Raine Ciado's Revealed Journal Entries

[Yuetchi Farandole]

Written In Roleplay, Page 2 of Dorm #2 Thread:

Had the dream again before moving dorms...still interpreting it...

But the setting, the beast, the body...it gives me a deeply bad feeling. I've got figure out why I've been having this nightmare more lately. I have to figure things out now...I may not have as much time as I'd hoped, to find out though.

No one knows about the dream...Not even the dean. If I told anyone I wouldn't be allowed to stay here anymore. Strange, that I'd feel so...at home in this stupid place. But I don't want to leave. I can't leave.

--

Written At Death of Siblings:
The room is so quiet...it's like everyone's gone...but I know they're not.

I went with father today. And my mother apparently flew in from Sicily for the funeral...they couldn't show their bodies in the coffins. Actually...I know why. The bodies were either not there anymore, or just too graphic for anyone to see and not break. I...I don't even want to see them. In fact I didn't even go. I just stayed in the apartment. I'm here right now. I don't think anyone wanted me there anyway...my mom and dad know who killed them. That's why I'm not welcome.

I can hear yelling in the other room. They don't care if I hear. My mother doesn't care if I hear her scream about how I shouldn't be alive. How I was the Devil's own advocate, and I shouldn't be among the living if all I was going to be able to do with my life was murder innocent people. If I look for them, I could find the clothes I wore when I woke up the day of both of my brothers' deaths. My younger brother and older brother. They tease me a lot. When father isn't around they push me around, call me freak. I don't know what happened. I think...they went too far. Or Kestrel wanted to take matters into his hands. I can remember glimpses of it. Screams of terror and pain, their frightened eyes, the smell of their blood...when I came to, they were both dead. And I had blood all over my outfit. I knew what had happened. The rest of that moment...was such a blur. My father breaking down at the sight, his hard fist bashing the side of my head, though it was just in pure blind rage at seeing his sons dead cause of the thing inside me.

Now they're yelling. My father doesn't even want me anymore. I'm too young to just abandon without him breaking a law. My mother doesn't want to take me, a killer. I know I have to stay with my father...but I can tell...the past few days, his eyes were just so...dead, when they looked at me. He's already given me up, even if he hasn't physically done it. He doesn't care anymore. Maybe I don't either.

I'm not going to get better...I...don't forgive myself for what I did. I know it wasn't my fault...but...everyone is so convinced it is anyway. Maybe it is. I don't know what to do anymore.  

[Yuetchi Farandole]

Page 21 of The Woods Thread:
It's weird that these words would be coming from me. Or that I'd be feeling...so far from unhappy.

She's really amazing. Amelia. It's been over a month now, and nothing's gone wrong yet. You know what else? I told her. Not about Kestrel. She doesn't need to know about him or my past. But...she found out about my magic and my atriaciado spell. When I explained it to her, she didn't hate me. She...she said she wanted to help me. Anything to help me, would make her happy. Because she wanted me to be happy again.

God...I don't know what to think. It may not have been smart but...I bound her to me. I allowed her to be close to me while I meditated. And now she's linked to me. It feels...special. I actually trust her enough to do this, and I just don't know what to think about it. I think...that I love her. Or not. I don't know. It's not really an emotion I'm familiar with, ya know? But, I haven't had a bad day yet, like for once things are kind of...looking up. And she's so happy, all the time, and carefree...when she feels that way, so do I, thanks to the bond. it really does help, my father was right. Despite all the s**t he spouted at me later before he died, he was right about this.

Sure, Amelia has her faults. She's kind of arrogant sometimes. And she's sort of pushy and bossy. But...she listens to me. And she cares. She makes me care.

----

Page 21 of The Woods Thread:
I have to leave. The cops are investigating the murder scene right now. Lacerations that say only a wild animal could do that damage. Just like every other time. I'm the only one who knows. Me, and Amelia. Amelia...isn't even here anymore. I've got the blood on my hands and clothes that says so.

I hate Kestrel. I hate what I am. I was happy, and he hated that. So he took over and did what he does best. He ******** it all up in one little argument. An argument that went too far, and ended with Amelia's horrified face in seeing what I was turning into.

I can't write a lot now. I just...I don't see the point. I got mad, she died. That's all there is to it. I have to move again I guess, so they don't find out it was me. Yeah...