Half-Blood. It should have been simple; all we needed to do was catch a plane to Long Island and we would have been on our way. Yeah, didn't turn out like that.

So what exactly happened that made such a simple journey so seemingly complicated?

[Blows a piece of hair from face.] Well, Thomas, you know the story as well as I do - why don't you do the talking for once? [Sighs after a moment.] Oh, all right. Well, we didn't have enough money between us to take a plane, so I suggested the train. To make a long story short, there was a monster on that exact same train, along with another innocent half-blood, and we were forced to take a train to San Diego to get away after I killed it and Thomas got hit on the head with his own reed flute. Yeah, pretty lame. (No, not you Thomas!) The same thing kind of thing happened repeatedly for the next three months or so. How many cities did we hit and how many half-bloods did we find, you ask? Ten for ten my friends. They ranged from eight years old to seventeen; sometimes they got along and sometimes we almost had a murder on our hands. And to take care of them all, it was only me and Thomas, and Thomas has never been very leader-like at the best of times ... (I'm sorry Thomas, but it's true!) I took charge of the group, and somehow, somehow, we made it to Camp Half-Blood alive.

How exactly did you make it to Camp Half-Blood then?

Well, we spent most of our money on food and clothes, but one day I found a wallet just sitting around on the ground as we marched through the beaches of Miami, Florida. And guess what I found? Two thousand dollars in cash. Now, normally I don't like stealing, but it was twelve of us in all. We were hungry, tired, and we needed to get to camp before we got attacked by another monster. So I took off with the money, bought a few plane tickets, and off to New York we went. Strangely, no monsters appeared, which I found pretty strange after all the ones on the ground ...

Is there anything you'd like to add?

Hmm, well let's see. I was claimed at the campfire that very day by my dad Zeus. Pretty shocking it was, I tell you. I've been at camp ever since, training during the summer, and leaving in the winter for school. Chiron did a bit of manipulating with the Mist so that I could live with my good old pal Thomas at a decent apartment while I was away from camp. And of course, when he gets called away to scout out a half-blood somewhere, I'm right there with him, even though I'm not supposed to be. I think I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself Thomas, thank you very much. At camp, I really don't do much more than train, study Greek mythology, and hang out with Thomas, preparing for the "great destiny" everyone says I have. [Yawn] Am I done now? The fireworks were amazing, as always, but I'm pretty tired now ...
 

[tinytrrtle]

Part Two of an interview with Mr. Oliver Hazard Perry, July 5, 12:01 am.

So, for starters, how would you physically describe yourself?

What?! There's a second part? You know, I'm starting to doubt this whole story about Dionysus wanting an interview of all the campers done by the satyrs ...

Please just answer the question.

But ... Oh, alright. Just stop pouting at me like that, Thomas; it freaks me out like nothing else. Well, I stand at five feet and ten inches right now and weigh a healthy 137 lbs. My eyes are a very pale blue, matching that aquamarine ring I mentioned earlier. I have messy dark brown hair, which I brush, maybe, twice a year? Even though I've never had proper dental care, my teeth are as brightly white as Apollo's. Since I spend quite a chunk of time training, I'm on the slender side, a bit muscular, and pretty quick. When I'm not in my camp T-shirt, I usually wear a button down shirt (untucked; I know, I'm such a rebel), sometimes with the sleeves pushed up to my elbows, jeans, and sneakers, loafers, or boots. The type of shoe pretty much just depends on where I'm planning to go. I guess I'm pretty happy with how I look; there's nothing I could really complain about. Of course, that's just me. Thomas complains quite a bit that I'm too attractive for my own good; he's trying to get me romantically involved with someone (always an epic fail). Look, man, I never wanted your girlfriend to chase me around camp all day! [Tsks] I was fourteen; give me a break! I apologized, didn't I? Oh, sure, it's my dream to be stalked by tree nymphs. I am not admitting anything! Wait, how do you know about that lightning-shaped birthmark on my left bicep ... ?

Err, moving on. How would you describe your personality?

Hmm, well I'm not exactly the conceited type. You'll have to help me out here Thomas. I suppose I'm friendly enough; I'll greet friends of old and new with a smile and won't judge a person until I've had at least one conversation with them. I can also be one of those strong, silent types if I'm feeling thoughtful or if I'm in a pretty tough situation. I'd say leading ten powerful half-bloods of varying ages and a satyr not much older than me across the country unscathed is a tough enough situation to make anyone as stoic as an army general. Leading people does make me nervous, yes, but it feels right, for some reason. Like I really should be the one everyone looks to for a solution. These are a few traits that I apparently have that Thomas is mouthing for me to say: kind, modest, a born leader, excellent fighter, persuasive, stubborn, and frightening at times. Hm? How am I frightening? Oh, I see. My half-goat buddy over there is reminding me sometimes how easy it is to let loose my temper, and I seem to have caused him quite a few frights. Over the years, I've learned how to keep my temper under control most of the time, but during other times, I will not hesitate to fight someone and they won't like it when I do. I can be very patronizing when I choose to be, as well as cold, manipulative, and quiet. I tend not to panic, especially when Thomas is running in circles around me, screaming that we're all going to die. [Shakes head sadly.] Anyways, I'm a very loyal friend, independent, brave, and adventurous. So many people act as if wanting the thrill of being chased by a bloodthirsty monster while armed with nothing more than a sword is a bad thing. Pshh. Once you've had an adrenaline rush, the feeling of victory that you defeated yet another monster, it's hard to go back. I also tend to put the needs of others first in front of my own (became a habit after rescuing all those half-bloods from before). And as for a fatal flaw, well that would be personal loyalty. I feel that all my friends, especially Thomas, are worth more than anything else on or under the earth, including my own life.

Speaking of friends, do you have any that you can name in particular? Inside or outside of Camp Half-Blood? Are there any enemies and crushes worth noting?

Besides you Thomas, there isn't anyone I'd give up my life for as of yet. I did manage to make a few friends at some of the orphanages that I may miss at times, but I was chased away by some monster before a solid friendship could form. Most campers put the Ares kids at the top of their enemies list, but I've gotten used to them after five years, and basically everyone else too. So, no one I would really enjoy slicing to bits at the moment. Didn't I already say that there isn't a single female who's caught my eye yet? I don't like repeating myself too much, as you very well know. [Purses lips for a moment]

Do you have any likes, dislikes, and/or fears?

I really like being up in the air for some reason, so you can usually find me in the very tops of the trees in the forest, and even on a pegasus, if they don't stomp me to bits first. Swordfighting has a pretty calming effect on me; it clears my mind better than anything else can. I look forward to watching the weather forecasts every winter; it's amusing to watch the meteorologists prove themselves wrong everyday. [Chuckle] My favorite colors are all shades of blue, lighter shades of green and gray, and black. My favorite food, as well as Thomas' is pizza dipped in ranch. I don't favor any particular song type, but a song that I find myself constantly relating to is "The Traveling Song," by Will.I.Am. As for dislikes, I get a creepy vibe when I want to try my hand at swimming. I have a certain tolerance level for the annoying, so make sure never to cross over it. And I really don't like it when Thomas pouts at me, like he's doing right now. [Shudders] There are no immediate fears that I can think of right now though.

You mentioned how the ring and iPod you were gifted with at the age of twelve were weapons. Would you mind explaining?

You've seen me use them a thousand times Thomas, why can't you-- Okay, fine. Just stop the pouting. The ring doubles as a buckler shield and to reveal its concealed form, all I have to do is twist the aquamarine gem counter clockwise. Takes less than a second. As for the iPod, when you press the play and stop button simultaneously, it changes into a hand-and-a-half sword with a handle of pure gold, decorated with aquamarine gemstones, making the music device disappear as well. If I press both the rewind and forward button, it transforms into a gun for long range attacks, fitted for celestial bronze bullets. To conceal all my weapons again, I simply press an engraving of a bolt of lightning that is on each of them, a replica of the mark on my forearm.

Do you wish you knew your mother? Are you currently investigating her identity and whereabouts?

[Nod] I think about her everyday. I wonder what she looks like, where she is, if she's anything like me. When I'm quiet and staring off into space, it's usually because I'm thinking of her. I'm doing the best that I can to find out her identity. Chiron finally gave me one of those express shipment bags for Hermes to take to my father. I'm just trying to think of what to write at the moment. I'm writing to a god, and not just any god - my father, who probably separated my mother and me for a good reason. Well, that's what I tell myself. [Sigh]

Alright, last question: you've been forced to travel a lot because monsters were constantly on your tail from what I hear. Is there any weird story that you'd like to share?

[Chuckle] You know very well that I have plenty of weird stories, but there is one that strikes me as more out of the ordinary than the rest ...

Do tell?

Well, it was late October and Thomas and I had just saved our third half-blood in Wisconsin. She was eight years old and threatened to scream at the top of her lungs until she died of lack of oxygen if we didn't let her go to this harvest festival. We had no choice but to agree, so the five of us went and separated, agreeing to meet back at four. There was someone waiting for me as soon as I walked in. Well, more like something. A lot of somethings. A herd of savage peacocks to be more precise. And yeah, peacocks can be savage. They chased me everywhere I went with unnatural speed, always just barely clipping my behind with their beaks. I don't know what the mortals saw, but no one came rushing to my aid. Thomas was with me, though he didn't help, as you would expect; he just watched and laughed like there was no tomorrow. [Glares as interviewer laughs at memory until he is quiet.] Thanks for you support, Thomas. As I was saying, I didn't have the heart to kill them, nor did I have the chance. I finally lost them in a maze made of unharvested corn, and did it quite a bit of damage as I cut my way through it with my sword. Needless to say, I wasn't in the best mood afterwards.

Is there anything you would like to add?

Not at the moment, no. Try asking me in the morning when I'm not yawning every five seconds. [Yawn]

Of course. I think that marks the end of this interview.

Hope I didn't bore you to death. [Escorts interviewer out his cabin's door.] Night, Thomas. See you at breakfast. [Yawn. Shuts door abruptly.]

This report was compiled by Thomas the satyr, best friend of the subject. Seeing as the original report was made at such a late hour, note that it is subject to change.